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Old 04-10-2004, 06:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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unequally yoked

this could possibly fit just as well go into the philosophy thread..

Anyway, I wanted to share a situation with y'all, and mine the collective intellect and wisdom the wonderful TFP has to offer.

I met this really great girl a few weeks back. Smart, hilarious, cute as a damned button.. the whole deal, so to speak.

We have a great time together, and I've since asked her to date me. She replied that she couldn't do so, because it would result in her being "unequally yoked." This precipitated a conversation about her faith, and my more deistic belief structure, and so on and so forth. Long story short, we're not dating, but we're spending a lot of time together. I haven't given up, however.

It for this reason that I come to my fellow TFPers here, for some advice, insight, what have you. I'm not really looking to change her mind, here; rather, I'm trying to see what you all think of the passage, and its significance.

Quote:
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?"
- 2 Corinthians 6:14
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Old 04-10-2004, 07:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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If she takes her faith very seriously then you have a problem because she'll probably back out and keep from getting any closer to you.

You differing views in spiritual matters could potentially create a problem if you two ended up getting married and having children. So don't be surprised if she ends up dropping you like a used tampon.
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Old 04-11-2004, 12:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Seems pretty simple to me. It's to instruct a religious person not to get involved with a non-believer.

Then again, the non-believer I am, I wouldn't want to get involved with a religious person. Simply because I cannot see it working out.

I think it's great that you guys are having a good time. How about building a great friendship instead? Because, with people that are this deeply wrapped up in what the Bible says, that's your best bet unless you sail on the same boat with them, religion-wise.

It's a shame, though, cuz she seems like a nice girl.
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Old 04-11-2004, 02:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
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that passage means in a nutshell:

"dont go out with non believers"

she's a hardcore churchgoer so you wont shake her faith if she quoted that particular passage
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Old 04-11-2004, 05:43 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Either you switch religions (BAD idea), wait for her to switch (may or may not happen), or just give up the idea of dating her.
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Old 04-11-2004, 11:11 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I say you pretend your interested in her beliefs, fuck her, then dump her like a used bible.

Hey.... look at that. For a nice guy I can be evil!!!
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Old 04-11-2004, 12:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Walk away man. Seems like there could be trouble brewing.
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Old 04-11-2004, 12:14 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Someone who not only takes their faith seriously but quotes scripture at you as reason for why she can't date you...I can't really see you changing her mind, dude. Sorry, but you're better off finding a nice deist.

If you really feel strongly about pursuing this discussion, you might point out that this passage comes from the writings of Paul, which were very specific missives to Christian communities dealing with very specific issues in a historical context. To apply them broadly is not necessarily appropriate. You might point out that Jesus hung out not just with unbelievers but with the "worst" of the unbelievers - lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors, etc. Guess it all depends on what's more important to her: the spirit of Jesus's teachings or the letter of Scripture.
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Old 04-11-2004, 01:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by lurkette
Someone who not only takes their faith seriously but quotes scripture at you as reason for why she can't date you...I can't really see you changing her mind, dude. Sorry, but you're better off finding a nice deist.

If you really feel strongly about pursuing this discussion, you might point out that this passage comes from the writings of Paul, which were very specific missives to Christian communities dealing with very specific issues in a historical context. To apply them broadly is not necessarily appropriate. You might point out that Jesus hung out not just with unbelievers but with the "worst" of the unbelievers - lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors, etc. Guess it all depends on what's more important to her: the spirit of Jesus's teachings or the letter of Scripture.
Nice answer Lurkette! Fight fire with fire!

I was going to post something about Corinthians being less divine law, and more the apostles pleading their case to early Christians, but I think Lurkette argues this nicely.

Still, twotimes, it sounds like you've got a keeper there. Maybe just spend some time with her, and see what happens. By all means don't give up.
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Old 04-11-2004, 03:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by lurkette
If you really feel strongly about pursuing this discussion, you might point out that this passage comes from the writings of Paul, which were very specific missives to Christian communities dealing with very specific issues in a historical context. To apply them broadly is not necessarily appropriate. You might point out that Jesus hung out not just with unbelievers but with the "worst" of the unbelievers - lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors, etc. Guess it all depends on what's more important to her: the spirit of Jesus's teachings or the letter of Scripture.
Awesome. This, on some level, is exactly what I'm looking for.

