i have a problem w/ the lady friend - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

ledzep · 10-05-2004, 05:12 PM

does she think im like less attractive or what? whats the problem?

heres the deal:

we have been going out for like 1.5 years, were sexually active and the whole thing. we havent had sex in like 2 months.

2 months ago, i fingered her on like 5 seperate occasions all in a row, with no incidents between them. then her period came a little while later. well on these 5 occations, she never would return the favor. she always waited and pretend to sleep or some crap, and would wait for the phone to ring or someone to come home. and she would go up stairs and when she came back down she would say lets go up stairs. this happened each of the 5 times. That month between her periods, that is all that we did. i recieved nothing. now this month she wont even go near anything. she wont let me see her naked or anything. just today i asked if she wanted to "snuggle" nothing. i asked her for sex like a week ago, "NO"

what is the problem. i ask for sex hardly EVER, i asked for it once in the past 2 months. what am i doing wrong/what is wrong with me/her??

la petite moi · 10-05-2004, 05:20 PM

She's stressed. Ask about her day, and you'll probably get a crapload of complaints. Let her talk her heart out, and find out what's wrong.

Now, about sex- try giving her a backrub at first. Of course, you gotta get her to chill our and sit down for a bit, but I don't think any girl can mind a backrub. Anyway, see if you can get any progression past a backrub from there.

ledzep · 10-05-2004, 05:28 PM

ill take your advice.

like we usually have sex and everything at her house, never mine. we usually go in her basement, even if everyone is home. but now she never even wants to be there.

maleficent · 10-05-2004, 06:21 PM

What's happened in the past few months since she's changed? Anything in her life change? Anything else in her world change?

Talk to her... and don't mention that you're feeling sexually deprived -- ask her if there's something bothering her. that you care...

ledzep · 10-05-2004, 06:53 PM

well school has started and she runs cross country

maleficent · 10-05-2004, 06:58 PM

what about personally?

ledzep · 10-05-2004, 07:51 PM

well nothing, but i can understand now because its her senior year and with school, then cross country practice and meets and working 4 days a week on top of that...

i think its the stress thing. i just didnt think about it i guess.
thanks guys, you are a real help.
im going to try to comfort her tomarrow

Ambiguity · 10-05-2004, 09:08 PM

Maybe something is happening to her physically that she's ashamed of, or worried you'll react to.... ???

It's not very likely, but its a possibility. Maybe it's something medical? Maybe she found out she had an std or something? The important thing is, you wont know until you talk to her about it. It sucks, but maybe she's just trying to tell you she isnt interested anymore... HS girls can be like that. They figure if they stop being physical, you'll lose interest and leave on your own...

You have to sit her down and talk about it, otherwise its just going to become a bigger issue than your relationship can survive.

Rlyss · 10-05-2004, 09:22 PM

My ex-girlfriend and I used to have sex in my bed with my bedroom door closed, while my family was home. This went on for a long time and I didn't really have a problem with it, but after a while I became very aware that my whole family (including my little sister) was home, and it was pretty obvious what my girlfriend and I were doing in there. I decided I didn't want to have sex in my house anymore when my family was around, I hated how obvious we were, and honestly after a while I thought what we were doing was rude, and extremely disrespectful to the rest of my family. Hiding in my bedroom with the door closed for hours on end, probably making noise for all the family to hear.

I decided not to do that anymore, and we would only have sex when nobody was around, but my partner had a very difficult time understanding (and I had a hard time explaining) why we couldn't do that in my house anymore. I couldn't find a way to say that I loved her, and I loved having sex with her and being intimate, but that I didn't like it when my house was full, as it took away the intimacy and almost cheapened the whole thing.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that perhaps your partner is feeling the same thing? Maybe she wants privacy, not to be stuck in the basement with the family walking around upstairs. Maybe she wants a nice hotel room, or a nice date and a return to a house with nobody in it except you two.

I might be way off. She might be feeling fat, or unhealthy, or feel like you guys are only in this for sex. Maybe she wants to know that you like her and the things you guys do that aren't to do with sex, and she just can't communicate it. Maybe a friend has recently got pregnant and she's scared, and acting a bit irrationally, worried it might happen to her.

But anyway, it's probably a little dangerous to put all these thoughts in your head when there might be a simple, logical answer.

Either way, you've gotta let her know that she's being distant, but don't attack her. There's a balance between putting pressure on her, and convincing her that you're there to help and that she shouldn't be scared. But mate, if people knew that balance then we'd all be millionaires and we'd have terrible inflation, so nature has made it so that we don't know these things, and she's got to talk to you. At the moment it sounds to me like she's shooting herself in the foot.

Averett · 10-06-2004, 04:19 AM

How old are you two?

absorbentishe · 10-06-2004, 06:11 AM

C O M M U N I C A T I O N. Try talking with her, that would be the starting point. It's probably nothing with you. If anything, try being more compassionate with her, rub her back, and talk with her.

doncalypso · 10-06-2004, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by la petite moi

She's stressed. Ask about her day, and you'll probably get a crapload of complaints. Let her talk her heart out, and find out what's wrong.

Now, about sex- try giving her a backrub at first. Of course, you gotta get her to chill our and sit down for a bit, but I don't think any girl can mind a backrub. Anyway, see if you can get any progression past a backrub from there.

I thought sex was supposed to work as a good stress-relief for women....

Averett · 10-06-2004, 07:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso

I thought sex was supposed to work as a good stress-relief for women....

If we're stressed out.... we're probably not going to want to have sex

bonehed1 · 10-06-2004, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Averett

If we're stressed out.... we're probably not going to want to have sex

true that, my present g/f is like that.....when you get her to sit down next to you just ask her about her day and stuff and offer to give her a foot massage or back massage....if you do the foot massage perfect you can get her to bend to your will any way you want

be the nice guy and work your way to that point, has always worked for me.

