Friends + Age Difference = Relationship? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Y2KDREAD · 10-05-2004, 11:19 PM

The other day I went on a date with a girl who is my age (I don’t go on dates often) and though we had a good time and got along well and had a good time and talked for two hours afterwards, but things just did not feel as good as they could. Today I went to work out with a friend of mine and we get along very well, have very similar ways of thinking and very close sense of humor, has type of body I LOVE, and we also talked for a couple of hours about nothing. The difference? Well, with my friend things just seemed different in a very good way.

I have never really had many fiends who are girls and I am just wondering, is it possible to switch from friends to having a relationship? Not only that, is it possible for this to happen with a girl who is 6 years older than me (she is 25 and I am 19). If it is, how would this work? I would hate to lose her as a friend, but both of us being single and being so alike in the ways we are, just makes wonder sometimes.

Does any one have any advice, words of wisdom, warnings, or that sort of stuff about this? I can use any and all help right now.

mirevolver · 10-05-2004, 11:53 PM

First of all you should see if she feels the same connection you feel.

Secondly, if she does feel the same way you do, go for it. This is the twenty first century, the guy does not have to be older than the girl. When I was 21, I dated a girl that was 24. I'm 22 now and not even two months ago, I was hit on by a woman who was 32. Age only matters if you let it matter.

And as the saying goes, love knows no bounds. As long as you're both over the age of consent there's nothing to stop you.

Y2KDREAD · 10-06-2004, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mirevolver

First of all you should see if she feels the same connection you feel.

Is their any good way to do this? I mean, I would like to think that I could waltz right up to her and just ask, but i am not forward enough to do this. Should I just ask her like that, or is their any sort of strategic way of asking. She has told me before that she has had guy friends ask before, but i don't know if we are any different or just thinking too much.

Averett · 10-06-2004, 06:16 AM

Ask her out for a date type thing. Coffee, drinks... Then if she accepts, during the coffee/drinks, suggest another date. But this time, make it known that it is a date. Dinner, movie, hanging out at her/your place... If she accepts, then she's interested. If she falters, then she's not.

DJ Happy · 10-06-2004, 06:23 AM

Age differences shouldn't mean much. My wife is 5 years older than I am and it doesn't really play much part in our relationship. Unless it's her birthday, that is

Having said that, age differences of 20+ years always struck me as slightly odd.

Y2KDREAD · 10-06-2004, 06:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Averett

Ask her out for a date type thing. Coffee, drinks... Then if she accepts, during the coffee/drinks, suggest another date. But this time, make it known that it is a date. Dinner, movie, hanging out at her/your place... If she accepts, then she's interested. If she falters, then she's not.

When it comes to these sort of things how do you REALLY make sure she knows it's a date and not just hanging out? I mean we hang out and have done "date" type stuff before, going out and seeing a movie, yesterday we went running and sat and talked for an hour.

doncalypso · 10-06-2004, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mirevolver

First of all you should see if she feels the same connection you feel.

Secondly, if she does feel the same way you do, go for it. This is the twenty first century, the guy does not have to be older than the girl. When I was 21, I dated a girl that was 24. I'm 22 now and not even two months ago, I was hit on by a woman who was 32. Age only matters if you let it matter.

And as the saying goes, love knows no bounds. As long as you're both over the age of consent there's nothing to stop you.

Listen to these words of wisdom, Y2KDREAD... mirevolver speaks the truth.

Averett · 10-06-2004, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Y2KDREAD

When it comes to these sort of things how do you REALLY make sure she knows it's a date and not just hanging out? I mean we hang out and have done "date" type stuff before, going out and seeing a movie, yesterday we went running and sat and talked for an hour.

Well, when you ask her out for the coffee or whatever you can say "You know that's going to be a date, right?" Say it in a light, friendly way. Know what I mean? I know it's not easy to put yourself out there like that, rejection sucks, but being in that "are we or aren't we dating" zone sucks too...

Y2KDREAD · 10-06-2004, 07:44 AM

Let's say I do ask and she is only interested in my as a friend, any ideas what to expect than? I know sometimes asking can make things uncomfortable, but I would hate to lose her as a friend.

