Long Distance Relationships...
 

I was just wondering how those of you that have had them have put up with the time with your SO being away? I posted kind of on this subject before and after my gf left she wanted to make sure that I knew how much she really cared for me and then there was no question that we would stay together whilst she is away (gone for 5 1/2 months), anyways I have all my mates and work and everything here which is great but what have you ppl done/ do you do knowing you miss them so much?
/where is the bucket!?:hmm:

two words, no good. the sooner the distance is erased the better off you are, the more it extends, the worst it gets.

I think it all depends on how often you communicate and/or see your SO. If your a big part of their life then there should be no worries. I've been closer to girls that lived in other states than ones that lived right down the road, so it all depends.

I'm in one with my girlfriend right now... It sucks, but I take this over the alternative any day. The only thing you can do is communicate as much as possible and make every effort to see them when the chance arises..

Long distance never worked out for me.. been there 3 times, ended badly in all cases. I think one of the best ways to be good with them being gone for so long is to talk to them on a near-daily basis (or however much you normally talk to them). That should help ease pain or whatnot.

long distance relationships really test the commitment and intimacy you have with your SO because it's definitely not a relationship out of convenience. which might, in the long run (if you can make it thru the distance), be a good thing. because you know you're not choosing this person simply because it's easy. long distance relationships take a strong connection to make it work..

i feel like will is with me all the time, in my heart and feelings. so i'm confident that things are good and will continue to be good.

Well now that the pessamists have spoken, let's answer your question.
As 1/2 of a long distance couple that travels constantly for business and education, that has been together for more years than it takes to finish university with a masters and bachelors (in the US anyway) I'd be happy to give you a couple peices of advice.

#1 is so obvious that it's almost always forgotten. Use that cell phone! I notice your in the UK, so there are few providers that offer unlimited nighttime minutes. find one of the ones that does and abuse it. While it's tempting to rely on txting for comunication, the harsh reality is that nothing meaningful has ever been said over text messaging so save it for random sexy messages when she least expects it. The most talk time with her is the goal.

#2 Utilize the british mail system. Nothing will ever match the romance of a hand written letter. The excitment of recieving a letter from the one you love can never be matched by any electronic means.

#3 commmunicate. About anything and everything. Leave out no detail no matter how small. By keeping your SO fully informed about what you did in a day you let her know that you want her to be a part of your everyday life and feel she's an important part.

"One must have the strength to choose what one prefers and cling to it. Otherwise it's better to die" - Camus, Notebooks

I think the death of most long distance relationships is uncertainty or lack of courage. If you don't know what you want, or if your relationship lacks substance, it will all fall apart eventually.

When you know that everything is right, and you're ready to really commit, then stick it out. It is all worth it.

I know this is.

I was away for 11 months from my now-wife then-girlfriend when I was waiting for my visa. I was in Finland, she in the States. I don't have to tell you how hard it can be, but keeping busy helps, as long as you make sure the lines of communication are open. Call. Write. But don't let her absence be the only thing on your mind during the day. Don't stop living just because she's away.

I'm in the early days of what I think of as a long-distance relationship. In truth, my girlfriend lives only an hour's drive away, but due to our study and work commitments, we see each other maybe once every month, and that's usually just for an hour or two, and we seldom have privacy ( i.e. I get her on her lunch break when i'm in the area, etc).

I think Arch13 has it spot-on. I also send her flowers randomly. Pay by credit card and get it delivered. She says she likes it (not only because women like flowers) because it gives her something tangible from me to focus on.

:)

i was in a long distance relationship for most of last year and it was great for the first 6 or so months. the reason it got bad was because she went through some hardships with her work (getting fucked around with her apprenticeship) and there was also some major family issues. although we talked just about every night, once all this shit hit she sorta clammed up and wouldnt say much of anything, which made me super paranoid which just made the whole situation worse. if i had have been stronger we would have lasted longer.

pretty much they are good (you learn how to really love some one and talk to them about the menial things that most people take for granted) and can work, but some times you have to give her space for a day or two, which i didnt.

all that said, we ended up getting back together after 2 months apart and that lasted another 2 months before we both new it was over. we even stayed friends for a while, until she got a new boyfriend. that didnt phase me as i was with someone for a little while afterwards, she just didnt make an effort... but thats another story.

pretty much if you both make an effort and neither of you are the jealous type (i can get very jealous and worry too much at different times) i could see it working quite well for you.

ps hope it goes well for you. if done properly the next 5 1/2 months will fly bye

My relationship of about 5 years now, getting married in April, started as a long distance relationship. We were about 300 miles away, and it started with a trip down to her city with a friend of hers.

