There's a girl I like and sometimes she acts like she likes me - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Strange Famous · 02-07-2004, 02:58 AM

And sometimes she doesnt.

She used to work where I still am, and we used to flirt a lot, but I know that doesnt necessarily mean anything - but sometimes she acts like she likes me more, and then other times, she kind of pulls away.

We used to have like email conversations and stuff all through work, but when she left she never gave me her new email, but she did give me her cell number, but I kind have never rang her cos I couldnt think of an excuse to.

She used to have a long term boyfriend, but I heard that they have broken up, but also that she is dating someone else now. When we used to go out as a group from work, sometimes she would be really flirty, like touching my arm all the time, or resting against me or sitting on my lap and stuff, but then she could be kind of distant too.

One time, she asked me to come back to her house for some more drinks, and I was thinking "oh, this is cool" but when we were waiting for the taxi, her boyfriend and another couple turned up, and it turned out we were all supposed to be going back, and in the end I didnt go anyway.

I dont think she finds me physically attractive, another occassion I guess I was flirting with her, and her boyfriend wanted to try and beat me up, but she apparently told him "please dont hit him, he's fat"

I mean, firstly, that doesnt make sense anyway - just cos I am heavy doesnt mean I cant fight, I prolly could have kicked that guy's ass anyway, I used box a little when I was younger, plus I have watched a lot of wrestling, and I am quite strong... but anyway, it was just the way she said it that was kind of unflattering. i didnt even hear her say it, but she apologised for saying it the next day because she thought I did and she was like "I dont think of you as being fat, I think you are a normal person"

I mean, I do go on about my weight sometimes, its not like I am freak show, people stop in the street and laugh, fat. I am about 280 and 5 9, and I am quite broad shouldered, my ideal weight would be between 200 and 220... so I am overweight, but not huge, I certainly am not so big I couldnt ger in a fight if I wanted to!

Anyway, last night, there was a thing cos it was my birthday, and this girl was there. She acted kind of pleased to see me, and she was kind of tickling me and idly playing with the buttons on my shirt while she was talking to someone else, and this guy was like "yo, Adam, it looks like you have pulled" - which means, if Americans arent familiar with that phrase, like it looked like I had hooked up with her. And she was laughing and going "yeah" and so I, kind of jokingly was "allright, cool!" and then she was just like "haha, not really!"

Anyway, she confuses me, and I dont know if it is just wishful thinking. Most of the time I am pretty convinced she probably just likes me as a friend and she is just kind of a flirty person - but then sometimes I think maybe she likes me - but then I know she probably wouldnt be with me, cos, she is REALLY attractive, and obviously I am not. A lot of people at work didnt like her, and thought she was stuck up and thought she was better than other people, but she really isnt, she is a nice person, and plus, she is really really hot.

But the thing is, I am thinking - one of two things is the case. One, she just likes me as someone to hang around with sometimes, and she can be flirty, and maybe enjoys the attention and knows I like her so she flirts with me sometimes but no way would she ever date me - and sometimes I just think "well, what if she likes me" out of wishful thinking

Or, far more unlikely I admit, maybe she does sometimes kind of like me, and maybe she is confused that she might like my personality but at the same time doesnt fancy me that much cos of my weight or whatever... and I could have a chance, but cos I have low self esteem I just assum she wouldnt be interested.

I dont know. I mean, it isnt like she flirts that way with me ALL the time, but she isnt like that with every guy at work or anything.

And obviously I am not anyone's ideal man, but I could still be a pretty good boyfriend, I mean, I treat people pretty nice, and I try to be caring and everything, plus I have two degree's and I am probably at least more than average intelligence, I could beat someone up if they were harrassing in a dance club, or I could try anyway... I think I am a nice person, and its not that I am especially ugly or anything, I just could lose some weight. But then again, because she is really kind of beautiful, she could probably have her pick of men, so she wouldnt need to settle for someone like me, when she could have someone who had everything, or at least lots of money, and a car that didnt have four bald tyres and the sunroof is broke so you get wet when it rains...

