Straight guys telling my girlfriend they love her? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

macmanmike6100 · 02-08-2004, 08:35 PM

How should I feel about straight guys telling my girlfriend that they love her? What should I do?

She's already convinced me that those words coming from her gay friends is like it's coming from a girl, which I suppose is ok. (Getting away from my male territorial tendencies it hard.) However, I caught a straight friend of hers saying those very words and was, needless to say, extremely uncomfortable.

I've spoken with her about this and she says that it doesn't mean anything, that of course she only loves me. She also says that she's not responsible for what her friends do or say.

I don't think at all that she's cheating on me <i>per se</i> but she's at least giving off enough emotional vibes to cause such a comment...right?

DEI37 · 02-08-2004, 08:45 PM

If she starts saying it back, then I'd start worrying. There is a "platonic" kind of love, I suppose, and that's probably what's going on. If they've known her longer than you have, and have been friends for any length of time, then it's probable that that is what they are referring to. So long as her primary focus, attentions, and lovings are towards you, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe mention that you're a little uncomfortable with it, but if they are real friends, it isn't a big deal.

tenchi069 · 02-08-2004, 09:14 PM

I have had a female friend that I do love. I loved her when we were in high school, and after we went to college. I told her "I love you" whenever we would talk. Never were we romantically involved, nor did we want to be. We were friends that loved each other and never though of saying it as being any more than we would say to our brother or sister.

Seaver · 02-08-2004, 09:38 PM

What they tell her you shouldn't worry too much about. It's what and how she says back that matters.

If it bothers you just talk to her about it. Just remember, if she wanted to be with them she would be. If she's with you it's because she likes you for who you are.

ForgottenKnight · 02-08-2004, 09:43 PM

There are many levels of love. Not all of them are romantic.

macmanmike6100 · 02-08-2004, 10:06 PM

Thanks for the support everybody; very much appreciated :-)

End User · 02-08-2004, 10:39 PM

Perhaps try telling her straight guy friends you love them as well.
Maybe that will be a subtle enough hint to them that you do not like the kind of language they are using around your gf.

wilbjammin · 02-08-2004, 11:23 PM

Isn't it nice to be with someone that everyone wants?

Unless I get a "you're creepy" vibe from someone that puts me into protective mode, I don't think I'd care that much. It has a lot to do with how much you trust your girlfriend on how well you can handle this. If this is enough to ruin the relationship, then I think there is more going on. I would suggest against worrying about it, unless something else comes up.

Plan9Senior · 02-08-2004, 11:29 PM

If this is the extent of your problems, sounds like you have a great girl.

soshi_aroso · 02-09-2004, 02:02 AM

The problem here is with English. The Greeks had it straight: There was Agape, the sort of love you feel towards your best friend for life; there was Filia, the obligitory sort of love you feel towards your family; There was Amor, the passionate love you felt towards your lover, etc. etc.

Look at it that way. If your girl said that she loved Mesican food, you would neither be threatened by that, nor assume that she loved all sorts of food.

Seaver · 02-09-2004, 07:09 AM

Quote:

Look at it that way. If your girl said that she loved Mesican food, you would neither be threatened by that, nor assume that she loved all sorts of food.

God damned enchiladas... STAY AWAY FROM MY GIRL DAMN IT! SHE'S MINE!

lol sorry couldnt help myself.

Parker · 02-09-2004, 08:18 AM

I would have to say it depends on the context of the situation. If the guy says that he loves her in a friendly way or a romantic way. It depends on the tone of his voice. Also, talk to your girlfriend and let her know that it makes you feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't bring it up too many times because the situation will get ugly. Trust me.

Cuball · 02-09-2004, 10:55 AM

I love my friends too, but in a happy, in way they we both feel good being togheter, but this is completely different as saying I love you to the love of your life !

Strange Famous · 02-09-2004, 12:07 PM

I don't love any of my friends, but people mean different things by the word. I would trust her as long as you dont have a real reason not to, and try not to get so stressed out about what some other dude says.

teriaki · 02-09-2004, 03:41 PM

ROFL @ Seaver's comment.

*cough*

anyhow, I have MANY platonic straight male friends that tell me they love me, and I reciprocate regularly- It's the nature of a good friendship to express it in terms of close endearment.

My husband knows this, and accepts it, even from day one- and he too has close girl friends he'll say "damn, I love you for that" to and such.

I love you, man.

macmanmike6100 · 02-10-2004, 02:54 AM

the confidence has risen. yes, our relationship is truly spectacular and, of course with 20/20 hindsight, I wonder why I got so worked up over it. I think I just needed to hear words from somebody besides myself :-) in any case, the TFP rocks. thanks!

