skidknee

I completely agree. I believe there is an obvious tension inherent with any interracial pairing, but not because of racism or stereotypes, but merely a first impression?

Although one has the right to say they are dating someone of another culture/race/ethnicity/nationality to break the mold, I would definitely be upset if I was the guy who was helping the girl break the mold.

At least imho.

I think the focus is on some underlying issues that have yet to be fully explored--repressed issues, issues with portrayal and identity (with Asian-Americans in general), and the Westernization of Asians.

C4 Diesel

I'm white, and I date an Asian girl. She's awesome. Never really had any thoughts about "wow, I'm with an Asian girl" or anything like that. Just kinda wound up that way, and it's all good with us. She doesn't really "act Asian" per se. I say she's fake Asian ('cause she even has the eyelid fold). She thinks it's funny.

__________________
C4 to your door, no beef no more...

skidknee

Haha I know what you mean. I never really understood but it's a big Western thing to have the double eyelid fold. To the point where Asians get surgery for it. Maybe not fake Asian...otherwise you wouldn't be dating an Asian girl...Hah.

invalidiuser

Man this thread is getting kinda harsh.....but then its a cruel world out there and its kinda of the truth also.

But, I think that it is all about how you carry yourself. Doesn't matter if your black, white, asian, short, tall, etc...

It depends on the person who has the the type of qualities such as Charisma, Personality, Charms, etc... to sweep any girl/guy away.

It's all a game out there and you just have to accept how things are. Everyone and everything just needs time to adapt to new changes.

EDIT : Having a average or big weiner will be a huge plus which will help the relationship.

Small hmmmm I'm sorry but she will be cheating behind your back for sure even if you have all the above.

skidknee

Now seriously, where is this statement backed up?

I guess some people are still ignorant enough to believe a "large" penis will help a relationship....please.

KirStang

There is a dichotomy that exists with the "large penis" theory. First, it could be the *stereotype* (read: Labels, negative associations..etc. etc.) that asians have small penis's. I don't check out my white friend's dicks, so I can't comment on that. However, from this thread, it seems as if some people are gloating...about 7 posts up or so, one guy says "Because have bigger peckers..." In essence, this statement:

-Oversexualizes asian girls (sexual creatures who go for big dicks)
-Says Asian guys have small dicks
-Exudes a sort of imperialist haughtiness.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not ripping the poster, but can anyone relate to the underlying societal stereotypes that have been impressed among asians?

Part two of the dichotomy: I can understand where a large penis would be a plus in the relationship. From readin tilted sexuality threads, a healthy sexual life is a healthy relationship. Nonetheless, one should not assume that Asian girls, or girls in general go for a guy just because he has a large "pecker."

ironmaiden7o7

I don't know much about this topic but I think it's the personalities that are more attractive than anything. The race of the person doesn't matter to me, I think it's the who they are.

jorgelito

I cannot believe this thread is still going.

But:

I find it interesting if you look at the original post - and then you read the responses, one would think that half of the white men dated Asian girls and half of the Asian dudes dated white chicks. So it comes back to perception. Based on this thread the original poster is way off, but then that just illustrates what all of this is:

It is just opinion, none grounded in fact.

Funny thing about perception - it is highly influencial, mutable, sensitive to externalities and dynamic. Just exchange out any of the main nouns (i.e.- Asian) with another "label" and you'll start to understand how ridiculous the whole thing really is.

A large part of the problem is that, as a species (homo sapiens) we are essentially "label whores". It's just so easy to paint everything with a broad stroke brush and be done with it:

Black people are loud
Jews are cheap
Latinos (what is Latino anyway) commit crimes
White people smell
Asians are geeks
Women are bad drivers (really? Then why is their insurance cheaper?)
Catholic priests are molestors etc..etc...etc...etc...

At this point in human civilization we have not been able to evolve past our propensity to label and generalize. It is our comfort zone and gives us a sense of security. It gives us control. When we become more advanced (who knows when?) then "labels" as we know it will cease to matter.