Like I said, I'm not exactly looking to change her mind; if anything, I'm impressed that she can live with, and stay true to, a doctrine which limits her behavior in certain areas..

You've provided a good example of something to be brought up about Biblical interpretation..

On a side note, did you just happen to know this, or did you find this somewhere?

EDIT: and sheesh, i didn't even say Thank ya! What kind of person am i?
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I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons.
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason.
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son.
They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself."
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Old 04-11-2004, 03:39 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Anyone... ANYONE who takes sex advice from The Bible (wrote as it was by bronze age hebrews with a penchant for polygamy, marrying their dead brother's wives and the desiccation of anyone who should dare to use their body for anything but procreation or it's support) is not a suitable candidate for a healthy, loving and respectful relationship.

I'm a bit of a militant on this point, call me a zealot if you will.

*shrugs*

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Old 04-11-2004, 03:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Woah?!?

Where did mr shouty spring from?
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"I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place." - Winston Churchill, 1937 --{ORLY?}--
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Old 04-11-2004, 05:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
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I believe that this actually has more to do with the church as a whole rather than the individual. In this Chapter Paul is speaking to the church about missions and their work there. Two verses later Paul says "And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God..." II Corinthians 6:16a

I believe that this is saying that the church should not join with other faiths in missions and other works since their beliefs could contradict each other in places and cause more confusion than conversion.

I doubt you will change her mind. Though look at me. I have actually been in her place, turned down many dates on the basis of my religion. Now I would date anyone (if I was single) as long as I felt we were compatible or able to work things out.
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Old 04-13-2004, 12:17 PM   #14 (permalink)
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There are some girls that are religious and others that are religiously brought up. If she is truly religious and feels this way, you don't have a chance. If she isn't hardcore about it (i.e. religiously brought up), you have a chance.

Prior to meeting my wife, I had a blind date with a hardcore Southern Baptist. She didn't listen to rock music, and the date that she wanted to go on was to see a Disney movie (The Little Mermaid). As I remember, it was around Christmas, and she had dressed up in a green sweater and had ornaments for earrings (i.e. she was dressed like a Christmas tree). Post-date activities included a hug and meeting with her friends. If she had only known about my sexual exploits to that date, she probably never would have dated me.

Six months later I meet my wife who went to Catholic church every Sunday. She was moral (i.e. virgin till marriage kind) but not strict about being a complete "good girl". She would have an occasional drink with me, and she had her first orgasm with me (not intercourse). She knew about most of my exploits prior to getting married, and she still wanted me.

This is an illustration of the difference.
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Old 04-13-2004, 02:10 PM   #15 (permalink)
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If she can't accept you for who you are and how you were brought up, it probably isn't the best situation to be in. I dated a girl back in H.S. who did the same exact thing to me. I was brought up Christian, she was a born again Christian. Her parents were the driving force behind us breaking up, but deep down inside, she felt the same thing they did. I was not religious enough for her family.
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Old 04-13-2004, 03:26 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Old 04-13-2004, 03:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Keep us updated. I'm interested to know what her reaction to lurkette's rebuttal is.

As for advice, I would tread softly. I'm no bible scholar but from what others are saying (especially Raeanna) it sounds like she interpreted the context of that passage wrong, which means she's either grasping at weak threads to avoid an intimate relationship with you or she is unwaveringly committed to something she doesn't altogether understand. The latter could be dangerous.
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Old 04-13-2004, 04:01 PM   #18 (permalink)
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It sounds alot like "I don't want to go out with you" cloaked in an excuse: be it a religious excuse, or "I am not ready for that sort of thing right now", it's a no.

Quote:
2 Corinthians 6
1 We then, as workers together with him, beseech you also that ye receive not the grace of God in vain.
2 (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)
3 Giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed:
4 But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses,
5 In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings;
6 By pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned,
7 By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left,
8 By honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true;
9 As unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed;
10 As sorrowful, yet alway rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.
11 O ye Corinthians, our mouth is open unto you, our heart is enlarged.
12 Ye are not straitened in us, but ye are straitened in your own bowels.
13 Now for a recompence in the same, (I speak as unto my children,) be ye also enlarged.
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.
18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.
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Old 04-13-2004, 05:49 PM   #19 (permalink)
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ok, well, i was asked by poloboy to keep y'all updated, so i will indeed do so..

