No sex...how does it make you feel?
 

This thread is about two things: me whining about not getting laid enough, and wanting to know how you react to not getting any.

I've been married for about a year now, and the sex has gone from twice a day or more to about once a week, or twice if lucky. Now, I am fully aware that the Not Getting Any thread is one of the most popular here, so I'll try not to make this look like I am making some big sacrifice here. I realize that there are people "worse off" than me. There, I said it.

Still... I have a fairly strong libido, and if I go two days without sex I get really irritable, and when it's been a week, I'm a real asshole to be around. It is not intentional nor part of some hairbrained scheme of seducing my wife, it's just how I am.

Jacking off doesn't help. I've realized that it's perhaps more emotional or psychological than physical. I jack off pretty much every day, but it doesn't help much in this regard. In short, not having sex often makes me feel like I am simply not a man. It's not a status thing, it's an emotional thing. I can't explain it, and I am sure few would relate to it even if I could.

Anyway...I'm sure that was very fascinating for you...now to the actual question, which is:

How does going without sex make you feel? Do you get irritable, depressed...something else? And if so, how long do you have to go without sex for it to get to you?

Being married with a preg wife I don't get a whole lot currently, but it doesn't bother me that much.

Dunno what to tell you I can't relate at all. Once the biologic drive is taken care of I'm fine.

My gf lives in a different part of the country, so I don't see her very often. If I've gone a while, I do start to get frustrated and I start to look at other women more. But I think if she was there, but we weren't having sex, that would piss me off more.

I am a monster without a regular servicing, and like yourself mr prince, self induced manual relief just doesn't cut the mustard...

Grunting, snorting, snapping, shouting, insomnia, burning in my stomach at the slightest arousal.

Maybe we should start a support group.

Moon Howlers Anonymous?

*nods* I'm the same if I don't get sex.

Which seems to be a lot of the time lately.

I was having sex a LOT. I mean several times a day... then we broke up, and it's been a few months... at first I was relatively irritable, and then it kinda faded... got used to not having sex.

I'm single and I haven't had sex in about 6 months. I guess this is the longest I've gone since I lost my virginity. I agree with the "I am not the man" feeling you get. My self esteem is the lowest it has been in a long time and I think the lack of sex has a lot to do with it. I think I'm also more stressed because of it.

I also just feel annoyed at myself...I don't know if I can explain it. It's like, because I'm not having sex I'm really horny and it bugs me that I'm that way. ...I don't know if that makes sense. I know I shouldn't feel bad that I'm horny, but I do. I guess I feel like I'm a typical guy who just wants to get laid, but that's not all that I want. That part of me feels more prevalent because it's been so long.

I've had bouts of no sex for quite a long time (the longest was for two years). However, those hard times were when I was single.

I honestly don't know how I'd handle it if I were in a relationship and not getting any at all---especially in a marriage.

I'd rather remain single and sexless than end up in a marriage and not getting any sex at all (or just once or twice a month).

Two times a week isn't the same as not getting it at all.

I can handle 2 times a week myself without getting pissy at the world.

I feel awful not only for not having sex, but for not having someone to be with. I'm a very tempermental person, and when I do get to have sex, it's like a drug, the ultimate relaxation.

I've got to agree with WarWagon there. For me I feel aweful if I don't have someone to be with. Of course the last month I was with my girlfriend we never had sex, so being with someone and not getting any is just about as bad.

I just found out that my last girlfriend was actually giving herself to me when having sex. How sad is that ?

Here I, love having sex, and look at it as a necessary form of communication between a healthy couple. She, on the other hand, felt used, due to the way I would act before, during and after.

I feel like shit, knowing that she is gone, I will never have her again, and I am alone.

No sex = no love = no happiness, for me.

hmmm

i've been brainwashed...

As long as i have my friends, ( which are roomates i couldn't get rid of em if i wanted to ) my video games ( that i play w/ my friends )

Sadly i enjoy my engineering homework

and my freedom i'm usually totally cool

I have a girl friend and will most likely get some this weekend, but its not neccessary i won't feel any different if i do or don't

She's great, but i don't feel less like a man if i don't conquer her or something.

