qtpye4u84

Wow... I'm trying to get my boyfriend to understand me.
He does things like you.
See when I get mad at him, all he has to do to make me feel better is to say he was sorry and he was wrong, and then I'm all better some flowers or something new form the store no matter what it is makes me feel better also.
She just wants some attention.
Give her a compliment.

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The QTpie

clockworkgreen

For the question of why I didn't clean the pan, I ended doing it and later yelling in the fight "Oh, by the way, it took me 30 seconds to clean that goddamn pan." That didn't help.

Her way of communicating back to me how she was feeling was later that night we talked and she had a list of grievances of things that have occured over the past few months or so, like the time the trash can was full (she's not PMSing at this point, BTW, and shocking, the trashcan is full. Jesus, how lame do these fights sound??) and I said, in my usual sarcastic tone, "Guess I'll take the trash out, cause I'm the only one with arms around here." That didn't go well either. At the time she didn't do or say anything just gave me a "yeah, whatever, smartass" comment, but this made it onto her list of "This in something the recent past you've done that has pissed me off."

BTW - We've only been married about 8 months and only living together for that long. I think the problem is neither of us appreciate what the other is doing around the house. She does clean a lot, sometimes after me. I walk the dog 5 times a day, she does it once. I do the more physical things around the house, obviously. We even do our own laundry. And, we even have a hired cleaning service, so it's not like she's down scrubbing floors like Cinderella every week.

Anyway, the conclusion: I went to bed early last night, she came up to bed shortly after, and we just kinda held each other in bed while the thunderstorm was going on outside. Today we've barely brought it up, except 2 "I'm sorry"s this morning. And we've been fine all day. Better be, we go on vacation in a week.

Believe me, this isn't a normal occurance though I say it happens now about once a year where we have it out for a day or two. I don't think it's normal or healthy, but we're two very opinionated people who like to be in control, and if there's ever a situation where we feel like that's being questioned or somehow we feel violated, these things happen.

Anyway, I guess this is basically a warning to guys out there who, like I did, forget sometimes that your wife is your WIFE, not one of your buds who you have the ability to joke around with ALL the time. They don't, at least mine doesn't, appreciate your subtle wittiness when it comes to household chores, your relationship, or her appearance.

Thanks for your responses. Some were fantastic. And I appreciate some of your concerns. You guys are great.

Redgirl

I sometimes get infuriated for no reason like that when I'm PMSing. But I don't think I would let it go on as long as she did. Usually my SO just looks at me with puppy dog eyes and says "why you being so mean!!" and I laugh and apologize.

Something that always takes my anger away is if he holds me. So even when I am acting pissy, or saying something mean out of hormonal frustration, he won't even respond. He'll just walk up and wrap me in his arms and all my anger just melts away.

Maybe you could try that next time before things get out of hand. I don't know that you could have done that in this particular situation, since when you asked for a hug later she rebuffed you. Next time, don't ask, just do it. She may not be able to resist if you already have her in your arms. It's easy to stay prickly when you're not touching. (for me anyway)

Edit: I just saw your sneaky reply while I was posting. Guess the holding thing works for you guys, too! Glad to see you're all made up now.

__________________
Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Renny

Common sense says that you should not have asked her to clean the pot after hearing the warning signs. However that does not give her any right to hold that against you for 2 days and not speak with you. Getting a bit miffed could possibly be acceptable, considering the circumstances, but 2 days is quite excessive.

ngdawg

That wasn't PMS-that was control-I get bitchy from it, but I bark and I'm over it. Not speaking is a way to control the situation and the person you aren't speaking to. Good luck.

Bamrak

But as in this case, what if he isn't wrong? She came home in a bad mood and threatened him. In my world, that was mistake #1. Either she wants a fight, or considers him an underling. The smart alec remarks were a bit much ( even though I cracked up, and say almost the same things; e.g. Someone needs to clean this floor up before we have to buy a 4 wheeler to get through the house), but I feel they fit the situation. At no time should a woman bring a list up of our past mistakes. They should address the issues when it happens.

Anyway, good luck man, I feel ya!

WarWagon

Hmm. Quite the ending to the story. This is part of the reason why I'm an advocate of thunderstorms.

ratbastid

On the contrary, my friend. It's extremely normal and healthy. You're two individuals who are grappling with what it takes to live as a "we". My answer above would have been a little different if I'd known the timeframe of your relationship.

You're learning to live together. That's going to require some conflict. It doesn't mean ANYTHING about your relationship or your committment to each other. In fact, that the next morning you were both able to apologize says a hell of a lot more about you.

Seaver

LMAO see? Everytime a woman is pissed, whatever she tells you at the time it's not that. It's something you did days/weeks/months/years ago that you already forgot about but because she didnt speak up at the time you had little/no clue it was a big deal to her.

braindamage351

That is complete BS. It's okay for her to be pissed off while she's PMSing. But what kind of a psycho bitch is mad because you didn't respect how much of a bitch she was forced to be?

