Asking someone out that you know has a boyfriend - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Averett · 06-08-2004, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BooRadley
Girls don't get rejected, as they do not have to. They do the picking. They will pick whoever seems best, but will always have a reserve.

That's bullshit. I've been rejected many times. And I don't have a "reserve."

Quote:

Most girls I know might be single for one whole month out of the year. The off-time between boyfriends is usually days if anything, and most of the time they already have found a new boy before breaking it off with the old one.

Interesting friends you have there.... I don't know any girls like that. At all. Are you hanging out with Jennifer Lopez??

Quote:

At least you have a decent attitude about the whole situation.

You call THIS a decent attitude? Wow.

bookerV · 06-08-2004, 04:49 PM

Very bad idea to ask someone out you know has a boyfriend. It is just asking for trouble. It definitely wouldn't be worth it if that dude came around looking for you...

Personally, if the guy doesn't know the girl has a boyfriend and fools around with her. Not her fault, I'd be mad at her 100% not him at all because he had no idea. However, if the guy DID know that she had a boyfriend, well then he would be in big big trouble with me. As would she. It's just not worth it IMO.

BooRadley · 06-08-2004, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Averett
That's bullshit. I've been rejected many times. And I don't have a "reserve."

So, what is your point? A woman can go through life without ever asking anyone out. She may not get the perfect male, but she'll most likely still get one.

You may ask people out, but you don't have to. Unless you never actually have been asked out, which is definitely not the norm.

You may not have a reserve either, as you may actually be in a good relationship and don't need one. There are plenty of people like that. But some people aren't like that. All of America is not clones of you and your relationships.

Quote:

Interesting friends you have there.... I don't know any girls like that. At all. Are you hanging out with Jennifer Lopez??

No. I hang out with average, middle-class midwestern girls. Of course, they are aged 18-23 which makes them more likely to be asked out on a regular basis. They like to have boyfriends. They can get them easy. I don't see how this is a stretch by any means.

Quote:

You call THIS a decent attitude? Wow.

Honestly, yes.

In a country in which 50+% of marriages end up in divorces, the naivity of believing every person you come across is in a perfect relationship is silly.

There are many threads on this board where males and females admit that they HAVE to have someone around. Don't believe me?

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...0&pagenumber=1

Quote:

Originally posted by The Original King
Are you like me? Are not happy unless you're dating someone? Do you need that constant attention from someone of the oppisite sex? Are you not a whole person unless someone tells you, you are?

Quote:

Originally posted by *Nikki*
I fucking hate more then anything in this world being single. To me there is nothing worse.

And while they might have someone around, they aren't always going to be with the perfect person. And most people realize this. Of course, you are with the perfect person, therefore everyone else must be too, and that anyone who disagrees is a bitter minority.

primal · 06-08-2004, 09:17 PM

It's kind of low to ask out a girl that has a boyfriend. With that being said it really matters how much you like her. You don't want to miss out on your soul mate because you didn't make a move.

stevie667 · 06-09-2004, 03:10 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BooRadley
So, what is your point? A woman can go through life without ever asking anyone out. She may not get the perfect male, but she'll most likely still get one.

You may ask people out, but you don't have to. Unless you never actually have been asked out, which is definitely not the norm.

You may not have a reserve either, as you may actually be in a good relationship and don't need one. There are plenty of people like that. But some people aren't like that. All of America is not clones of you and your relationships.

No. I hang out with average, middle-class midwestern girls. Of course, they are aged 18-23 which makes them more likely to be asked out on a regular basis. They like to have boyfriends. They can get them easy. I don't see how this is a stretch by any means.

Honestly, yes.

In a country in which 50+% of marriages end up in divorces, the naivity of believing every person you come across is in a perfect relationship is silly.

There are many threads on this board where males and females admit that they HAVE to have someone around. Don't believe me?

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...0&pagenumber=1

And while they might have someone around, they aren't always going to be with the perfect person. And most people realize this. Of course, you are with the perfect person, therefore everyone else must be too, and that anyone who disagrees is a bitter minority.

It's all very well taking the analytical approach to human social interaction across genders, but put simply enough, life doesn't follow logic. You can say that women do have the power over men, which may be so in a few cases, but in most situations, the women think in exactly the same way as the men in terms of relationships, and chasing after them.
The human mind is not a well defined thing, and when you add anything to do with romance into the matter, the sheer number of possibilities that emerge is staggering, even in people who you'd expect to know everything.

cameroncrazy822 · 06-09-2004, 04:15 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by NeoSparky
Good idea, bad idea. Thoughts, concerns..

Just posing a question, not looking for advice.

I think a bad idea. I look at it this way. It's only ok for you to ask out someone's girlfriend if you fully accept someone else asking out yours....