My opinion:

Human beings are bipedal. Our eyes are rather large (proportionally as a sense) and are located in the front of our head. We are "designed" as a visual species. Therefore, we have a "need" to see things to better understand and subsequently control our environment.

EX: When a person walks into a room, he looks around. Sizes things up, checks things out. When a dog walks into a room, he sniffs around. Because his eyesight is relatively poor and sense of samell rather strong. A quadraped with a low center of gravity, dogs are typically smell oriented just as we are sight-oriented.

Therefore, we judge things typically by sight. Then we categorize, organize and make conclusions based on our observations.

The problem is: People are not necessarily homogenous nor monolithic. We are individuals with some shared characetristics and traits which is simply, variation within our given species along a range of genetic distribution. So, to judge within our own species so broadly is really not useful nor productive. In fact it is downright false.

"Labels" are meaningless when there is no substance or meaning attached. Because the labels we assign each other are not based on any fact but based on phenotypical or anecdotal behavior subject to a wide range of environmental, social, external variables, we can conclude that the labels are therfore meaningless and without merit.

If in doubt, just try and apply the scientific methods to any racial or ethnic profiling. It simply doesn't work. We are individuals, not members of a demographic subject to the "traits" ascribed by ignorant observers.

Another element to the racial dynamic in relationships: Familiarity breeds habit and comfort. We tend to stay within comfort zones. If I grow up in the countryside near a lot of white folks, chances are I will be comfortable and possibly seek out other white folks who like to live in the countryside. Which brings up: Shared interests - learned attributes, culure = learned, NOT inate or by "blood". Ther's no such thing. If a black guy donated blood to save my life, do I become black? No, of course not, though we may now be blood brothers.

Shit! I have to go...to be continued....

Lockjaw

**chuckles in rememberance of the look on my high school friend's face when I told him of the "white people smell like wet puppies" thing that circulates amongst the black community**

Looked like this

Fiver

I am from the west coast of Canada, and I out of my girl asian friends , it seems to be an even split , half of them dating white, the other half with asian boyfriends.
I am a white male , and have dated two asians.
Some one said asian guys seem lonely, and I have to second that......

waltert

I dont know...but for some reason, I find medium skinned people (asian, latin, etc) people to be more attractive. I dont really think that the reason I like my girlfriend is because she's submissive....she's not.

she's not petty (I have dated petty white girls, where everything is a constant game of her acting like she's mad and wanting me to kiss her ass and make up), she's beautiful, she's smart, and hard working.

I was going to try and generalize as to why asian women like white guys, but im going to give my case.
besides the obvious things that girls want, I have a passion for knowledge, and not necesarily just "book learnin". I have a damned good edge in figuring things out because thats what my life is based around (so in other words, Im pretty useful to have around). -Thats one of the things that separates the "white guy" from the "asian guy".

and I dont really have any pre-conceived notions that I need to follow a certain tradition, etc. so she doesnt really feel like I would be something to limit her freedom (like her parents). since her parents would have her be submissive, its easy to assume that someone else of her own culture would want her to be submissive as well.

I think its funny that people use the term interracial...I'd never even thought of my relationship as such until my dad used the term. I think that in the coming generation, you're going to see alot less people who care about race...to me, true "race" just really isnt even a factor, there are many more non color-specific things that make a girl special.

and about the asian guys seeming lonely, etc..now that I think about it, I could agree with that. they also dont seem very robust..if that makes any sense. it may not even be a factor, just a casual observation by my stank white arse

mew

Im asian female only attracted to white males. Im not at all attracted to asian males at all. Any asian males I meet, either friends of family, or off the streets, find me to be too wild and bold. They're too quite for me, and very conservative. They are quite unattracted to me, and vise versa. The white males that I know, and have met, accept me, and think nothing of my independance and my ability to have an opinion. I am not traditional, and I dont expect my partner to be either. Ive only dated white men, and I highly doubt I will date an asian man. Theyre more attractive personality wise, and physically.

rsl12

A little confusing.

__________________
oh baby oh baby, i like gravy.

abaya

Whoa, thread resurrection...

