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#1 (permalink) |
Insane
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I think Im being used....
Yup, folks, I think Im being used by my girlfriend. Perhaps you read couple months ago about how wonderful everything was, how utterly perfect things were going along, etc etc etc...... I am now arriving at the conclusion that this has all been a farce and that she has used me this whole time to fill her needs.... Honestly I think Im a good guy and really try to care care of those I love. Thus, I will do anything for someone I love, and I mean anything, regardless of how difficult, how long it takes, how far away it is, etc etc etc. As I wrote on her christmas card, Ill do anything for you, if its impossible Ill still try.
She seems to enjoy all of the little things that I do for her or things that I give her but I am now arriving at the conclusion that she looks for me only when she needs something, even if that something is simply a kiss, or a hug. I honestly feel like crap, I dont know what to do, I love her with all my heart and wish this simply would go away. If this is all true, Im possibly the dumbest guy to walk this earth. Just thought Id share. Thanks. Slim |
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#2 (permalink) |
A Real American
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does she do things for you at all? Is she a money grubber or just clingy? she may just be guarded from past experience.
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I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince |
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#3 (permalink) | |
Apocalypse Nerd
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Re: I think Im being used....
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Personally, I would just keep looking for that "special one" -the one who won't use you. |
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#5 (permalink) |
Insane
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holo, I guess the monetary aspect of it, its not like I give her money but all the nights out, the special things I do for her, and lately she had to move because of her job so Ive helped her out making the transition much easier and buying a couple of things she really needed like a small fridge and such...
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#6 (permalink) |
Registered User
Location: Oklahoma
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It is so easy to misinterpret actions. The whole situation might be a complete misunderstanding. It is very easy to feel used and not say anything about it (i.e. suffer in silence). What is hard is talking to her about it. A heart-to-heart talk with her where you are not trying to put her on the defensive is the only way you are going to be able to tell if she is genuine or not.
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#7 (permalink) | |
Insane
Location: Arlington, VA
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Quote:
You have to talk about the way you feel with her, without accusing her of anything. Basically you have to take the blame for everything by telling her that is the way you feel. Then you have to judge her reactions and the things that she says. The way she reacts will tell you the whole truth to the situation. |
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#8 (permalink) |
Psycho
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I too felt used in my relationship. I was always there, doing the little things, trying to tell her I loved her by the things that I did, not "just" saying it, even though I did that too.
In retrospect, it shouldn't hurt. It shouldn't cause you pain, I feel that if you're not getting what you feel you deserve, just move on. It's better to realize this and find someone that makes you happy, then to spend years of your life thinking things will get better. You may just be in love with the woman you want her to be, not who she really is. |
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#9 (permalink) |
Insane
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Why do you feel used? Does she do anything special for you? Does she complain when you don't buy her things? What makes you think she's only looking at you for hugs/kisses only?
Communication is the most important key to understanding and clearing up any misunderstandings you may have with her or that she may have with you.
__________________
The Programmers' Cheer Shift to the left, shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte! |
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#10 (permalink) |
My future is coming on
Moderator Emeritus
Location: east of the sun and west of the moon
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I don't mean to be harsh, but if you're being used it's because you're letting yourself be used. If you're doing things for her with the expectation of certain actions in return, and you're not getting anything back, then you either need to make it clear to her that you do expect some reciprocity, or you need to find someone who does give back to you. Staying around and being a kicked puppy about it is not a valid option.
How much of your identity is built around giving and caring for other people?
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France |
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#11 (permalink) |
Insane
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lurkette, Im not doing anything expecting something in return, the little things I do I do them because I love them, however Im beginning to notice that she's only interested when she needs something. This can be as simple as, if she needs a hug, she looks for me, or if she needs a kiss, or sex, she looks for me. If she needs a ride somewhere, she looks for me or now with her moving about 2 1/2 hours away, she's looked for me because she knows she doesnt even has to ask for something, if she needs it, I'll get it for her.
As far as it being my fault, its my fault for caring but thats just who I am. If someone/something needs help and I can provide it I'm always there. Its not like I do it to show her I love her, Im always there for my friends, family and pretty much anyone I care about, including the dogs and cats at the pound ![]() |
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#12 (permalink) | |
Psycho
Location: Grand Rapids
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What about codependance? Enabling?
lurkette wrote: Quote:
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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin I Wish You Well. ![]() |
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#15 (permalink) |
Registered User
Location: Oklahoma
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The way you describe the relationship doesn't sound bad to me. Most of a good relationship is built around giving to each other. If for some reason, she is not giving then you shouldn't be in the relationship. My wife and I are to the point where we just give and give to each other without even thinking about it. We don't tally points or anything like that. However, it takes awhile to get to that point. Don't misinterpret her comfortableness (or possibly her taking the relationship for a little granted) to kill it. You absolutely have to talk to her about your feelings.
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#16 (permalink) |
bAck iN aCtiOn!
Location: in my imagination
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it's so sad how all the sweet/good guys get used and all the girls who wouldn't use a guy can't find a good guy because they're all taken and being used!
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__________________
I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~ |
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#18 (permalink) |
Insane
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i called her last night after i got home from work, talked for a bit and then tried to ask her if she was ok, she had seemed somewhat serious the last couple of days and she basically tried to downplay it, saying im so adorable, always worrying that shes ok and something about not giving it too much thought....
at the same time though, she never did say she loved me, missed me or anything else that kinda hints at caring for me ![]() |
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#20 (permalink) |
Insane
Location: Hell
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I know how you feel only I'm a woman who has gotten used by a man in the past. To the best of my knowledge it wasn't for sex, but for whatever he thought he needed emotionally for himself at the time. Niether of us noticed until we sat down and talked about it. Promptly after that we broke off a 2 1/2 year relationship.
My advice: Communication is key. Unless you are straight forward and ask you'll never know, and either will she.
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Bite Me... But Only If Invited |
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#24 (permalink) | ||
Hiya Puddin'! Miss me?
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
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Sorry it didn't work out between you two, but you'll survive, right? You deserve to be appreciated.
Quote:
Not sure if this is helpful to you, but here is a snippet from the chapter in my human sexuality textbook about relationships: The chapter opens with a formula for relationships, called the ABCDEs. A-Attraction, B-Building, C-Continuation, D-Deterioration, E-Ending. Quote:
"Active means of response include doing something that may enhance the relationship (such as working on improving communication skills, negotiating differences, or seeking professional help) or making a decision to end the relationship. Passive methods of responding are basically characterized by waiting for something to happen--by just doing nothing." "It is irrational (and damaging to a relationship) to assume that suitable relationships require no investment of time and effort."
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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.) |
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#26 (permalink) |
Tilted
Location: CT
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I'm sorry, the same thing happened to me 3 relationships over, gradually worse each time. When you really KNOW what heart break is like, you'll find you don't really fuck around the next time. You'll be able to tell where the relationship is going, and you'll know what you want & you don't want. It's hard to describe. It's really important to be loving & caring in relationships, but you've also got to be tough & look out for yourself.
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... and shit. |
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#28 (permalink) |
Insane
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thank you all for the kind words, I think my whole group of friends is ready to open up cans of whoopass on her after whats happened. Its funny because every says how much I should just forget about her, how shes just used me, how she doesnt deserve to have me, etc etc....yet Id love the phone to ring and hear her voice, I really do.....
Its hard but as youve said, it might be the best thing. I love her though, and its hard. |
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#30 (permalink) | |
lost and found
Location: Berkeley
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Quote:
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"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine |
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