Averett · 10-06-2004, 07:49 AM

There is that chance that she'll say no, and maybe it would be uncomfortable for awhile. But it's only as uncomfortable as you both allow it to be. Say you ask her, mention it's a date, and she says "A date? Umm... I'm not interested in dating", you can just come back with "Aww man... well, it was worth a shot! Let's head out anyway, I wanted to show you this new coffee shop/resturant/bookstore/whatever"

It's all in your attitude, voice, how you say things... Just try not to let your face fall too much should she not be interested

Y2KDREAD · 10-06-2004, 07:56 AM

Cool, I might have to suck it up and just ask (I tend to over think stuff all the time). I know that this is never a good choice, but do you think it would be acceptable asking her on a date online? I mean, this is not like a normal girl in your class sort of thing where you are too scared to ask. This is a girl I already know and too scared to ask.

Hopefully, if everything goes as I would like, a date will be hanging out like we normally do and that would be very nice.

Averett · 10-06-2004, 08:01 AM

Online? Nope! (Although this is how my relationship initially started - but that's different!)

Since you know her, you're going to be scared. It's so very understandable. And you do need to just suck it up and ask

Because if you don't, and soon, you'll think this to death and overanalyze it and make it into this big huge thing. So do it soon! And not online

Next time you see her, just ask! Don't think about it, just do. The sooner you ask, the sooner it's done. And you won't have to worry about it anymore

Y2KDREAD · 10-06-2004, 08:07 AM

Bah! Damn online asking not being acceptable, I figured as much but oh well I need to stop being a wuss so i will ask some time soon.

angeltek · 10-06-2004, 08:29 AM

A good friend of mine is actually dating a girl that is like 5 years older. He was 19 and she was 26 when they started going out. They have been together for about 3 years now.

Just be confident about it.

Dark Assailant · 10-06-2004, 09:00 AM

You guys should give me honest feedback about my situation...

my partner is 18 years older than me

Lockjaw · 10-06-2004, 08:14 PM

Be sure you are certain you both are at the same place in life. Not trying to be stereotypical here but many women(at least around here) by the time they hit their mid to late 20s are ratcheting things down and are looking to "settle down". Many are and many are not but it would be best before you got too serious with this woman that you know where you both stand. But good luck...nut it up and ask. Worst thing she can do is say no and trust me there's a whole lot of things a worse than being told no. Like yes for instance.

just kiddin...

Y2KDREAD · 10-08-2004, 10:49 PM

Still have been too wussy to ask, just wondering what people think of this approach. How about just asking her casually if we could ever be more than just friends or something like that?

I mean today, while watching a movie at her place, I really would have loved to been able to just lay in the same couch with her and just snuggle. And when she gave me a hug on the way out i just loved the contact.

Y2KDREAD · 10-09-2004, 10:51 PM

Just and update for the 2 people that care, I asked her if she wanted to date and got the dreaded "Let me think about it, " at one point she asked me if I thought it would be weird, but of I just replied "no, I think it will be a lot like things are now."

What do you guys think about the whole "let me think about it" response?

exizldelfuego · 10-10-2004, 07:25 AM

Well, "Let me think about it" could be either one of two things. Either she really is thinking about it, or she's buying time to figure out how to handle your advance. The likelihood of it being one or the other depends entirely on the girl. And since I don't know her, I'm not going to speculate. But the optimist in me hopes for the former.

And indeed there really would be something there to consider. Because even though you two apparently are in a really good groove together, and even though in the greater scheme of things your age difference is almost nil, there's a whole lot of life she's experienced that you probably haven't. I'm right in between you guys, age wise, and I think of how much my view of the world has changed in these past years and how much it's bound to change in the next few. There's a big difference. Now for her, being the more experienced, that can either lead towards a feeling of excitement (as she'd be able to introduce you to a number of things) or that can lead to some trepidation (she might simply be looking for someone more on her "level"). My guess is, assuming she's actually thinking about it, that she's feeling a bit of both. But it's been my experience with women in the 25 and over age bracket that they tend to be a bit more lenient, patient and understanding than their younger cohorts. Which means that, without knowing her at all but given her age, you have a better chance of her honestly considering the possibility.

Good luck!

Lockjaw · 10-10-2004, 07:55 AM

Sounds like she just wants to be sure this is the right thing for her. Give her some space for a couple of days and then if she hasn't gotten back to you push the issue one more time and if she still pushes away...then it's not meant to be and you at least now have your answer and don't have to worry about wasting time with her wondering if you might have something more than just what's on the surface.

