Divorce...and dating again - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

bscox00 · 09-14-2004, 07:45 AM

Ladies and Gentlemen -

Well, my first marriage is done. Over. Kaput. Not for lack of trying.

I've been separated for darn near 9 months now.

I was wondering, when would you feel comfortable dating again? During the period of time between the filing of the divorce and the actual divorce? Only after the divorce?

I'm wanting to get back out there, but my soon-to-be ex- seems hell bent on slowing the process down as much as possible.

Any suggestions?

billwood · 09-14-2004, 08:19 AM

Don't let the bitchget you down.. The EX will allways try to keep you un easyjust to try to keep the upper hand. But once you'r sepprated shes relly got much to say about it.When I went throu my devorce.I had to think of my duater first.but be for the devorice was finel I all had a new girlfeend , but then I didn,t put it in front of her.Just go with what feels right for you And if thers no kids involved Dont sweet the small stuff....

cj22009 · 09-14-2004, 08:51 AM

Bs im right there with ya my divorce was final last tuesday the 7th it took about six months for the whole thing to get over with. It's up to you and how you feel if you want to get out in the dating world again I know I don't at this point in time but its all personal preference in my opinion if you feel like it go for it if not don't

bscox00 · 09-14-2004, 09:04 AM

Here's the best part. We work in the same office, so I have to see her every day. Joy.

I can't imagine her wanting to stay here (my family runs the business). So, not only am I in this awful holding pattern, I have to see the last person I was intimate with every day.

It isn't going to be easy for me to move on...

cj22009 · 09-14-2004, 09:13 AM

Oh thats and tough one only time I have to deal with my ex is when I drop my kids off sounds like you have a long road ahead of ya man sorry

radioguy · 09-14-2004, 02:07 PM

Whenever you are ready to get out there and date again. It took me about 4 months to start going out again. It's gets easier with time, obviously. Just do it when YOU are ready to do it! There's no time frame.

Val_1 · 09-14-2004, 05:06 PM

After my wife took off, it took about 6 months for me to date. But, everyone is different. Take it slow. You want to make sure you're not shacking up with someone just because you're use to the companionship you had with your SO. You might wind up moving too fast and making the same mistake all over again. I suspected I was, so I'm slowing down on the dating for awhile. At the same time, I want to make sure I meet a variety of people, So I know what I'm looking for. One divorce was hard enough. Don't want to go through that again.

cmc · 09-14-2004, 07:32 PM

I was going to a shrink - to get help w/ my young kids, and I asked Him
what the chances were of me going through this again, and he scratched his beard,
puffed on his pipe and said, and I quote: 'I'd say - if you don't look deep w/in yourself and discover why YOU CHOOSE THIS relationship, that your chances of doing this again are about 100% ! I said EXCUSE ME ? And then he proceeded to tell me.

And, damn if, over the next 5 years, did I learn that he was right, albeit, I did learn some from what he said, and ( too much) from what I had to 'experience'. Sound confusing ? Here goes the science. If you ( or I) were not somehow fucked up in your ( or my thinking) then how in the name of Sam Houston did you ( or me) pick out - using our free will, such a psycho bitch in the 1st place ? I know, you'll say, ( and I said) - she WASN'T LIKE THIS in the beginning. Bull shit, bullshit, BULLSHIT ! You and I BOTH had intuition tips to let us know 'something' was not perfect.

Come on, think back, did you or did you not have some TIPS. A buddy's comment that you discounted. A parents look that you tried to overlook. A noticeable problem - not quite GREAT sex, big upset over something little, or a fear about her and yawls relationship, or a bummer realization that you and sweet pants ( wife # 1) never could quite find a way to really and truly RESOLVE issues could you ? Come on - fess up, tell the truth ... So, what Doc ultimately got through my head was that, even if my ex was fucked up ( and He never said that, although some part of me WANTED him too - sic) how could I not be kind of fucked up too - since I PICKED HER OUT !