I don't think she has PMS. She's just naturally a bitch.

Kazic

Too late to post what I wanted but I will say this.
(Some women and I don't know enough to give a fully edu, opinion of all!)
will wait to tell you when something is bothering them. But when they do. It comes out as ranting, they bring up things that didn't have anything to do with the problem at hand.
Men interprit this as an attack. and get deffensive.

I learned this from Men are from Mars Women are from Venus btw.

keep your head up. If you care enough about each other you can work most things out. If you are willing to put in the effort.

__________________
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man
affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in
darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening
to repetitive electronic music."
-Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

Mehoni

I agree, but at the same time I understand his actions, somewhat, because I feel uncomfortable if there's tons of stuff around me when I'm supposed to do something.

Until there's a pill, stabilizer or something to help coping with PMS, people who say "women shouldn't blame bing bitchy on PMS/use PMS as a crutch" should just be quiet.

How happy and accomodating would you be if you were in pain and in a bad mood? Irritability, anger, aggressivness, feeling over-sensetive, etc...

__________________
There seem to be countless rituals and cultural beliefs designed to alleviate their fear of a simple biological truth - all organisms eventually perish.

Rodney

It's okay for her to be in a bad mood. It's not okay for her not to realize it later and continue to put all the blame on you. What some other people said is correct: you need to push back on this one, or when it happens again in the future. She's learned to automatically blame others for her bad moods. You're going to have to teach her otherwise.

Amethyst

Are you my dad? This sounds like the same thing my dad would do to my mom?

ngdawg

I am going to tke this one step further and pose the question-why do men put up with so much bullshit from their women? Too many times, I have been witness to if not involved with men who are married to women devoted to making everyone around them as miserable as they are. They claim to love them, but I must ask-WHY?? What is there, truly, to love about someone who is bitchy, unstable, miserable, possibly severely depressed, controlling and greedy?
It seems that men, more so than women, want some ideal that includes picket fences and facsimiles of the Stepford Wives and can't see what it is they truly have instead. And when they DO finally see it for what it is, they think that by standing by her, things will magically be perfect once more(although they never were perfect to begin with).
It's a well-known fact that more women than men file for divorce and most men, in a recent survey, claim it was a 'total surprise'. Yet, men are actually in a better financial position to leave.
I understand the stance that things should be worked on, worked out and an effort made to preserve a relationship. But if a ship is sinking, does that mean everyone has to drown?
This truly has me baffled.

hiredgun

I'm glad it worked out for you .

nightshade000

I'm glad it worked out for you. I don't think you did anything wrong at all. I can understand being moody when PMSing, but it is NOT a get out of jail free card. The way I see it, PMS is more or less like quitting smoking cold turkey and feeling all bloated from cheap beer without the alcohol buzz, with a touch of very light food poisoning. Which I have actualy experienced. I understand being pissy and snappy, but there's no point in being a bitch about it afterwards. That's a control issue. I see it as, she knows she was wrong, but won't back down (in a reasonable amount of time) to see if you will.

fypon

I know this is after everything has smoothed out but heres my take.


There is no pan.

Key point in this whole scene. The statement "I'm PMSing". This means you: walk on egg shells, ask her to do nothing except maybe eat something only if you made it, throw chocolate her way every 30 minutes or so, find something to do far out of her sight.

Glad things worked out for ya.

My ex and I once had an all out screaming match over snow-shoes when she was PMSing. Ahhhh... the turbulent years....

shaman

To every body who has said, I deal with this every month in my girlfriend or Fiance, Don't marry them, This is a fact of life that they have been dealing with since puberty.

As Holo said, would it be acceptable if the situation were reversed and you threatened her with violence.
Every screaming liberal in the room would be screaming bloody murder if not calling the cops if you said "your boyfriend came home you accidentaly set him off and he smacked you around" which in my opinion is the physical equivalent of the emotinal crap of her not talking to you for a day and a half.

My wife and I each have our bad days, there are days where we come home and act grumpy, shit happens you try not to take it out on the other person in your life.

PMS is a factor, like "I got stuck in traffic" or "My boss yelled at me" not a license to be pissy, the cleaning pan thing if your wife was sane should have gonna like this,

Preamble, making dinner, wife home bad day, ask about pan,
do you need it?
not really.
"Honey, I need to just unwind a bit, can I get it later", or
"I'm sorry, I've had a shit day can it just stay there for the moment"

She gets to reiterate that she is having a crap day, you don't get trampled on.

In my house, this would be followed by the person who hasn't had the horrible day asking if there is anything they could do to make the person who's day has sucked feel better.

Of course that's cause as has been said, Marraige is work it isn't always easy.

OperativeK

Ah good grief. ; ) Just suffer it out, and wait for the air to clear up. If it doesn't then don't say shit. lol