I think I have written too much already, relationship things confuse me, I havent dated someone for over 3 years now, and I have only ever dated a couple of people. i guess I could just come out and ask her, but I dont want to humiliate myself, plus I heard she is dating some new guy, so the situation wouldnt even sound possible.

phoenix1002 · 02-07-2004, 03:30 AM

Here's my advice: call her up and ask her on a date. Don't beat yourself up, second-guessing every action and trying to analyze what she does. Girls send mixed signals without even thinking about it. If she's interested in a relationship, then she'll let you know. If she just thinks of you as a friend, then she'll tell you, and that's that. Either way, you'll know how she feels about you, so you'll be able to stop trying to figure it out by her 'clues'.

Think of it from this perspective-the way the situation is now, you're really only at the 'just friends' level, and you're kicking your own ass trying to figure out if there's the potential for more. If you ask her, then there's a possibility that you'll move past the 'just friends' level to the 'going out' level, or alternatively you'll remain at the 'just friends' level. But that way, at least you'll know where you stand. Trust me, its better to know where you stand with a girl, instead of being unsure. When your relationship is vague, there's also a much higher chance that you'll mindfuck yourself, which also is quite unpleasant (trust me, I speak from experience with that one).

I hope this makes some sense... I think I got what I was trying to say out, but I'm not too coherent at the moment...

CinnamonGirl · 02-07-2004, 04:37 AM

Yep. I agree. Ask her out. The worst she can do is say no, and either way, you'll know where you are with her. Good luck & stuff

Enzomat · 02-07-2004, 10:15 AM

First off let me tell you ive seen plenty of fat, ugly , and even crippled guys with hott ass women. Maybe things are different where youre from but I know in america its really all about confidence and just being who you are. You might not get all over every chick you want but you can easily pull some premium scooch if you go on a limb and take a chance.

I know im not all that and ive done ok in my life in the chick dept(i could have done alot better but like you i had confidence issues and got scared to act on women who showed in terest in me). you get so worried about them saying no or embarassing youself you dont take the time to think that if dont take the risk you will never know. Im still kicking myself for turning down alot of offers thrown my way and not actingg on my instincts.

Its better to take the risk and have her say no than to be 70 years old always wondering what if.

That chick sounds like a tease and she may be playingg with you but sometime when youre alone call her bluff on it and ask her out or maybe when she starts to flirt with you take it up a notch. Id also heed your coworkers warnings about her. maybe she isnt that great of a person and oure just caught up in her looks and your desire to be with her. in the end all you need to do is ask her and if she says yes or no go from there. for every girl who says no thers about 1000 who will say yes. good luck mate and stay positive and be yourself.

gabshu · 02-07-2004, 10:42 AM

Seems like the one that's most preocupied with your weight is you. I recomend you work out like once in a while (if you don't already) maybe that'll make you feel better.
Anyway call her and talk about anything, and then ask her out. You have nothing to loose, just try to get her to be a little more clear with you.
Good luck!

wilbjammin · 02-07-2004, 11:57 AM

It seems simple enough. You call her for no reason at all, you say "I was thinking about you, and I decided to give you a call", and then you ask her to do something (what that is mattes little in the scheme of things). It will either be enjoyable, or it won't. If it is going alright at the end, talk about "doing something like this again" and keep it open-ended.

Plan9Senior · 02-07-2004, 11:59 AM

If you put as much effort into getting healthy as you do putting yourself down and overanalyzing everything, you would be in shape before you knew it. Aside from any advice with your current situation, I am going to advise you to start working out. You would be amazed at how your confidence will raise just by triggering that testosterone production. You will start feeling more confident, start feeling less depressed, and best of all you actually will even start looking better.

