My wandering eye.. - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

collide · 08-06-2003, 11:24 PM

I bet your girlfriend is doing the same, but probably for different reasons. There are some people that you just can't help but notice.

rodgerd · 08-07-2003, 12:08 AM

Don't be obnoxious to other women. Don't be obnoxious to the woman you're with ("Gee honey, why don't you lose some weight so you can look like her" would deserve a good kicking as she walks out!).

And don't do anything about it. Unless your lady is happy for you to play away, which I doubt.

08-07-2003, 08:52 PM

Don't make comparisons, and DON'T let her trap you into saying something that will make her feel insecure or self-conscious.

That's the easiest way to get her pissed at you for looking.

But me? Married, not dead.

skysooner · 08-08-2003, 08:23 AM

My wife is always telling me she thinks someone is cheating because they have that wandering eye thing going. The funny thing is I do the same thing, and she absolutely knows I wouldn't cheat on her. I often check out other women (the guys at work say I have a radar that has a 2 block radius when it comes to good-looking women). My head is on a swivel. When I'm with my wife, I'm more subtle about it, and she is always giving me hints on how to check out checks without seeming to check it out. We also discuss the pluses and minuses about the women and sometimes the men she looks at.

neoinoakleys · 08-08-2003, 10:29 AM

ok, I must just be lucky, but not only does my wife trust me and feels VERY secure in our relationship, but she will point out hot women to me. She loves just going to the mall and people watching. She actually will point out hot guys to me. I have a wandering eye myself, but we both know that we are just looking, we would never stray and we are comfortable with our relationship. We are also extremely trustworthy and have never given each other a reason to not trust each other.

I think females and males that get jealous about a guy or girl that looks at others is just too uptight and needs to loosen up a bit. There are 2 reason why someone would get upset or see their SO looking at others as a threat. Either the person is insecure, or they lack trust in the relationship.

My advise, loosen up and join in the fun. If you are a woman with a man that has a wandering eye, start pointing out hot women and join in the fun, or start pointing out hot guys, and either your SO will join in that fun, or they will start becoming more concious of their own wandering eye and knock it off for fear that you might start looking at other guys again.

Anways, that is my 2 cents...

soulmate · 03-06-2008, 05:50 AM

I think the people who are saying these women are insecure may be partially correct. But for my situation, I have a boyfriend with a wandering eye, and it seriously bothers me A LOT. Not because I am insecure, but because he has given me reasons to doubt him, and not trust him. And the fact that he see's how much it hurts me despite me forgiving him for things that caused me to have distrust in him in the first place, means he doesn't deserve me. I think it is fine to look at other women because its just looking, but when a relationship is having problems and you can't stop looking, then you are just a jerk, and the man doesnt deserve that woman in the first place.

levite · 03-06-2008, 06:17 AM

You don't want to make your girl insecure, but at the same time, you have to accept that it's natural for you to look. As others have said, be discreet about the looking, refrain from comments, and don't do more than look. That should be more than enough, and your girl ought to be able to live with that.

I am an inveterate chick-scoper, and my honeys have usually been fine with it. They know if I'm with them, it's because I love them, and that means I am faithful. My last gf summed it up best: if you're with me, I know you love me. If you check out other girls, I know that you're a dude, and that you're alive.

Ustwo · 03-06-2008, 07:22 AM

My wife, being female, likes to go into verbose detail about rather mundane subjects.

This was especially true when she was working at a bigger company. She would want to tell me about her day, and the various people in her life I would never meet. She would call them by their first name instead of something meaningful to me like 'The head of HR'. Later she would say 'well Mike did blah blah' and expect me to know who Mike was.

Lets call it the whole Men are from Mars thing. Anyways she would also try to explain the appearance of the people involved at times, and what she looks at in a person is different than me for appearance. So in order for both of us to save time I just ask 'Would I do her' and she knows me well enough to answer yes or no.

Now where does this rambling tale lead?

Being jealous of a SO's 'wandering eye' is about as classic a form of insecurity there is. Now being insecure is considered bad so no one likes to say it applies to them, but I know if my wife was talking about how cute some guys were when we were first dating it would have greatly annoyed me, and likewise for her. Now, older, and together for 16+ years, its like commenting that its cold out.

So my advice is to be sensitive early on, but there should come a point where you are secure enough in a relationship that you can look, admire, comment on a member of the opposite sex without your SO getting their feelings hurt.

ruggerp11 · 03-06-2008, 07:40 AM

Just because you're tied to the porch doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars. haha, I cracked up the first time I heard that.

