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10-19-2004, 11:46 AM
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#41 (permalink) |
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Tilted
Location: Atl
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It's kinda funny...
My wife never keeps up with my libido, and that's ok. But as soon as my libido drops, she is convinced that something is very wrong. I'm cheating, I don't find her sexy, I want to leave her for someone else... So being the attentive husband, I parrot to her the excuses she uses for me when her libido is low, and they are never acceptable. So if I may be so bold as to ask a personal question... why did you have a lower libido beforehand? Were you cheating, stressed out, only looking for a handyman and not a lover? If none of these were your reasons, why should they be his reasons either? If any of those were your reasons, I can see why you'd feel a little nervous. As much as women go on about how they don't feel sexy to their man anymore, you would think they be a little more understanding when their actions make their men feel unsexy too. Perhaps he has simply resigned himself to being a garbage taking-out, lawn-cutting machine. It's hard to be interested when you feel that you are only seen as that. Of course you can't ask him about that - that constitutes a feeling and men aren't allowed to talk about those. But you can change the way you relate. Last edited by Sbudda; 10-19-2004 at 11:50 AM.. |
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11-02-2004, 09:41 PM
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#43 (permalink) |
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Upright
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Personally, I have a very stressful workplace where I am managing a bunch of idiots who refuse to listen to me, cry literally when I point out their mistakes, I get reprimanded by higher management for not fixing my underlings... THis all turned me very sour, I forgot about sex, stopped paying attention to my fiance, I forgot to ask her about her day and spend the time to understand her daily life. I would bitch and moan about my situation to the point where not only was the sex bad (I do my thing and she rolls over when I am done) but it got to a point where we finally broke everything off.
Don't let things dwell as is. I wish my fiance took the time to understand my issues and she wished I took the time to deal with hers... Take some time aside for just the two of you to have a very straight forward conversation before it gets to a point like mine. She ended up falling for a fellow actor/ cast member in a play she was in during my neglect... Wish you luck and hope you don't endure what I went through. Obviously I didn't have that long of a relationship to have older kids. It was a four year relationship with our marriage pending a year away. |
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11-02-2004, 11:01 PM
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#44 (permalink) |
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Addict
Location: Mansion by day/Secret Lair by night
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Wow - janda, I hope this thread has helped you - but it really has helped me to know other guys have gone through a libido drop. My sig other went through a period of depression and for six months we didn't have sex. It was incredibly difficult, and I essentially had to lay in bed every night and supress all of my desire and need. I felt a lot of guilt for even feeling horny (for lack of a better word) when she was in such a bad place mentally.
You can guess where this is going. I taught myself to lose attraction out of necessity, and than when she came around I was stuck there. It was aggravating and frustrating for both of us. Here is my point - be sensitive when you talk with him about this. Whatever the cause for his lack of desire, men are supposed to be "good to go" at the drop of a hat (just look at the posts in this thread) and when that is missing in you, it challenges a man's self esteem at the most base level. Case in point, this is the first time that I have ever "talked" about it to anybody. The drug therapy solutions may be a good idea just to help him spark the fire. I have to believe that he wants passion in his life, just like you. Men are pretty good at stonewalling all of that stuff though... Good Luck -
__________________
Oft expectation fails... and most oft there Where most it promises - Shakespeare, W. |
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