daddy issues and boyfriend freakouts - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

prettypinkfiary · 05-01-2003, 09:58 AM

first of all thanks to anybody who reads this.

some background info. : My mother was divorced twice before I was ten and both were pretty traumatic for me. she remarried when I was 13 and started haveing more kids and became pretty depressed during my teen years. I have alot of abandonment issues. I have some problems trusting my Bio Dad and I was raped by a boyfriend in HS. I have alot of trust issues.

the situation: My boyfriend and I have known eachother for years and been together for 6 mos. Before that he was my best friend. He's been away in the army for 8 mos and will be returning home my monday. I should be happy about this. Insted I'm scared shitless! I'm afraid he'll need space and i won't know how to give it. I'm afraid i'll not fit into his life. I'm afraid i'll be afraid of his readjustment period and i'm afraid i'll eb so afraid i'll forget all about him (i've done this allready he says) Have any of you with military or traveling spouses/boyfriends figured out a way to deal with your loved ones readjusting to life at home? How do i get over my fears of backing off when i just KNOW he'll quit me like a bad habbit if i let go. the strange thing is he's a pretty attentive if typical guy. he calls every night we talk about our days etc. he says i love you without solicitation on a very regular basis.

Memalvada · 05-01-2003, 10:26 AM

Sometimes I have these issues too. My advice is to not let your fears get control of you, that will get you acting strangely, and he probably wont want you to be that way around him. And I doubt that he'll want space, if he's been away for 8 mos, he'll probably want to spend a lot of time with you.

Mango · 05-01-2003, 03:26 PM

I had a reply all typed out but it all boils down to this. If you love him and he loves you just go with the flow and don't forget to tell him you love him.

william · 05-01-2003, 06:14 PM

Speaking w/a bit of military history, he may or may not want to spend time away from you. A couple of things you need to understand - he has been away. So he is not used to someone at his side all of the time. Give him space, but go w/the flow. You should be able to tell when he wants space and when he wants you near.

Janki · 05-01-2003, 06:53 PM

It's been well said, and good luck.

05-01-2003, 09:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
prettypinkfiary Upright Location: Louisianna	daddy issues and boyfriend freakouts first of all thanks to anybody who reads this. some background info. : My mother was divorced twice before I was ten and both were pretty traumatic for me. she remarried when I was 13 and started haveing more kids and became pretty depressed during my teen years. I have alot of abandonment issues. I have some problems trusting my Bio Dad and I was raped by a boyfriend in HS. I have alot of trust issues. the situation: My boyfriend and I have known eachother for years and been together for 6 mos. Before that he was my best friend. He's been away in the army for 8 mos and will be returning home my monday. I should be happy about this. Insted I'm scared shitless! I'm afraid he'll need space and i won't know how to give it. I'm afraid i'll not fit into his life. I'm afraid i'll be afraid of his readjustment period and i'm afraid i'll eb so afraid i'll forget all about him (i've done this allready he says) Have any of you with military or traveling spouses/boyfriends figured out a way to deal with your loved ones readjusting to life at home? How do i get over my fears of backing off when i just KNOW he'll quit me like a bad habbit if i let go. the strange thing is he's a pretty attentive if typical guy. he calls every night we talk about our days etc. he says i love you without solicitation on a very regular basis. __________________ Makeing the world a better place, one pouff of fairy dust at a time

05-01-2003, 10:26 AM	#2 (permalink)
Memalvada Psycho Location: South of the border	Sometimes I have these issues too. My advice is to not let your fears get control of you, that will get you acting strangely, and he probably wont want you to be that way around him. And I doubt that he'll want space, if he's been away for 8 mos, he'll probably want to spend a lot of time with you. __________________ "The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)

05-01-2003, 03:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
Mango Banned	I had a reply all typed out but it all boils down to this. If you love him and he loves you just go with the flow and don't forget to tell him you love him.

05-01-2003, 06:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
william Psycho	Speaking w/a bit of military history, he may or may not want to spend time away from you. A couple of things you need to understand - he has been away. So he is not used to someone at his side all of the time. Give him space, but go w/the flow. You should be able to tell when he wants space and when he wants you near.

05-01-2003, 06:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
Janki Upright	It's been well said, and good luck.