I actually think the long distance helped us build a more solid foundation for our relationship. It allowed us to talk quite a bit, and prevented sex from clouding the beginning. We saw each other I'd say every 3 weeks on average for about a year before I moved down there.

As long as you're both committed, it can work to your advantage. As mentioned before, communication is key and a phone call a week won't cut it. I spent roughly 3000 mins a month on the phone with her (this was pre-cheap cell service, $500 bills...) and we learned a lot about each other.

been with my chick for over 4 years started in oct 99 its been long distance (>260 miles) for the past 3 years (dec of 2000 i think)
we started dating in college and got to know each other very well that first year, lived together over the first summer
we talk once or twice a day, not for hours or anything cause i don't like talking on the phone and she accepts that,
we pretty much take turns driving to see each other every 2 weeks or so, she comes to see me for longer on school breaks
she graduates in the spring so the situation will be changing after that

My relationship has been long distance for over a year (look at my location).

You both need to be devoted to each other. Use a phone, use it often, I talk to my lady for over an hour a day on the phone. It keeps us close, and it keeps us with each other, I would never be able to live any other way.

Letters - yes, letters, nothing is as wonderful as recieving a letter. Write it by hand, doodle on it, include little things from where you are that indicate that you are thinking of the other person. Writing is contagious in that sense, chances are that if you send a letter, you will get one back. Letters are re-readable, fantastically wonderful; they make the world go round.

Make plans to close the distance as often as you possibly can. Distance hurts, but makes being with the other person that much better.

Best of luck to you.

Like others have said already communication is the most important thing to making a long distance relationship work. I met my fiencee at home for the summer during University. We were together for a few months then Sept. came up and we both went away to our respective Universities on the opposite end of the country. The situation has changed a bit since then with me being at home full time working now and she's in her last year of Med school on the other side of the country but for the vast majority of our relationship it's been long distance.

We've found that this has actually strengthened our relationship. It's built up our communications skills with one another and overall I think we've built a stronger foundation than we could have being together all the time. (at least faster) We've probably talked to each other almost everyday since the long distance part of the relationship began and we communicate about everything. It can be hard at times, but in the long run if you have a relationship built on trust and communication the end will be worth it all. We're getting married this June and the long distance thing will finally be over for good.

Thanx for all the advice/support/stories everyone! I really think that this will work out (for at least the 5 1/2 mo's... I don't like planning ahead). I knew that she would be leaving when i first met her and i'm glad that hasn't stopped anything (even though.. as i said was sure this was NOT what i wanted in the beginning). She is in india working with a group teaching out there so it is hard to communicate but she asked for my work schedule and when it's best to call =D And yes.. flowers will soon be in the post for her!
Thanx everyone

Wow deep subject that kind of hits home. I have to give alot of courage to anyone who has the strength to survive a long distance relationship. Cause if you ask me thats what it takes is courage and strength.. but most of all it has to beging with the truest of love felt from your heart to survive the obsticals thrown in your path. All I can say is anyone going thru this I wish you the best and as far as myself all I can say is I hope that we have what it takes to survive to make it too the next step.

That's very encouraging to hear. My girlfriend and I just turned our relationship into a LDR, with her working in Thailand. Good to hear about successful cross-continent LDR :-)

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little bit now about 3 months and we i've about a hour and a half apart and our relationship is stronger than ever:) We see each other Friday, Saturday, and Sunday sometimes on wednesdays depending on his work schedual. This is by far the best relationship i've had:)

If the two people involved aren't meant to be together, the long-distance thing won't work. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be, and long-distance won't be a big deal, and in fact it will make the relationship even better in the long run.

