zxello

Well, im officially a homewrecker, im seeing this girl that has a boyfriend already and i just wanted a little insight on etiquette for this situation, i've never done this before.....


thoughts...?

RoboBlaster

Hmm, I think proper etiquette dictates that you leave her alone in the first place.

Jim Kata

What goes around comes around. If she cheated on him with you, she will most likely cheat on you with someone else.
I think it would be best for you to never mess with a woman that is already taken.

World's King

First off... It's called a FUCK Buddie. No need to edit the bad words here.

Second off... you shouldn't be datling/fucking/kissing/sucking/flogging a girl that has a boyfriend. At least this is my opinion and I'm even an asshole.

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SiN

*ding!*

btw, 'fuck buddy' usually means simply 'friends who fuck', NOT 'friends' who fuck other peoples girlfriends...

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bender

don't be upset when she is said to be sleeping with someone else or many others you are not allowed to be jelous.

Bill O'Rights

Y'know...you're really in a fucked up position, when The Original King can sit in judgement of your moral fiber.

Sorry King, just illustrating a point, here.

When I read your post, I had to ask myself if you weren't trying to brag a little about being a "homewrecker". If so, I think that you can see that no one's impressed. If you wanted her, and she really wanted you, then what would've been so hard about waiting until she broke up with her boyfriend? Just remember...karma is a bitch. As he now is...so shall you be.

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World's King

*can't stop laughing*

Thank you.

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Lebell

OMG!

Really LOL over here!!!

Thanks BOR!!

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Tholo

I also thought fuck buddy implied that it was two friends that were uncommitted just biding time until a real significant other came along.

You're just gonna get screwed over, bad news bears.

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strcrssd

Hmm...

The only time I was in a situation like this ended up with her breaking up with the boyfriend, then she had to move because he was an asshole.

Of course, we were just fuck buddies, not trying to have a relationshop.

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Averett

I think I'll be done laughing by this time tomorrow

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rockzilla

There's a big difference between 'fuck buddy' and 'other man'. Like Jim Kata said, I hope you're not planning on having anything meaningful with her, cause she'll cheat on you the second something better shows up. In fact, just cut it out now, nothing good is going to come of it.

VitaminH

I've been on the receiving end of that situation. It's not cool.

Like everyone else has basically said, once a cheater, always a cheater.

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motdakasha

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ariekitten

stay away from stuff like that
the only kinda fuck buddy i want is someone who's not already dating someone....you know?

and what if her bf finds out and beats the shit out of you? it happened to a friend of mine......

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doncalypso

Leave her alone.... stop messing with her unless you want her boyfriend to beat you to a pulp or even kill you.

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bradexample

it's strange to see that my personal view on this is in the minority.... my opinion is, if she's not married then she's fair game. i wouldn't have been in my previous relationship if i hadn't stole the girl away from her (inferior) boyfriend.

jbrooks544

bradexample: I agree with you!

Really folks, let's not get too serious about relationships that do not involve married people or people who are officially "engaged".

It is not "ideal" to be farking with the other guy like that, but it basically comes down to the question: "can you beat him up or not?" or, "is he a psycho that will stab you if he finds out?"

The etiquitte is: bang the be-gebus out of her while you can! It is really between her and her boyfriend. you aren't a "homewrecker" because there aint no home bro. If he cares so much then he should marry her, really, no joke. Just bang her and take judo or something.

BTW, when are people going to realize that if someone "beats you up" or attacks you, that they are committing "assault" and can be brought up on charges or sued civilly. There is no reason why it is ever cool to let someone be criminal and violent and not pay the price for it.

WarWagon

I have to agree with bradexample and jbrooks544. Again, its not ideal, but if a guy/girl is with someone else and is willing to cheat on them, there is a good chance that they shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

FaderMonkey

If you are "seeing" her, as in you are not just interested in fucking her but are also interested in her emotionally, then it's a bad idea. What makes you think she isn't going to cheat on you?