Missed it the first time though, so guess I'll chime in here:

I'm "Asian," I guess. My mom is from Thailand, dad from Iceland. (My stepdad is white American.) And believe me, there are a ton of Icelanders marrying Thai women... there is something appealing there, both physically and the fact that they are more likely to be "traditional" women.

However, as an "Asian" raised in suburban Seattle, I have to say that I've never been too attracted to Asian men. Some had potential, but most, unfortunately, fit the stereotype of being too quiet, etc. I am pretty gregarious, not good at math, definitely NOT submissive... I'm more "American" than I am "Asian," despite my looks and strongly Thai-influenced upbringing. I dated white guys, yeah... but they got boring, too.

So now I'm with an Arab (Lebanese) and it really has nothing to do with his skin color or ethnicity. If he had the same personality in an equally attractive package (black, white, Asian, etc), I would still be attracted to him, I believe. Then again I've never been one for measuring attractiveness based much on looks, let alone skin color. (And yes, he happens to be very hot, lucky me!)

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Gilda

Well, I'm not a guy, but I am a white person married to an Asian woman. I do tend to be attracted to Asian women, though not to the same degree as Latinas. I'm also more attracted to tall women, and women with nice curves. I don't know exactly what it is, except that that's my physical type. It certainly isn't anything having to do with being submissive or exotic or traditional; Grace is about as far from that as I could imagine, and I wouldn't really find a woman like that attractive, no matter what she looked like.

I'm not trying to claim that physical attractiveness has nothing to do with it; that is why I first noticed her. But I fell in love with her quiet, strong, gentle soul.

Regarding the OP, and in line with what abaya was saying, I suspect that the mail order bride industry may have something to do with it. Tens of thousands of American men, mostly middle-aged white men, are marrying young women from poor Southeast Asian countries, principally the Philippines and Thailand. I have a friend who met and married a young Filipina through one of those agencies, and they both seem quite in love and happy with the relationship after several years. The Filipina isn't shy about saying that she's attracted to white Americans, and only them.

The reverse doesn't happen. There aren't middle-aged white women traveling to the Philippines looking for a young man to marry and bring home, and I suspect that it would be most fruitless for them to do so.

Why is this? An attractive girl 20 or 30 years younger is something that seems to be an attractive mate for many men, and if she's poor and innocent, that's not much of a downside, while the reverse isn't true, not even remotely, with most women.

As I type this, I'm watching Lost, and though Maggie Grace and Evangeline Lilly are both quite pretty, they don't affect me the way Yunjin Kim and Michelle Rodriquez do. I don't really know why.

Gilda

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Nimetic

Whoa. Well done. I've not seen anybody approach a subject so carefully and without bias before. And it's a can of worms really. A tricky topic.

In general, I reckon that your theory is pretty good. There're amendments that I could add but I'm going to think on it a bit more first.

I will say that I think country of origin affects the situation a little. Also... the "visit reason" of the person. We have locally born "asians" here (who I'd generally prefer to simply call Australians), students, globe-trotting professionals, and lots of tourists. They all interact quite differently with society.

Nimetic

That presumes that they have a different culture...

What about a man of asian ethnicity - who had been brought up in your local community?

I've been to school with asian kids, and although most asians in Australia are recent migrants, tourists or foreign workers - a smaller number are locally born.

In some of these cases there doesn't see to be any significant cultural difference. ("Anglo-Aussie" vs "Asian-Aussie"). Vietnamese may be an exception, but they arrived in fairly traumatic circumstances, and recently in the historic scheme of things.

Dunno. Is it not like that so much in the US?

Nimetic

Oh. You already asked... Whoops I sorta duplicated yours.

Nimetic

In China, they have ethnic groups - but they are all asian (to our eyes). There are very few foreigners compared to US, Australia, UK, Canada.

They go to school with Han Chinese. The schooling is provided by the communist party. The media is owned by the communist party. And truly.... in the past the English and some European powers treated the Chinese badly (as did the Japanese).

There is nothing wrong with them as a people for having (to some extent) these views. It's just that this is what they've been taught and what they've experienced. "Political correctness" as understood in the US, UK, Australia, Canada differs from political correctness in the PRC.