Arg... I STILL havent gotten any.

Makes me feel sad.

The only thing that relieves stress for me is weightlifting.

transatlantic relationship
saw her about 3 times a year (in person)
devoted myself to _______
school/work/weed
and our hour long chats every midnight
we went from about twice daily to nothing in a flash
it was like a punch in the gut
but i knew i didn't really have a choice in the matter
a bit different than the original situation, as it was forced. . .

i never cheated
never really had the urge
whole lotta masturbation though

and just for reference, the actual quote is:

"if you're not a rebel by 20, you've got no heart. if you haven't turned establishment by 30, you've got no brains."

-winston, also known for "yes ma'am, i may be drunk, but in the morning i shall be sober, whereas you will still be ugly" churchill

If i don't get sex on a regular basis (ya i know you're asking what's regular) then i do get cranky, but i think it's more i crave the intimacy and the physicaly closeness of that one person than the actual act. If i'm just talking about the act and could get everything else through a different method then i could go for a long time.

Sex isn't something i need or want, i just crave it every now and then.

Fallenangel, I could not have said it any better.

I went a year and a half without sex, and while I did get cranky at times. After taking matters in my own hands, the crankiness usually went away, but that didn't take care of everything. What I was really missing was the intimacy and physical contact. If I've got someone to cuddle with, I'm happy. For me, sex is a bonus, not a necessity.

I love making love, and I hate meaningless sex. As a friend of a friend once put it, "having sex with someone you don't love is like jacking off with a different hip movement." That pretty much sums it up for me.

Okay, I've been married a long while, 8 years to be exact. In that time span, we've gone from all the time, to nothing for a month or longer, and back. Right now it's sort of back to nothing and it's really bothering me. Our sex is great, and everytime we do, she says she missed it and should do it again. Then the next day she'll use the excuse "I'm tired", or just fall asleep. It really bugs the crap out of me, and taking care of it myself only seems to worsen how I feel. I've tried to talk to her, but to no avail. I know some of the meds cause this, but jesh. I get very irritable, and distant from her the more I don't get it, why? I don't know, but trying to talk about it doesn't help either. Plus she's due to start any day, so only once this cycle, or maybe twice?

Hopefully I didn't get off track.

/rant

:)

There is only one way to fix this problem..... communication! When you say jacking off doesn't help, I wonder if it really is that not getting the sex is a problem or if it is a self esteem problem. I went through the same problem with my first wife and know exactly what you are going through. I would start to doubt how I made her feel. I would wonder why she was not attracted to me anymore, why she did not find me sexy. It can be a hard thing for a man to understand that women usually are not wired the same way. I would see her getting dressed and I would get horny. It would not have the same affect on her, so It would make me feel like I was not attractive. But I just had to realize that just because she wasn't a horny sexual devient like me, didn't mean that she didn't still love me and care for me. The good part is if the really do love you then there can be compromises that can meet both peoples needs. Maybe she can assist with the jacking off, or do something for you that you really like. Something you will just have to talk about and compromise on to make sure each others needs are met.

I've noticed lately that if I don't have sex for a while, I get irritable. Although I don't pinpoint it to not having sex. But then I get some, and life is good again. Funny how that works :) I don't masturbate very often, so I don't know how that would factor in...

When we first got together the my fiance' went at me all the time, on the couch followed by bedroom, followed by another set in the bed folloowed by morning sex followed by noon sex followed by afternoon sex. God God I was tired. After a while I had to ask her to back off a bit. A man's got to eat after all! Now a year and a half later I get it once, maybe twice a week if I'm lucky and I have to be the initiator. My how times have changed.
Sometimes when I'm horny and she isn't in the mood I can get a bit annoyed and am more tense at work but a quick wank usually relieves me a bit and the sex comes around. For me I haven't found it to be any big deal. I'm thirty six now, if I was a lot younger it might bother me more, but as it is I'm pretty happy.