If you are indeed just "fuck buddies", then I don't see a problem unless of course you see it as a problem. If the situation bothers you then get out of it, and if it doesn't then there really isn't a problem. If she's not married or even engaged, she's really the one who she be concerned about what's going on.

gothicangel

I agree, leave her alone..if she wants to be with you she will split with her boyfriend...

zxello

Ok little edit--

we are in fact, just fuck buddies, we're really good friends, but we dont get all emotional about it, and yes..... i am quite a bit bigger / stronger than her boyfriend.

I'm pleased to see the responses though, its actually really helped, even the ones telling me to stop and that i'm an ass =)

Lastly.... i wasnt bragging about being a homewrecker, was just something a buddy called me jokingly.

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motdakasha

On that vein, marriage is a joke statistically speaking.

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Ripsaw

Relationships can cloud people's judgement. Being bigger / stronger than the boyfriend is not necessarily a measure of safety if he does find out. People in that situation usually find an equalizer to big / strong. Firearms come to mind.

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Averett

Dude. You're NOT her Fuck Buddy. You're the OTHER MAN. You can only be fuck buddies when you and your fuck buddy aren't involved with other people. When you're involved with somebody else then you're just a cheater.

You think when her boyfriend finds out (and he will, cause they always do) he's going to say "oh, it's okay. They're just fuck buddies." I don't think so.

So yeah, you're being an ass. Find another fuck buddy.

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arch13

Bwhahahahahaha.
Thanks you guys for the good times! This thread is a good read!

And Oh yeah, stay the heck away from that girl! She screwed him for you, she'll screw you for someone else. You lose all trust in many eyes when you do things with someone eleses SO.

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jbrooks544

What statistics are you talking about? I hope it isn't that 50% fallacy!

Read this:

"Pollster Louis Harris has written, "The idea that half of American marriages are doomed is one of the most specious pieces of statistical nonsense ever perpetuated in modern times."
"It all began when the Census Bureau noted that during one year, there
were 2.4 million marriages and 1.2 million divorces. Someone did the
math without calculating the 54 million marriages already in existence,
and presto, a ridiculous but quotable statistic was born.
"Harris concludes, "Only one out of eight marriages will end in divorce.
In any single year, only about 2 percent of existing marriages will break up."


Marriage is wonderful. If engaged in by mature and caring people. For me, when I found the woman I couldn't live without, marriage was a way to show her that I was serious about that. If you don't understand that then Maybe you haven't met the right person. I don't think "marriage" is bad. Every marriage is different.

moonstrucksoul

yes the true definition, not fucking your friend who has a SO.

taken from the Urban Dictionary
[quote]fuck buddy

A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend (or farmyard animal), with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you both want sex and nothing more.

Strictly, for the term 'fuck buddy' to apply, both people involved have to be single.

Just curious, why is that a previous relationship, if it was so great to snatch the other guy's girlfriend, then why didn't it work out?

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Mr Jiggyfly

I'd like to know more about the whole situation before I would feel comfortable passing judgement, or offering advice. For all I know right now, everyone may be cool with each other with the situation as it is. I'll pose some questions instead.

What do you think is her reason for fooling around with you? Is she intending to leave the current boyfriend? Does he care? Does he get off on it? Is she getting off by being a "bad girl"? How close are they? What are everyone's ages... is this a high school romance or a recognized long term "adult" relationship? Do they live together? Have any kids together? What are you (really) looking for from the relationship? What is she looking for? Is this normal behavior for her? For you?

Toecutter

No rings, no strings! I am well aware of the pros and cons of this philosphy. If she ain't serious about her guy to begin with by doin you, she isn't going to be "serious" about you. Guess when its all said and done, if you are just bumpin' uglies w/ no comittment, whats the deal? From my experience, though, it wouldn't hurt to get some background info on their "relationship" before the boots get knockin' (guess in this case it's too late, but a bit of research never hurt).

eawe

If the girl is cheating, there's something missing with the relationship she's in. Fact that she's staying with the guy and continuing the rail you is messed. and you being ok with it ain't cool either. Girls like that tend to be very good at making whoever they're with think they can trust them cause they're "different than the other guys" sneaky stuff.

Jizz-Fritter

PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT

This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the "Agreement") is entered into on the _______(DD/MM/YY) by ___________ (fill in name) and _____________ (fill in name).

