Motivation for relationships
 

Warning: long-winded post ahead

I have a question for anyone who would like to take a stab at it. What has/had/does motivate you in your relationship with your SO? Be it marriage, dating, fck buddy, etc, etc; what were the beliefs, reasons, the how's, why's and therefore's for your current situation?

I'll give ya a bit of background on myself. Typical situation, parents divorced when i was 7, mom had custody, remarried when i was 11, raised in a strict pentacostal home (i.e. mandatory church, xtian & home school).

I guess, for me, this could have layed the foundation for my less than stellar choices in women later on, starting from when i was 17 until i was 25. Fast forward to today, i will be graduating in May with a degree in Network Administration, i have 2 jobs(intern with a gov't agency in their IT dept and do some contract work on the side for a bit o pocket money), i keep myself fairly busy with my hobbies. Basically, in the past couple of years, with me going back to school, I have been getting real with myself on some personal issues, and in the process have found my sense of self, which my religous upbringing failed to offer me.

It would be nice, i think, to be able to include someone(s) in what i am doing in my life right now, but how shall i say this, the desire is flacid at best. This might be "paralysis by analysis" as it were, but have studied a bit of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. For example, high up in the list is school, work, jamming, working out, chill time, and everything else is like barely hanging on to that list.

I love being single! I enjoy the freedom of being responsible only for myself, but i do admit, i do get abit lonely at times, but when i look at where i have come from and what i have accomplished in the past couple of years, i quicly feel better.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Just seeing if you were still reading! LOL

I used to be somewhat needy when it came to women, seeking validation and what not, textbook AFC material, if you will. But now, i'm like "Eh!?!?" or "if you are into me, cool, if not, thats cool as well". Guess what i am trying to say through all of this is that I have put all of my motivation and passion into school, work, and myself, but when it comes to anything else, it's just not there. What motivates you, what are your reasons for relating to other people (either in a friendship, casual or non sexual or sexual). I've done alot of soul-searching about alot of things, and have gotten answers, but on this, i got nuthin'. Thanks for reading and or replying.

cuddling

I could one day be perfectly happy for not having a relationship for the longest time, but the second a girl is prone to cuddling with me or sitting on my lap, i'll just go crazy

and i'll realize that all I really want is some affection...

How about sharing some of your needs with another person no matter how they are indexed on "Maslow's Hierarchy of needs" and fullfilling "some" if not "all" of them with a SO? Of course you'll need to find someone to your liking with some similar interests and cravings ;)

Maybe the answer can't be found within your soul, maybe it needs to get some spark only someone else can provide. My soul is continiously set ablaze by my girl and that's why I love her so much. As I said maybe (more like defenitly) you just haven't found someone who can do such a thing for you. However it seems to me that you are jeopardizing the odds by searching your soul by such abstract things as "Maslow's hierachy of needs" - that's just a proxy and abstraction which in no way covers the full spectrum of possible desires on a practical social and even self-reflexive level :)

lookie here bra, imma keep this as real as a prostate exam.....
you like girls, yes? good. you aint gay, right? so you are hetero, not bi or homo then....
there are many reasons you need to be in SOME (and I cant stress this enough) type of relationship starting from now until you go to your grave....
A) you need to pass down your family name, ie, your family will one day, ONE DAY expect to see grandchildren, and to get those you need to procreate like a mofo. fornicate like crazy, in other words, SEX. unless you have a biological brother from your real daddy, you better pass down your daddy's seed, alright partner?
B) your significant other.....(JAMES BROWN - THIS IS A MAN'S WORLD music playing in the background....) does not have to BE your SO right there and then..... you have at least one female best friend, right? good..... you cant say that you are not in a relationship with someone if you can RELATE with such person some way..... in general, you ARE in a relationship with your lady friends, whether you just talk with them, or you go out and have dinner or a simple lunch date of some sort with a woman...
C) booty buddies..... if youve never had one or dont have one now (which id say no) try to get one........ they are good not only relieving certain "stresses" but you can see them as a "friend with benefits". Luis here to my right luvs them hoes and wishes he had two of them... he feels like a kid in a candy store when he sees his girl and just gets freaky. bastard ...... it doesnt hurt to have a booty buddy, man. i KNOW you'd like to slap a girl's ass at some party if you had the chance and she'd let you. who knows, maybe she'll respond positively to that and maybe subconsciously, you'd be like "wow..... I like that reaction...." that's bound to get u hard, dude. maybe you get somethin goin on with that honey, whether it's just for fun or you might actually get to know her a bit and see that something about her just sparks your interest in her and want to get to know her better, not just physically anymore but intellectually. maybe the broad gots brain, dawg. uh oh, writer's block.....
DUDE, you cant be alone for the rest of your life. there is only so much that you can discover about yourself BY yourself. you need to have someone there with you to help you realize how you really are through someone else's eyes. it's bound to help you see the kind of person you really are. (whispers: youre not uncle scrooge from the xmas carol are ya? cuz boy if you are there is always a woman who will put up with your crap to a certain extent and then just go off on you and let you know what she thinks about you...... fuck it, i want a beer. im outta here man. oh, and remember: unless you can see yourself as a ladies' man in the future, REMEMBER THE FOLLOWING: if the girl's car is more expensive than yours or looks better, you probably wont last being with her, ie high-maintenance..... but you work for THE MAN, man. go get yourslef an armored car and hit the cabarets, for cryin out loud..... shit, my beer is hot.
C)

Soul Mate

I was thinking about this the other day. I'm in the same situation.