Every day you put it off is a day you could be that much closer to your ultimate goal, which I am assuming is #1. feeling better about yourself and #2. getting a girl.... so start today!

phlox · 02-07-2004, 06:55 PM

As a general rule, women aren't as preoccupied with physical appearance as men. Personally, I have a very wide range of physical types that I find attractive. And if you're smart and funny and treat me well, you'd practically have to be the Elephant Man to put me off. Women are much more likely to develop physical attraction to someone over time, rather than be instantly struck by lust/whatever (and when this happens to me, it's usually a bad sign, not a good one).

So, ask her out!

And I agree with Plan9 and others who have recommended you start working out. You probably look fine, but you'll *feel* better, and that's what's most important. I know if I dont' do yoga a few times and take a few long walks/jogs every week, I feel really blech.

And yeah, relax! Stop obsessing! Dating is supposed to be fun, remember?

teriaki · 02-09-2004, 04:14 PM

Uh, hello?

I never once saw anywhere in your post whether or not you actually like her "in that way".

I saw a lot of "she pays me this attention sometimes, and I'm confused"- DO you like her? Would you like to go out with her in a romantic way? If so, follow the advice of the very smart men who have posted.

And not to sound...mean? But if you only like her because she's paying you flirty attention, that's probably the wrong reason. And if that's not the case, good luck!

wilbjammin · 02-09-2004, 04:17 PM

How is he going to know if she's really worth it, unless they actually spend some one-on-one time together?

Strange Famous · 02-10-2004, 10:42 AM

yeah, I do like her... but it seems very apparent to me its unlikely anything is going to happen between us. I hear she is dating someone else, so there really isnt any point even thinking about her.

phlox · 02-10-2004, 06:45 PM

You can date more than one person at a time. I like to date several people at once, it's fun. May the best man win, haha. So you should still ask her out. Where is that competativeness men are supposed to have so much of?

Strange Famous · 02-11-2004, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by phlox
You can date more than one person at a time. I like to date several people at once, it's fun. May the best man win, haha. So you should still ask her out. Where is that competativeness men are supposed to have so much of?

Well, I dont know if I would really like it that way. I would prefer to just be with someone who at least wants to be with me - plus I dont want to violate their relationship. If she was single it might be different - or maybe its just the excuse I hold to so I can keep on being a wuss.

heyhey · 02-20-2004, 05:31 AM

ask her out, see what happens......sounds like she is playing you though...

Prince · 02-20-2004, 09:42 AM

Doesn't she have a boyfriend?

There are two things you don't fuck with... a man's car and his woman. In that order.

If she's single, though, why not go for it.

Strange Famous · 02-20-2004, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Prince
Doesn't she have a boyfriend?

There are two things you don't fuck with... a man's car and his woman. In that order.

If she's single, though, why not go for it.

She does have a boyfriend, I dont know about this "dont mess with his woman" stuff - it makes it sound like she is someone's property. But I dont want to embarass myself, or try to undermine what she has.

There is a part of me that wishes she hadnt stopped her last boyfriend from trying to beat me up - but lets face it, that fantasy where he jumps me, and she tries to protect me, and he slaps her, and then I hit him with a DDT to the pavement, and then she wants to date me instead.... its never happening...

ladyadmin · 02-20-2004, 11:06 AM

There are no fairytale endings when it comes to any relationship. No matter how hard we try to force it to be like one, it's just not imperically possible.

I say you don't need an excuse to call her. Call her just because you want to. There is no need to explain to her or yourself why you want to. Just go with it.

You are much harder on yourself than you need be. If you are concerned about your weight or feel that it prevents you from getting the girls, then by all means go to a gym or buy some workout equipment. Concentrate on your image and get yourself feeling confident in your appearance and yourself as a person. The best way to attract any female/male is when you exude confidence in yourself.

motdakasha · 02-20-2004, 02:31 PM

Responding to the title of the thread:
a) Men often confuse affection for something sexual. Hugging, holding hands, etc. doesn't necessarily mean the woman is interested in your sexually or relationship-wise. So be careful with interpretting actions when you don't know what she intends them to be interpretted as.

b) Communicate with her. You don't have to profess your undying love to her (statistically speaking, you shouldn't even if you feel that way, at least not immediately), but say that you are interested in her -or- that you sometimes interpret some of her actions as signs of _____, and ask if that's how they were intended to be interpretted. Give her an opportunity to be clear about why she does what she does, but don't pressure her into a position where she has to say she loves you or hates you or something. Obviously I'm exaggerating, but my point is that it's possible for it to be very awkward for a female if her actions are being misinterpretted by a guy, so tread carefully, but do something.

