Oh, the drama.
 

Some weeks ago, I hooked up with this guy who goes to the college that I'll be attending in the fall. He seems pretty cool, I suppose, and is an agreeable sort to hang out with. He appears to be... somewhat enamored of me.

Fast forward to a few days ago. His best friend/roommate IMs me and we start chatting it up. Since he's gonna be in Springfield the next day anyway to make some returns at Best Buy, I make the offer that we can hang out. Cool. Exchange of digits, fast forward to the next day.

I meet this guy, he's kind of a nerd, but extremely attractive. We wait in line at the customer service desk so he can make his return and he's complaining about the wait. When the lady finally gets to him and says, "I'm sorry about your wait," he says, "Oh, it's not a problem." I bust on him profusely for his bitching.

We walk around the store for a while, and there's a lot of push-and-pull of the conversation, we're both teasing each other about tastes in music, movies, etc... Pretty cool. There's even some physical contact, which I take as an IOI (indicator of interest). By physical contact, I mean... poking, tickling, tripping each other, that kind of thing.

I see my brother at Best Buy too (he works there) and I got him to let me take his new camaro convertible out for a spin. We get out there, put the top down and I tell the guy, "Hop in."
"What, are you serious?"
"Yeah, hop in."

So, he does. We hit the mall, Barnes and Noble, EB Games, and drive around a little more before I drop him back off at his car. However, to my dismay, I discover during this outing that he has a gf. :(

And his best friend likes me. Ugh.

His gf lives in Chicago, about 200 miles away, and his friend lives in Quincy, which isn't a short drive, either. However, we'll all be going to school together in the fall.

I really like him, though. He told me we could hook up again later this week, so I recently IMed him:


Ohh, what to do...

Conscience tells me to back off, but damn.

Cute Nerdy Boy has a girlfriend. Back off. End of story.

He'd regret it later.

If you have any morals, you would, too.

There are lots of nerds in the sea.. and some of us are cute (not me, but I know a few *g*)

I think pushing forward anymore would be wrong.. Either he ends up doing something he'll regret and you'll be responsible for breaking another girl's heart, or he will refuse to do something he'll regret and you'll feel bad..

I dunno, he could just as easily be about to break up with his current GF. Myabe they're just dating, maybe they're about married. But this whole taking the soap box and preaching of morals is just a little silly in my opinion. I say, go have fun

Just curious, you said Springfield Best Buy, do you live in Pennsylvania, celaeno? I used to work at that Best Buy, if so

He seems to be not so much concerned with the gf as that his best friend may be interested in me. "Guy code", he said, when he accused me of flirting (which I vehemently denied).

I have to wonder how serious the relationship actually is.

Actually, I meant Springfield, IL. It's kind of hard to discern which Springfield I mean, when just about every state has one.

"He'd regret it later.

If you have any morals, you would, too."

Please, the morals around here are laughable at times. How the hell does anyone know who would regret what. If I based my decisions on what I thought might go wrong, I'd never leave the house. If he's interested and you're interested, go for it.

"Dating" multiple people at one time is totally different from "having a girlfriend".

If he was about to leave her, he'd likely not even have mentioned her. I'm not one to break up a happy home, but maybe the idea of "girlfriend" is different than we think.

Hell, they say "hook up" to mean "hang out"... down here, if you say "wanna hook up", you are looking to have sex. Nookie. The bump-n-grind. The no-no dance. The one-stop vagina tunnel express on the jimmyhat railroad.

You know what i mean. ;)

He didn't say anything about the gf at all until I noticed the HS ring of hers that he had on. And then she called him twice while we were hanging out, which, to me, could suggest a little possessiveness and insecurity on her part. Hmm.

So upon meeting people you should say "Hi my name is _______ and I have a boyfriend?" :rolleyes:

Just know what you're getting yourself into.... A whole world full of drama.

I'm not laughing right now. :hmm:

ooh oh oh *waves arms* you can outreach to meee :p

lol...

yah... i would stay away... i dont care for drama...

IMHO- Go with your conscious, I say. Even though you like him, would you really want to damage the relationship with him and his gf?
The best thing to do is to let it go. Respect him, even if he feels like you're not interested, just don't get involved unless he comes to you, uncommited in a relationship.
It could get nasty if you got in the middle. If he returns to you, it may be meant to be. If not, it was not meant to be.
Question is why do you like him? I mean, no offense, that's a question for you to ask yourself. You don't know him very well. and why rush into anything? Especially in this particular situation.
Just think- if you rush, and with him having a gf, someone is bound to get hurt or mislead- if you wait, who know. There will innevidably be a lot less pain and disappointment if you do wait.

you're like 18 right? You're thinking way too much (believe me I know because I do it too). Do what makes you happy, no more no less.

