HockeyGuy

I was just wondering how those of you that have had them have put up with the time with your SO being away? I posted kind of on this subject before and after my gf left she wanted to make sure that I knew how much she really cared for me and then there was no question that we would stay together whilst she is away (gone for 5 1/2 months), anyways I have all my mates and work and everything here which is great but what have you ppl done/ do you do knowing you miss them so much?
/where is the bucket!?

slimcr

two words, no good. the sooner the distance is erased the better off you are, the more it extends, the worst it gets.

NeoSparky

I think it all depends on how often you communicate and/or see your SO. If your a big part of their life then there should be no worries. I've been closer to girls that lived in other states than ones that lived right down the road, so it all depends.

Homey_V

I'm in one with my girlfriend right now... It sucks, but I take this over the alternative any day. The only thing you can do is communicate as much as possible and make every effort to see them when the chance arises..

cylune

Long distance never worked out for me.. been there 3 times, ended badly in all cases. I think one of the best ways to be good with them being gone for so long is to talk to them on a near-daily basis (or however much you normally talk to them). That should help ease pain or whatnot.

__________________
A sword unsheathed is drawn bringing legions of demons to their knees. By the covenant prepared before the earth itself still. So many choose to warm themselves beneath deception.

anti fishstick

long distance relationships really test the commitment and intimacy you have with your SO because it's definitely not a relationship out of convenience. which might, in the long run (if you can make it thru the distance), be a good thing. because you know you're not choosing this person simply because it's easy. long distance relationships take a strong connection to make it work..

i feel like will is with me all the time, in my heart and feelings. so i'm confident that things are good and will continue to be good.

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

arch13

Well now that the pessamists have spoken, let's answer your question.
As 1/2 of a long distance couple that travels constantly for business and education, that has been together for more years than it takes to finish university with a masters and bachelors (in the US anyway) I'd be happy to give you a couple peices of advice.

#1 is so obvious that it's almost always forgotten. Use that cell phone! I notice your in the UK, so there are few providers that offer unlimited nighttime minutes. find one of the ones that does and abuse it. While it's tempting to rely on txting for comunication, the harsh reality is that nothing meaningful has ever been said over text messaging so save it for random sexy messages when she least expects it. The most talk time with her is the goal.

#2 Utilize the british mail system. Nothing will ever match the romance of a hand written letter. The excitment of recieving a letter from the one you love can never be matched by any electronic means.

#3 commmunicate. About anything and everything. Leave out no detail no matter how small. By keeping your SO fully informed about what you did in a day you let her know that you want her to be a part of your everyday life and feel she's an important part.

__________________
Seen on an employer evaluation:

"The wheel is turning but the hamsters dead"
____________________________
Is arch13 really a porn diety ? find out after the film at 11.
-Nanofever

wilbjammin

"One must have the strength to choose what one prefers and cling to it. Otherwise it's better to die" - Camus, Notebooks

I think the death of most long distance relationships is uncertainty or lack of courage. If you don't know what you want, or if your relationship lacks substance, it will all fall apart eventually.

When you know that everything is right, and you're ready to really commit, then stick it out. It is all worth it.

I know this is.

__________________
Innominate.

Prince

I was away for 11 months from my now-wife then-girlfriend when I was waiting for my visa. I was in Finland, she in the States. I don't have to tell you how hard it can be, but keeping busy helps, as long as you make sure the lines of communication are open. Call. Write. But don't let her absence be the only thing on your mind during the day. Don't stop living just because she's away.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

Vaultboy

I'm in the early days of what I think of as a long-distance relationship. In truth, my girlfriend lives only an hour's drive away, but due to our study and work commitments, we see each other maybe once every month, and that's usually just for an hour or two, and we seldom have privacy ( i.e. I get her on her lunch break when i'm in the area, etc).

I think Arch13 has it spot-on. I also send her flowers randomly. Pay by credit card and get it delivered. She says she likes it (not only because women like flowers) because it gives her something tangible from me to focus on.

__________________
"Failing tastes of bile and dog vomit. Pity any man that gets used to that taste."

jay-g

high_way

i was in a long distance relationship for most of last year and it was great for the first 6 or so months. the reason it got bad was because she went through some hardships with her work (getting fucked around with her apprenticeship) and there was also some major family issues. although we talked just about every night, once all this shit hit she sorta clammed up and wouldnt say much of anything, which made me super paranoid which just made the whole situation worse. if i had have been stronger we would have lasted longer.

pretty much they are good (you learn how to really love some one and talk to them about the menial things that most people take for granted) and can work, but some times you have to give her space for a day or two, which i didnt.

all that said, we ended up getting back together after 2 months apart and that lasted another 2 months before we both new it was over. we even stayed friends for a while, until she got a new boyfriend. that didnt phase me as i was with someone for a little while afterwards, she just didnt make an effort... but thats another story.

pretty much if you both make an effort and neither of you are the jealous type (i can get very jealous and worry too much at different times) i could see it working quite well for you.

ps hope it goes well for you. if done properly the next 5 1/2 months will fly bye

__________________
A stranger is just a friend you havent met yet.

Impostor of the imposturous

ApexgriN

My relationship of about 5 years now, getting married in April, started as a long distance relationship. We were about 300 miles away, and it started with a trip down to her city with a friend of hers.