If I'm totally off base with the signs of affection and whatnot, you still need to do something about it. She could be using you, or unsure that she's interested in you, or afraid to pursue you because she's got a boyfriend. Either way, you need to open up a line of communication.

You'll never know unless you take action.

exizldelfuego · 02-20-2004, 06:49 PM

Completely disregarding the point of the girl, I think the best advice given here has been to kickstart a workout routine. If you can, I'd recommend taking an hour every other day to go down to the gym.
You needn't even go to a gym. I used to live on campus, so it was much more feasible for me to take the five minute walk to go work out, but now that I've moved, I've bought a couple of the little 20lbs hand weights (whatever they're called).
Because I obviously don't know that much about it, it's hard to be more specific, but between using those, lunges, and situps, I've been able to maintain myself pretty well.
The whole workout concept really boosts self-perception/awareness/worth/etc. and best of all, the body generally follows that perception given enough time.
Not that it's anthing like your situation, but I was fresh out of highschool and starting college, and was super depressed due to a crush I had on a girl in high school (plus extremely introverted and low self esteem). Spending the time working out helped lift me out of that by making me feel better about myself, and just making me feel better all around. It kept my mind off her, and was finally able to open my eyes to all the ladies around me and, to a certain extent, me to theirs.
If you would like to persue a possible relationship with this girl, even if she has a boyfriend now, I say keep constant but inconsistent contact with her. This will let her know you still exist, will help you keep a friendship with her post-employment, and give you time to make yourself (feel) more attractive. Like others have said, a lot of it has to do with how you feel about yourself and how that subconsciously projects itself to others. If you feel more attractive, you will be more attractive (in most cases).

