dumbnutofak

I guess this is more for the girls.

When you start dating a guy, does he tell you who you can and can't hang out with (as far as guy friends...)

I don't do it, and that apparently pissed my ex-gf off, which I just found out tonight and it is bugging me is all.

Eh oh well, I dunno. Just curious.

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vonstalhein

Why the hell should that bother her!?

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ConFuSioN

is she fukn 16 yrs old or something??
Tell her straight out (if u wanna b in a serious relationship) that "no-one is going to be in 'command' of this relationship... not me, OR you, i dont order u around, and u dont order me around, ill give advice just like u should, and we decide on each others opinions on how much we agree or dissagree and how much it means to us"


hope this helps??

lurkette

She's warped. If she was upset because she thought it meant you didn't care, she has some rather strange notions about healthy relationships (unless both partners are into the dom/sub thing). Shrug your shoulders and carry on.

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Rlyss

I had a partner like that once, recently. I wasn't fussed with who she hung out with and she took it as a sign of me being too relaxed about our relationship. She thought that if I really cared then I'd be jealous and get upset about that sort of thing.

ratbastid

A friend of mine once dated a (psycho) girl who tested all the boundaries of their relationship--including who she could hang out with, flirt with, fool around with, etc. She didn't do those things because she wanted to, exactly, she did them to test him.

This has echoes of the same thought process.

vveronica

if a guy tells me at ANY point of a relationship who I can or cant see HE IS HISTORY

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raeanna74

It isn't a healthy sign for the relationship if the guy Does say who she can and can't see. When either one starts to control like that it can get really messed up too quick. If she was looking for your advice on the friends she had and wanted to know someone elses perspective on who are better/healthier people to be around then that's one thing. I hope she can learn that what you did is the right way.

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dumbnutofak

Same...Im glad that was a past relationship....I just found out yesterday that's how she felt. I was curious what everyone else had to say.

So no relationship now...which is fine by me... for the time.

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juanvaldes

well put.

Pragma

I'd never dream of telling my girlfriend who she could talk to or hang out with - it'd be downright rude and disrespectful. I trust her completely, so if she goes and hangs out with guy friends, I may be a little jealous that she's not spending time with me, but I'm not worried about "oh god, she's off with some guys and could be cheating on me."

I think your girlfriend has issues, and you need to sit down and have a serious talk with her about it.

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dragon2fire

o to hell with her


any man that treats a woman they claim to love like that can go to hell and any woman looking for that is screwed up


be glad the insucre ass is a ex


move on to some one you can trust and who trust you

i8one2

<----I am a controlling guy, not an insure one, big difference.
For what is worth, she wants me to control her, is now just a matter of degree. And I can tell you its very hard work.

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Cheesebreath

I'm with vveronica and juanvaldes.... if some guy tells me who to hang out with, and can't trust me... what the hell is the point??

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Sledge

Out of curiosity, what is the distinction between a controlling guy and an insecure one? Can you give an example where a guy is "controlling" but not insecure?

Thanks.

Nefir

A relationship should be based on mutual trust. Control is a way of compensating for lack of trust/security. I'm a guy, and if a girl was trying to control me, I would run, not walk, away from the relationship, but I would also expect her to do the same if I was trying to control her.

But thats just me. Your situation describes a girl dependent on the control of others... I dunno what happened to her in the past, but it sounds like she's having trouble coping with independence. Or is just wacked in the head.

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skysooner

Sounds like she is taking this for lack of interest in her. This does sound like something a 16 to 19 year old would do. Just play it cool. I used to bend over backwards to change myself for women when I was dating just to have the relationship fall apart when I might say something that I would normally say (but she didn't want to hear). I found someone that could accept me for me. It took some rocky times before she figured me out, but it is so much easier when you find that person.

gabshu

She´s wako. If she didn´t like your friends then she shouldn´t hang out with them, but why would she care if you did. Some people are just crazy.

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Mantus

I dated/known chicks like this…you would be surprised how many there are.