I actually think the long distance helped us build a more solid foundation for our relationship. It allowed us to talk quite a bit, and prevented sex from clouding the beginning. We saw each other I'd say every 3 weeks on average for about a year before I moved down there.

As long as you're both committed, it can work to your advantage. As mentioned before, communication is key and a phone call a week won't cut it. I spent roughly 3000 mins a month on the phone with her (this was pre-cheap cell service, $500 bills...) and we learned a lot about each other.

__________________
-
apexGrin

sigma1042

been with my chick for over 4 years started in oct 99 its been long distance (>260 miles) for the past 3 years (dec of 2000 i think)
we started dating in college and got to know each other very well that first year, lived together over the first summer
we talk once or twice a day, not for hours or anything cause i don't like talking on the phone and she accepts that,
we pretty much take turns driving to see each other every 2 weeks or so, she comes to see me for longer on school breaks
she graduates in the spring so the situation will be changing after that

__________________
[Arthur] HA HA HA HA, It's a little joke![/Arthur]

numist

My relationship has been long distance for over a year (look at my location).

You both need to be devoted to each other. Use a phone, use it often, I talk to my lady for over an hour a day on the phone. It keeps us close, and it keeps us with each other, I would never be able to live any other way.

Letters - yes, letters, nothing is as wonderful as recieving a letter. Write it by hand, doodle on it, include little things from where you are that indicate that you are thinking of the other person. Writing is contagious in that sense, chances are that if you send a letter, you will get one back. Letters are re-readable, fantastically wonderful; they make the world go round.

Make plans to close the distance as often as you possibly can. Distance hurts, but makes being with the other person that much better.

Best of luck to you.

sherpahigh

Like others have said already communication is the most important thing to making a long distance relationship work. I met my fiencee at home for the summer during University. We were together for a few months then Sept. came up and we both went away to our respective Universities on the opposite end of the country. The situation has changed a bit since then with me being at home full time working now and she's in her last year of Med school on the other side of the country but for the vast majority of our relationship it's been long distance.

We've found that this has actually strengthened our relationship. It's built up our communications skills with one another and overall I think we've built a stronger foundation than we could have being together all the time. (at least faster) We've probably talked to each other almost everyday since the long distance part of the relationship began and we communicate about everything. It can be hard at times, but in the long run if you have a relationship built on trust and communication the end will be worth it all. We're getting married this June and the long distance thing will finally be over for good.

__________________
"It'd be better for me if you don't understand"

HockeyGuy

Thanx for all the advice/support/stories everyone! I really think that this will work out (for at least the 5 1/2 mo's... I don't like planning ahead). I knew that she would be leaving when i first met her and i'm glad that hasn't stopped anything (even though.. as i said was sure this was NOT what i wanted in the beginning). She is in india working with a group teaching out there so it is hard to communicate but she asked for my work schedule and when it's best to call =D And yes.. flowers will soon be in the post for her!
Thanx everyone

EruptiveDreamz

Wow deep subject that kind of hits home. I have to give alot of courage to anyone who has the strength to survive a long distance relationship. Cause if you ask me thats what it takes is courage and strength.. but most of all it has to beging with the truest of love felt from your heart to survive the obsticals thrown in your path. All I can say is anyone going thru this I wish you the best and as far as myself all I can say is I hope that we have what it takes to survive to make it too the next step.

__________________
Can you imagine Moses asking Congress to pass the ten commandments?

Amano

That's very encouraging to hear. My girlfriend and I just turned our relationship into a LDR, with her working in Thailand. Good to hear about successful cross-continent LDR :-)

saleenobsessed

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little bit now about 3 months and we i've about a hour and a half apart and our relationship is stronger than ever We see each other Friday, Saturday, and Sunday sometimes on wednesdays depending on his work schedual. This is by far the best relationship i've had

ironchef82

If the two people involved aren't meant to be together, the long-distance thing won't work. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be, and long-distance won't be a big deal, and in fact it will make the relationship even better in the long run.