That's how I feel about mine. I met my girlfriend in high school and we were together for about six months before I left for college. She had a year left to go but we decided to stay together. It's all about communication, whether it's phone, letter, e-mail, or IM. Come February we'll be celebrating 4 years together, even though we've spent a majority of that time apart due to college, we're more and more in love with each other every day.

If you have the strength and commitment, you can make it work. Best of luck to ya.

I love you sweetheart!

I had a long distance relationship for 3 years. I married her finally but I lived in California and she lived in Missouri and we turned out alright. Most will say to not do the long distance relationship. I agree with them because not all people can handle it. LONG DISTANCE ISNT FOR EVERYONE!!!

I´m in a long distance relationship now too. I think it helps to know exactly when he´s getting back. We also talk through mic almost every day, and play NWN together online. You can take it as a good opportunity to have time to yourself and to learn to be alone, not always depending on a SO for happines. Distance really test your relationship, but you can get to realize how much you love and really want to be with your SO.

Thanx again for all of the stories that keep coming in (i'm sure it's also interesting to all of you!)! It's really encouraging to here what everyone experiences/has experienced. and to know how well it can work! cheers all!

You just need to work hard at it if you want it to work....not many people want to put forth the effort. good luck

Being part of two long-distance relationships myself...

I'd suggest the phone thing, send each other little notes when they're not expected, maybe even small gifts from time to time.

Just work at it, if it's meant to be, it will be. ;) Best of luck.

oh..what can i say..for me..long distance relationships suck. I was in one for 2 years and im gonna make sure it doesnt happen again. It was just so hard.

Long distance relationships are definently hard. But the key to making it work for me is communication. If you're talking regularily, its not as hard to feel that connection that keeps you together. Good luck! :)

Even if it's over IM. I think about how annoying it is sometimes between myself and onodrim and we get to chat on IM at least and talk on the phone every now and then (long istance limits it a bit though), and then I think about my older brother who also went to a different college than his now wife and they went to school before there was IM and I wonder how in the world they did it.

Use every avenue of communication you can - it makes a big difference :)

Communication is the key

One day at a time!

Also, Arch13 is right on!

been there did that...

spent lots of money on airmail and long distance phone. there was no internet back then....

IMO, it's a waste of time. We finally got together in the same city and didn't last 9 months living in the same house.

As this has been moved up just thought i'd share (because i'm allowed to in an open forum, and brag/share I will!!!) that things are going great with the relationship and the distance is becoming manageable. Although INCREDIBLY tough cause shes not here with me its still ok because we talk often, e-mail and txt She even sprung 'The 3 words' on me!
almost 1 month down... 4 to go...

Thanx for the support/advice/stories!:D :crazy:

A friend of mine once said to me "Long distance relationships: the 4 of us are happy." It ends up that way for a lot of people. But I think that with the right connection and of course communication (as everyone has said) things can always work out.

Yep. Me and my girlfriend are about 200 miles away during the schoolyear and get to see each other about once every two weeks (sometimes once a week if we have gas money :) ). You have to communicate a lot! Being away from her has proven that my love for her is 100% pure. I know that I want to be with this girl for the rest of my life. If I can maintain a relationship for 20 months so far while being 200 miles away during the schoolyear, that's a damn good sign that you're with the right person.

-Lasereth

Yea, my SO was considering breaking it off before he left. Thank fully he didn't :) We can't wait until we see eachother! 11 months and counting :P

Even with a lot of communication, my SO and I just broke up. Thats my personal take on whether or not LD relationships are successful.

Well, here's a thread that brings back memories... my husband and I started dating in high school, and only 4 months of our dating relationship (which was about two and a half years total) was NOT long distance.

It sucked, a LOT, but I'm glad we stuck it out. Letters, cards, phone, email, instant messaging....we used all of it.

About...hmm...maybe halfway through (well, I didn't know it was "halfway" at the time), I got discouraged and told him it wasn't going to work anymore, and that we should start seeing other people. Luckily, I figured out that while other guys were a lot more accessible, I didn't WANT them.