02-07-2004, 02:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	There's a girl I like and sometimes she acts like she likes me And sometimes she doesnt. She used to work where I still am, and we used to flirt a lot, but I know that doesnt necessarily mean anything - but sometimes she acts like she likes me more, and then other times, she kind of pulls away. We used to have like email conversations and stuff all through work, but when she left she never gave me her new email, but she did give me her cell number, but I kind have never rang her cos I couldnt think of an excuse to. She used to have a long term boyfriend, but I heard that they have broken up, but also that she is dating someone else now. When we used to go out as a group from work, sometimes she would be really flirty, like touching my arm all the time, or resting against me or sitting on my lap and stuff, but then she could be kind of distant too. One time, she asked me to come back to her house for some more drinks, and I was thinking "oh, this is cool" but when we were waiting for the taxi, her boyfriend and another couple turned up, and it turned out we were all supposed to be going back, and in the end I didnt go anyway. I dont think she finds me physically attractive, another occassion I guess I was flirting with her, and her boyfriend wanted to try and beat me up, but she apparently told him "please dont hit him, he's fat" I mean, firstly, that doesnt make sense anyway - just cos I am heavy doesnt mean I cant fight, I prolly could have kicked that guy's ass anyway, I used box a little when I was younger, plus I have watched a lot of wrestling, and I am quite strong... but anyway, it was just the way she said it that was kind of unflattering. i didnt even hear her say it, but she apologised for saying it the next day because she thought I did and she was like "I dont think of you as being fat, I think you are a normal person" I mean, I do go on about my weight sometimes, its not like I am freak show, people stop in the street and laugh, fat. I am about 280 and 5 9, and I am quite broad shouldered, my ideal weight would be between 200 and 220... so I am overweight, but not huge, I certainly am not so big I couldnt ger in a fight if I wanted to! Anyway, last night, there was a thing cos it was my birthday, and this girl was there. She acted kind of pleased to see me, and she was kind of tickling me and idly playing with the buttons on my shirt while she was talking to someone else, and this guy was like "yo, Adam, it looks like you have pulled" - which means, if Americans arent familiar with that phrase, like it looked like I had hooked up with her. And she was laughing and going "yeah" and so I, kind of jokingly was "allright, cool!" and then she was just like "haha, not really!" Anyway, she confuses me, and I dont know if it is just wishful thinking. Most of the time I am pretty convinced she probably just likes me as a friend and she is just kind of a flirty person - but then sometimes I think maybe she likes me - but then I know she probably wouldnt be with me, cos, she is REALLY attractive, and obviously I am not. A lot of people at work didnt like her, and thought she was stuck up and thought she was better than other people, but she really isnt, she is a nice person, and plus, she is really really hot. But the thing is, I am thinking - one of two things is the case. One, she just likes me as someone to hang around with sometimes, and she can be flirty, and maybe enjoys the attention and knows I like her so she flirts with me sometimes but no way would she ever date me - and sometimes I just think "well, what if she likes me" out of wishful thinking Or, far more unlikely I admit, maybe she does sometimes kind of like me, and maybe she is confused that she might like my personality but at the same time doesnt fancy me that much cos of my weight or whatever... and I could have a chance, but cos I have low self esteem I just assum she wouldnt be interested. I dont know. I mean, it isnt like she flirts that way with me ALL the time, but she isnt like that with every guy at work or anything. And obviously I am not anyone's ideal man, but I could still be a pretty good boyfriend, I mean, I treat people pretty nice, and I try to be caring and everything, plus I have two degree's and I am probably at least more than average intelligence, I could beat someone up if they were harrassing in a dance club, or I could try anyway... I think I am a nice person, and its not that I am especially ugly or anything, I just could lose some weight. But then again, because she is really kind of beautiful, she could probably have her pick of men, so she wouldnt need to settle for someone like me, when she could have someone who had everything, or at least lots of money, and a car that didnt have four bald tyres and the sunroof is broke so you get wet when it rains... I think I have written too much already, relationship things confuse me, I havent dated someone for over 3 years now, and I have only ever dated a couple of people. i guess I could just come out and ask her, but I dont want to humiliate myself, plus I heard she is dating some new guy, so the situation wouldnt even sound possible. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

02-07-2004, 03:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
phoenix1002 Psycho Location: lost	Here's my advice: call her up and ask her on a date. Don't beat yourself up, second-guessing every action and trying to analyze what she does. Girls send mixed signals without even thinking about it. If she's interested in a relationship, then she'll let you know. If she just thinks of you as a friend, then she'll tell you, and that's that. Either way, you'll know how she feels about you, so you'll be able to stop trying to figure it out by her 'clues'. Think of it from this perspective-the way the situation is now, you're really only at the 'just friends' level, and you're kicking your own ass trying to figure out if there's the potential for more. If you ask her, then there's a possibility that you'll move past the 'just friends' level to the 'going out' level, or alternatively you'll remain at the 'just friends' level. But that way, at least you'll know where you stand. Trust me, its better to know where you stand with a girl, instead of being unsure. When your relationship is vague, there's also a much higher chance that you'll mindfuck yourself, which also is quite unpleasant (trust me, I speak from experience with that one). I hope this makes some sense... I think I got what I was trying to say out, but I'm not too coherent at the moment... __________________ I'd rather be climbing... I approach college much like a recovering alcoholic--one day at a time...

