Never had a relationship
 

Perhaps this is the wrong forum to ask this, but just put on a little sad music (band or singer of your choice) and bear with me here.

I see all these people talking about threesoms, cheating and exes and I wonder, am I alone?

I want to know of others who browse TFP have never had a relationship before. Please post your story, or if it took you a long time to get a relationship, please post your story too. Especially what happened when you got in your first relationship and how you got in it.

Anyway, my personal story is that I am 19 years old Dutch college student without even a single experiance with a girl. Not even an innocent childhood girlfriend.
No kiss. A lot of crushes (8 serious crushes as far as I can remember), all of them ended up in me being turned down or finding out the girl was taken or the girl just didn't want me.

I don't blame them though... I am a total wussy when it comes to women.
I am certainly not unattractive (if hotornot is any indicator my last pic was a 9, my current one is an 8) it's just that due to my past failures I have become so cautious about relationships that I actually backpaddle as soon as I even meet a girl that is interested in me.

And right now I have this impossible crush on an American girl that, for some odd reason seems to love me back. And though it may be nice having someone actually love me, I kinda would like to actually have some physical contact with an actual girl. And the thought of the Inet girl is just one more thing that's keeping me from having an actual relationship.
Also, sometimes it just seems to be more trouble than is worth, I mean, I see all these people around me fight and break up and go through hell all for a few fleeting moments of some neurochemical...

Gawd I wish I would just stop wasting such a perfectly good human body sometimes.

I havent had a girlfriend for over three years, and on the downside from you, Im not even very attractive :( Im overweight, kind of depressing, dont have much confidence...

Like you, I read a lot of things people talk about here, and its getting to the stage that I cant even relate to it - the two girls I am closest to are people on the internet, both are American, boh are just good friends, no "love" or anything like that... yeah, I just wish I had someone to share all this world with. I do think its worth it, I just lost all my confidence, I dont ever approach women I dont know, and those I do I am pretty certain I am giving off "non dating, male best friend" vibes too

I didn't start dating until I turned 18 really, and I'm still a virgin. I had alot of trust issues starting it all out, and while I have many many girlfriends, this is the first time I've actually submitted myself to the title of "relationship" or physical intimacy.

I think trust in the other person is really the hardest part to give into, because its easy to be sure of yourself when you're not looking out or worried about what the other person is doing or saying, so really you just have to give up on some of the precepts you have about yourself and learn from the experience. Its all about give and take, and it only sucks when that doesn't balance out. I know there are alot of girls out there that would love to get ahold of guys like us, because we're easyily influenced by the newness of things, so its probably best not fall into that trap of being at her beck-and-call or anything.

I guess the point is, just go for it and be self-confident. I've been with my girl almost three years now, and I've never been better.

Well, I went on a few dates in high school, but never anything steady. I was (and am) on the short side, and I was commuting from outside of the area, and I was kinda shy, and that wasn't a good combination. I'm not unattractive, anti-social, smelly, etc. But I just didn't take much initiative and seemed to lack for guidance, and perhaps confidence. So I didn't even make out with a girl until I went to college. From that point on, things got much, much easier. Believe me, not everyone is getting it on at your age.

If you want to increase your chances, I recommend joining school-oriented clubs that cater to both sexes; maybe starting an exercise regimen (which will increase your general energy level as well as keep you in shape), hanging out at the hang outs, and meeting people. Commonly, your best chance is being introduced to a mutual friend at a private party.

Don't look for someone to love your first time out. Look for someone who just wants to have fun with you :).

I went to boarding school my junior year of highschool, that was when I really started to date. That was a little while ago, but before that I thought I might never stay with anyone long enough to have anything special. It's all about changes in environment and being open to different things. Changing something in your lifestyle can open you up more. You have to put yourself out there. I see a lot of people start to close themselves off to the world when they are alone and they feel like everyone else has someone- that's what you need to not do.

