FeltTip

Hello all...

I don't post much here - I lurk from time to time but I have a question and I think this is the most appropriate place for it.

First of all, I love my fiancee. If she never changes that's fine - I'll be happy with her. The sex we have is good and frequent. That said, I never dated anyone before her who wasn't wild and freaky in bed. My fiance is very different and I want to be careful in how I approach this because she could assume that I'm totally unhappy or (whatever).

So, anyway...sexually she is rather reserved. I think she'd be fine if we had sex with little or no foreplay in the missionary position for the rest of our lives. But like I said, it's good and frequent.

What I would like are pointers on getting her to open up - I'm not looking for her to have an orgy or a threesome or a gangbang or whatever - but just to take more time to enjoy it - maybe experiment with toys or whatever - but whatever happens, I'd just like to introduce more variety.

Any of you guys ever date woman like this who was reserved? Did any of you women start out reserved and get more adventurous due to some influence? I'm just looking for ideas that will help.

Oh, and porn is out. She is firmly anti-porn.

JStrider

hmmm maybe just start it out slower start with kissing and just gradually ratchet it up... going thru all the bases before the sex...

and for more positions... partway thru ask her to take a turn on top... or suggest mixing it up a little when shes already in the mood....

ive noticed women tend to take suggestions like that better if their already in the mood a bit...

__________________
-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto

erion

Take it slow, and COMMUNICATE. My wife was a 19 year-old virgin when I met her, and through the years we've done almost everything two people can do with one another in a sexual arena. There are times she still surprises me by wanting something kinky that I didn't think she especially enjoyed the last time we did it.

Must stop typing. I'm still at work, after all.

dragon2fire

you need to figure out exacutaly what your are looking for form her


commuctaion is key here


see if you dont know why she is so resevered in bed then its impossiable to fix you got to talk to her about this, just be honest and keep it non hostile thats really the best advice any one can give you

Strange Famous

you just need to talk to her man

Ask her what she likes, what her fantasies are, what she'd like to try. Obviously she enjoys sex from what you say, maybe she just feels a little bit shy about it - I would definitely recomend you dont come up with a whole load of suggestions that to her may sound freaky or nasty, just let her keep control - and try out new things at her own pace, and find out between you what she likes, what you like - what is good for the two of you.

I mean, you have a fiance you love, who loves you, you have a great sex life, you just want to spice it up - thats a pretty good situation you are in from that perspective. Like I said, dont rush her, dont pressure her, just encourage her to try different things and talk about what she might want, try and make her feel enough at ease with you that she can open up - that would be my advice.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

juanvaldes

time. lots of it.

Zegel

I'd have to agree that suggesting something during will be a lot better than any other time, since it will have much less chance of causing an argument. Maybe try suggesting just one thing per time, and try to keep them fun suggestions. If you can find something that she likes, then you're set. But mainly you need to get her to realise that a lot of sex is just having fun =P

wackeyass

get her good and drunk and then her freak will come out

absorbentishe

Yes! That helps any way, but communication is the key. My wife is/was like this. We'd do things, but not like I'd like, and we talked about them. I bought a toy for us to use and that opened up the door to more experimenting. We've been together 14 years, and until the last 2, she was very much like your fiance. In time, she'll open up, but you just have to be patient, and communicate.

ratbastid

I'm going to go out on a limb here. It may be a bad guess, but... check it out anyway. It might be just the thing. If not, then I completely second what Strange Famous says.

Maybe there's something YOU'RE doing that she's resisting. Maybe you're pushing for things she doesn't want--maybe she's giving in to some things, and you're interpreting that as willingness and enjoyment, when really it's just giving in.

This happens A LOT in relationships. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong, per se. But take a good, hard look and see if there is anything to apologize for, to clean up. Any pressure you may be putting on her or anywhere you're expressing dissatisfaction. It might look a lot like over-the-top protestations that you ARE satisfied. Saying that might be covering up just the opposite, if you follow me.

Just a thought.