SecretMethod70 · 06-09-2004, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by cameroncrazy822
I think a bad idea. I look at it this way. It's only ok for you to ask out someone's girlfriend if you fully accept someone else asking out yours....

In theory I guess you can guage it by that. But who's to say that what one person fully accepts is what society as a whole deems acceptable? For example, would we then also say it's ok for one to murder a person if one fully accepts someone else murdering them or their family member? Some people may have a sick outlook of the world in which it's ok for anyone to commit murder.

Point being, just because someone thinks it's acceptable behavior and, thus, would fully accept being the recipient of it as well, doesn't mean the other 99% of society would deem it acceptable. Look at this thread for example - there are really only 2 people posting who have any strong feelings towards it being acceptable.

NeoSparky · 06-09-2004, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by SecretMethod70

Point being, just because someone thinks it's acceptable behavior and, thus, would fully accept being the recipient of it as well, doesn't mean the other 99% of society would deem it acceptable. Look at this thread for example - there are really only 2 people posting who have any strong feelings towards it being acceptable.

my personal thoughts on this are that if the girl is with or has been with a buddy of mine within the last year, then the girl is off limits. End of story.

If she's with another guy whom I dont know, then I go for it. No harm in asking. The absolute worst that can happen is to be turned down. And if I'm not turned down, then it's party time.

And from what I've gathered from women on here and in real life, they are flattered by being asked out. Regardless of if they are with someone or not. So in this case really the worst that could happen is to make someone smile for being asked out. Unless of course you (whomever) can't handle rejection and take it out on others or something.

timalkin · 06-09-2004, 11:31 AM

If you ask a girl out, fully knowing that she has a boyfriend, you deserve to have your ass beaten into a bloody pulp.

Are there not other single girls out there for you to fuck?

dirtyrascal7 · 06-09-2004, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by timalkin
If you ask a girl out, fully knowing that she has a boyfriend, you deserve to have your ass beaten into a bloody pulp.

Are there not other single girls out there for you to fuck?

that seems a little extreme... just for asking? maybe if he continually comes on to her or calls her then more serious action needs to be taken, but why jump straight to beating the guy within an inch of death?

i think, as a general rule, it's okay to show interest in a girl who's in a relationship as long as you also show respect for that relationship. if you show interest and the girl comes to you, then that's fine. but don't try to pressure her or get her to choose between the two of you, that's beyond rude and maybe does deserve an ass-beating.

timalkin · 06-09-2004, 12:11 PM

By knowing about the relationship and still trying to squeeze in, you're disrupting what the other two people have. You are disrespecting the relationship by asking the girl out in the first place.

Having no respect for other people = you should get your ass beat. The ass-kicking probably won't happen, but it would sure make some horny little prick think twice in the future.

I've had to deal with this situation in the past, and it fucking infuriated me. Don't do it unless you like being a worthless asshole.

NeoSparky · 06-09-2004, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dirtyrascal7
that seems a little extreme... just for asking? maybe if he continually comes on to her or calls her then more serious action needs to be taken, but why jump straight to beating the guy within an inch of death?

i think, as a general rule, it's okay to show interest in a girl who's in a relationship as long as you also show respect for that relationship. if you show interest and the girl comes to you, then that's fine. but don't try to pressure her or get her to choose between the two of you, that's beyond rude and maybe does deserve an ass-beating.

This is my thinking on the subject. Getting an "ass-beating" for asking a girl out that has a boyfriend is a little extreme. Now if the guy is being rude, or pressuring the girl in anyway fully knowing she has a boyfriend, then i'm all for an ass-beating. till then no harm in asking in my opinion.

timalkin, you sound like the typical over-jealous type of boyfriend. take a chill pill, relax. Just cause a guy asks a girl out doesn't mean that he's going to fuck her. i'd be more worried about your girl if she said yes to the date than if the guy asks..

timalkin · 06-09-2004, 06:39 PM

I wouldn't say that I'm overjealous, but I can make a distinction between a possible hint and an outright action. Asking is an action that should not happen if you know the girl is in a relationship.

Why can't everyone be respectful towards others? If the girl is unhappy and wants to date you, I'm sure she can make her own decision without you saying anything.

illesturban · 06-09-2004, 08:43 PM

take it from me... probably NOT a good idea.

OK I hope I can make this short in some way, but a situation like this recently came back to bite me in the ass in the biggest way possible and curse the day I moved in on this girl.

So anyways my roommate was going out w/ this girl who me and him had met at the same time. Basically he wasn't a good b/f and she supposedly started liking me. Well we became close and she broke up w/ him; shortly after we kinda began to develop a relationship. Turns out she's the whore of my college town. I had to leave to come back to Dallas for the summer, meanwhile she was back in Lubbock and fucked like 4 or 5 of my fraternity brothers.