Fotzlid · 03-07-2008, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruggerp11

Just because you're tied to the porch doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars.

lol

08-06-2003, 11:24 PM	#41 (permalink)
collide Turn off your TV. Location: ... .- -. ..-. .-. .- -. -.-. .. ... -.-. --- --..-- -.-. .-	I bet your girlfriend is doing the same, but probably for different reasons. There are some people that you just can't help but notice. __________________ "inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc

08-08-2003, 10:29 AM	#45 (permalink)
neoinoakleys Psycho Location: Michigan	ok, I must just be lucky, but not only does my wife trust me and feels VERY secure in our relationship, but she will point out hot women to me. She loves just going to the mall and people watching. She actually will point out hot guys to me. I have a wandering eye myself, but we both know that we are just looking, we would never stray and we are comfortable with our relationship. We are also extremely trustworthy and have never given each other a reason to not trust each other. I think females and males that get jealous about a guy or girl that looks at others is just too uptight and needs to loosen up a bit. There are 2 reason why someone would get upset or see their SO looking at others as a threat. Either the person is insecure, or they lack trust in the relationship. My advise, loosen up and join in the fun. If you are a woman with a man that has a wandering eye, start pointing out hot women and join in the fun, or start pointing out hot guys, and either your SO will join in that fun, or they will start becoming more concious of their own wandering eye and knock it off for fear that you might start looking at other guys again. Anways, that is my 2 cents... __________________ It's My Duty to Please That Booty!!

03-06-2008, 06:17 AM	#47 (permalink)
levite Minion of Joss Location: The Windy City	You don't want to make your girl insecure, but at the same time, you have to accept that it's natural for you to look. As others have said, be discreet about the looking, refrain from comments, and don't do more than look. That should be more than enough, and your girl ought to be able to live with that. I am an inveterate chick-scoper, and my honeys have usually been fine with it. They know if I'm with them, it's because I love them, and that means I am faithful. My last gf summed it up best: if you're with me, I know you love me. If you check out other girls, I know that you're a dude, and that you're alive. __________________ Dull sublunary lovers love, Whose soul is sense, cannot admit Absence, because it doth remove That thing which elemented it. (From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

03-06-2008, 07:22 AM	#48 (permalink)
Ustwo Pissing in the cornflakes	My wife, being female, likes to go into verbose detail about rather mundane subjects. This was especially true when she was working at a bigger company. She would want to tell me about her day, and the various people in her life I would never meet. She would call them by their first name instead of something meaningful to me like 'The head of HR'. Later she would say 'well Mike did blah blah' and expect me to know who Mike was. Lets call it the whole Men are from Mars thing. Anyways she would also try to explain the appearance of the people involved at times, and what she looks at in a person is different than me for appearance. So in order for both of us to save time I just ask 'Would I do her' and she knows me well enough to answer yes or no. Now where does this rambling tale lead? Being jealous of a SO's 'wandering eye' is about as classic a form of insecurity there is. Now being insecure is considered bad so no one likes to say it applies to them, but I know if my wife was talking about how cute some guys were when we were first dating it would have greatly annoyed me, and likewise for her. Now, older, and together for 16+ years, its like commenting that its cold out. So my advice is to be sensitive early on, but there should come a point where you are secure enough in a relationship that you can look, admire, comment on a member of the opposite sex without your SO getting their feelings hurt. __________________ Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

03-06-2008, 07:40 AM	#49 (permalink)
ruggerp11 Cautiously soaring Location: exploring my new home in SF	Just because you're tied to the porch doesn't mean you can't bark at the cars. haha, I cracked up the first time I heard that. __________________ Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu

08-07-2003, 12:08 AM	#42 (permalink)
rodgerd Psycho Location: Wellington, New Zealand	Don't be obnoxious to other women. Don't be obnoxious to the woman you're with ("Gee honey, why don't you lose some weight so you can look like her" would deserve a good kicking as she walks out!). And don't do anything about it. Unless your lady is happy for you to play away, which I doubt.

08-07-2003, 08:52 PM	#43 (permalink)
Achernar Guest	Don't make comparisons, and DON'T let her trap you into saying something that will make her feel insecure or self-conscious. That's the easiest way to get her pissed at you for looking. But me? Married, not dead.

08-08-2003, 08:23 AM	#44 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	My wife is always telling me she thinks someone is cheating because they have that wandering eye thing going. The funny thing is I do the same thing, and she absolutely knows I wouldn't cheat on her. I often check out other women (the guys at work say I have a radar that has a 2 block radius when it comes to good-looking women). My head is on a swivel. When I'm with my wife, I'm more subtle about it, and she is always giving me hints on how to check out checks without seeming to check it out. We also discuss the pluses and minuses about the women and sometimes the men she looks at.

03-06-2008, 05:50 AM	#46 (permalink)
soulmate Upright	I think the people who are saying these women are insecure may be partially correct. But for my situation, I have a boyfriend with a wandering eye, and it seriously bothers me A LOT. Not because I am insecure, but because he has given me reasons to doubt him, and not trust him. And the fact that he see's how much it hurts me despite me forgiving him for things that caused me to have distrust in him in the first place, means he doesn't deserve me. I think it is fine to look at other women because its just looking, but when a relationship is having problems and you can't stop looking, then you are just a jerk, and the man doesnt deserve that woman in the first place.