Yikes, that was a tough cup of truth for me to drink. Fast forward, I decided to read books, got to seminars, focus on things I loved to do, for myself and especially for other people and THEN I found a great girl that I just kind of attracted in, without working at it, and we became good friends, then respectful and great friends, then romantic connected, and now we're engaged. And, I never worry about her, because I got enough of my bullshit untangled before we met, that I don't even relate to the way I USED TO interact in any of my long-term girlfriend relationships ( and one marriage).

Well in summary, I recommend that you look within, and work it to the point where you don't see any lack within your self, THEN 'attract' the most beautiful girl in the world to you so you can share your ABUNDANCE, rather than some poor girl who you kind of hope you can fix, or who can fix you. Or so it seems.

Wow, I guess I really wanted to share this with you.
And remember, all that I've just stated may not be true, but I think it is anyway.

Good luck !

Howdee · 09-14-2004, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmc

I was going to a shrink - to get help w/ my young kids, and I asked Him
what the chances were of me going through this again, and he scratched his beard,
puffed on his pipe and said, and I quote: 'I'd say - if you don't look deep w/in yourself and discover why YOU CHOOSE THIS relationship, that your chances of doing this again are about 100% ! I said EXCUSE ME ? And then he proceeded to tell me.

And, damn if, over the next 5 years, did I learn that he was right, albeit, I did learn some from what he said, and ( too much) from what I had to 'experience'. Sound confusing ? Here goes the science. If you ( or I) were not somehow fucked up in your ( or my thinking) then how in the name of Sam Houston did you ( or me) pick out - using our free will, such a psycho bitch in the 1st place ? I know, you'll say, ( and I said) - she WASN'T LIKE THIS in the beginning. Bull shit, bullshit, BULLSHIT ! You and I BOTH had intuition tips to let us know 'something' was not perfect.

Come on, think back, did you or did you not have some TIPS. A buddy's comment that you discounted. A parents look that you tried to overlook. A noticeable problem - not quite GREAT sex, big upset over something little, or a fear about her and yawls relationship, or a bummer realization that you and sweet pants ( wife # 1) never could quite find a way to really and truly RESOLVE issues could you ? Come on - fess up, tell the truth ... So, what Doc ultimately got through my head was that, even if my ex was fucked up ( and He never said that, although some part of me WANTED him too - sic) how could I not be kind of fucked up too - since I PICKED HER OUT !

Yikes, that was a tough cup of truth for me to drink. Fast forward, I decided to read books, got to seminars, focus on things I loved to do, for myself and especially for other people and THEN I found a great girl that I just kind of attracted in, without working at it, and we became good friends, then respectful and great friends, then romantic connected, and now we're engaged. And, I never worry about her, because I got enough of my bullshit untangled before we met, that I don't even relate to the way I USED TO interact in any of my long-term girlfriend relationships ( and one marriage).

Well in summary, I recommend that you look within, and work it to the point where you don't see any lack within your self, THEN 'attract' the most beautiful girl in the world to you so you can share your ABUNDANCE, rather than some poor girl who you kind of hope you can fix, or who can fix you. Or so it seems.

Wow, I guess I really wanted to share this with you.
And remember, all that I've just stated may not be true, but I think it is anyway.

Good luck !

I just want to say thanks. I too just became single again, signed papers on the 3rd, having been seperated since April, I feel ready to at least date again. With what you just posted probably saved me and a few more like me a lot of headaches, and psychiatrist bills, in the coming future.

Thanks again

Howdee

09-14-2004, 07:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
bscox00 Banned	Divorce...and dating again Ladies and Gentlemen - Well, my first marriage is done. Over. Kaput. Not for lack of trying. I've been separated for darn near 9 months now. I was wondering, when would you feel comfortable dating again? During the period of time between the filing of the divorce and the actual divorce? Only after the divorce? I'm wanting to get back out there, but my soon-to-be ex- seems hell bent on slowing the process down as much as possible. Any suggestions?

