Woody182

To start out we're both 21, my gf and I have been sort of taking a break but still kissing as we leave each other and spending a lot of time together. I'm thinking about just cutting it off though b/c she was the one that initiated the break (said she wasn't ready to make a full committment and be as serious as the way we were headed after 10 months of dating) and things don't seem to be improving (it's been 3 weeks and we're still veyr happy around each other and have a lot of fun but I can't deal with not being completely affectionate with her).
I guess I'm just having a tough time realizing that we may break up and there no "incident" of sorts. She basically just says she loves spending time with me (and is the one calling/making plans) but just doesn't feel the same way about me. "Something changed" to quote her. She handles herself very maturely in relationships and decided to tell me this versus staying together and not being happy. I took the approach that it was a problem the two of us would get through and I would do what I could to help (slow down, sorta play it by ear). But it's just getting very hard for me to keep doing this and not be "with" her. I've told her this and she then goes on about she's not forcing me to stay with her.
Any feedback would be appreciated. I'm sorry this is so long. Any questions let me know, I just don't exactly know what avenue to take. My ultimate goal is to be back together but I suppose if not, then to be friends.

__________________
If I fall in love, will you forgive me?
If I lose my way, will you choose me?
If I change my mind, will you change me?
-Smashing Pumpkins

Toecutter

Um, Regis, I'm going with "Break it off", and the sooner the better. You are being played, plain and simple. She's calling the shots and has you by the short-hairs.
Sometimes in life, if you want to make an omlet, you have to break a few eggs. What im trying to say through that metaphor is that in order to maintain your dignity and self-worth, there might be and "incident', but what it comes down to is that when a relationship is in the shitter, you have to look out for yourself.

Thats just my opinion, i could be wrong.

wilbjammin

Why can't she commit? What is she afraid of?

She's holding out on you, she's not telling you everything. Don't hold out and try to get her to commit if she's not willing to commit and gives you NO reason why she can't. It is a terrible waste. How is it mature to suddenly say "oh, I don't know... it changed, I tell you what, let's kiss and I'm going to try to move on to something else." Have her cake and eat it too. You deserve a real explanation, and without it there is nothing left for you to hold on to. I would call her out on it, if I were you.

This is actually a pretty typical thing that I've seen girls go through before their transition into "real life." They're looking for something, they don't even know what it is, but it has something to do with this ideal of the future that they've formed. I wonder how much career choices and image and money matter to her. There are questions to be asked, and you probably know better than I what those are.

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Innominate.

slimcr

yeah if its a problem for you its probably bettre off to break completely. you're only gonna get in more trouble and feel worse if she doesnt want to be with you and you want to be with her.

it can be difficult but perhaps it might be the best thing for you emotionally.

sexymama

If you don't want to break it off totally -- and obviously she doesn't want to -- then start dating other woman too. She'll either want you to herself or not care. Either way tells you a lot.

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

HockeyGuy

Sounding to me as if you should be breaking this off! sounds as if she wants to break it off, but still has slight feelings for you, and knows that you have incredible feelings for her and is playing on this. (wether she knows it or not). Sounds as if she is looking elsewhere i'm sorry to say. But then again.. what do i know?!
good luck mate!

toxic515

Walk on, my brother... You're being strung along.

__________________
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies
like a banana.

chrisg299

I kinda had a similar situation cept I wasn't with the gal as nearly as long as you...in a way it seems like you two are just 'friends with benefits' for the time being, since you said you aren't together anymore and all but still do things. Honestly, I think you're better off just stopping it alltogether....as i said b4 the same kind of thing happened to me and my gf at the time said things 'had changed' out of the blue and we broke up but we were still very flirty (which is still beyond me) and we still kissed etc and yet she didnt really have any feelings for me but we still in a way were together as yourself and your girl. It ended up kickin me in the ass and now i just left her alltogether and god is life better :-D i think you should tell her straight up for an explanation or you're done with her bc you're not gettin anywhere buddy, youre wanting to go on and on and get more serious and YOU CANT shes playin you for a fool

rockzilla

Like The King said, don't be like him, or me, or just about any other guy that's ever lived. Most of us have let a woman use us like that at some point, they have strange powers.

I'd turn the tables on her and say "I really like spending time with you, but if you don't put out soon, I'm gonna get bored"

MSD

What she meant: "I like you, but I met a guy I want to be serious with, and I want you to break it off because I want to feel like it's your fault instead of feeling guilty, but we can still be friends."

Another possible meaning: "I'm too young to make such a serious committment and if I go on any longer, I'm afraid I won't be able to go back, but I'm afraid to dump you because I still want the option of getting back together in the future and I don't want you to hate me for it."

You two need to sit down and talk.

Zorvox

If she isn't willing to commit to you, then why should you to her?

I know it isn't easy, and it'll be mighty hard.. but put your HEAD before your HEART.. and break it off

Good luck!

Woody182

Thanks so much for all the feedback. I guess I shouldve given more background though. I've been friends with her for about a year and a half and we have the same group of friends. I know for a fact it's not another guy, while we're home from school here we all go out as a group of friends all the time and stuff and I know that it's not another guy.
The tough apart about breaking it off is that we're friends with the same group of friends and stuff so we still see each other etc.
I can pretty much guarantee she won't date anyone for the next six months following this, and I don't think I can exactly hop right into it either. In the meantime we've always hung out with the same group or together (before we were dating) so I guess I need to instill some major changes in that.
I'm still really optimistic about her and I and that's why I am hesitant about stopping things completely.
If I were to....something such as, "Listen, you have some things you need to figure out and I'm open to listening if you want to talk to me about it, otherwise I think we should not see each other so much b/c it's too hard for me." Would that work?

__________________
If I fall in love, will you forgive me?
If I lose my way, will you choose me?
If I change my mind, will you change me?
-Smashing Pumpkins

Harshaw

Just break it off. The sooner you get out of there, the sooner you can start looking for someone who isn't going to treat you like crap.

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This too shall pass.

sillygirl

If you want to stay with her, stay.

I was in a similar relationship with a guy. Not exactly the same, mind you, but it was definitely a teeter-totter between him wanting a relationship and him not wanting a relationship. I stuck it through. It was painful, and both of us ended up hurt. But we're together now, and I'm happier than I've ever been in a relationship. You've gotta decide for yourself. Talk to her.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

wry1

I was going to join the choir telling you to break it off, but I think sexymama has got a good point: you really do need to date someone else - and soon!

This doesn't need to be something long-term, or even something which results in a bunk-up. But you need to get out there, realize that your life isn't over if you're not with this girl, and start making some inroads toward finding "the one". The previous comment about breaking a few eggs to make an omelet is quite true, you know; but the eggs will be your various relationships until you find that special someone who "clicks" for you.

You'll know it when it happens....but evidently this current one isn't it.

dragon2fire

if you do break it off it is very important that you make it a total break

Crack

Sounds like she want to be the "good guy" in the relationship and have you break it off so she can come out in the end smelling like roses... Do you share any common friends? You might not end up keeping them after the fact. Happened to me, I lost a lot of friends after a girl strung me along and I fianally had to break it off, then everyone felt sorry for her.
To quote a great movie
"MARK: Your only mistake is that you didnt dump her first. Diane Court is a show pony. You need a stallion, my friend. Walk with us, and you walk tall.
LUKE: Bitches, man.
DENNY: Somebody better get that kid a condom." (Say Anything)

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Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex.

~Halx