That's how I feel about mine. I met my girlfriend in high school and we were together for about six months before I left for college. She had a year left to go but we decided to stay together. It's all about communication, whether it's phone, letter, e-mail, or IM. Come February we'll be celebrating 4 years together, even though we've spent a majority of that time apart due to college, we're more and more in love with each other every day.

If you have the strength and commitment, you can make it work. Best of luck to ya.

MazdaspeedZOOM

I love you sweetheart!

bonehed1

I had a long distance relationship for 3 years. I married her finally but I lived in California and she lived in Missouri and we turned out alright. Most will say to not do the long distance relationship. I agree with them because not all people can handle it. LONG DISTANCE ISNT FOR EVERYONE!!!

__________________
Stuff is Good

gabshu

I´m in a long distance relationship now too. I think it helps to know exactly when he´s getting back. We also talk through mic almost every day, and play NWN together online. You can take it as a good opportunity to have time to yourself and to learn to be alone, not always depending on a SO for happines. Distance really test your relationship, but you can get to realize how much you love and really want to be with your SO.

__________________
Go Kool Aid. OH YEAAHH

http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/koolaid/

HockeyGuy

Thanx again for all of the stories that keep coming in (i'm sure it's also interesting to all of you!)! It's really encouraging to here what everyone experiences/has experienced. and to know how well it can work! cheers all!

bonehed1

You just need to work hard at it if you want it to work....not many people want to put forth the effort. good luck

__________________
Stuff is Good

Vespertine

Being part of two long-distance relationships myself...

I'd suggest the phone thing, send each other little notes when they're not expected, maybe even small gifts from time to time.

Just work at it, if it's meant to be, it will be. Best of luck.

shileno

oh..what can i say..for me..long distance relationships suck. I was in one for 2 years and im gonna make sure it doesnt happen again. It was just so hard.

onodrim

Long distance relationships are definently hard. But the key to making it work for me is communication. If you're talking regularily, its not as hard to feel that connection that keeps you together. Good luck!

__________________
"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

SecretMethod70

Even if it's over IM. I think about how annoying it is sometimes between myself and onodrim and we get to chat on IM at least and talk on the phone every now and then (long istance limits it a bit though), and then I think about my older brother who also went to a different college than his now wife and they went to school before there was IM and I wonder how in the world they did it.

Use every avenue of communication you can - it makes a big difference

__________________
Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

bonehed1

Communication is the key

__________________
Stuff is Good

sexymama

One day at a time!

Also, Arch13 is right on!

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

Cynthetiq

been there did that...

spent lots of money on airmail and long distance phone. there was no internet back then....

IMO, it's a waste of time. We finally got together in the same city and didn't last 9 months living in the same house.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

HockeyGuy

As this has been moved up just thought i'd share (because i'm allowed to in an open forum, and brag/share I will!!!) that things are going great with the relationship and the distance is becoming manageable. Although INCREDIBLY tough cause shes not here with me its still ok because we talk often, e-mail and txt She even sprung 'The 3 words' on me!
almost 1 month down... 4 to go...

Thanx for the support/advice/stories!

lucidity

A friend of mine once said to me "Long distance relationships: the 4 of us are happy." It ends up that way for a lot of people. But I think that with the right connection and of course communication (as everyone has said) things can always work out.

__________________
Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see. -William Newton Clark

Lasereth

Yep. Me and my girlfriend are about 200 miles away during the schoolyear and get to see each other about once every two weeks (sometimes once a week if we have gas money ). You have to communicate a lot! Being away from her has proven that my love for her is 100% pure. I know that I want to be with this girl for the rest of my life. If I can maintain a relationship for 20 months so far while being 200 miles away during the schoolyear, that's a damn good sign that you're with the right person.

-Lasereth

__________________
"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

Unga

Yea, my SO was considering breaking it off before he left. Thank fully he didn't We can't wait until we see eachother! 11 months and counting :P

WarWagon

Even with a lot of communication, my SO and I just broke up. Thats my personal take on whether or not LD relationships are successful.

CinnamonGirl

Well, here's a thread that brings back memories... my husband and I started dating in high school, and only 4 months of our dating relationship (which was about two and a half years total) was NOT long distance.

It sucked, a LOT, but I'm glad we stuck it out. Letters, cards, phone, email, instant messaging....we used all of it.

About...hmm...maybe halfway through (well, I didn't know it was "halfway" at the time), I got discouraged and told him it wasn't going to work anymore, and that we should start seeing other people. Luckily, I figured out that while other guys were a lot more accessible, I didn't WANT them.

So, yeah...very tough...but worth it in the end if it's love

__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Ace_O_Spades

this rings so true. Me and my girlfriend have been away from eachother for around 6 months, and its just deteriorated our relationship. but thankfully she's coming to live with me now, so all will be well again, i hope

__________________
Feh.