Girlfriend kisses other girls.
 

In a nutshell, I met an amazing, blow my socks off girl while studying abroad in London. She´s my age, 20, and loves me as much as I love her (or so it seems). We´re wild in bed, have tons of similar interests, and love spending every minute together, exciting or boring.
While we were in London though, she got pretty flirty by the end of our trip with the other girls who were in our group. She never did anything more than kiss and maybe make out on the dancefloor for a few seconds. I´m just wondering if you think this is healthy. Here´s the main thing: I personally don´t care too much as long as I know she loves me, but it´s odd because when we go out to clubs, we don´t wind up spending much time together. If I´m sitting with my guy friends, she´s off dancing, enjoying being with herself on the dancefloor ( I think she likes the attention). Knowing that she´s got love for me, she resorts to only dancing with girls in that she won´t dance with other guys when I´m not there. Odd or not?
We´ve also got a different relationship than normal. We´re kind of into dominance and submission and she likes calling me her master and when likes me calling her my slave (I like this too!) So I feel like I should almost let my little girl run off and do what she wants with other girls as long as she holds true to me. It´s fine for the shortterm, but do you think this says anything important about the longrun? We´re about to begin a semi-long distant relationship (visits about twice a month) and I´m just wondering what I should think...
Thanks for listening guys
-T

How would you feel if she were kissing guys? Should probably treat it the same way...

Have you talked to her about this? You should find out what she thinks. And if you're doing the long distance thing, can you trust that she's not gonna be messing around with other people?

I think you should talk to her about it and tell her honestly what you think.

It seems, to me from several of the late teen, early twenties girls/women I've talked to that kissing girls and three way kissing (2 girls and a guy), is kind of a trend or something like that.

(This is simply my view and I may be way off since I'm obviously not a female.)

Maybe the fact that it really drives guys crazy is the deal... that kind of power with the guy having no real control can be very intoxicating.

Anyway, the days of the guy being the driver in sexual relationships is for all intents and purposes over.

Sex always has a component of power... and now women are finding new ways to take some of that power for themselves.

Face it your girl making out on the dance floor with another girl can turn you on... maybe make you wish you were right in the middle of them... start all sorts of fantasies... and make you really hot for her... And leaving her in control of deciding when she will take care of you... She's now driving. And this sublte change of roles can be quite exciting.

Basically... "she's got hand" ... go with it

Hmm well in a girls view, I have kissed other girls, but, for me at least it is not that I am interested in anything else. Mostly i did it when i knew my Bfriend was watching.. As far as the Dom Sub thing there, In that I have A LOT of experience and if you want to Pm me i might be able to give you some advice there...
If she is into the master/slave thing, find out right now how much... It can be a very sensual experience and really help in a long didtance relationship..

I think on a much subtler level everyone is into the dom/sub thing.

Maybe not even consciously. But everyone enjoys control and if they will allow themselves to can enjoy the results of allowing someone else to be in the drivers seat.

The sesuality is always there if you can get out of your head and your pre-progammed hang ups.

But I mean control on a much more visceral level.
I've had a girlfriend tell me how powerful she felt and how turned on she got from passionate kissing and caressing outside of her house after a date (it was so passionate she made me cum just by the body contact).

She felt immense sexual power that she could make me do that. After that the sky was the limit for her. Masturbating me just to watch me blow, again commenting on how cool it was to have the power to do that. There were other things she would do to revel in this power as well. (better not get off track her, lol)

Other women have since confirmed this.

Power is a very relevant theme in our sexual make up... usually for good some times bad... but thats another discussion.

I'm with Av on that one. I dont care what sex they are. If you are in a relationship, she needs to keep be making out with you on the dancefloor.

Maybe you need to get off the wall and get on the floor w/ her? :)

I've dated a couple of bi girls before, and my rule of thumb has always been, until the relationship gets really serious, they can do what they want with girls so long as they aren't skanky about it. I mean let's be honest, girls can give other girls things I can't. But yeah, once it got to like serious, yeah monogomy.