02-07-2004, 04:37 AM	#3 (permalink)
CinnamonGirl She's Actual Size Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell	Yep. I agree. Ask her out. The worst she can do is say no, and either way, you'll know where you are with her. Good luck & stuff __________________ "...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world." "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

02-07-2004, 10:15 AM	#4 (permalink)
Enzomat Upright	Go for it man youve got nothing to lose First off let me tell you ive seen plenty of fat, ugly , and even crippled guys with hott ass women. Maybe things are different where youre from but I know in america its really all about confidence and just being who you are. You might not get all over every chick you want but you can easily pull some premium scooch if you go on a limb and take a chance. I know im not all that and ive done ok in my life in the chick dept(i could have done alot better but like you i had confidence issues and got scared to act on women who showed in terest in me). you get so worried about them saying no or embarassing youself you dont take the time to think that if dont take the risk you will never know. Im still kicking myself for turning down alot of offers thrown my way and not actingg on my instincts. Its better to take the risk and have her say no than to be 70 years old always wondering what if. That chick sounds like a tease and she may be playingg with you but sometime when youre alone call her bluff on it and ask her out or maybe when she starts to flirt with you take it up a notch. Id also heed your coworkers warnings about her. maybe she isnt that great of a person and oure just caught up in her looks and your desire to be with her. in the end all you need to do is ask her and if she says yes or no go from there. for every girl who says no thers about 1000 who will say yes. good luck mate and stay positive and be yourself.

02-07-2004, 10:42 AM	#5 (permalink)
gabshu Psycho Location: The capital of the free world??	Seems like the one that's most preocupied with your weight is you. I recomend you work out like once in a while (if you don't already) maybe that'll make you feel better. Anyway call her and talk about anything, and then ask her out. You have nothing to loose, just try to get her to be a little more clear with you. Good luck! __________________ Go Kool Aid. OH YEAAHH http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/koolaid/

02-07-2004, 11:57 AM	#6 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	It seems simple enough. You call her for no reason at all, you say "I was thinking about you, and I decided to give you a call", and then you ask her to do something (what that is mattes little in the scheme of things). It will either be enjoyable, or it won't. If it is going alright at the end, talk about "doing something like this again" and keep it open-ended. __________________ Innominate.

02-07-2004, 11:59 AM	#7 (permalink)
Plan9Senior Banned Location: Orange County, California	If you put as much effort into getting healthy as you do putting yourself down and overanalyzing everything, you would be in shape before you knew it. Aside from any advice with your current situation, I am going to advise you to start working out. You would be amazed at how your confidence will raise just by triggering that testosterone production. You will start feeling more confident, start feeling less depressed, and best of all you actually will even start looking better. Every day you put it off is a day you could be that much closer to your ultimate goal, which I am assuming is #1. feeling better about yourself and #2. getting a girl.... so start today! Last edited by Plan9Senior; 02-07-2004 at 12:01 PM..

02-07-2004, 06:55 PM	#8 (permalink)
phlox Tilted	As a general rule, women aren't as preoccupied with physical appearance as men. Personally, I have a very wide range of physical types that I find attractive. And if you're smart and funny and treat me well, you'd practically have to be the Elephant Man to put me off. Women are much more likely to develop physical attraction to someone over time, rather than be instantly struck by lust/whatever (and when this happens to me, it's usually a bad sign, not a good one). So, ask her out! And I agree with Plan9 and others who have recommended you start working out. You probably look fine, but you'll feel better, and that's what's most important. I know if I dont' do yoga a few times and take a few long walks/jogs every week, I feel really blech. And yeah, relax! Stop obsessing! Dating is supposed to be fun, remember? Last edited by phlox; 02-07-2004 at 07:02 PM..

02-09-2004, 04:14 PM	#9 (permalink)
teriaki Tilted Location: San Francisco	Uh, hello? I never once saw anywhere in your post whether or not you actually like her "in that way". I saw a lot of "she pays me this attention sometimes, and I'm confused"- DO you like her? Would you like to go out with her in a romantic way? If so, follow the advice of the very smart men who have posted. And not to sound...mean? But if you only like her because she's paying you flirty attention, that's probably the wrong reason. And if that's not the case, good luck! __________________ Cute, but useless.

02-09-2004, 04:17 PM	#10 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	How is he going to know if she's really worth it, unless they actually spend some one-on-one time together? __________________ Innominate.