I blame it on karma. If I had never gone after my roommate's girl, even though we weren't the best of friends, then my friendships and bonds within my brotherhood wouldn't be severed. I'm a strong believer in karma and I advise AGAINST IT! DEFINATELY! If a girl will leave her b/f for you, imagine what she would do to you! This is something I would have deeply thought about before getting involved with The Village Trollop as I now call her. (Can you sense some built up anger? LOL)

NeoSparky · 06-10-2004, 10:59 AM

The general feeling I'm getting here from everyone is that by asking a girl out, your asking her to be your girlfriend, As such the statement of "if she leaves her current BF for you then she'll leave you for someone else." What if your just asking her out for the sake of going out? From what I've expierenced in life going out on a date is completly different then having a meaningful relationship with someone. Yes, generally one thing leads to another but thats something you can decide after a few dates or so.

zxello · 06-10-2004, 11:25 AM

Do it! No rings, no strings!

stevie667 · 06-10-2004, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by NeoSparky
The general feeling I'm getting here from everyone is that by asking a girl out, your asking her to be your girlfriend, As such the statement of "if she leaves her current BF for you then she'll leave you for someone else." What if your just asking her out for the sake of going out? From what I've expierenced in life going out on a date is completly different then having a meaningful relationship with someone. Yes, generally one thing leads to another but thats something you can decide after a few dates or so.

i can imagine the conversation:

'it's ok mate, i'm only taking her out for a nice meal, i'm not asking her out or anything'
"ahhh, well thats all fine and dandy then, heres the keys to my car, give her a nice night"

Anyone consider that possibly the guy the girl's going out with may possibly object to you asking her out, even for a meal?
I have no problem if the guys an ass hole, but if he's a nice bloke, then it's an invitation to a royal ass-kicking.

Eric640 · 06-11-2004, 09:02 PM

Say you asked her and she said yes and cheated on her boyfriend... if she did it once... what makes you think she won't do it again once you are with her.

In either situation it would leave a lot of unaswered questions. If it was me... I'd leave her alone or just wait it out.

cameroncrazy822 · 06-12-2004, 05:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by SecretMethod70
In theory I guess you can guage it by that. But who's to say that what one person fully accepts is what society as a whole deems acceptable? For example, would we then also say it's ok for one to murder a person if one fully accepts someone else murdering them or their family member? Some people may have a sick outlook of the world in which it's ok for anyone to commit murder.

Point being, just because someone thinks it's acceptable behavior and, thus, would fully accept being the recipient of it as well, doesn't mean the other 99% of society would deem it acceptable. Look at this thread for example - there are really only 2 people posting who have any strong feelings towards it being acceptable.

I will stipulate that just because society may agree 99% with something that it is not a given that the 1% that doesn't agree is wrong. We have billions of people living on this planet and I suspect billions of subtle differences which make everyone an individual. However starting with social mores and accepted standards is what brought us into a civilized society governed by rules. These rules are laws, codes, mores, and accepted practices by the masses. If this man wants to ask out someone's girlfriend he has the ability to do so. Is there a law against it? No, but there is a social standard that looks down upon it. The reason for the social standard and more against dating someone else's GF is due to maintaining the family unit. It goes back thousands of years. I guess what I'm saying is that it is ok for him to be a 1%er who thinks it's ok to date others' SO and he can act on it with the expectation of some negative feedback. He can be an individual who acts on his own accord and will suffer the consequences just as anyone who makes a decision on a course of action. There are reactions and repercussions to every behavior. Those repercussions can be positive or negative. It may be unfair in certain circumstances but it is a nother check and balance which keeps our society structured and evolving.

frankx · 06-13-2004, 06:38 AM

Do what you want, just don't be surprised by the dramatic and possibly physical repercussions. Personally, I think poking a grizzly bear with a sharp stick is a really bad idea.

I would just leave it alone.

imkeen · 06-13-2004, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BooRadley
It is in no way the 'askers' fault the girl cheats. He gives her the oppurtunity, but she makes the decision. You read that? HERS.

Ba-da-bing! Thanks BooRadley. This is EXACTLY my point, several times on this board. I don't understand how asking a question somehow incrimates you. SHE has to make the final decision to cheat. You're just giving her the opportunity.

What happens after she says "YES" is a whole 'nother issue. And of course, what she says "YES" to. Was it sex? Then it's a question of infidelity, or maybe they have an 'open' relationship and they swing. Hey, its a small possibility, but still a possibility. Maybe she doesn't like being alone and wants out of her current relationship by having a rebound guy.

What are the guy's motives? Sex? Maybe he's a dog, lots of men are. Relationship? Maybe he's wanted to tell her that he has really wanted to talk to her but has always been intimidated by her current boyfriend.

The fact is that we just dont know and asking a question is not enough to base a definitive answer.