I am very casual when it comes to the guys my girl friend hangs out with for a damn good reason: just because I am dating doesn’t mean I am going to stop hanging out with all the girls I know. Therefore if I would hate being told that I cant hang out with girls I knew for half my life then I am not going to do the same.

So I would assume that these chicks are using the reverse argument. They don’t want me hanging out with any other girls therefore they expect me to think the same. I say: no dice.

Jesus Pimp

Depends on the guy. If I know them and they're genuinely nice guys then it's no problem. If I know them and they're total asshole, or they're guys she met on the net, or spends more time with the above more than me then I make a fuss.

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Boo

Bobby,
(totally out of context)
dumbnut, you dating guys?

Just WHERE do you find these girls? This the one with the whip?

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dumbnutofak

Big M, Actually that was the mermaid that told me that. She is pissed @ me ( you can see my other post). I don't care...lol no loss for me, well there is... less confusion.

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Boo

Don't rush it. Meet every woman you can. Learn relationship skills. Enjoy life. Think healthy. Get educated. Put some $$ away. Do volunteer work (not court ordered btw, ROFLMAO). Buy real estate. Start a small business. Get a real estate license. Learn to cook. There are many things that can take you where you are going.

Whatever you do.... NEVER EVER EVER..... crash your moms new wheeler!

[IMG]http://groups.msn.com/_Secure/0SQAXA4wUydQTKLTpF8gxZZlCcZfacRJhmS8RFMUSoziUPYrrUZOjjRNynDcmAVFNpxLHQDeSBaCFoOdoPx2C9U3uj79Uwkek6qqYm*ksLCjc0z3DNzuIyw/04GRIZ6604X4_BLU_4.jpg?dc=4675453441625994923[/IMG]

toxic515

God... that's like the dumbest thing I have ever heard... Walk away, and don't look back.. really, or you might get turned into a pillar of salt or something.

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emphant

On the other hand...

I'm not advocating being controlling, don't get me wrong. That said...

Not wanting your girlfriend to hang out with certain people is certainly within reason. For example, an ex boyfriend. Or lets say, some guy you know is very, very charming and whatnot, it's very fair to not want your girlfriend to hang out with them.

I am of the opinion if you are dating someone, you should both cut back on your friends of the opposite sex, seems kind of like common courtesey to me. I'm not saying your best lifelong friends, but more of the casual type aquaintences.

emphant

I reread my post, I didn't mean to make it seem like only women are guilty, men do it too no doubt. Sorry for the confusion.

lightning

It may just be an overall impression she has of you instead of a specific complaint. What I mean to say is, she may want more leadership outta you and the only tangible area she can verbalize is this 'who can I hang with' thing.

Nice guys get seen as spineless alot of times and often taken advantage of. Even though it takes alot more guts to be a nice guy than to be a jerk.

Nazggul

Right on V. This girl is whacked.

FishKing

BOO
That is Dad's Wheeler not MOM's
Just for the record. Walk away and enjoy life! Don't let some girl get you wrapped around the "Ranger Axel of LIFE". In other words don't let one girl consume your life. You seem to always look for a replacement of the one you lost and not try other models. (Roger wilco Ranger three) HEHE!

Halx

it's a lifestyle... fits into the BDSM category. It's definately not run of the mill stuff.

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dumbnutofak

Aww Hell Naw1 Boo and Fishking...u are both wrong...that is MY new wheeler.

Like I said before i ain't trippin over it. i was just curious on everyones opinion.

Have a nice day and a wonderful new year.

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FishKing

Your new wheeler? NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need to look for a place to live. You can't even pay your bills. Your one messed up kid. Tell everyone how your trying to screw your parents.

uptown

Controlling behaviors can be difficult to spot and they can be insidious,slowly over time eroding what on the surface appeared to be a healthy relationship.

Controlling people often have great fears over their own internal landscape,unble to deal with their own affect they attempt to control people,places and things around them.Such folks are also often at high risk for substance abuse issues.

Controllers gain a foothold often by getting their partner's to begin doubting and questioning their own value and worth.They feed their partner's double messages and are often master's at delivering insult disgused as a compliement or employing the use of sarcastic humor.Passive/aggresive forms of behavior are also common.