AUGH
 

so here's the situation. i've had a crush on a boy i met my first semester of college. we've always flirted back and forth (although he's flity with everyone) but i had never really done anything about it. a few days ago though, he came into the library and we started talking. he invited me back to his fraternity house to hang out. so we're just sitting on his couch and talking and watching tv when he starts tickling me. well one thing leads to another and the next thing i know he's kissing me.well the kissing leads to other things (not sex) and when we're done he just looks at me and says 'i don't know what you did to me.. it's like you put a spell on me'. (corny but sweet)
the problem is this... we talked the next day and he said that he didn't mean to do what he had done... he lost control or something. he knows i like him, but i cant figure out his feelings for me. he's said he doesnt want a relationship right now, but i dont know if thats telling me to back off or not. half of me wants to keep hanging out with him in hopes that he'll like me, (or maybe he already does) but the other half doesnt want to get hurt. what should i do?

You should talk to him.

People don't have "morning after" conversations to leave others with questions like that. That conversation is meant to clear things up. Things didn't get cleared up for you, obviously. So go back and ask him these questions.

You don't need to worry about what he thinks of you, by the way--you're pretty much already on the inside track on that one. It sounds to me like he's dealing with himself about something.

yea that seems to happen to everyone at some point. i would just play it cool, if you continue to be friends his real feelings will eventually come out

My guess is that he's afraid of commitment and/or not ready for commitment. Go talk to him, but be careful, you don't want to be with someone who's always thinking about how to get out. In any event, the best thing to do is to take it kinda slow if he is interested.

Saying that you didn't mean to do what you did last night and that you lost control is a way to get action and not feel any attachment to the person. I've done it many times. Fuck some girl... talk to her later and say, "I'm sorry, you're really nice but I'm not really ready to do this right now. But thank you for the great night. We should get together again some time."

I never talk to the girl again.

Erm... ok TOK

I think, from what you said, it seems like the guys issues are more with himself than you; but I would say the best thing is to do what the other people here suggested.

Talk to the guy, and say, you know "look, I dont know what happened, and I dont really get it, where are we going to go from here?" if he basically says the same "its me, not you" stuff again, then I guess he isnt interested for whatever reason.

It's prolly best just trying to move it if he doesnt want anything, cos its just gonna hurt wanting to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you - or at least thats always my experience of those situations.

i think its important to discuss it beforehand personally... Just say that you're not in the mood for a relationship, and if thats still cool... if you're leading the person on that's not a very nice thing to do

unless you dont care... then you're just a jerk

my suggestion: take it slow, there's no rush. Get to know him and talk with him.
Be careful and listen to your heart.

Like ratbastid said, that was supposed to clear things up and it didn't. So yeah, you're going to need to talk to him about it again and make him be more specific.

Here are some of the possible reasons behind his original discussion:
a) He's afraid to commit and might be interested.
b) He doesn't want to commit and isn't interested.
c) He was looking for a quickie with someone he knew he could get it from and still wants to be friends.
d) He was looking for a quickie and flat out used you.

When you approach him to clarify on his first discussion just be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear because it's a possibility, but also remember to be hopeful because good things can come out of the second discussion.

i think maybe what he's saying is that he's still getting over a heartbreak. so just take it slow and see how it goes, and don't be too offended if nothing develops out of it. (but guys will sometimes give in and be softies if you work on them just right)

I've done what ariekitten has said. Guys can be stupid when it comes to these kind of things. Hope something works out, but dont be heartbroken if it ends up to be nothing.

I see girls lead guys on ALL the time, and are usually FAR crueller in their ways. This is not a fair comment to make.

As for the guy, just listen to ratbastid. Talk to him. So many things can be solved by simple communication. Good luck! :)

Isn't that what the typical fratboy is supposed to do?

I'm a jerk.

sweety: he want's easy sex.

I must concur with wilbjammin... it sounds like he's put himself in a position where he's expecting YOU to expect some sort of commitment. You probably haven't even suggested any level of commitment, but guys tend to think that onc e the ball gets rolling, the woman will take over and have all sorts of expectations.
Maybe talk to him about it, and find out if he's really not interested (which would make him merely a creep), or if he's just having issues in defining the relationship.

Good luck, and remember to enjoy this time of your life :)

This guy just wanted some action without any strings. Trust me, I have done this a couple of times too with girls I knew I coulndn't be serious with. Basically what he's saying to you is 'I want action but that's it".

Admit Nothing, Deny Everything, Make Counter Accusations.

You'll find this creedo works in a multitude of situations.

Forgive me, but this post made me cringe on a number of levels, nothing personal.


Key Words/Phrases Used: Crush; College; He's flirty with everyone; He invited me back to his frat house to hang out; He said he didn't mean to do what he had done; He's said he doesn't want a relationship right now.

And the killer phrase: HE KNOWS I LIKE HIM.


As caustic as TOK's first post might have been, he's dead on. And I think that he speaks candidly for the majority, rather than the minority. I don't mean to belittle your feelings for him, which I am sure are genuine, but you might want to let his post sink in. As distasteful as some might find it, I think it is sound advice to consider if you want to keep a reputation intact.

I'm going to tell you this but I am 100% sure you wont listen, but I'm speaking from experience.

I have posted a number of times about my asshole past, so I know how this guy is working.

He wants sex, plain and simple. He knew you liked him so he took advantage of that.

"What about that comment though?"

Yeah.... things like that with men are planted on purpose, it's to get this running through your head, as long as you're trying to figure out what he meant you're thinking of him... which leaves the door open to more sexual activities.

The reason he told you he "cant figure out his feelings" is a cop-out. He wants to F_ck you but doesn't want to close any other doors. I promise you he has some other women on the side he's juggling.

This is the most important advice from someone who was there, just trust me on this. DONT believe you can change him. He won't change because he is getting everything he wants right now the way he is now with nothing bad in return. He may even come back speaking of a woman that hurt him so bad he "doesn't want to get hurt again". Trust me this is another fake, showing a deep casm of hurt and anguish is the best way to change an "I cant believe he did this!" to an "awww... come here...". I'll say this again, he wont change because he doesn't have to. Find a quality man and move on.

Friends with benefits???

I concur. Get away from this guy, doesn't sound like he's up to anything good.

Add me to the above-list of former-asshole guys who have done this same thing before. I concur w/ them in saying that the guy is a manipulative user. Don't waste your time by asking him these questions; this will only give him the opportunity to make up additional lies.

That has to be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.