Leto

chuckles right back... remembering when I explained to my buddy that he had the strong musky smell that was circulated around our school as the smell for black people...

I spent some time in Sri Lanka, where the people there thought that everybody from North America (regardless of race) stank because they only used toilette paper after 'pinching a loaf' so to speak. Over there, they use the left hand to wash with water, leaving no smell.

But I had no I idea that 'white' people smelled other than if they ate garlicy food, then they would smell of garlic, cheese well, cheesey...

I date several 'asians' (oriental back then) when in university, and actually married to one (a cbc - canadian born chinese whose parents hailed from Guangzhou - fine cantonese stock!) 19 yrs ago.

I was attracted to her for the opposite reasons stated previously. She has a strong personality, and will stand up for herself. She had to to go against her parents wishes to 1) go away to university and 2) date outside her ethnicity, never mind race.

I find this strength of personality very attractive and sexy. Her blinding white smile, beautiful dark haft of hair, petite figure (still so after 3 kids and being 42 years old!!) certainly goes a long way too.

Our kids are exceptionally beautiful, the 16 year old is constantly compared to Keanu Reaves.

Oh, while at university I did date a series of non asians as well, and only seemed to have a preference for blondes, red-heads and dark haired girls. I.E. it seems that opportunity and mutual attraction was more of a motivator than specific 'types'.

abaya

Leto, first of all, I liked your story about your wife. Now for responding to something else you said...
Well stated. Perhaps because I am the product of two people from very different cultures (immigrants), I am more interested in people from different cultures than my own... I mean, I'm an anthropologist, for god's sake. But just because I happened to run into a really kind, good-looking, intelligent guy in graduate school and he happened to be Arab, doesn't mean that I am into the "exotic" look and want to "break the mold" (especially since my own parents already broke their molds). It just means that we hit it off.

We often hypothesize that one of the reasons we hit it off was because he comes from a Muslim/Christian family (rare combo, esp in Lebanon), and I come from a Thai/Icelandic family (rare combo, esp in America), that we were drawn to how far out of our respective "molds" each of us were... the openness factor, I guess. Does that mean we are "exotic" to each other?... I don't think so. I just think we are pretty unique individuals, and the chances of meeting someone else like each of us, is pretty slim. And we happen to be attracted to each other.

Of course, the fact that I AM an anthropologist means that I love the added "bonus" of getting to check out his country and culture... but that was certainly not a motivating factor. If he was some suburban American white boy who happened to be kind, good-looking, intelligent, with lots of international experience and knowledge... well, I'd have fallen for him all the same. Chances are, though, that finding a suburban American white boy with that kind of cosmopolitanism would be pretty tough (sorry, guys). I gave it a try before, and got bored!!

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Radio Monk33

Ah, this old thread..

Anywho, I stumbled over this website and thought it was kind of relevant.

http://www.proudasianamerican.com/Ar...2004%20ACS.htm

An interesting, if long winded census analysis of interracial asian relations. Looks promising for the future (as a Chinese American male ).

__________________
"Punk rock had this cool, political personal message. It was a bit more cerebral than just stupid cock rock, you know"
-Kurt Cobain

SteveoTG

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

chocolate neo™

Well explored post. I would say that very few of us, at least in this society, make conscious decisions about anything, much less relationship choices. I believe your summation of the source of interracial relationships to be solid, as well as broadly applicable. I don't necessarily think that interracial relationships are bad. I do find a failing when the main criteria for involving yourself with someone, subconscious or not, is based on such a superficial level. If you appreciate a person for WHO they are, instead of what they represent, then you are pursuing happiness for both, instead of weak gratification.

__________________
it's not about right and wrong, only
understood and not understood

MORGAN_LeFAY

Umm, I'm asian, and I've dated some white guys (no racism intended, I'm use to calling them that, it's easier for me), my reasons are that they are more open to exploration and I have a curious nature that likes to explore , they seems to be more open about sexuality and what not. For instance if you go and tell a white guy that you have a one night stand before, he'll probably be like its pretty common here, while if you tell an asian guy he'll assume your a slut already and probably wouldnt want to be lay a finger on you.

