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Rlyss · 10-05-2004, 09:22 PM

My ex-girlfriend and I used to have sex in my bed with my bedroom door closed, while my family was home. This went on for a long time and I didn't really have a problem with it, but after a while I became very aware that my whole family (including my little sister) was home, and it was pretty obvious what my girlfriend and I were doing in there. I decided I didn't want to have sex in my house anymore when my family was around, I hated how obvious we were, and honestly after a while I thought what we were doing was rude, and extremely disrespectful to the rest of my family. Hiding in my bedroom with the door closed for hours on end, probably making noise for all the family to hear.

I decided not to do that anymore, and we would only have sex when nobody was around, but my partner had a very difficult time understanding (and I had a hard time explaining) why we couldn't do that in my house anymore. I couldn't find a way to say that I loved her, and I loved having sex with her and being intimate, but that I didn't like it when my house was full, as it took away the intimacy and almost cheapened the whole thing.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that perhaps your partner is feeling the same thing? Maybe she wants privacy, not to be stuck in the basement with the family walking around upstairs. Maybe she wants a nice hotel room, or a nice date and a return to a house with nobody in it except you two.

I might be way off. She might be feeling fat, or unhealthy, or feel like you guys are only in this for sex. Maybe she wants to know that you like her and the things you guys do that aren't to do with sex, and she just can't communicate it. Maybe a friend has recently got pregnant and she's scared, and acting a bit irrationally, worried it might happen to her.

But anyway, it's probably a little dangerous to put all these thoughts in your head when there might be a simple, logical answer.

Either way, you've gotta let her know that she's being distant, but don't attack her. There's a balance between putting pressure on her, and convincing her that you're there to help and that she shouldn't be scared. But mate, if people knew that balance then we'd all be millionaires and we'd have terrible inflation, so nature has made it so that we don't know these things, and she's got to talk to you. At the moment it sounds to me like she's shooting herself in the foot.

10-05-2004, 09:22 PM	#9 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	My ex-girlfriend and I used to have sex in my bed with my bedroom door closed, while my family was home. This went on for a long time and I didn't really have a problem with it, but after a while I became very aware that my whole family (including my little sister) was home, and it was pretty obvious what my girlfriend and I were doing in there. I decided I didn't want to have sex in my house anymore when my family was around, I hated how obvious we were, and honestly after a while I thought what we were doing was rude, and extremely disrespectful to the rest of my family. Hiding in my bedroom with the door closed for hours on end, probably making noise for all the family to hear. I decided not to do that anymore, and we would only have sex when nobody was around, but my partner had a very difficult time understanding (and I had a hard time explaining) why we couldn't do that in my house anymore. I couldn't find a way to say that I loved her, and I loved having sex with her and being intimate, but that I didn't like it when my house was full, as it took away the intimacy and almost cheapened the whole thing. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that perhaps your partner is feeling the same thing? Maybe she wants privacy, not to be stuck in the basement with the family walking around upstairs. Maybe she wants a nice hotel room, or a nice date and a return to a house with nobody in it except you two. I might be way off. She might be feeling fat, or unhealthy, or feel like you guys are only in this for sex. Maybe she wants to know that you like her and the things you guys do that aren't to do with sex, and she just can't communicate it. Maybe a friend has recently got pregnant and she's scared, and acting a bit irrationally, worried it might happen to her. But anyway, it's probably a little dangerous to put all these thoughts in your head when there might be a simple, logical answer. Either way, you've gotta let her know that she's being distant, but don't attack her. There's a balance between putting pressure on her, and convincing her that you're there to help and that she shouldn't be scared. But mate, if people knew that balance then we'd all be millionaires and we'd have terrible inflation, so nature has made it so that we don't know these things, and she's got to talk to you. At the moment it sounds to me like she's shooting herself in the foot.