I've had two relationships..one lasting for two months...the next lasting for four...the first one..I met through a bowling alley (I kid you not). But this girl was just a flirt....so yeah...she didn't fit me...so yeah I dumped her. But than I met Alex, the love of my life. And oh my god I would be content to be with her forever. I mean seriously....I could spend my life with her and be happy. I would give anything for her....for the 6 months we were together I was the happiest I have EVER been....and than...today..it all ended. She...'need to be single for awhile'. Which, I know really means, that she is through with me. But I will ALWAYS care for this girl...ALWAYS....

My first came at 19...last night I had great sex with my girlfriend of 7 months...don't sweat it. Try to conquer your insecurities and improve yourself but don't worry about it.

don't worry so much about it. Go out with your friends and get some practice interacting with women, the less you worry about it the less nervous you'll seem. Build up your confidence (and in extension, your personality) and meet new people.

In college? Excellent. Big school? Even better. The great thing about a big school is you can experiment and not worry about being shot down. There are always other girls, and things dont have to get wierd because you never have to see the girl again. Dont be afraid, just find an excuse to go talk to a girl, and do it. If nothing comes of it, fine, move on.

Don't worry RelaX, you're not alone. I too have never had a relationship. I always seem to get close, but then she either has a girlfriend, or I lose contact with her. I know what the problem is though, I'm a very shy person.

I never really dates any body in high school. Never wanted to...no need to. I had different priorities and also had a hard time trusting guys. I am now in my first serious relationship at age 20. Its a long distance thing, but I couldnt be happier that I didnt bother wasting my time on some stupid petty high school relationship. I waited until I knew exactly who I was and who I wanted..and at that time, thats when I found someone who was everything I was looking for and more. Be patient. It will come when u least expect it.

Hey, I would take your own advice if I were you- ReLaX!

;)

Seriously, though- I am serious. You need to realize you have a purpose as to why you are here, and don't doubt not having relationship- that's always a sign of doubting yourself. Be strong, be you. That's all that matters in life.

It'll happen when you're ready. Some people aren't ready until until their 20s, sometimes later.

'Ready' means knowing who you are and what you want and what you _need,_ and going into a relationship perfectly willing to end it if it's not right for you. 'Ready' means that you do not define yourself by whether or not you're in a relationship.

i know how you feel, ive had one relation ship that lasted a week, and besides that none other, im 19.

2 weeks ago i was turned down inbetween laughs (*laugh* *laugh* i woundt ever *laugh* date you *laugh*), talk about pain, pick your self back up and try again.

the only way to ensure you never get in a relationship is not to try.

I am 22 years old now, and in my whole life I've only had four relationships.

I must say that I am blessed to currently be in a relationship with a woman I love and with whom I have been together for 2 years and 4 months. However, when I was younger I was the only one of all my acquaintances who never got to date while everyone else out there was getting some action and dating.

I tried long and hard to get women.... I went out of my way to get female attention, but to no avail. The harder I tried to get women's attention the more I failed.

Finally, I gave up on trying to chase women and I finally got lucky and met someone.

My advice to you would be to just be yourself and not try to act like someone you're not. Keep your cool and hopefully everything will work out.

You know Relax, I'm sure there's a shy quit girls around there that secretly wishes that a guy like you payed attention to her. Try to notice girls you haven't noticed before. You might be missing out.

I feel for you, Relax. Just keep doing what you are doing, she'll show up eventually. It's OK to have it take a while.

Four? For shame!

I can't offer you any advice RelaX but I can say that there are at least two of us. I just turned 21 (ugh) and I've had the same history except replace those rejecting crushes with infatuations. Although sailor is right about a big college being a haven for oppurtunity, I'm living proof that it can also mean nothing. I suppose oppurtunities like that all depend on your togetherness in other aspects of life such as school, work, health, etc. Then again, it's entirely possible to be excelling in those areas and still be lonely, but it seems less likely.