Yeah, he's got a girlfriend. Don't be the bad guy, and run away as fast as you can. There are other fishies in the sea.

Every state has at least one Springfield.

That's why the Simpsons live in Springfield.

i am utterly amazed at how many people are saying to simply run away from the situation completely.

obviously there are some things that need to be further discussed and worked out, but to just call it quits at the first sign of potential drama or complications... that's silly. just because they enjoy spending time together and have a good connection doesn't mean something bad is automatically going to happen.

anyway celeano, you barely seemed interested in this guy's friend... while he seems interested in you. you'll have to resolve this asap... the longer you wait, the harder it will be and the nastier it could get. just talk with him and tell him you're not interested in anything more than friends. don't tell him you're interested in his friend, just that you two hung out and stuff like that. this is a delicate problem and you'll need to give him time to get over you before you get involved with his friend... otherwise he'll get very jealous and then, BAM!, drama...

as for the girlfriend situation, you'll obviously have to resolve that as well before getting any closer with this guy. keep talking to him and do some recon... find out how serious they are and what future he sees with her. if he expresses that he is happy with what he has with his current g/f, then you will have to respect that and stay in 'friend mode'. it's ultimately his responsibility to not fuck up by cheating on his g/f, but since he told you about her, it's your responsibility to respect the fact that he's taken.

also, you'll have to feel him out and see just how honest he's being... b/c he might just be downplaying the whole thing so he can get some action from you while he's away from her. people get lonely in long-distance relationships, but that doesnt mean they want to end the relationship and be with someone else (example: casablanca)... so just be aware of that. the more details you can get out of him, the better... if he's vague or gives you short answers when you talk to him about his girlfriend, that's not a good sign... be careful.

You sound young, I say go for it. Infidelity gets expensive as you get older.

Just be friends. He sounds like a great guy. Try to do group things so nothing awkward comes up. Then if he ever breaks up you aren't the cause but you are still around and "available" hopefully. If nothing else you'll have a good friend. It sounds like he's a decent guy who knows how to have fun, take a little teasing (which to me means self confident) and is considerate to his girl since as you say he let you know about her pretty early on. He's a guy you don't want to hurt, but you do want to stick around. Plus if you end up hooking up with his buddy you might not be too bad off. Birds of a feather flock together so it's very possible that his buddy is a lot like him in personality. The grass is always greener on the other side. Be happy with how things are for now.

This guy is rightly worried about his roommate. He will lose that friend and possibly worse (if he really is enamored with you as you suspect).

As for the gf, a long distance relationship usually indicates some seriousness. Maybe this guy is willing to cheat on her (which should be red flag to you), but you will hurt that girl no matter what. You really want to earn the hatred of two people over some guy you hardly know?

It could suggest that they maintain close contact because they are together..Hmmm...

My solution: read some Shakespeare. A Midsummer Night's Dream, to be exact. You have two options: group sex, or get the other two (the g/f and best friend) to hook up. That'll set things up right.

Nice, Slauncha Man...stark freaking hilarious!

celaeno, I'd say be who you want to be and he can be who he wants to be. You can't cause him to break up with her, only he can. If he can't control his dick that's his problem, not yours. Just give him the chance to say "no" and respect his decision when he does.

Of course, you have to be able to live with your decision to pursue something, even if he collapses under your pressure and causes his relationship to fail. People generally fail to understand that if I say "Do you want to have sex?" that doesn't mean you have to (I wish!), you can actually say "No." If you say "no" its your decision, and if you say "yes", its your decision.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MORALS, although it may have something to do with *his own* respect for previously established relationships and lying...

It might save a lot of time.
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But honestly, let's not confuse seeing someone with a serious relationship. Just because someone is kissing someone else it does not mean they are married. In fact, I think the ability to dump someone for a person you like better is one of the major differences between being married and dating. It sucks to be the other person, but life sucks.

I'd say put your feelers out there, don't come on too strong and see what happens.

if he wants to break up with his gf then let him do so on his own. if you can be a friend without trying to interfere with his current relationship, then I see no reason to avoid him.

but meddling in other people's relationships is not acceptable in my opinion. If you can't be around the guy without pursuing him, then put some distance between the two of you.

If you were his girlfriend, what would you want you to do?

I think you should let their relationship take their own course. At the very least, you should let him make the first move. On your side, you should behave as a friend, and not encourage/come onto him.

once a cheater, always a cheater....