thebeat

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wonderwench

First I must ask: What happened to your girlfriend with the mean mom and sister?

Bobaphat

I am against the idea (just don't tell my girlfriend of 4 years who is also a cooworker)

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thebeat

Well this kinda prompted this situation...We ended up have a discussion on the issues that I addressed in the previous post, she still wanted to put her family first and leave me on the back burner, which lead to an argument, thus to a seperation...I guess I was somewhat vulnerable and intoxicated, which nevertheless doesn't justify my actions, but at the moment, we are taking a break....

Perhaps this now makes me a bad person D;

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wonderwench

Just don't ever use the line on her: "We were on a break."

thebeat

so I am a bad person now :?

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wonderwench

No. Although we are defined by our actions, you are more than the sum of one action. If you intend to get back together with your girlfriend to pursue a serious relationship, then, if I were you, I would cool it with the co-worker. If you are free, then there is nothing to feel bad about.

robodog

If I had followed the conventional wisdom I would never have met my wife. I was an assistant manager in the front end department at a local grocery store where I had worked for over four years when she started working there. She worked in the back stocking, but it don't think it would have mattered much if she had been in my department. One night after a date with a "sure thing" hookup fell through due to a tornado I invited my future wife out with a friend of mine and one of hers.

Of course all of my dates from age sixteen till meeting my wife had been coworkers from that job. At one point there were twenty four employees in my department, nineteen of them were female and EVERY SINGLE ONE was a cheerleader or colorguard member, my manager was such a dirty old man *grin*.

thebeat

we've already cooled it, I just brought up the topic, plus Its not my choice to get back together, I gave that girl everything, so I guess I can just sit back and wait forever for someone who is indecisive...Perhaps this was out of anger, and Im surprised your comment made me realize this....

I appreicate you...very very much.....

Thanks

wonderwench

You're welcome. I'm glad I could help.

Key

well, as i'm pretty young, i haven't had the luxury of a prestigeous steady job, so i don't know how much this will apply, but here goes.

as far as all the workplace hooking up i've witnessed, it doesn't appear to be as taboo as it might have once been. i think it's just become more expected that you're going to find someone where you work, i mean that's where you're spending all your time. especially these days where the 9-5 isn't as prevalent and it's becoming more common to be even more involved in your work, spending overtime there to get work done. go home only to do more coding (i'm in the business/tech industry). combine this with more prevalent sexuality and i can't say i'm surprised. wasn't there an article about women cheating more that was just posted here?

anyway, i think if both adults are mature about the situation it doesn't have to become a big deal. i had a friend that was going out with a co-worker for a while, after they broke up he went back to being the same guy he was. he didn't give her the evil eye, didn't let things get awkward, just no gripes or hang ups. just treated her strictly as he had done before (ok, with less flirtation).

it helps if both parties are also on the same page, no one thinking this is love and another knowing it's probably closer to a fuck-buddy relationship.

although in your case, i think you may have slightly different issues since you're "on a break." thanks to friends, those 5 words wonderwench just said have become immortal.

thebeat

i guess in a way, im new to the whole situated im in, after several years with the same person, you forget how the rest of the world works....

So I have to pose the question....

Even if I made a mistake, should I feel guilty about it? In a way I do, but in a way I dont, because I never cheated on her like she did to me, and in a way I guess i feel I've gotten my revenge...even though that isn't the "bigger man" resolution. Perhaps I just "lived" and "learned"

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analog

People are human beings. You were separated, you were unhappy, you had a night of vulnerability while you were "on a break". Whether or not you feel guilty isn't up to you- you're either going to or you're not. Time will tell.

You're not a bad person. You had a moment you maybe regret, but that's all. Best of luck

Dawson70

Reminds me a saying my dad once told me many years ago.
" Never fish from the company pier". His advise has followed through with me. I have wittnessed co-worker romances and they never seem to work out. I guess not enough "seperation" between the lifestyles.

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