New Relationship Question - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Spiker · 12-10-2003, 01:46 PM

I'm looking for some insight into a new relationship. I've been single for 6 months after a 3.5 year on again, off again relationship with a hard to get along with, issue laden partner. Over the last 6 months I've been introduced to several girls but no one that turned my crank.

I've met a girl a about 3 weeks ago. We've spent alot of time getting to know one another and have been out 4 or 5 times. We've been intimate once. From what I've seen so far she is very cool and has the right type of personality for me. I've been married once and have had two other long term relatonships. She has been maried once and left a long term last June as well. From those experinces I've learned what I want in a partner in terms of her outlook on life, freinds, family etc. She seems to fit the bill.

So, how long should one wait before getting serious? I'm in no hurry, but dragged my last few out to the point they left! I'm thinking if after 12 months all seems well, it's a good time to get engaged and/or start talking about buying a place together?

I only want to do this one more time, so I want to be sure!

Thoughts? Thanks!

Averett · 12-10-2003, 01:50 PM

After exactly 303 days.

There is no timeline for these things. Gotta do what you feel is right.

It's only been 3 weeks though, don't try to look too far ahead. She might be right for you, or you might just be seeing that new relationship glow. Take it easy and let things happen.

Good luck!

absorbentishe · 12-10-2003, 02:18 PM

Amen sister! That is something that you really can't put a time limit on. If she starts talking about marriage or moving in, in the first month, I'd shy away, but if it starts to look like you're growing closer by the day, the do what you feel is best for both of you.

rufgti · 12-10-2003, 02:58 PM

Man, that's good advice...

lurkette · 12-10-2003, 03:48 PM

Averett, like ratbastid, speaks the truth!

Put yourself on a timeline and you're in for some hurtin'. See what feels right for both of you. Take your time getting to know each other and let things evolve. It's not like you push a button that says "serious" on it and BAM! now you're serious.

You like her now - keep hanging out with her. If you still like her in a few months and she feels the same way about you, great! Keep doing it! Repeat as needed.

Holo · 12-10-2003, 04:28 PM

As far as moving in, minimum 6 months, no matter how much you feel for her. Actual exclusive commitment is gonna be from the heart. But give yourself time before moving in with her. If you have a good relationship it will last until a commitment to living together is made. You want to keep your autonomy as long as possible to allow the relationship to develop as individuals who want to spend time together.

analog · 12-11-2003, 12:40 AM

I hate- HATE to use car metaphors with women, but in this case I must.

You should be with her long enough to know exactly where her buttons are (just the important ones), how she handles under all conditions, and how comfortable you can get before you can't see where you're going. Meet her parents. I agree that the moving in business should be 6 months or so, because that allows for an ample amount of time for exploratory procedures. It gives you a nice "i'm sure it's what I want" buffer. Don't forget that going too fast can be worse than too slow, and you apparently already know what happens when you go too slow.

Best of luck!

skysooner · 12-11-2003, 07:09 AM

I have been with women who I was getting serious with but it didn't feel right after 6 months. When I met my wife, it was 3 weeks until the time I knew I wanted to marry her. Like someone said above, there is no timeline for this. You will know.

Bloodslick · 12-11-2003, 09:21 AM

lurkette, I thought there was an optional "serious" button down there with "profile", "pm" and the rest. Now I'm disappointed.

Spiker, a wise old man once told me these words:

Quote:

Use the Force, Luke. Let it guide your actions.

. . . Well, he wasn't really talking to me, but the advice holds.

tecoyah · 12-12-2003, 05:31 PM

all relationships are serious

Zorvox · 12-12-2003, 05:53 PM

Day by day..

sailor · 12-12-2003, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Averett
After exactly 303 days.

There is no timeline for these things. Gotta do what you feel is right.

It's only been 3 weeks though, don't try to look too far ahead. She might be right for you, or you might just be seeing that new relationship glow. Take it easy and let things happen.

Good luck!

What she said

12-10-2003, 01:46 PM	#1 (permalink)
Spiker Upright	New Relationship Question I'm looking for some insight into a new relationship. I've been single for 6 months after a 3.5 year on again, off again relationship with a hard to get along with, issue laden partner. Over the last 6 months I've been introduced to several girls but no one that turned my crank. I've met a girl a about 3 weeks ago. We've spent alot of time getting to know one another and have been out 4 or 5 times. We've been intimate once. From what I've seen so far she is very cool and has the right type of personality for me. I've been married once and have had two other long term relatonships. She has been maried once and left a long term last June as well. From those experinces I've learned what I want in a partner in terms of her outlook on life, freinds, family etc. She seems to fit the bill. So, how long should one wait before getting serious? I'm in no hurry, but dragged my last few out to the point they left! I'm thinking if after 12 months all seems well, it's a good time to get engaged and/or start talking about buying a place together? I only want to do this one more time, so I want to be sure! Thoughts? Thanks!

12-10-2003, 01:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	After exactly 303 days. There is no timeline for these things. Gotta do what you feel is right. It's only been 3 weeks though, don't try to look too far ahead. She might be right for you, or you might just be seeing that new relationship glow. Take it easy and let things happen. Good luck! __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

12-10-2003, 02:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
rufgti Crazy Location: North of the Border	Man, that's good advice... __________________ Sometimes, you gotta say no to a stripper....

12-10-2003, 03:48 PM	#5 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Averett, like ratbastid, speaks the truth! Put yourself on a timeline and you're in for some hurtin'. See what feels right for both of you. Take your time getting to know each other and let things evolve. It's not like you push a button that says "serious" on it and BAM! now you're serious. You like her now - keep hanging out with her. If you still like her in a few months and she feels the same way about you, great! Keep doing it! Repeat as needed. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

12-10-2003, 04:28 PM	#6 (permalink)
Holo A Real American	As far as moving in, minimum 6 months, no matter how much you feel for her. Actual exclusive commitment is gonna be from the heart. But give yourself time before moving in with her. If you have a good relationship it will last until a commitment to living together is made. You want to keep your autonomy as long as possible to allow the relationship to develop as individuals who want to spend time together. __________________ I happen to like the words "fuck", "cock", "pussy", "tits", "cunt", "twat", "shit" and even "bitch". As long as I am not using them to describe you, don't go telling me whether or not I can/should use them...that is, if you want me to continue refraining from using them to describe you. ~Prince

12-10-2003, 02:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Amen sister! That is something that you really can't put a time limit on. If she starts talking about marriage or moving in, in the first month, I'd shy away, but if it starts to look like you're growing closer by the day, the do what you feel is best for both of you.

12-11-2003, 12:40 AM	#7 (permalink)
analog Banned	I hate- HATE to use car metaphors with women, but in this case I must. You should be with her long enough to know exactly where her buttons are (just the important ones), how she handles under all conditions, and how comfortable you can get before you can't see where you're going. Meet her parents. I agree that the moving in business should be 6 months or so, because that allows for an ample amount of time for exploratory procedures. It gives you a nice "i'm sure it's what I want" buffer. Don't forget that going too fast can be worse than too slow, and you apparently already know what happens when you go too slow. Best of luck!

12-11-2003, 07:09 AM	#8 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	I have been with women who I was getting serious with but it didn't feel right after 6 months. When I met my wife, it was 3 weeks until the time I knew I wanted to marry her. Like someone said above, there is no timeline for this. You will know.

12-12-2003, 05:31 PM	#10 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	all relationships are serious __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

12-12-2003, 05:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
Zorvox Crazy Location: Sydney, Australia	Day by day..