I've never had a long serious relationship... longest is 3 months

I do not feel for you. I'm 29 and never been in a relationship so there. :eek:

I'm pretty much in the same situation as you are, RelaX.
I wish I had had that advice a few years ago. I didn't date at all in high school. I don't know how or why, but most of the time I didn't realize when a girl was interested in me. It's not like I wasn't thinking about girls, I was just horrible at paying attention to the right things. If you've ever had some interaction with a girl and thought "well that was strange.." about anything she said/did, reevaluate the situation.
If you're an 8 or 9 on hotornot and a nice person, somebody that you would like likes you. Think about it, good and attractive person, at least one girl is interested, but I bet a lot more people are shy than not shy. So it just depends if you know about them or not. It will happen, and I'm sure you'll find it's worth it.

:)

Like many of you, I haven't had anything I would consider a relationship either. I dated two chicks back when I was 18, I am now 22 and haven't dated since. Both of these girls asked ME out, however with both of them I couldn't cross the physical intimacy border, and things eventually went nowhere. Because of these experiences, I haven't really had any desire to date again. If I eventually find a girl that I really like, that would be great, however if it doesn't happen, that's fine too.

You know, I read the 2 pieces of advice on here that seem to be the most prevalent and make the most sense:

know yourself and stop looking

And I wonder, how does one do that?

I mean, who am I? How do you answer that question? How do you get a feel for who you are?

And stop looking, that's easy to say for those of you who don't constantly have to live with the question "How about you? Do you have a gf yet?" all the time. I mean sometime I even wonder wether the only real reason I want a girl in my life is because it's 'what's expected' from me by everyone else. I know that is probably the worst mindset there is, but how does one not care about what all your friends and family seem to care about?

So I'm 22 and I've only had one real relationship and that didn't happen until I was 20. I never kissed anyone until I was 18.

One thing I've learned from watching a friend of mine who manages to meet and date women way out of his league- he's not particularly cute, good looking, in good shape, witty, or athletic- yet he always manages to leave bars with the hottest woman in the room. The thing about him is that he is supremely confident. He just exudes this air that he's not afraid of being turned down and women just seem to not want to.

The other thing I've learned, which my SO of 2 years has shown me and has already been said is that there's probably tons of people that you might not notice out there that might be more than willing to like you. It's not that they aren't good looking or smart, or anything like that but they might themselves be shy.

my advice
prostitutes
then start a hobby to become more interesting
like collecting their skin
cause they should be punished for being whores

then all the girls will want you

Gee, maybe it's just me, but if you would get off the computer and go where real people are, a lot of you might experience the concept of a relationship. For example, how many people here belong to a gym? How many go grocery shopping (great place to strike up a conversation, as in "excuse me, I am supposed to find corn starch for a recipe. Do you have any idea what it is"). How many ride a bike (I live in a major college town and riding through campus is a hot bed of potential).

Any way, I'm not trying to be facetious, but seriously, most of the people who reside on the internet seem to be social introverts, and forums like this don't help withy fostering social skills out in meatspace.

Oh well, back to work

Lizzie makes a really good point. You've got to get yourself out there.

I'm 20 and I have only had one relationship, the one I'm currently in. I'm definitely not a 8-9 on HotOrNot, but that doesn't matter in the slightest. I work at Wal-Mart and believe me, ugly people have girlfriends just as often as pretty people. It just takes longer for some people. Be yourself, be honest, give girls attention. That's all I can say to you. It's up to you.

Learn to enjoy life first.

The thing is, there's no guarantee that finding an SO will fix everything that you see as wrong in your life. You must learn to fix these problems yourself, because noone else will do it for you.

Your friends and family are the way they are because they care about you and want the best for you, but only you know what is best for you.