Before she and I sat down to talk about the situation, my best friend and I went to dinner and discussed it first. I asked him his opinion because it affords me a unique perspective; he's a pastor's son, and himself very devoutly Lutheran, but in many regards his faith breaks from that presented by his church. Furthermore, he understand well my particular religious philosophy, and knows a great deal more about her church (she's a southern baptist). He brought up some good points, and, forearmed, I sat her down and we held palaver.

Anyway, the end result is that we're dating. I know most of you feel as though I should have "dropped her like a used bible," but I wasn't exaggerating when I noted that she is, in my opinion, the perfect combination of humor, intellect, and beauty. I have a really great time with her, so I determined that, even if it requires abit of work, I'm willing to do that.

What it comes down to, for her, is that she doesn't really know what she believes. She was indoctrinated from her birth into the Southern Baptist church, and she never really had anyone say, "Now wait a second.. That doesn't make any sense," or "That's incredibly contradictory to what Christ spent his life trying to teach." She had, instead, a social group of other unquestioning Southern Baptists, and a father who prevented anyone with differing beliefs from entering her life.

She's at college, away from home now. She has new people and new philosophies to cope with, and I merely pointed out flaws in what she was taught. She's rethinking a lot of what she grew up believing, something she never had to do before. I certainly don't begrudge her isolated upbringing. Until I read Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States, I myself never questioned Columbus's legacy, something which I was taught to be quite pure. I can empathize and understand the environment from which she comes, and the reasons why she never really thought to question her authority figures.

She won't introduce me to her parents as her boyfriend, and frankly, that doesn't really bother me. I'm young, I want to have fun with people I care about, and I've always played it from the cuff, and simply rolled with whatever hand I was dealt. So, I'm content enjoying her company, and just seeing what happens.


Anyway, I want to thank everyone for their advice, especially the ladies lurkette and raeanna for their invaluable insight into the context of the passage.
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I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons.
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason.
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son.
They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself."
- A Perfect Circle
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Old 04-17-2004, 07:51 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Wow, good for you! Congrats :-)
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Old 04-17-2004, 08:50 AM   #21 (permalink)
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This is a very mature way of handling it. Nice going.
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Old 04-18-2004, 02:34 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Awesome! I'm glad you could present her with a new perspective, and that she was open to hearing it! It speaks well for her that she is open-minded enough to question her beliefs, even after years of holding unquestioned beliefs. Good for you for pursuing it so maturely.
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Old 04-20-2004, 03:35 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Twotimesadingo,
I have walked this path before, yet from the opposite side. Be very careful upon the path you choose. She is in college, she is questioning, she is searching. Great, wonderful! Everyone should have a time in life to do this. But never forget, once she goes home for the summer, Christmas break or for just a weekend she will be once again in the world she grew up in. What ever she learned and discovered on the outside will be suspect or assumed wrong. What we are taught as children is not so easily forgetten or ignored when standing with those who taught it.
This can and will raise issues, for her, for you, for your relationship. Issues you need to think of and prepare for ahead of time if you plan on continuing this journey with her.
Just as she is opening her mind, heart and soul to what it is like to be away from her spiritual base, so you must open yours when you are at hers. I am not saying you must be or become Southern Baptisit but you must be open to the experience just as she is in the absense from it.
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Old 04-20-2004, 07:00 AM   #24 (permalink)
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man if that is the way she feels. that's simply how it is. I used to be there and wouldn't date any female that wasn't christian. that's not something you can change honestly...just enjoy the time with her is all i can say
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Old 04-23-2004, 08:57 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I think you could take this as simple life advice...

Kind of like - "Be with someone who has similar interests."

Imagine a hard core hunter having a relationship with a PETA member. It's not about religion in this case, but how would they get over this difference in life views ?

You could take it in simple terms like this.
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Old 04-24-2004, 04:08 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Yo dude.

I'm glad to see the two of you are dating now. I think you handled the situation really well. Congratulations!
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