So, yeah...very tough...but worth it in the end if it's love :)

this rings so true. Me and my girlfriend have been away from eachother for around 6 months, and its just deteriorated our relationship. but thankfully she's coming to live with me now, so all will be well again, i hope

I was in a long distance relationship last year and it worked out pretty well, and lasted for 7 months. But I was the one that messed it up in the end... We managed to stay happy because we talked to eachother contantly, EVERY single night without fail! He lived in Wisconsin (about 20 mins. from Milwaukee) and I lived in northwestern IL. It was about a 3 hour drive, that we alternated who made the trip every time we saw eachother.

Communication is the key to a long distance relationship. That's it! If you can't see eachother as much as you'd want to, the closest thing you can do is either talk to them on the phone, or maybe use a webcam...:)

Two and a half years and counting....

It's not true that it has to stay tough forever. Once you get used to dealing with each other in terms of long distance, and accept it as a neccessary part of life, it's easier to deal with. Try not to count down days all the time or dwell on how much you miss your s.o. No point making yourself miserable.

I wont do it again. even 125 miles is frustrating.

My girlfriend is about to leave for 5 months to go to Germany for study abroad.

All of the ones that I've seen have in time unfortunatly fallen apart, but there are the stories out there that say otherwise.

It's something I've done. Thoroughly enjoyed the time. Wouldn't do it again though :X

I am American and my wife is Dutch. I was living in Texas and she was in Amsterdam. We saw each other 3 times in three years. On the third time we got married. And we did this before the internet. And phone calls were damned expensive.

We've been happily married for almost 16 years.

I'm kinda in one right now. I'm serving in the army till July, and only see my gf on weekends every now and then. The most important thing is communication, talking on the phone as often as you can, sharing your day and telling what you're up to. And when we finally see each other, I try to make that weekend as good as I can so the next week that we're apart goes more easily.

We constantly keep in mind that I'm not here forever, and after this is over there will be nothing keeping us apart. Planning the future together makes us bond stronger and stronger. I think this time will do only good to our relationship.. It's not easy, but if our relationship survives this, it'll survive anything.

I think it's probably easier to be in a long-distance relationship if that's how you meet. I'm in one right now, and while I'm terribly anxious to finally get out there and spend time with her, I also don't have the sense of something "missing" that usually comes when a "normal" relationship turns long-distance.

If you love your SO, give it everything you've got. That way, no matter what happens, you'll be able to know that you did everything in your power to make this work. And if it works out for you, then so much the better!

I think it depends on a lot of factors. Mainly commitment, and reciprocity, honesty, maintaining independence, and trust.

I'm in one for a while, and while I miss her when I don't get to see her, I feel ok because there isn't any doubt in my mind or her's that this is what we want and that eventually it won't be a long-distance relationship.

On the other hand, I had a couple friends that fell for girls that lived really far away and ended up having butchered relationships that didn't last long. One found himself completely committed to someone that wasn't committed to him at all, she cheated on him. The other fell for her on the phone and internet, when she met him... dear god, one of the worst debacles I've ever witnessed. She decided to be lesbian for a few years after that one, and I don't blame her. In the case of the last situation, everything was "normal" until they finally met.

I guess the point is that these situations can work out, but you need to keep your head on your shoulders and really pay attention to what the other person is saying. Be honest, and if you feel it is worth it, put all you can into making it work.

I have been in 2 of them, and i would agree with some saying communication is the key, but sometimes its not enough. Sometimes you get a high maitenaince girl and love her to death, but not being there for her has to be one of the hardest things known to man. If you can do it, my hat is off to you.

i might be starting one in the near future.
2 weeks ago, i got together with a girl i'd liked for around a year. At the time, i knew that we would only have 3 weeks or so before she left to go back to university, which is around 1100km away from here...so, with a week to go, i'm realising my feelings are a lot stronger than i thought they were. soon enough, we'll have to decide whether things are off when she leaves, or if we want to try the long distance thing. im not looking forward to that...

Dude, if you are not married and the person that you are dating (girlfriend/boyfriend.. whatever you want to call them) leaves for longer then a few months, end the commitment. There is absolutely NO reason to hold out for somebody (who you arent married to) because they decide to leave for a long amount of time. To do so is only setting yourself up for heartache. When they return, pick up where you left off if you both decide the feelings and desire to share your life with eachother is still there. Anybody who disagrees with me about this most likely has some insecurity issues (or control issues). The cold fact is hockeyguy, you don't have a normal relationship right now. You have a phone buddy. However, whether you feel you deserve more then that is something you will have to live with right now...

