In need of some advice...
 

Here's the thing. I have this friend who I care a lot about. I hesitate to use the word Love in the romantic sense, but I guess I'm not too far off from that. Anyway, I've known him for nearly 3 years now. Of course this is one of those online - long distance things. We talk a lot and I've been to visit him twice. I know that he cares about me, but I guess I wonder at what level. Can he see a relationship with me, or does he figure we're best off as friends? I can see myself in a relationship with him, of course that would mean moving to Canada which I wouldn't mind at all.

I've sort of half assed asked him how he felt a few times before. But I've never came right out and said "How do you feel about me?" or anything of that sort. It was more along the lines of "Gee you're a great guy. A girl would be lucky to be with you." And the response would be "Yeah, but I fuck up relationships."

So what I'm asking is this. Should I go ahead and ask him outright if he can see any possibility of us as an us? Or should I not?

I don't think that he would be interested. But I can't know if I don't ask. Of course if I ask I'm running the risk of him saying "Hell no I'd never want to be with you, silly girl!" But I think that's better than always wondering. I feel like I need closure.

So vote in the pretty poll up top, and give me some advice.

Thanks! :icare:

again, I am one for honesty. I like to know where I stand in life.

Ask!! Do not hesitate...do not delay...do not procrastinate. Life is full of "What if's", why add another one. He could be the man of your dreams, or he could be another one for the scrap heap...either way, you gotta know. Don'tcha?

Fuck him a couple times then ask.

It all depends on what you want and if you are ready to take it to a new level. I sense that you are not totally sure if you are ready for this yourself. But if you know that this is what you want, defiantly go for it.
Like Bill O'Rights said, don't spend the rest of your life pondering what could have been! He is probably having the same anxieties you are!

Done that already :p


I'm a very wary, indecisive person. There have been too many times in my life when I've not done something and I've regreted it. I don't want to be that way anymore. Of course there are many hurdles since he lives in Canada, but I don't think it's a big deal.

Seeing as he went on a blind date Friday night I doubt he's been kept awake at night wondering about me :rolleyes: But I won't know if I don't ask.

don't you think you'll regret it if you never know? If your relationship is that great, then it won't hurt it if you were to ask if there was a possibility of a romantic relationship. :)

ask is the only way out i see

you need to go for it. imagine waiting and wondering for a year, can you do that? think about what knid of things could be happening in the next year in he does harbor feeling for you. time isn't forever. better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

See - you knew the answer all along. Ask him.
Good luck!

yeah, you seem to be just asking us for encouragement and reassurance... and that is fine. we're all willing to help ya out if we can.

go for it. you know you want to. you know that either you will do it, or wish that you had later.

Go ahead and ask him, there's only regret in not knowing... but when a guy says "I fuck up relationships," it's probably true.

There's this girl I've been hanging out with for about a month, but all we were doing was hanging out. I think she's a cutie, but her body language was always kinda defensive, even though we were spending hours at a time together every weekend, just the two of us. There was never a good opportunity for me to make a move, so I asked her what was going on. Her actions were saying she was interested in me, but her body language said she just wanted to be friends.

So I talked to her about it, and I found out that she was still in the "getting to know you stage" and was probably just kinda shy about it. So I let her get to know me--we exhanged a series of questions about our backgrounds, and I guess this made her feel more comfortable, but she surprised me at the end of the night by asking me to kiss her before she got in her car. Hot smooching ensued. We went out the next night, actually, and smooched at the end of that night, too.

The moral of the story is that sometimes you have to do some nudging in order to make headway.

I think that sums up what you need to do, dont you think?
I know it can be tough, but hey, it dosen't have to fuck up everything just because you ask, you're both adults, right? The way I see it is this: You ask and he A) either jumps in your arms and tells you he's got mad love for you, or B) tells you it won't work, and that's it. You're still great friends right? Things might be a little awkward for the first week or so, but you'll manage to get everything back to normal I'm sure :)

Stop beating around the bush and talk to him strait.