YOU ARE A LUCKY BASTARD!!!

Not the way you'd think. I've dated a couple girls, but I have only had one girlfriend.

A relationship can be whatever you two allow it to be even if it allows her to make out with other women. It's all a matter of setting up boundaries so you're both comfortable.

You're evidently not comfortable with the fact that she kisses other girls. Tell her how you feel about it and if she does nothing about it or doesn't even try to understand where you're coming from then perhaps you should consider getting another girlfriend.

I disagree. My ex kissed girls and even had a girl eat her out once and it didnt bother me at all, especially since it was her first same sex experience. She wouldnt go anywhere near another guy though and I dont think she'd want to. Women and men have a different energy. I found it sexy. She wanted me to tape her having sex with another woman because she wanted me to be there and be involved in some way so she wouldnt feel like she was cheating on me.

What it boils down to is that if it bother you then theres a problem, if it doesnt then there isnt one.

Let me first say "I hate you". Where do I find myself one of those.....

If it don't bother you, don't worry about what the norms are doin.

"And the problem is..... ?"

I'm kidding. I can only speak from my experience. Watching lurkette kiss (and other things) a girl is about the hottest thing I can think of. And, in our so-far-limited experience, she always takes EXCELLENT care of me afterwards. So as far as I can tell it's all for the good.

You've got to be dead secure in your relationship first, though. There can't be any weirdness or uncertainty there.

Great responses, I didn't think you guys would be able to relate which I was extremely wrong to think!
It doesn't bother me up front at all. I enjoy seeing her have a good time. But as I said in the original post, my concerns were the long run. So yeah I have concerns, but only that I just don't want it to get out of controll. So boundaries will be the best answer. And again, the distance thing is what I'm worried might make the kissing of girls a stepping stone to things beyond the boundaries we set. Thanks guys, more comments highly welcome.
And to those of you who said stuff like "lucky guy" and all, well thanks! But it's all relative. I do consider myself lucky though because she fills in just about every "dream girl" characteristic that I had before I met her. And this is why I'm posting this message; I don't want to lose it but I don't want to put a halt on what I let her do in her life if she choses to drift somewhere that I can't stop.
-T

I think it all depends on what type of guy you are. You obviously sound like you aren't cool with her making out with other girls on the dance floor, so it sounds like your mind has already been made up.

I personally, would treat this relationship as short term. Do you really want her kissing other girls if you eventually get married and have kids? Maybe you do, that's for you to decide.

That was exactly my first thought. :)

yep, dancing is fun :D

Personally... I think for a girl, there is something different in kissing another girl. I dont think it means she wants to or will ever leave you for a girl (you never kno tho!). But to me....kissing another girl would be totally different then kissing a guy. I think girls find comfort in kissing each other, and I really think all girls are bound to at least experiment with another girl.

3some 3some 3some......lol sorry i just see good to it. but i also somewhat agree with the others on looking at it as if it were a guy she was kissing.

i definatly think you should discuss this with her. communication is the #1 thing that will keep a relationship staple IMO.

Well, if you are offended by it, you should talk to her. At the worst, she'll think you're fine with it and continue. But don't be too assertive, and tell her that you think she's great and compliment her. Good luck

First off, don't try to tame a girl like this, chances are she will not like it and find somebody else.

Secondly, you are far too young to be needing a committed relationship LET ALONE a long distance one. Keep in touch with her, but FFS, who cares what she is doing, you guys arent married ;).

It honestly sounds like you are not ready to be involved with a girl in this scene.