"No sex" makes me cranky. If you're getting once or twice a week, you're still getting it.

I'm 48 and have been married twice. I can tell you, no sex for a month at a time is definitely an indication something is wrong in the relationship. It's definitely time to talk. Perhaps see a counsellor. My first divorce was preceded by long periods of no sex.

Any time is a good time to talk. If you ask why she doesn't want to do it everyday, she might tell you she's tired. If so, offer to clean the kitchen while she gets ready for bed! Buy her sexy clothes to dress up in and some candles. Or, do it in the morning. That's my favourite time!

If it's the kids, well not much to do about that. Young kids are the worst for that. Our older kids know the bedroom is a special place and nobody goes there without permission. You just have to learn to be quiet. We know they know we're fucking. We just don't like to make it too obvious. After a family breakup or two, kids learn sex means love, and love means no breakups in the foreseeable future. Kids aren't dumb, they know that's a good thing! When daddy is happy, he makes the best breakfasts in the morning!

I think it gets better when you get older. I don't know why. Maybe she is better at it, or maybe you are. Or maybe just hornier.

Re: No sex...how does it make you feel?
 

All of that. Seems to take a month or so. Since the last time I had anything resembling sex was last July...

That can be pretty normal Prince. You are transitioning from a honeymoon stage to real life. However you can still have plenty of quality sex. Some of it is just paying attention to her needs. My wife realizes that I will do just about anything sexually that she asks me to do for her to get her off. Once she realized that she could be comfortable sexually and would get off by just telling me what she needed on that particular day, sex became more frequent. After 13 years of marriage, we average 3 to 4 times a week usually (more on vacation or if the kids are gone). This is with 2 sub 7 year old kids in the house.

I couldn't have said things better! If I don't get sex, after a few days (2-3) I get really annoyed and depressed! As I am now! And then I feel bad wanting sex so much when my b/f doesn't! I hate feeling this way. I tried working it and took a long walk with the dogs/puppies (quite the workout if I do say so myself)! It hasn't seemed to help. So I am online, sort of hungry and really pissy, and basically ready to cry!

Now im still young, so i cant say how it will be down the road... but I'm fine for about three weeks before i get extremely antsy

i have never gotten irritable or mean though... maybe that will develop later on... who knows

well, uh, I havent gotten laid since I was born... It's kinda annoying I suppose, but I can live with it.

Have you done something (like gotten fat or skinny) that made her less attracted to you?

I have no idea how I get without sex, since I've never had sex, so I have nothing to compare it to. I can tell you this, though - I will probably be much happier when I eventually do have sex.

WHY do virgins post to this thread?

Umm, no.

I've never had really regular access to sex...my two sexual relationships have been distance. However, if I'm forced to go more than a couple of months without sex, I can't concentrate, and EVERYTHING turns me on. Last time this happened I called up an ex and got a little dick just to clear my mind. Basically it's not something I *need* it's something I need every now and then. (but would prefer to have more often...)

Communication, dude. Ask her what's up. Ask her if her needs are being met.

WHERE is it stated in the question of the first post that a person had to have sex to answer the question?:hmm:

I've never had sex and I am depressed and suicidal.

In order to not have sex in the sense of this thread, you have to have had sex at some point.

I certainly understand the feeling, but currently cannot identify with it. The bad times in my previous marriage were often underlined with a lack of sex - but oddly enough when things were at their worst sex was more frequent, but she seemed emotionally detached.

My current girlfriend lives in another country (though she'll be here towards the end of the week). It's been 5 weeks since I've seen her, and oddly enough I'm craving the long walks and cuddles more than the sex... Though when she get's here there's sure to be a couple of days of hot sweat I'm willing to change the sheets when we're finished messy passionate lovin :)

Three plus years now and counting. I guess you juts get used to it (or lack of it) after a while.

going without sex is painful. lol not literally tho.

i get irritable and i say too many obscene things in just general convo. x_X

even masturbating doesnt do it for me.....just something about sex that i think each person has an instinct NEED for....i know i do.
some are just better at supressing that need than others.

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Like hell.