Hold-Up here I never said that this has become a 'normal relationship' and would say that with any amount of disance is (at least to me) NOT ideal at all! But I do also believe that this sort of thing can work out (not saying that it WILL, but that it CAN...) and that I've done this once before (4 months), and I definitly don't go looking for this kind of thing.. last time it was me that was leaving, ah well 'what goes around, comes around' eh? And IT is hard as EVER but...I look foward to the day she gets back, and then a week later (all thigs being well) WE will be off to Canada =D

long distance relationships suck, but if you both are willing to work around the distance you can make it work

A long distance (131.5 miles one way to be exact) relationship broke my boyfriend and I up. We had been together for seven years. ( The high school sweetheart)

We started moving in different directions, started to get seperate lives, and couldn't find a meeting place in the middle. Talking on the phone does only so much, you need the physical contact.

I remember a month or so before we broke up, he would tell me stories of some friends that he knew, that I had never met, and I really didn't care. I didn't know them, and wasn't at his school with him and them and couldn't relate. It went both ways with him, he couldn't relate to my life when he would come up and visit. Everything just eroded out from under us.

He eventually broke up with me over the phone.

We haven't spoken since then and that will be two years ago this April.

Hope it works out!

I am begining not to believe much in one. After all what do I have to loose. The few words I get on my computer screen from time to time? Good luck to ya. What doesn't work for one doesn't mean it won't work for someone else.

I am a successful case where a long distance relationship has worked. My wife and I had a long distance relationship for two and a half years before we got married. The key is phone conversation. She was the last person that I talked to every night. I know taht the phone bills and get expensive, but it is worth it if it is someone that think that you are going to marry. I know that it is tough, but just think of it this way when and if you someday get married. You can travel for your job and the independence that you created being away from each other will help your marriage because you are already use to it.

......don't work.

Update (becasue someone bumped this back)- things are still good over a month in.. we are now planning on going back on hols to Canada (to see my family/friend from over there!) when she gets back. It's tough, but yes the phone calls are a necessity i find, and now that she has a new phone for txting it is nice to recieve them as well! So far so good.. just under 4 mo's to go.. So long, but yet.. getting there. (and yes I am enjoying myself with my mates and all over here still!!!)

Thanx all

A long distance (131 miles one way) broke up my seven year relationship. We saw each other almost every weekend and talked on the phone EVERY night...if one of us couldn't talk for the night, we would call the other person just to tell them that.....Anyway, the distance just started to take it's toll on us. I was meeting new friends at school and he was doing the same at his. At night we would talk on the phone and tell each other about the things we were up to with these new friends, but neither of us new them personally so we couldn't relate to each others stories...in other words, we were growing apart.

One night he called me up and asked about my opinion on maybe taking a break from each other. It seemed weird since we were practically taking a break from each other already (during the week) I slept on it and two days later he cut ties with me over the phone.....SEVEN F-CKING YEARS ended over the telephone!!! It has been almost two years now and I have not seen or heard from him since. That makes you kind or reevaluate what kind of relationship you were in...what kind of person...who out of the blue throws you away like a piece of garbage, when just the week before was perfectly normal. He has never come crawling back to me and I haven't done the same. It's like the wind came, picked him up and blew him away. *Sigh*

I'm in a new relationship...(six months and going strong) Next week we go on a trip fro nine days to Jamaica...(That he paid for!) But things in our future are not looking that great, since he is now graduating in May and I still have another year or two at school. He has never done the long distance thing and I have. I have been with this guy for six months and I'm affraid that if a seven year relationship couldn't make it, how can this one?


I. Hate. Long. Distance. Relationships.

:)

my girlfriend and i have had a long distance relationship for 14 months now and we're still going strong. we chat online for a couple hours everyday and we utilize the unlimited nights and weekends on my cell phone plan and talk anywhere from 2-5 hours every night. we visit each other each chance we get. i'll be at the same college with her in 5 months and then the long distance aspect will be gone.

long distance relationships can work. it just takes effort from both sides. and try to end the long distance part of the relationship as soon as possible.