But aside from that I think your hypotheses are generalizing such a board subject, since everyone have their own different reasons of dating before even thinking of the technical things like racials differences.For example, some of the answers recieved from the girls you inquire to "why they date white guys" could be what they really mean, that its the personallity that attracts, is that hard to believe?

__________________
Me have an affair? Yeah, like I actually wanna fake orgasm for two men.

motdakasha

I'm only going to post to this thread once, I hope, because I really dislike this topic of discussion*.

1) Asian females' attraction to Caucasian males:
Statistics. This has already been mentioned, so here's my gloss:

Across the US, Asians are still one of the smallest minority groups. Despite the fact that they tend to be heavily concentrated in particular areas, Asian males and females are still, usually, statistically a minority.** To date solely within an ethnic group makes your options very limited. I believe females feel they have more opportunity by disregarding ethnic background and looking for whatever it is they are looking for in the population of available persons (be they male, female, or whatever color of the pigment rainbow).

**That being said, I am from the Silicone Valley where some cities are now almost 50% Asian, mostly Asian Indian. In some cities here, Asians are literally the majority. In the last US Census, almost half of the top Asian populated cities were from the Bay Area.

2) Caucasian males' attraction to Asian females:
Exoticism. Someone has already explain the long history of Westerners exoticizing Asian females.

3) The thing about the average Asian being 10cm shorter than a Caucasian means half of the Asian population is taller than "10cm shorter than the average Caucasian" and that half of the Caucasian population is "10m shorter than the average Caucasian." There is far more overlap than that statement initially leads you to believe, so arguing about the three personal observations of outliers of Asians who are taller than that statement and the Caucasians who are shorter than that statement is moot because the statement does take that into account.

* 4) I dislike this topic because it's not an "issue" as far as I'm concerned. Based on personal observation, most of the "concerned" voices are Asian males. I think we should really be looking to that for the answers and not Asian F/Caucasian M.

Again this goes back to the history of Asian and Western relations. Asian males have been made social outcasts. Many of the stereotypes have been mentioned (too short, small penis, cultural differences, etc.). I believe many Asian men, and other people who "theorize" about why Asian females date Caucasian men, are really just looking for someone to blame for their frustration with dating women, of all pigments. Many of the Asian male stories are "I get rejected by Asians. I get rejected by Caucasians. I get rejected etc. etc." The source/reason of the topic seems to boil down to jealousy, frustration, and/or misogyny.

What can we do about it? Stop fighting over petty concerns like who is dating who and focus on how to break stereotypes, not proliferate them by making "theories" about entire populations based on 2 personal observations.***

***And yes, I'm aware I am making personal observations about Asian males to make this point. It's not an absolute statement, as there are always outliers and exceptions to the rules. I am not referring to all Asian males, but those who are complaining about and/or discussing (Asian) American females' dating as an "issue."

Other reasons I dislike this discussion: I get tired of listening to people bicker about racism, sexism, stereotyping, etc. Life is not black and white, but this discussion almost always approaches the topic in that manner, which I find highly irritating.

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

rsl12

motdaksha--I almost agree with your sentiment--up to the point where you start generalizing why asian men are frumpy sexually frustrated complainers. The study linked above shows clearly that there is an actual phenomenon occuring, and that it's not just pessimism and 'sour grapes' discussion. Asian men, of course, are the most concerned about this, but is this a problem? Why are blacks more concerned about black rights than people of other races? Everyone is most concerned about what affects them personally.

But I'm with you about all the generalizations--best you can do is be your own person--fall in love with a person, not a race. And if some people have some racial quirks associated with their sexual preferences, you're not going to be able to change those preferences any more than you can change a person's predilection for handcuffs, leather, hairy chests, etc.

Nevertheless, it's interesting to talk about *why* people have those racial quirks, just as it's interesting to talk about why people like hairy chests! (or....maybe some more flavorful sexual quirk would be more fun to discuss )

__________________
oh baby oh baby, i like gravy.