If you were sick in bed why is she going out alone in Mexico getting hammered? Move on dude. To many people that you could be with to be tied to one you are already having doubts about.

I usually agree with sixate with matters such as this, even though he has no fuckin clue who I am.

Trust is a key thing in relationships... and admitting to problems does not let someone off the hook. You are seriously saying you would let someone hurt you and then 'forget' about it if they apologized? That is what the Bible says... but that is kind of anti human nature. We are always going to feel bad about broken trust... period. Unless you are a priest.

The 'crime' ( You were supossed to be in a monogamous relationship, right? ) has been done, but that doesn't make it right that she told you. Who says it's not going to happen again? Who says more isn't going to happen?

You want to give her the benefit of the doubt, you really do, but shit, you have a serious investment in her, and it appears (from the evidence presented) that she doesn't have a serious investment in you. I would think things over carefully... before you end up seriously hurt. I am not going to recommend anything because I don't know all the circumstances, but try to put some mental distance between you and her when you do your evaluating and look at things logically.

I wish you the best of luck.

" i'm 31 she is 28, one kid each from other partner.."

OK, you guys are all grown up and have had your share of both joys and dissapointments.

You are still at the stage where this is sticking in the pit of your stomach. Time will heal that, however this plays out.

I feel your pain. My advice, (since you asked :) ) ask her straight out - "Promise me this will never happen again, for any reason." If she even has to think about saying 'I promise'. Then my man, I think you need to leave. If she says 'I promise', then you have to take it as that and move on with your life. You can't live your life waiting for her to break her promise. If it does happen again, then obviously you leave, no questions asked.

I guess my final thought is you seem to need something to allow you to move forward. Let it be the answer to that question.

Good Luck

She is trying to sabotage the relationship. She's trying to check out on you Dude, and this is her first step. She's preparing to tear your heart out.
I say cut your losses and give her the ol' heave ho now, before that drunken kiss turns into an all nighter bumping uglies with a Mexican waiter.
Besides, I doubt if she stopped at a kiss with this stud anyhow.
Go find a girl who you can trust.

i have to agree with DDDDave up there..

trust is a huge issue to me as well, but the fact that she fessed up to it quickly on something she knew would never be discovered if she didn't speak up is a huge thing there, in my opinion.

basically means she wants to be up front and honest and basically take the punishment you decide to give.

Fuck. This very same thing just happened to me today: I was told she kissed someone else. It sucks.

This is NOT the very same thing that happened to you. In tim2shady's case, SHE told him that she'd kissed someone else. In your case, you got told by someone else.

In my mind, at least, there's a big difference.

Oh, and you might be suspected of threadjacking.

No, she is the one who told me.

I have to agree with you here.

9 months is too short a time to plan for marriage.

I'd be VERY upset about the kiss and like you or any other guy it would eat away at me for some time. This being said, it sounds like you have an investment in each other and if you are considering marriage you must really enjoy each others company. Were I in your situation I would try to work it out. Explain to her (and it seems that you have) that you love her and want to further the relationship but you will have some trust issues for a while and she will have to deal with them. This is price she must pay for her infidelity. She can't expect you to just immediately let it go but you can't hold it over her head indefinately. If after an appropriate amount of time you can't deal then it might be time to fly. If she does it again, dump her in the most embarrasingly painful way you can. She'll deserve it. Hopefully and probably this was just a one time mistake that she regrets and will never happen again. Good luck.