I can beat most of you guys.

My gf and I go to school over 600 miles apart: Mizzou and MSU.

We have only seen each other on vacations but we are going strong. I'll admit its hard when there are so many other girls around you right now but if you can fight temptation it's worth it. For me it is because I love this girl.

Tips for you guys, make sure you talk either online or on the phone, write silly little letters and notes, and the time we do have together on our vacations we make the best of EVERY second.

I have ALOT more stamina when I know I'm going to be around my girl for only a short time period.

Regardless of how pure and honorable our intentions are, we must all remember that we're human beings, and as such we have very powerful and practically irresistible needs for companionship and physical contact.

Long-distance relationships are not healthy (in my opinion) because as time goes on the temptation to cheat becomes greater and greater. And furthermore, even if you have the willpower to resist the temptation to cheat there's no guarantee your significan other will be strong to resist the urges of the flesh.

:)

Yeah Definitely i have had experience in a long distance relationbshio ant they do not work!! :P

im currently in a LD relationship.. been for for over 2 years now.. met her online.. and we talk everyday.. she's in new york area, and im in sask, canada.. im totally in love with her.. she's been here twice to visit, and i've been there 3 times... all in the last year.. both of our parents are very supportive of it.. as weird as it may be lol... im waiting to finish my schooling here then move there to be with here.. all my friends here think i'm crazy for doing this.. but i've never connected with anyone the way i do with her..

Long Distance
 

if the feeling is there you can make it work, I married my LDR years after I returned. I was away for 1 year.

I think long distance relationships can really work. Like everyone else has mentioned...communication is key. As for long distance telephone bills...that was a problem, but we've since moved to Skype p2p calling on the PC. It's free and worldwide and I think the quality is better than the phone. It's beta, so there are still some issues, but it gives me the ability to "sleep" with the one I love. I leave it on all night and I can hear every breath he makes.

It's the little things that make you feel close to each other and that add up in the end.

I'm just hitting this one myself. My wife to be in still in Japan, and I'm PCSing to Hawaii. Lot's of paper work and things to get done before we can get married, so we have to do the long distance things for a while. Try and write her every day, but I do wory about it sometimes. Had one other long distance thing once, and while I would call it a bad ending, it was an ending, and I don't want to go through that again. I just keep reminding myself about how much she means to me, and try to make sure she knows that to.

UPDATE- Things are still going really well between us two and a bit months (almost half way) though. Had a minor argument of sorts the other day cause we hadn't spoken/contacted in about 3-4 days but other than that things have been sailing as smooth as I could have hoped i suppose. I still think about her ALL the time and she says the same about me. So HOPEFULLY we're getting there.. and only two and a bit months to go! Also, shes now coming back to Canada with me in June (6 days after she returns from india to REALLY mess up her jetlag...) on holiday for 3 weeks. Getting close now (still SOO FAR OFF THOUGH...), but realizing just how important talking with each other is because otherwise the mind starts to wonder and thinks about WAY too much!
Thanx again for all the still incoming stories everyone good to get both sides.. good and bad.. hopefully they're of use to others as well!
-T

I'm sure long distance relationships are fine if you know what you're doing. If not, they'll just end terribly. Like just about everything else in life.

.

:)

it will be hard, and then easier, and then harder again.

Unless you are 100% sure about this person, get out now.

well... it sounds like everything has already been said... but its fun to talk about our own experiences so here...

my girlfriend and i have been together for about 2 years... in the beginning we onyl saw each other like once a month or twice... we live 2 and a half hours away from each other (150~miles) and well, the one thing that got us together was that we kept talking every night... i live my day she lives hers, but at night it was OUR time... and well... it's still working 2 years later...

all i can say is that... hey you should still live your life no matter what... but don't forget your loved one either... as long as both of you have the drive and desire to stay together... you will be... hey you'll be amazed how powerful that drive is... hey we all have a sex drive that's strong.. you can use that TYPE (notice i said type) of energy towards your relationship =)

good luck!~