I like girls, not attracted to guys.. but I've never been all that motivated to find a girlfriend. I never really hit on girls or make a huge effort to talk to them. I'm not sure I'd want to deal with a girlfriend. I guess it'd be nice though. Eventually I'd like to have a family

My relationship with my SO is not based on fulfilling my needs. It's based on fulfilling hers because it makes me feel like am doing something worthwhile. Coincidentally she feels the exact same way about me. This is what makes our relationship healthy...

Maybe this isn't how it works for everyone else, but my relationship strangely has all the failings of other relationships COMPLETELY absent. I can't think of a single thing I don't get from it.

Why anybody would pass on the opportunity when they found it is beyond me. I think that 99% of the population isn't capable of being in a such a relationship...

Still figuring this one out myself but what I do know is that before my SO, my life was crashing and burning around me with no sign of stopping. After we started going out, I started being true to myself again and since then I have and she has been doing alot better.

Maybe instead of holding on to pervious experiences, preconceived notions about what relationships should be, maybe, as i had said in another thread, is to experiment; to find out and use what works and to discard and forget what doesnt. :o

why have a SO? why not?! why not have someone that is there for you, someone that you can be physically involved with, someone to spend time with, in my case I'm kind of emotionally shielded and really the only person I let inside is my SO, yeah the shit might hit the fan and you are setting yourself up for heartbreak, but I think the pros outweigh the cons. and I dont know how anyone could just not care about having any sort of relationship with a women. I dont wanna be judgemental, I just dont understand... I'm single and I hate every second of it!

Before meeting my SO I got to the point of loving the single life. I'd been single for 10 months and it was only just setting in and it was great! But then she approached me and I wouldn't turn that back for anything! I think that once you have an SO (however hard it may be to find one, or even , as in my case, they just fall into ur lap so to speak) the benifits defintly outweigh the holdbacks. Shes someone who is always there for me and visa versa. And as long as you have someone who can respect you as much as you respect her then i'd hope that that doesn't change! To me, although i loved the single life, having her around is reason enough to be in a 'relationship'.

The motivation? Our deep, indescribable love and passion for each other. Moonstrucksoul & I are inseperable and we share many of the same life ambitions and dreams. We just seem to fit together perfectly. The unspoken is what keeps us motivated. Because, well, we just know.
We don't take a moment together for granted and we balance each other out.

That's it.

My motivations: I just feel so attracted to her that I see no reason why I shouldn't devote my life to her if that's what makes me happy.

Hmmm I'd have to say the basic need for affection. Plus it's always nice to have someone to show your affection to.

Been single for over a year now after a 4 year relationship. Been fairly happy with it to be honest as I tend to go out a lot and socialise. My circle of friends has tripled in size over the past year and I'm a lot closer to my friends now than I ever was when I had a girlfriend.

My main motivation for another relationship would just be to have someone I be close with, can get on really well and be myself with.

Until then... it's off to the pub with my mates :)

I dunno what to say....

My girlfriend and I are fast approaching the two-and-a-half-years mark. However, once I graduate (May 2005) she and I will have to go our separate ways because I don't belive in long-distance relationships, and I have ten more years of schooling to go through whereas she's ready to get married and start having babies as soon as she's done with school.

In all likelihood, I'll be single for the next nine years once I'm done with college because I won't have time to devote to a relationship while I'm getting my masters degree and when I'm in med school. I probably won't get any booty or date from 2005 to 2014.

I guess there are times in a man's life when relationships and sex just have to be put aside while you take care of your business (i.e. getting your education).


If you're satisfied with your life as it is now, then don't waste your energy chasing after women because they have this funky way of always running away when you're interested and then turning around and showing attention when you're either not interested or already taken.

Is your girl interested in going to school?

Going to Med School, huh? What will be your specialty, sounds like you are either going to be a doctor or researcher, either way good luck!! Nine Years!!! GOOD GOD!! :crazy:

Guess it does come down to priorities. One needs to find a group of folks that have similar interests, goals, and ambitions. I have realized the importance of this since being in school. If your girl is smart, sexy, and driven, then i hope it works out. If not, then I hope you find one that has those qualities or the qualities that you desire.

Yeah, for the most part, i like my life right now! Whilst most folks my age have already started down the road of having families and responsibilities, I have had the time to find what works and what doesnt work for me. Yeah, funny thing bout tha womens. The more one shows a bit of interest, the more they get distant, but if you don't know they exist, don't care, or don't think you have a chance, those are the ones that are head over heals nuts over you.