illesturban

OK first off, let me say that Parker I believe you did the right thing, and from the sounds of it, you handled it very well.

Holo,
I read your reply and have to disagree slightly with what you said about him "not respecting his decisions." What is that!? I mean come on, obviously Parker is friends with this guy AND his wife, and probably greatly respects BOTH of them and doesn't want to see his friend make a decision that he is not only making for himself, but also for his wife and his two children...and that's the end of a marriage. If he is unhappy with his marital situation he should end it without cheating. As a child of divorce based partially on a cheating situation, I know it tears a family apart.

Parker I don't blame you for being concerned; good job.

crony

Hmm.. tough one. You tell your wife, she tells your friends wife, friend gets pissed... You keep quiet, the friend's wife may somehow find out, your wife may find out you knew the entire time, you might be in the doghouse. You're definitely in a position that I do not envy. Personally, I'd keep quiet and like you said, hope that your friend gets caught. Your wife may get pissed if she finds out that you knew, but that's something you two can recover from. At least you won't be betraying your friendship.

Toecutter

My experience tells me this: If your "friend" does not value his marriage and his family by hitting other shit than his wife, i wonder just how much this individual values your friendship, be careful regarding this guy. If you did not know he was cheating, then yeah, it wouldnt really be your business, but since you know, all i can offer up is that you must act accordingly and follow your gut in this situation. Unfortunately, you friend has made his infidelity your business by informing you about this. When the shit hits the fan, and I guarantee it will, you will be questioned about this. Good Luck. Just my $0.02.

p.s. I am of the assumption that he told you about this. If he didnt and you found out from another source, being his friend will subject you to the third degree.

Bookman

Parker, you should mind YOUR business. Pretend you didnt see it and distance yourself from your friend. If he had the balls to slip and let you find out knowing you cant stomach this then he isnt the type of friend you need around you. Analyze the history..how long the wives have been friends..how long you and he have been friends. In the end if he let you find out you shold tell him you dont want to see those kind of things.

Dont wreck his home..let him wreck it himself. Sometimes being the rat has to be rationalized to the max.

Holo

That's why I said advice "as a man", like Man to Man. There are things men (especially friends) don't do to each other. One is not snitching on him to his wife. Men have rules among them and male relationships depend on these rules due to the lack of intimacy between males. He can try talking to his friend about it, tell him he thinks he's fucking up, but then he's gotta back off and let his friend handle his business. Male friendships are a very tenous thing, and no guy likes his friend snitching on him, even if he's wrong. That's what I meant.



I'm a divorce kid too, and my dad cheated as well, but it didn't destroy the home on it's own. Cheating is just a symptom of a diseased relationship. It alone doesn't hurt the kids. Everything that leads up to cheating does: the fighting , the silences, the little digs at the dinner table right in front of you, one parent telling you private shit about the other, and putting you in the middle when they won't speak to one another. That's what destroys children. Not your dad going and fucking someone that you have no idea about since most kids don't keep up on their parent's sex lives. His friend obviously isn't happy in his marriage and should prolly try and work it out, but he isn't. It's up to him, you make the choice for him he'll resent you.

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Kaos

I think you made the right decision Parker.

Fact is, if he was unhappy and wanted a divorse, he could have done the proper thing and started proceedings to get a divorse. Plus, he's only fucking himself. If his cheating is found out and brought up in court, it's gonna ruin him a bit worse than from leaving his wife because of "irreconcilable differences" or something else.

You don't need to be the one to reveal his cheating, but you should let him know he could of chose a much better solution.

(Also, after what you told us that your friend said, it kind of sounds to me like every cheating guy who tells his mistress, "I'm gonna leave her, it's just a matter of time.")

neoinoakleys

Two words....Plausible Deniability...Live by it, keep your nose clean.

I have been in this EXACT situation. I had a friend who had 3 kids and was cheating on his wife.

Stay out of it. If you snitch, then you just lost a friend be tearing apart the family, and you look like the bad guy.

If you don't say anything and let things just run it's course and he destroys his own family by getting caught then he has noone to blame but himself.

When I say stay out of it, I mean stay out of everything related to it. Don't become an accomplice to his cheating either. Don't lie for him, or cover for him either. I made it very clear to my friend that I am not going to snitch on him. I do disagree with what he is doing, but I am not going to judge him. This is his decision, and his issue to resolve, not mine.

I will neither become his accomplice by helping him, nor would I get involved by snitching. I just stayed out of it. I suggest you do the same. You will be able to stay in good graces with everyone and you could deny you knew anything about it in the end...

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It's My Duty to Please That Booty!!

Parker

Just to keep everyone updated. My friend's wife found out last night and the shit hit the fan. That idiot also told his wife that I knew, so now she and my wife are pissed off at me also. He has been dodging me, because I am going to kick the shit out of him. So I learned a lot about my so called friend, instead of just taking the heat like a man. He decides to bring me down with the ship. I am pretty sure that his wife is going to divorce him, but she has not made up her mind. I will let you know more, but I am not sure if anything will happen soon. I only thing that will happen soon is me beating the shit out of him.

powerclown

Proud of yourself, now??

And why would you do this? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

You're making this shit up, right?

denim

Are you unclear on the concept? His "friend" sold him out.

Parker

First of all, I am can not believe that someone would think that I am making this up. It is something that I am not proud of knowing. I came to everyone with advice and I think that everyone should know how it turned out. This is my last post on this topic.

lurkette

Parker, don't go away mad. I don't think powerclown got the gist of what was going on - his comment doesn't really make sense in the context of what you just told us about your "friend." And nobody thinks you're making this up - hard as it is to believe anybody could be as dumb and disloyal as your friend is, we all know someone who really IS that dumb and disloyal. Unfortunately. Sorry you got caught in the middle.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

absence_of_color

Seen this situation before, first hand...
Keep your mouth shut.

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...absent of everything.

powerclown

How do you know his friend sold him out? Recall his original comment:
How could she have found out, if he was the only one who knew?

wilbjammin

Well, I would just say from this point forward that you were trying to get him to come clean, that you didn't want to do it for him. You should be happy that it is all in the open now, it isn't your issue anymore... there is transparency and life can go on.

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Innominate.

denim

Because I read the rest of the thread. Did you?

CheeseButtons

I think you should definetly counsel for staying with his wife. I personally would have said keep your mouth shut, but that line has been crossed...might as well play damage control right now.

__________________
Sorrow is better than laughter,
because a sad face is good for the heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:3

powerclown

He said himself that no-one else knew his friend was cheating on his wife except him.

Logical conclusion?
1. She found out her hubby was cheating.
2. Only Parker knew he was cheating on her.
3. So, unless hubby told wifey, or wifey caught hubby, or the homewrecking slut told wifey...what else is there?

denim

If you read the rest of the thread, you'd know.

powerclown

You're right, I probably still wouldn't know what happened, even if I read it a dozen times. For all I know, the whole story could be complete BS.

phoenix1002

Whoa... chill out a bit... there's no reason for this to get hostile. Parker asked for advice regarding a problem, people gave it, he acted on it, and let us know what happened. This kind of thing doesn't stay secret for very long, anyway-who knows how the wife found out. It just seems to me that the accusations are a bit uncalled for. Keep it friendly...

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