Y2KDREAD · 10-10-2004, 11:00 AM

Thanks for the replies! I can sit and wait for a few days without a problem. Just hope she does not take her time to test out what I would do (I doubt she is going to do this but you never know)

Gloves · 10-10-2004, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dark Assailant

You guys should give me honest feedback about my situation...

my partner is 18 years older than me

How do you feel about that?

Olorin · 10-10-2004, 12:22 PM

I agree with most everyone here, she probably is thinking it over, trying to decide if an intimate relationship with you fits in her life right now, and not just trying to tactfully let you down. Good luck, I hope she decides to give it a try

10-05-2004, 11:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
Y2KDREAD Crazy Location: College Station, TX	Friends + Age Difference = Relationship? The other day I went on a date with a girl who is my age (I don’t go on dates often) and though we had a good time and got along well and had a good time and talked for two hours afterwards, but things just did not feel as good as they could. Today I went to work out with a friend of mine and we get along very well, have very similar ways of thinking and very close sense of humor, has type of body I LOVE, and we also talked for a couple of hours about nothing. The difference? Well, with my friend things just seemed different in a very good way. I have never really had many fiends who are girls and I am just wondering, is it possible to switch from friends to having a relationship? Not only that, is it possible for this to happen with a girl who is 6 years older than me (she is 25 and I am 19). If it is, how would this work? I would hate to lose her as a friend, but both of us being single and being so alike in the ways we are, just makes wonder sometimes. Does any one have any advice, words of wisdom, warnings, or that sort of stuff about this? I can use any and all help right now. __________________ Signatures are for chumps.

10-05-2004, 11:53 PM	#2 (permalink)
mirevolver Inspired by the mind's eye. Location: Between the darkness and the light.	First of all you should see if she feels the same connection you feel. Secondly, if she does feel the same way you do, go for it. This is the twenty first century, the guy does not have to be older than the girl. When I was 21, I dated a girl that was 24. I'm 22 now and not even two months ago, I was hit on by a woman who was 32. Age only matters if you let it matter. And as the saying goes, love knows no bounds. As long as you're both over the age of consent there's nothing to stop you. __________________ Aside from my great plans to become the future dictator of the moon, I have little interest in political discussions. Last edited by mirevolver; 10-06-2004 at 12:02 AM..

10-06-2004, 06:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Ask her out for a date type thing. Coffee, drinks... Then if she accepts, during the coffee/drinks, suggest another date. But this time, make it known that it is a date. Dinner, movie, hanging out at her/your place... If she accepts, then she's interested. If she falters, then she's not. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-06-2004, 07:44 AM	#9 (permalink)
Y2KDREAD Crazy Location: College Station, TX	Let's say I do ask and she is only interested in my as a friend, any ideas what to expect than? I know sometimes asking can make things uncomfortable, but I would hate to lose her as a friend. __________________ Signatures are for chumps.

10-06-2004, 07:49 AM	#10 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	There is that chance that she'll say no, and maybe it would be uncomfortable for awhile. But it's only as uncomfortable as you both allow it to be. Say you ask her, mention it's a date, and she says "A date? Umm... I'm not interested in dating", you can just come back with "Aww man... well, it was worth a shot! Let's head out anyway, I wanted to show you this new coffee shop/resturant/bookstore/whatever" It's all in your attitude, voice, how you say things... Just try not to let your face fall too much should she not be interested __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-06-2004, 06:23 AM	#5 (permalink)
DJ Happy Psycho	Age differences shouldn't mean much. My wife is 5 years older than I am and it doesn't really play much part in our relationship. Unless it's her birthday, that is Having said that, age differences of 20+ years always struck me as slightly odd.

10-06-2004, 07:56 AM	#11 (permalink)
Y2KDREAD Crazy Location: College Station, TX	Cool, I might have to suck it up and just ask (I tend to over think stuff all the time). I know that this is never a good choice, but do you think it would be acceptable asking her on a date online? I mean, this is not like a normal girl in your class sort of thing where you are too scared to ask. This is a girl I already know and too scared to ask. Hopefully, if everything goes as I would like, a date will be hanging out like we normally do and that would be very nice. __________________ Signatures are for chumps.