*ahum* I belonged to a gym once, until I simply became a sponsor because college was taking up all my time and energy.
I would be back now if I was in control of my own hours, as it is, with chores, internship and set dinner times I just don't have an hour to spend at the gym and anything less is a waste of money I don't have.
Oh and I have a part-time job in the weekend at the biggest supermarket in the area and talk to over a hundred ppl on an busy day.
I also ride my bike everywhere although that doesn't do me any good seeing as I don't live on a campus...
But thank you for your input. I do believe it is important to have a social life (eventhough I HATE being around large groups of people) and am certainly not one of those people who never leave the house.

I've never had a date, a kiss, never held hands and am ugly as fuck. God hates me. So I too no what it is like.

Oh and I think about killing myself a lot over this.

im 19 and never been in a serious relationship and still a virgin... ive been told im "hot" and was like 9.4 on hotornot and someone told me i look like eminem (wierd) anyways I dont ever meet any girls nowadays because im out of school and either at work where we dont have customers or im burnt out at home so basicly im waiting for school in december where theres a higher percentage of women then men... wooh... anyways it will work out for you eventually

I am 19, I've never been in a serious relationship and I am a virgin. I'm even in a fraternity, where everyone thinks the guys will sleep with anyone. I on the otherhand never followed the crowd. I have always had those crushes but never anyone I wanted to be with. I am an outgoing guy, someone always on the go. I guess I am waiting for that special someone. Someone who I will fall in "love" with.

It's perfectly acceptable not to have been in a relationship, or to be a virgin. I don't think we, society & media, put enough emphasis on waiting for the right person and abstinence in this (U.S.) culture as we should. That's what we teach in sex ed. classes, but that's not what the media tells us. There's just too much pressure on adolescents to not be virgins and such. We're growing up too fast.

Well generally I think you're right, but for most of us posting in this thread it has much less to do with societal pressure and more to do with a genuine desire to have meaningful relationships. It has not become about meeting the right person, but about meeting people in general so you can find your grounding in relationships and then, maybe, find the right person one day. I couldn't care less about what my family or this looming, artificial construct called society thinks. If being a hermit were emotionally healthy and in tune with my natural desire, I would have no problem living this lifestyle regardless of an outcast status. Sometimes I wonder though, maybe some people just aren't cut out for relationships in spite of an internal longing.

relax, i can safely say i feel your pain. except i've had only one gf my entire life and that was during my freshman year in high school. the entire thing was a joke though. since we didn't go to the same school at the time, we saw each other only once throughout our relationship and we didn't even go on dates for god's sake. all we did was talk on the phone for a month pretty much. and i haven't had a girlfriend since. last year, i came close three times, but all of them ended in failure. first time, i couldn't go out with this one girl because her dad thought i was too old for her (it was a two year age difference btw). then the second time, i failed because as soon as i was able to build up the courage to ask this one girl on a date, my parents told me i had to go on some lame "family trip" bs that weekend and then the next week, i found out that she had a bf. the third time is a long story that i've told too many times and i simply can't be bothered into telling it again. anyway, i can feel your pain buddy....

If you go to school, join some clubs. If you don't, check out local events at bookstores, coffee shops, event centers, etc. Talk with people when you're standing in line. Say hello. Smile. Wave.

If you keep trying, you're bound to run into someone.

18, virgin, never kissed a girl or had any real life relationships. I had a long distance one, promising to go see her in a few years...one year later, no juice. She breaks up with me, but I learned a lot from that...I was still a kid then, maybe I still am now.

So many girls look at me, I stray away and lock myself within my own shell. Sometimes I get aggressive but it isn't enough to keep going and I eventually hit this invisible barrier I can't get over.

I guess that guys like me out there can dream about a woman asking a guy out. :D

hey man, your far from alone, and to be honest, i'd much rather be in your position. so far i've fallen in love twice, not getting over either of them, completly screwed up my life because of it, and all of the 'relationships' i've been have been disasters.
i yearn for the simpler days when not getting a women meant a trip to the porn mag, not drowning yourself in booze.
just give it time, and things will sort themselves out, i believe that all of us have a girl out there, we just have to stop looking with our minds, and trust our souls to find the connection, but a good romp along the way can't hurt.