ManWithAPlan

Yep. Yesterday my girlfriend dumped me, after an hour of crying all i gathered from her was that she was acting funny because she was trying to convince herself that she felt something for me which she didn't. but the main problem was that she wasn't comfortable with how strong i felt for her.


i just find it a kick in the face that when most guys seem to get dumped because they don't care enough, or lie about love, and here i am, he who cares too much.

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SecretMethod70

best I think there is to say is just stick with it. There are people who need to grow up in all stages and walks of life. Sooner or later you'll run into someone who is "ready." Perhaps you're "looking in the wrong places?"

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Le temps détruit tout

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ManWithAPlan

as a matter of fact i'm not looking. lol.

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bermuDa

perhaps you get attached too quickly, or give that impression? How long were you together with this girl?

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Mantus

I typed some advice, but I am shooting in the dark. I really don’t know you enough to hand it out. I am very sorry to hear that. I am sure that you will find a girl that's right for you soon enough.

ManWithAPlan

i knew her for 4 months, we've been going out about 2 and a half. i know i get attached too quickly but is that enough to condemn me;-)?

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In the end we are but wisps

TM875

I'm very similar. I get very attached very quickly, but I can also easily cut people out of my life. Some girls get scared off by instant commitment, some like it. You just have to find the right ones.

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Flyguy

Dude, don't worry about it. I had a crazy chick dump me once becasue I was "too nice." Whatever the hell that means. Just stay true to yourself. Don't let some crazy bitch try and change you into being a dog just so you get to keep her. In fact, I had other women do the same to me also in the past. After all those experiences, I decide to take a break on women and when I stopped looking for love, wham! It hit me right in the face and our 8th anniversery is tomorrow. I'd also say try and not come on too strong to quick like the others said. Some women are scared of it and others love it. Just depends on who she is.

ManWithAPlan

so you're saying i shouldn't try to patch things up?

the thing is, i'm usually a very reasonable person, especially when i'm in a state of numbness....

i can admit she can be a bitch sometimes, but other than that i love everything about her, even though she hurt me. We were talking today and she was so concerned that she hurt me (i know her well enough to know it's genuine)...

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In the end we are but wisps

TM875

I really want to type some long advice here, but I don't have the energy to be long winded....

Don't try to patch things up. Find someone new, who isn't a "bitch sometimes".

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"I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."

ManWithAPlan

everyone's a bitch sometimes - no one is perfect

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In the end we are but wisps

maleficent

Here's a secret about some girls - not all... believe me not all...

There are some girls/women out there that like a challenge, they like the bad boy, the one who doesn't treat them well. If they get the "nice guy", the one who cares, the one who treats them with respect and all the good stuff, well, there's nothing to complain about, and there's no drama.

Forget the one's who want the drama. They'll be exciting for about 2 minutes, then it's just a headache. There are plenty of women wout there who would appreciate you... for you and your special qualities.

Don't bother trying to "patch things up" with someone who's not sure she feels something strong for you. You'll only end up getting taken advantage of.

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ManWithAPlan

i just hope the state of closing my eyes and seeing her face smiling at me goes away soon.

i mean i've been dumped before, but it was never this bad. and consider that a girl dumped me just a week after our one-year anniversary after i found out she was cheating on me.

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In the end we are but wisps

Mantus

I can't believe you get so serious about a girl after just two months of dating. I just can’t do that. I treat a girl as if she was the "one" but it takes me years to begin to actually fall in love with them, if I can even call it that because to be honest I don’t know what love is. It's just that if I haven’t been though life with some one, the good and the bad, then I really don’t know them all that well. I think there is a difference between being in love and being infatuated with some one. I believe that lust and infatuation happens first, they are instinctive and don’t last but they give us time to develop true bonds and real attraction.

ManWithAPlan

well maybe. or maybe i work differently because i've never really HAD anyone (in all sorts of ways)

- could never talk to my parents about what was bothering me
- up until 7th grade i didn't have friends (that would publicly admit to it, anyway... i'd have one kid who'd even TELL me that he was afraid to admit it)
- after 7th grade they weren't close friends anyway and then i had no one again.

it sounds kind of silly, but i've read about how things like isolation during developement can do funny things to a person.

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In the end we are but wisps

st33lr4t

is it your attached to her or you just need to be attached to someone?...you did say you've never really had anyone.

ManWithAPlan

someone asked me that alreadt and i gave it a lot of thought.
at first it was a little of both... but once i accepted it i realized that i miss all the little things about her rather than being able to open up to her and tell her things, so i suppose it's not what you think. (not to be defensive or anything)

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aurigus

Women (and men) will often come up with funny excuses to break up with you if they are trying to spare your feelings. Usually, the brutal reason is they don't like you in that way. I think the first time I learned that was the hardest, but it gets much easier after learning that. You can't force someone to love you; in fact the harder you try to get someone to like you, the worse off you are. Best thing is to be yourself, and eventually you will find girl that will want to be with you forever.

ManWithAPlan

thanks aurigus...

i did find out something *Funny* from a mutual friend of ours (hers and mine).

This is quite typical of her and she just has commitment issues.
While it doesn't make the pain of losing her easier, it gives me closure.

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In the end we are but wisps

Flyguy

True dat.

Flyguy

Been there done that. Trust me, the pain does go away with time. I can barely remember their names now.....

wilbjammin

Sometimes when you open up to a person too fast it is overwhelming. Also, if you are so into a girl that all you do is tell her how great she is without recognizing that she isn't perfect she'll have trouble feeling that she can live up to the image of her that you've created. Falling in love too fast generally indicates to me that you're looking for a person or relationship to be more than they really are. It usually is a sign of insecurity or a believe that being in a relationship is the only thing that gives life meaning.

I don't know exactly what is going on with your story, but those are some things to think about.

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ManWithAPlan

Yay, more thinking!!!

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In the end we are but wisps