09-14-2004, 07:32 PM	#8 (permalink)
cmc Crazy Location: usa	I was going to a shrink - to get help w/ my young kids, and I asked Him what the chances were of me going through this again, and he scratched his beard, puffed on his pipe and said, and I quote: 'I'd say - if you don't look deep w/in yourself and discover why YOU CHOOSE THIS relationship, that your chances of doing this again are about 100% ! I said EXCUSE ME ? And then he proceeded to tell me. And, damn if, over the next 5 years, did I learn that he was right, albeit, I did learn some from what he said, and ( too much) from what I had to 'experience'. Sound confusing ? Here goes the science. If you ( or I) were not somehow fucked up in your ( or my thinking) then how in the name of Sam Houston did you ( or me) pick out - using our free will, such a psycho bitch in the 1st place ? I know, you'll say, ( and I said) - she WASN'T LIKE THIS in the beginning. Bull shit, bullshit, BULLSHIT ! You and I BOTH had intuition tips to let us know 'something' was not perfect. Come on, think back, did you or did you not have some TIPS. A buddy's comment that you discounted. A parents look that you tried to overlook. A noticeable problem - not quite GREAT sex, big upset over something little, or a fear about her and yawls relationship, or a bummer realization that you and sweet pants ( wife # 1) never could quite find a way to really and truly RESOLVE issues could you ? Come on - fess up, tell the truth ... So, what Doc ultimately got through my head was that, even if my ex was fucked up ( and He never said that, although some part of me WANTED him too - sic) how could I not be kind of fucked up too - since I PICKED HER OUT ! Yikes, that was a tough cup of truth for me to drink. Fast forward, I decided to read books, got to seminars, focus on things I loved to do, for myself and especially for other people and THEN I found a great girl that I just kind of attracted in, without working at it, and we became good friends, then respectful and great friends, then romantic connected, and now we're engaged. And, I never worry about her, because I got enough of my bullshit untangled before we met, that I don't even relate to the way I USED TO interact in any of my long-term girlfriend relationships ( and one marriage). Well in summary, I recommend that you look within, and work it to the point where you don't see any lack within your self, THEN 'attract' the most beautiful girl in the world to you so you can share your ABUNDANCE, rather than some poor girl who you kind of hope you can fix, or who can fix you. Or so it seems. Wow, I guess I really wanted to share this with you. And remember, all that I've just stated may not be true, but I think it is anyway. Good luck ! Last edited by cmc; 09-14-2004 at 07:36 PM..

09-14-2004, 08:19 AM	#2 (permalink)
billwood Upright	Don't let the bitchget you down.. The EX will allways try to keep you un easyjust to try to keep the upper hand. But once you'r sepprated shes relly got much to say about it.When I went throu my devorce.I had to think of my duater first.but be for the devorice was finel I all had a new girlfeend , but then I didn,t put it in front of her.Just go with what feels right for you And if thers no kids involved Dont sweet the small stuff....

09-14-2004, 08:51 AM	#3 (permalink)
cj22009 On the edge of control Location: Ga	Bs im right there with ya my divorce was final last tuesday the 7th it took about six months for the whole thing to get over with. It's up to you and how you feel if you want to get out in the dating world again I know I don't at this point in time but its all personal preference in my opinion if you feel like it go for it if not don't

09-14-2004, 09:04 AM	#4 (permalink)
bscox00 Banned	Here's the best part. We work in the same office, so I have to see her every day. Joy. I can't imagine her wanting to stay here (my family runs the business). So, not only am I in this awful holding pattern, I have to see the last person I was intimate with every day. It isn't going to be easy for me to move on...

09-14-2004, 09:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
cj22009 On the edge of control Location: Ga	Oh thats and tough one only time I have to deal with my ex is when I drop my kids off sounds like you have a long road ahead of ya man sorry

09-14-2004, 02:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
radioguy Registered User Location: Texas	Whenever you are ready to get out there and date again. It took me about 4 months to start going out again. It's gets easier with time, obviously. Just do it when YOU are ready to do it! There's no time frame.

09-14-2004, 05:06 PM	#7 (permalink)
Val_1 Addict Location: In a State of Denial	After my wife took off, it took about 6 months for me to date. But, everyone is different. Take it slow. You want to make sure you're not shacking up with someone just because you're use to the companionship you had with your SO. You might wind up moving too fast and making the same mistake all over again. I suspected I was, so I'm slowing down on the dating for awhile. At the same time, I want to make sure I meet a variety of people, So I know what I'm looking for. One divorce was hard enough. Don't want to go through that again.