02-10-2004, 10:42 AM	#11 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	yeah, I do like her... but it seems very apparent to me its unlikely anything is going to happen between us. I hear she is dating someone else, so there really isnt any point even thinking about her. __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

02-10-2004, 06:45 PM	#12 (permalink)
phlox Tilted	You can date more than one person at a time. I like to date several people at once, it's fun. May the best man win, haha. So you should still ask her out. Where is that competativeness men are supposed to have so much of?

02-20-2004, 05:31 AM	#14 (permalink)
heyhey Upright	ask her out, see what happens......sounds like she is playing you though...

02-20-2004, 09:42 AM	#15 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	Doesn't she have a boyfriend? There are two things you don't fuck with... a man's car and his woman. In that order. If she's single, though, why not go for it. __________________ Who is John Galt?

02-20-2004, 11:06 AM	#17 (permalink)
ladyadmin Insane	There are no fairytale endings when it comes to any relationship. No matter how hard we try to force it to be like one, it's just not imperically possible. I say you don't need an excuse to call her. Call her just because you want to. There is no need to explain to her or yourself why you want to. Just go with it. You are much harder on yourself than you need be. If you are concerned about your weight or feel that it prevents you from getting the girls, then by all means go to a gym or buy some workout equipment. Concentrate on your image and get yourself feeling confident in your appearance and yourself as a person. The best way to attract any female/male is when you exude confidence in yourself. __________________ The Programmers' Cheer Shift to the left, shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

02-20-2004, 02:31 PM	#18 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	Responding to the title of the thread: a) Men often confuse affection for something sexual. Hugging, holding hands, etc. doesn't necessarily mean the woman is interested in your sexually or relationship-wise. So be careful with interpretting actions when you don't know what she intends them to be interpretted as. b) Communicate with her. You don't have to profess your undying love to her (statistically speaking, you shouldn't even if you feel that way, at least not immediately), but say that you are interested in her -or- that you sometimes interpret some of her actions as signs of _____, and ask if that's how they were intended to be interpretted. Give her an opportunity to be clear about why she does what she does, but don't pressure her into a position where she has to say she loves you or hates you or something. Obviously I'm exaggerating, but my point is that it's possible for it to be very awkward for a female if her actions are being misinterpretted by a guy, so tread carefully, but do something. If I'm totally off base with the signs of affection and whatnot, you still need to do something about it. She could be using you, or unsure that she's interested in you, or afraid to pursue you because she's got a boyfriend. Either way, you need to open up a line of communication. You'll never know unless you take action. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.) Last edited by motdakasha; 02-20-2004 at 02:33 PM..

02-20-2004, 06:49 PM	#19 (permalink)
exizldelfuego Crazy Location: Seattle, WA	Completely disregarding the point of the girl, I think the best advice given here has been to kickstart a workout routine. If you can, I'd recommend taking an hour every other day to go down to the gym. You needn't even go to a gym. I used to live on campus, so it was much more feasible for me to take the five minute walk to go work out, but now that I've moved, I've bought a couple of the little 20lbs hand weights (whatever they're called). Because I obviously don't know that much about it, it's hard to be more specific, but between using those, lunges, and situps, I've been able to maintain myself pretty well. The whole workout concept really boosts self-perception/awareness/worth/etc. and best of all, the body generally follows that perception given enough time. Not that it's anthing like your situation, but I was fresh out of highschool and starting college, and was super depressed due to a crush I had on a girl in high school (plus extremely introverted and low self esteem). Spending the time working out helped lift me out of that by making me feel better about myself, and just making me feel better all around. It kept my mind off her, and was finally able to open my eyes to all the ladies around me and, to a certain extent, me to theirs. If you would like to persue a possible relationship with this girl, even if she has a boyfriend now, I say keep constant but inconsistent contact with her. This will let her know you still exist, will help you keep a friendship with her post-employment, and give you time to make yourself (feel) more attractive. Like others have said, a lot of it has to do with how you feel about yourself and how that subconsciously projects itself to others. If you feel more attractive, you will be more attractive (in most cases).