This is what I've been preparing myself for. She returned home from our trip abroad a week before me and I've only heard once from her since. I've been tempted to write her emails telling her I miss her because I truly did at the time (Being alone in new foreign countries will do this to you!) But I understood that it was just from random emotion and held back from doing so. I think I need to let her drift where she will and not try to tame her. I do think she will still drift in my direction though, we've had some great times together. Either way, I think I'm just going to take a step back and play it out and stay out of harm's way for a bit... ;)
Thanks guys
-T

Enjoy it!
If you can't, and it bugs you...um..start kissing other guys and see how she feels about it...
~Crack

firstly, i think kissing guys vs. girls is somewhat different. i mean i kiss girls but a big part of that is that my bf really likes it. and he also lets me kiss other boys, because i'm an affectionate little thing, but i don't think i really care about that side as much as being free to kiss girls. i mean i would stop both if he wanted but kissing girls provides me with a whole new side of thing. kissing boys i can get from my boyfriend.
secondly, i think you should be true to your feelings. i mean maybe you are young and the long distance thing is a pain in the ass, but i hate it when people don't give you credit for your emotions because of that. and if you want to be with this girl tell her and tell her how you feel and what you want out of this.
that's my rant. good luck.

Good luck making sense of all that advice! Personally, the best i can offer is just do what seems right, i often abide by this rule, and some weird little hobgoblin inside of me generally gets it right.

I like the last few posts. Much more self-philisophical. I have always done what I thought was right, but I've made myself pretty hurt in the past! En Vitro Veritas I guess... ;)
-T

I really hope Art or i8one2 respond to this.

Either she's bi, or very bi-curious and just likes to kiss other girls. Some girls like making out/groping other girls, but wouldn't have sex or a relationship with one.

The thing is, you're looking at this in BLACK and WHITE. You see it as either bad & abnormal or just paranoia.

The fact is, you're not considering her point of view. To her, this "behavior" is her normal way of doing things, her modus operandi, her "thing". It's who she is and what she does. You seem to think that the type of person that she is depends on what you find acceptable or are willing to accept.

I'm not saying this is all your fault, in fact I think you have a great thing going and I applaud you for being as open-minded as you already are. Either her ways are something you're going to be into, or they're not. Don't try to change her, it's not your job to restrain another's "wild" ways. You're either along for the ride or it's not your cup of tea.

Talk to her about the kissing thing. Tell her how you feel about it and that you wonder if it's something you should worry about. Being as she seems to really enjoy the Dom/sub thing, she MAY be into a whole lot of things you know nothing about, and may not be cool with.

Does she like to bite, or be bitten, especially during sex? How about deep scratching? Has she ever mentioned being tied up? If you said yes to any of these questions, you MAY have a different type of girl on your hands than you know. _I_ am a different type of guy than you'd think, and my private life is very much different from my more public life.

Good and bad don't exist. It's either what you are or are not comfortable with that will dictate the future of your relationship.

Best of luck to you! It sounds like you can both learn from each other, and I always like a good love story!

That's hot, hot, hot!!!!! Don't complain if you're OK with it!!!!

Long Distance is really the problem in my eyes! You must talk that through before hand so that you both know what to expect!

You guys all crack me up! Thanks for the great replies.


Analog: I know what you're saying. It's funny though, everyone seems to think that I'm really against her kissing other girls. Maybe they think so because I was the one that brought it up so I must have an underlying problem going on with it...Well no, I just want to see if you guys think it is normal (within my given, stated situation) and if you think it could lead to disrespectful, venturing behavior. I am looking it in black in white right now though, you're right. You've said some pretty deep stuff, thanks man.
And as far as the biting, scratching, tying up part. We've definitely experimented with these and they have become normal, and even necessary, in our regular forplay/sex activities :p
We're quite freaks actually and have only pushed the limits every time we could. I'm almost 100% satisfied with our sexual relationship (100% being beyond most "normal" guy's sexual needs and wants ;) )
So yeah, she's into pushing the limits, edge play, looking for new experiences...Letting her run around and make out with other cute girls: Think this could lead to her eventually drifting off or would ending it be trying to tame this girl who says she loves me and restrict a personality that isn't meant to be restricted? I think I'll have to, and want to, shoot for the latter.
Peace
-T