02-08-2004, 08:35 PM	#1 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	Straight guys telling my girlfriend they love her? How should I feel about straight guys telling my girlfriend that they love her? What should I do? She's already convinced me that those words coming from her gay friends is like it's coming from a girl, which I suppose is ok. (Getting away from my male territorial tendencies it hard.) However, I caught a straight friend of hers saying those very words and was, needless to say, extremely uncomfortable. I've spoken with her about this and she says that it doesn't mean anything, that of course she only loves me. She also says that she's not responsible for what her friends do or say. I don't think at all that she's cheating on me <i>per se</i> but she's at least giving off enough emotional vibes to cause such a comment...right?

02-08-2004, 08:45 PM	#2 (permalink)
DEI37 Go faster! Location: Wisconsin	If she starts saying it back, then I'd start worrying. There is a "platonic" kind of love, I suppose, and that's probably what's going on. If they've known her longer than you have, and have been friends for any length of time, then it's probable that that is what they are referring to. So long as her primary focus, attentions, and lovings are towards you, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe mention that you're a little uncomfortable with it, but if they are real friends, it isn't a big deal. __________________ Generally speaking, if you were to get what you really deserve, you might be unpleasantly surprised.

02-08-2004, 09:14 PM	#3 (permalink)
tenchi069 Lost Location: One step closer to the padded cell...	I have had a female friend that I do love. I loved her when we were in high school, and after we went to college. I told her "I love you" whenever we would talk. Never were we romantically involved, nor did we want to be. We were friends that loved each other and never though of saying it as being any more than we would say to our brother or sister. __________________ ERROR- PLBSAK Problem Lies Between Seat and Keyboard.

02-08-2004, 09:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
ForgottenKnight Jesus Freak Location: Following the light...	There are many levels of love. Not all of them are romantic. __________________ "People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

02-08-2004, 10:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
End User Insane Location: Sydney, Australia	Perhaps try telling her straight guy friends you love them as well. Maybe that will be a subtle enough hint to them that you do not like the kind of language they are using around your gf. __________________ People who have no faults are terrible!

02-08-2004, 09:38 PM	#4 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	What they tell her you shouldn't worry too much about. It's what and how she says back that matters. If it bothers you just talk to her about it. Just remember, if she wanted to be with them she would be. If she's with you it's because she likes you for who you are.

02-08-2004, 10:06 PM	#6 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	Thanks for the support everybody; very much appreciated :-)

02-08-2004, 11:23 PM	#8 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	Isn't it nice to be with someone that everyone wants? Unless I get a "you're creepy" vibe from someone that puts me into protective mode, I don't think I'd care that much. It has a lot to do with how much you trust your girlfriend on how well you can handle this. If this is enough to ruin the relationship, then I think there is more going on. I would suggest against worrying about it, unless something else comes up. __________________ Innominate.

02-08-2004, 11:29 PM	#9 (permalink)
Plan9Senior Banned Location: Orange County, California	If this is the extent of your problems, sounds like you have a great girl.

02-09-2004, 02:02 AM	#10 (permalink)
soshi_aroso Upright	The problem here is with English. The Greeks had it straight: There was Agape, the sort of love you feel towards your best friend for life; there was Filia, the obligitory sort of love you feel towards your family; There was Amor, the passionate love you felt towards your lover, etc. etc. Look at it that way. If your girl said that she loved Mesican food, you would neither be threatened by that, nor assume that she loved all sorts of food.

02-09-2004, 08:18 AM	#12 (permalink)
Parker Crazy	I would have to say it depends on the context of the situation. If the guy says that he loves her in a friendly way or a romantic way. It depends on the tone of his voice. Also, talk to your girlfriend and let her know that it makes you feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't bring it up too many times because the situation will get ugly. Trust me.

02-09-2004, 10:55 AM	#13 (permalink)
Cuball Insane Location: Belgium	I love my friends too, but in a happy, in way they we both feel good being togheter, but this is completely different as saying I love you to the love of your life ! __________________ Let's GO

02-09-2004, 12:07 PM	#14 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I don't love any of my friends, but people mean different things by the word. I would trust her as long as you dont have a real reason not to, and try not to get so stressed out about what some other dude says. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

02-09-2004, 03:41 PM	#15 (permalink)
teriaki Tilted Location: San Francisco	ROFL @ Seaver's comment. cough anyhow, I have MANY platonic straight male friends that tell me they love me, and I reciprocate regularly- It's the nature of a good friendship to express it in terms of close endearment. My husband knows this, and accepts it, even from day one- and he too has close girl friends he'll say "damn, I love you for that" to and such. I love you, man. __________________ Cute, but useless.

02-10-2004, 02:54 AM	#16 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	the confidence has risen. yes, our relationship is truly spectacular and, of course with 20/20 hindsight, I wonder why I got so worked up over it. I think I just needed to hear words from somebody besides myself :-) in any case, the TFP rocks. thanks!