[edited for misspelling and more thoughts to be added :-)]

06-08-2004, 04:49 PM	#42 (permalink)
bookerV Addict Location: Ontario, Canada	Very bad idea to ask someone out you know has a boyfriend. It is just asking for trouble. It definitely wouldn't be worth it if that dude came around looking for you... Personally, if the guy doesn't know the girl has a boyfriend and fools around with her. Not her fault, I'd be mad at her 100% not him at all because he had no idea. However, if the guy DID know that she had a boyfriend, well then he would be in big big trouble with me. As would she. It's just not worth it IMO. __________________ "That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy." Lionel Hutz

06-08-2004, 09:17 PM	#44 (permalink)
primal Crazy Location: Oklahoma City	It's kind of low to ask out a girl that has a boyfriend. With that being said it really matters how much you like her. You don't want to miss out on your soul mate because you didn't make a move. __________________ "Where the white women at?" -Sheriff Bart (Blazing Saddles)

06-10-2004, 11:25 AM	#56 (permalink)
zxello Addict Location: P-Town, WA	Do it! No rings, no strings! __________________ Old signature just wasn't doing it for me anymore, so now I have this new one. It's equally as stupid but at least it looks really long. I'm probably just going to keep typing until I run out of things to babble about and see how many people actually read this. I once ran down a hill, fell down and hurt my elbow; my mom said I would be ok, she kissed it and made it all better. I've run out of things to say now, so if you have read this whole thing, congratulations you get a gold star!

06-13-2004, 06:38 AM	#60 (permalink)
frankx Psycho Location: The Tip of the Boot	Do what you want, just don't be surprised by the dramatic and possibly physical repercussions. Personally, I think poking a grizzly bear with a sharp stick is a really bad idea. I would just leave it alone. __________________ Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

06-09-2004, 11:31 AM	#49 (permalink)
timalkin Addict Location: watching from the treeline	If you ask a girl out, fully knowing that she has a boyfriend, you deserve to have your ass beaten into a bloody pulp. Are there not other single girls out there for you to fuck?

06-09-2004, 12:11 PM	#51 (permalink)
timalkin Addict Location: watching from the treeline	By knowing about the relationship and still trying to squeeze in, you're disrupting what the other two people have. You are disrespecting the relationship by asking the girl out in the first place. Having no respect for other people = you should get your ass beat. The ass-kicking probably won't happen, but it would sure make some horny little prick think twice in the future. I've had to deal with this situation in the past, and it fucking infuriated me. Don't do it unless you like being a worthless asshole.

06-09-2004, 06:39 PM	#53 (permalink)
timalkin Addict Location: watching from the treeline	I wouldn't say that I'm overjealous, but I can make a distinction between a possible hint and an outright action. Asking is an action that should not happen if you know the girl is in a relationship. Why can't everyone be respectful towards others? If the girl is unhappy and wants to date you, I'm sure she can make her own decision without you saying anything.

06-09-2004, 08:43 PM	#54 (permalink)
illesturban Psycho Location: Lubbock, TX	take it from me... probably NOT a good idea. OK I hope I can make this short in some way, but a situation like this recently came back to bite me in the ass in the biggest way possible and curse the day I moved in on this girl. So anyways my roommate was going out w/ this girl who me and him had met at the same time. Basically he wasn't a good b/f and she supposedly started liking me. Well we became close and she broke up w/ him; shortly after we kinda began to develop a relationship. Turns out she's the whore of my college town. I had to leave to come back to Dallas for the summer, meanwhile she was back in Lubbock and fucked like 4 or 5 of my fraternity brothers. I blame it on karma. If I had never gone after my roommate's girl, even though we weren't the best of friends, then my friendships and bonds within my brotherhood wouldn't be severed. I'm a strong believer in karma and I advise AGAINST IT! DEFINATELY! If a girl will leave her b/f for you, imagine what she would do to you! This is something I would have deeply thought about before getting involved with The Village Trollop as I now call her. (Can you sense some built up anger? LOL)

06-10-2004, 10:59 AM	#55 (permalink)
NeoSparky Crazy	The general feeling I'm getting here from everyone is that by asking a girl out, your asking her to be your girlfriend, As such the statement of "if she leaves her current BF for you then she'll leave you for someone else." What if your just asking her out for the sake of going out? From what I've expierenced in life going out on a date is completly different then having a meaningful relationship with someone. Yes, generally one thing leads to another but thats something you can decide after a few dates or so.

06-11-2004, 09:02 PM	#58 (permalink)
Eric640 Tilted	Say you asked her and she said yes and cheated on her boyfriend... if she did it once... what makes you think she won't do it again once you are with her. In either situation it would leave a lot of unaswered questions. If it was me... I'd leave her alone or just wait it out.