10-06-2004, 08:01 AM	#12 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Online? Nope! (Although this is how my relationship initially started - but that's different!) Since you know her, you're going to be scared. It's so very understandable. And you do need to just suck it up and ask Because if you don't, and soon, you'll think this to death and overanalyze it and make it into this big huge thing. So do it soon! And not online Next time you see her, just ask! Don't think about it, just do. The sooner you ask, the sooner it's done. And you won't have to worry about it anymore __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-06-2004, 08:07 AM	#13 (permalink)
Y2KDREAD Crazy Location: College Station, TX	Bah! Damn online asking not being acceptable, I figured as much but oh well I need to stop being a wuss so i will ask some time soon. __________________ Signatures are for chumps.

10-06-2004, 08:29 AM	#14 (permalink)
angeltek Crazy Location: Regina, sk, Canada	A good friend of mine is actually dating a girl that is like 5 years older. He was 19 and she was 26 when they started going out. They have been together for about 3 years now. Just be confident about it.

10-06-2004, 09:00 AM	#15 (permalink)
Dark Assailant Tilted Location: Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada	You guys should give me honest feedback about my situation... my partner is 18 years older than me __________________ ·´¯`·-> Ðark Åssailant<-·´¯`·

10-06-2004, 08:14 PM	#16 (permalink)
Lockjaw Junkie	Be sure you are certain you both are at the same place in life. Not trying to be stereotypical here but many women(at least around here) by the time they hit their mid to late 20s are ratcheting things down and are looking to "settle down". Many are and many are not but it would be best before you got too serious with this woman that you know where you both stand. But good luck...nut it up and ask. Worst thing she can do is say no and trust me there's a whole lot of things a worse than being told no. Like yes for instance. just kiddin...

10-08-2004, 10:49 PM	#17 (permalink)
Y2KDREAD Crazy Location: College Station, TX	Still have been too wussy to ask, just wondering what people think of this approach. How about just asking her casually if we could ever be more than just friends or something like that? I mean today, while watching a movie at her place, I really would have loved to been able to just lay in the same couch with her and just snuggle. And when she gave me a hug on the way out i just loved the contact. __________________ Signatures are for chumps.

10-09-2004, 10:51 PM	#18 (permalink)
Y2KDREAD Crazy Location: College Station, TX	Just and update for the 2 people that care, I asked her if she wanted to date and got the dreaded "Let me think about it, " at one point she asked me if I thought it would be weird, but of I just replied "no, I think it will be a lot like things are now." What do you guys think about the whole "let me think about it" response? __________________ Signatures are for chumps.

10-10-2004, 07:25 AM	#19 (permalink)
exizldelfuego Crazy Location: Seattle, WA	Well, "Let me think about it" could be either one of two things. Either she really is thinking about it, or she's buying time to figure out how to handle your advance. The likelihood of it being one or the other depends entirely on the girl. And since I don't know her, I'm not going to speculate. But the optimist in me hopes for the former. And indeed there really would be something there to consider. Because even though you two apparently are in a really good groove together, and even though in the greater scheme of things your age difference is almost nil, there's a whole lot of life she's experienced that you probably haven't. I'm right in between you guys, age wise, and I think of how much my view of the world has changed in these past years and how much it's bound to change in the next few. There's a big difference. Now for her, being the more experienced, that can either lead towards a feeling of excitement (as she'd be able to introduce you to a number of things) or that can lead to some trepidation (she might simply be looking for someone more on her "level"). My guess is, assuming she's actually thinking about it, that she's feeling a bit of both. But it's been my experience with women in the 25 and over age bracket that they tend to be a bit more lenient, patient and understanding than their younger cohorts. Which means that, without knowing her at all but given her age, you have a better chance of her honestly considering the possibility. Good luck!

10-10-2004, 07:55 AM	#20 (permalink)
Lockjaw Junkie	Sounds like she just wants to be sure this is the right thing for her. Give her some space for a couple of days and then if she hasn't gotten back to you push the issue one more time and if she still pushes away...then it's not meant to be and you at least now have your answer and don't have to worry about wasting time with her wondering if you might have something more than just what's on the surface.

10-10-2004, 11:00 AM	#21 (permalink)
Y2KDREAD Crazy Location: College Station, TX	Thanks for the replies! I can sit and wait for a few days without a problem. Just hope she does not take her time to test out what I would do (I doubt she is going to do this but you never know) __________________ Signatures are for chumps.

10-10-2004, 12:22 PM	#23 (permalink)
Olorin Upright	I agree with most everyone here, she probably is thinking it over, trying to decide if an intimate relationship with you fits in her life right now, and not just trying to tactfully let you down. Good luck, I hope she decides to give it a try __________________ Sometimes I widdles the future. -Cletus