StephenSa

While my current fiance' is adventurous, I have been in your situation. With one woman that was "conservative" in the bed room I discovered after talking to her about it that she was body concious. She didn't think her body was attractive so she was uncomfortable with sex. After I convinced her that I found her beautiful she loosened up a bit. I even had to convince my fiance' that I actually enjoyed going down on her. She had a hard time believing anyone would want to put their face "down there". Many girls have been taught since birth that sex is dirty or bad and when they grow up and get into sexual relationships they have a hard time getting over that indoctrination. It can be a real mental block. They may get to the point that "regular" sex is ok but anything outside of the basics is perverted and wrong. I'd say just keep letting her know you love her every day. Let her know you think she is beautiful. Maybe try a few things during sex that are more adventurous and magnify HER pleasure. The oral thing has moved things along for me in several relationships. If you get her really revved up maybe she will see the benefit of trying new things. Most importantly after you've tried one of these things be sure to tell her you love her and give her a good smooch!

__________________
Thousands of Monkeys, all screaming at once. Pulling God's finger.

Plan9Senior

Considering this is the #2 reason why people get divorced...why would you want to marry a girl who isn't fulfilling you sexually??

Don't bet on changing her either. Chances are she will pretty much stay how she is now.

Enjoy

Holo

K-Y helps...A lot of it. Oh wait this isn't about fisting?


I agree somewhat with Plan9 here. In my experience you are gonna get as far as you're gonna with most women in the first 6 months of sexual activity. Apply the "not all but most" rule and it applies well to your fiance' considering her reserved sexual ideas. I hope I'm wrong but be prepared if I'm not...the 7 year itch can be hard to scratch without variety.

__________________
I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince

Locobot

Light up a joint and put Outkast's "Spread" on repeat. It's on the Andre 3000 disc.

Strange Famous

Is sex really that important to so many people's relationships?

A lot of people come on here and say things in the nature of "oh, she doesnt sound a good catch" - but would these people honestly say, if you loved someone, but the sex was ok, you wouldnt want to be with them for the rest of your life?

I am not trying to seay sex isnt an important part of a relationship, or that it cant be a hella lot of fun, but to me so many people place too much improtance and pressure on it, I just think its better to be more laid back, work on slowly and together to make it better - if there is a problem.

To me, sexual relations are a really great extra, but in a relationship I would never say you should be seeing them as the priority.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

FeltTip

Perhaps I should clarify.

I never said I wasn't satisfied - right now I am. But, for various reasons, I think we have a lot more potential than we are fulfilling right now.

There are definitly positives - I'm not going to go into detail but let's summarize by saying we have very good, frequent, very conservative sex. And I think that we could grow in this area.

If she couldn't have sex at all I'd probably stay with her. I'm crazy about her and I'm old enough to know the difference between puppy love and serious love. So for anyone who was suggesting that perhaps I am not satisfied I have to disagree. There is a difference between being satisfied and still curious and being unsatisfied.

Thanks for the comments so far everyone.

Bigt6909

just talk to her... tell her how you feel... and show her exactly how you feel

__________________
Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. --Homer Simpson

datroyenschwart

This goes for anybody: Don't talk about it ahead of time. Wait until you are in the middle of the sex session and then slowly try whatever is is that you want (with the exception of multiple people) while giving passionate kisses throughout. Whether it is as simple as a different possition or as difficult as getting her to try anal, if she'll stop you while she's hot and in the mood then it wouldn't have happened anyway. Also, know your girl and try to wait until she's especially turned on.

NOTE: This goes only for people who have already had sex with their partners. This is not necessarily best for those who are trying to get someone to give in to sex for the first time.

__________________
Every day that I am alive is a great day. Life is filled with potential and love is everywhere.

illesturban

Like most everyone else that's replied, I think communication will be the biggest key. You definately need to let her know you are interested in spicing things up a bit more in the bedroom and trying new things. Maybe you should approach her explaining that by trying new things, it won't only bring you enjoyment, but will also be very satisfying to her. Try to get her to try something new one at a time to slowly open up her mind to exploring more things in the bedroom. Good luck man!

Nancy

I think that women some times can be "brought up" when it comes to sex.. I read a column a sex therapist wrote a few months ago about how to make women/men better lovers and/or how to make them try new things..

The trick about women is to praise them. a lot. If you want your woman to give you head more often then tell her the next time she's doing it (and afterwards!) how good it feels, how great she is at it and so on...it will motivate her to improve her skills and do it more often to please you. (trust me it works!)

And if you want to try a new position (doggystyle f.x.) with her then let her know that the reason why you want to try it is because it allows you to glance all over her beautiful body/hot ass during that particular position... well... you get the idea..

try it and see how it works!

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.