This agreement shall cover the following rules and principles:

1. No sleeping over, ever – if its that good, you can come back to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9pm -- we don't have anything to talk about.

4. None of that "lovemaking" crap -- only sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me? Do I look fat in this?) The answers will be nowhere, no, and yes, so don't ask.

6. No plans made in advance -- that is why you are called the "backup," unless you're from out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts accepted -- including money.

8. No baby talk -- however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers -- it's really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other "friends with privileges," we are not friends, just bed buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is okay -- don't be offended.

12. No extra clothing -- I don't want you leaving anything behind when you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex -- it's over, so get up, get dressed, go home, and don’t hit your ass on the door going out.

14. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it -- I really don't care.

15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.

16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend."

17. Doggie style is the preferred position -- the less eye contact, the better, plus we can watch tv at the same time.

18. NO condoms means NO sex.

19. Bring your own drink -- I am not a liquor store.

20. No phone use, please -- I don't want anyone calling back looking for you.

21. If going to a hotel room, we either split the cost, or alternate who's paying... you pay this time, I pay next.

22. Don't bring any of your friends with you unless they're gonna join the party.

* Extra tip for successful booty calls:
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void, and you will then be removed from the Booty Call List and deleted from phone memory and e-mail list. In otherwords, you will be blocked from all communications until you understand the rules.

Participating Party 1:
Signature:_______________________________________
Date: ________________

Participating Party 2:
Signature:_______________________________________
Date: ________________

RoboBlaster

haha, Hahaha, that's great. If I were ever to get a fuck buddy (though I doubt I ever ever would), one of these would be a must.

motdakasha

In all the studies (please note: multiple) I've read about in my textbooks, it has been consistently 50% of all first marriages. I will quote from my two current textbooks.

Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity, Fifth Edition, 2002.

(474)

Psychology, Third Edition, 2003.

(398)

So from this, you can gather that three studies concur with the 50% divorce rate. If you didn't catch them, these are the three studies (in order of appearance):

Carrère, S., Buehlman, K. T., Gottman, J. M., Coan, J. A., & Ruckstuhl, L. (2000). Predicting marital stbility and divorce in newlywed couples. Journal of Family Psychology, 14(1), 42-58.

Laumann, E. O., Gagnon, J. H., Michael, R. T., & Michaels, S. (1994). The social organization of sexuality: Sexual practices in the United States. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Karney, Benjamin R., & Bradbury, Thomas N. (1995). The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability: A review of theory, method, and research. Psychological Bulletin, 118(1), 3-34.


Personally, I am skeptical of all pollsters. It's so easy to skew a question in order to get the answer you want to hear. I prefer to rely on professional journals and college publications because all articles must go through a review process where their colleagues verify their information and reliability (definition: if you repeat the process, you get similar enough results). Three separate studies done in different years and from different publications all concur with the 50% statistic. I'm also confident that if I took the time to use google, I could find similar studies done with similar results. Ultimately though, it's up to you to decide on which sources of information to rely.

p.s. http://www.straightdope.com/columns/030124.html

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H12

He he he, that "pre-booty call agreement" is awesome.

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RoboBlaster

The Lauman study (NHSLS) sure was awesome. I have used it for a number of papers. Good call, motdakasha.

ladyadmin

A couple years ago you'd never hear me agree with this; now I do, having experienced it myself.

I'd prefer to have the one man, children, and the house with a dog in the yard. Realistically it just doesn't happen this way. We are all fair game unless stated otherwise or married.

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Bleed Me Dry

Nothing substantial will ever come from that kind of friendship, sorry to say!

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analog

*wipes tears from his eyes from laughing so hard*

Holy fuck, I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Way to go, Bill!

As for this topic, it's not a fuck buddy, you just have the term mixed up- no biggie.

In all honesty, however, I myself pursued and won my last girlfriend away from her boy... but she was very unhappy, and was trying to get away from him anyway... I was just the vehicle her confidence needed. Sounds like in your case you're just trying to dick your buddy's girl, which is not cool. I didn't know the guy at all, so right there that's a lot different.