Averett · 10-06-2004, 07:40 AM

Exactly bonehed

Showing interest and being a good guy will go a long way...

To the original poster, if you're doing things to and for her just so you can get payback.. well, you're going about it the wrong way.

rebeldog · 10-06-2004, 07:40 AM

You should talk to her....

10-05-2004, 05:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
ledzep Upright	i have a problem w/ the lady friend does she think im like less attractive or what? whats the problem? heres the deal: we have been going out for like 1.5 years, were sexually active and the whole thing. we havent had sex in like 2 months. 2 months ago, i fingered her on like 5 seperate occasions all in a row, with no incidents between them. then her period came a little while later. well on these 5 occations, she never would return the favor. she always waited and pretend to sleep or some crap, and would wait for the phone to ring or someone to come home. and she would go up stairs and when she came back down she would say lets go up stairs. this happened each of the 5 times. That month between her periods, that is all that we did. i recieved nothing. now this month she wont even go near anything. she wont let me see her naked or anything. just today i asked if she wanted to "snuggle" nothing. i asked her for sex like a week ago, "NO" what is the problem. i ask for sex hardly EVER, i asked for it once in the past 2 months. what am i doing wrong/what is wrong with me/her??

10-05-2004, 05:20 PM	#2 (permalink)
la petite moi Filling the Void. Location: California	She's stressed. Ask about her day, and you'll probably get a crapload of complaints. Let her talk her heart out, and find out what's wrong. Now, about sex- try giving her a backrub at first. Of course, you gotta get her to chill our and sit down for a bit, but I don't think any girl can mind a backrub. Anyway, see if you can get any progression past a backrub from there. Last edited by la petite moi; 10-05-2004 at 05:39 PM..

10-05-2004, 06:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	What's happened in the past few months since she's changed? Anything in her life change? Anything else in her world change? Talk to her... and don't mention that you're feeling sexually deprived -- ask her if there's something bothering her. that you care... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

10-05-2004, 06:58 PM	#6 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	what about personally? __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

10-06-2004, 04:19 AM	#10 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	How old are you two? __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-05-2004, 05:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
ledzep Upright	ill take your advice. like we usually have sex and everything at her house, never mine. we usually go in her basement, even if everyone is home. but now she never even wants to be there.

10-05-2004, 06:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
ledzep Upright	well school has started and she runs cross country

10-05-2004, 07:51 PM	#7 (permalink)
ledzep Upright	well nothing, but i can understand now because its her senior year and with school, then cross country practice and meets and working 4 days a week on top of that... i think its the stress thing. i just didnt think about it i guess. thanks guys, you are a real help. im going to try to comfort her tomarrow

10-05-2004, 09:08 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ambiguity Tilted	Maybe something is happening to her physically that she's ashamed of, or worried you'll react to.... ??? It's not very likely, but its a possibility. Maybe it's something medical? Maybe she found out she had an std or something? The important thing is, you wont know until you talk to her about it. It sucks, but maybe she's just trying to tell you she isnt interested anymore... HS girls can be like that. They figure if they stop being physical, you'll lose interest and leave on your own... You have to sit her down and talk about it, otherwise its just going to become a bigger issue than your relationship can survive.

10-05-2004, 09:22 PM	#9 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	My ex-girlfriend and I used to have sex in my bed with my bedroom door closed, while my family was home. This went on for a long time and I didn't really have a problem with it, but after a while I became very aware that my whole family (including my little sister) was home, and it was pretty obvious what my girlfriend and I were doing in there. I decided I didn't want to have sex in my house anymore when my family was around, I hated how obvious we were, and honestly after a while I thought what we were doing was rude, and extremely disrespectful to the rest of my family. Hiding in my bedroom with the door closed for hours on end, probably making noise for all the family to hear. I decided not to do that anymore, and we would only have sex when nobody was around, but my partner had a very difficult time understanding (and I had a hard time explaining) why we couldn't do that in my house anymore. I couldn't find a way to say that I loved her, and I loved having sex with her and being intimate, but that I didn't like it when my house was full, as it took away the intimacy and almost cheapened the whole thing. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that perhaps your partner is feeling the same thing? Maybe she wants privacy, not to be stuck in the basement with the family walking around upstairs. Maybe she wants a nice hotel room, or a nice date and a return to a house with nobody in it except you two. I might be way off. She might be feeling fat, or unhealthy, or feel like you guys are only in this for sex. Maybe she wants to know that you like her and the things you guys do that aren't to do with sex, and she just can't communicate it. Maybe a friend has recently got pregnant and she's scared, and acting a bit irrationally, worried it might happen to her. But anyway, it's probably a little dangerous to put all these thoughts in your head when there might be a simple, logical answer. Either way, you've gotta let her know that she's being distant, but don't attack her. There's a balance between putting pressure on her, and convincing her that you're there to help and that she shouldn't be scared. But mate, if people knew that balance then we'd all be millionaires and we'd have terrible inflation, so nature has made it so that we don't know these things, and she's got to talk to you. At the moment it sounds to me like she's shooting herself in the foot.

10-06-2004, 06:11 AM	#11 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	C O M M U N I C A T I O N. Try talking with her, that would be the starting point. It's probably nothing with you. If anything, try being more compassionate with her, rub her back, and talk with her.

10-06-2004, 07:40 AM	#15 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Exactly bonehed Showing interest and being a good guy will go a long way... To the original poster, if you're doing things to and for her just so you can get payback.. well, you're going about it the wrong way. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

10-06-2004, 07:40 AM	#16 (permalink)
rebeldog Upright	You should talk to her....