He wants you, unless he's gay, thinks your ugly, or already has someone hotter.

Why don't you just unzip his pants one day, start to give him a BJ, and then see what happens?

All guys that are "friends" with girls want them, either they can deny it to you, to themselves, whatever.

Thanks for the advice/encouragement yall :)

As far as unzipping his pants and just going at it, that'll be a bit difficult as he's about 2,000 miles away :lol:

I figure I'll talk to him. I'm 98.2% sure he'll go the whole "lets remain friends" route which is fine. It'll be good to have the door closed.

Of course my internet is down at my house (Screw you Time Warner) so that won't be fixed until Thursday. Got some waiting to do!

You won't know unless you ask him. But, if you really want more, that could be more of a heart ache, so use your judgement on how you want to feel in the end.

As someone who is in pretty much the same situation
(only with some extra complications that make it fairly akward), and has been for a long while I'd say that you should just ask him straight up. Trust me, it sucks to deal with something like that for a long time.

Hell, I'm gonna talk to this girl about it next time I see her, and I'm the most indecisive person in the world...

=). That won't be read as "I want a relationship with you" by any guy. It's almost a stereotypical 'I just want to be friends' line.

You are 2000 miles away, and he has absolutely no clue you are interested in him. Don't worry about him going on a blind date: he could have the biggest crush on you, and be just as, or more, indecisive.

And let us know how it went. =)

Yeah, or it could mean he's fence-sitting the same way you are.

You gots to ask. Gots to.

Well if he cares about you he would handle it a little more gently than that! If you're scared of him rejecting it, pose it as more of a hypothetical question.. then if he shows some interest make it more realistic

You absolutly have to ask. If you don't, its going to eat you inside. Even if he says no, that doesn't mean that things have to get weird between the two of you.

Wow, this might be the most decisive poll ever posted! I really do appreciate all of the advice/encouragement.

It's just all a little weird. I'm not completely head over heals lets have 15 babies in love with him, but I think there could be more if we both wanted. And different circumstances (locations). And yeah, I don't think things will be weird either way. We're both grown ups, we can handle it.

Just adding to the majority, but i say ask as well. From my feeble experience it's the best thing to do, even just for yourself. Getting rid of all the ambiguity and anxiety :)

Knowledge is power. Once you know you can either explore the new route that has opened or write it off of your list of places to go. Either way, its a worry done away with, and that's always a good thing.

I don't even know why I'm replying, but I am anyway =P

I'd say ask. Honesty in relationships (loving or friendship) is always the best way to go. And if he's really a good friend, it won't hurt anything, it could only make things better.

Oh, and about moving to Canada... I highly recommend it =D Except for their pepperoni pizza (it's actually just really salty ham...), they're great guys.

So I talked to him. Still am, but we've moved on to Desert Combat :p

Anyway, it went as well as I expected. Meaning he pretty much said "If distance weren't an issue who knows what could happen. Can't say one way or another." Which of course really doesn't solve anything.

But what was I thinking I could solve anyway? The whole issues is this. He lives in Canada, and I do not. We don't even live in the same timezone. So until that changes, if it ever does, nothing can be solved.

I feel better about things though. Of course I'll soon enough crash about this. Oh well, it's a cycle and it's been this way pretty much since I've known him. Ack.

Thanks everyone :)

i know this may sound like a stretch....but if you ever do come to the conclusion that what you feel is head over heels love....and if he says theres a possibility of "something" if you lived closer....then maybe move a lil closer....i know that might not be so do-able in some circumstances for some people. (myself included)
but i think love conquers all.....so if you love him, and he feels the same....(or near it) and you live close....then whos to stop the two of you from living happily ever after? (so to speak)

good luck, hope everything works out well for you. *hug*

I have experience with the online long distance relationship thing. Lasted 5 months with the girl. Neither of us could help the feelings that we developed for each other, even though there was a few hour space between us. It was tough, but very well worth the risk of dating like that. I saw her once every week for 5 months.