Euphanisms for masturbating
 

Inspired by the what do you call sex thread.

My favorite:
flogging the dolphin
beating the bishop
slapping the one eyed snake

get the basics out of the way:
jerkin' it
wackin' off
petting the monkey
cleaning the pipes
fucking rosy

Sorry, I am only posting the link because there are waaaay too many synonyms for beating the meat (hey, there's one):

http://www.allaboutsex.org/mastsynonyms1.html#words1

taking care of myself

pumping the crowd up

i simply refer to it as wanking. it works.

I call it masturbation or gooing.

reflecting
jerkin' the gherkin'
slingin' yogurt
rubbing one out

What's wrong with wanking or jacking off? Masturbating is for when i talk to girls about it, hehe.

Whipping a batch off by hand

Stroking one out.

"Can I call you back? I'm in the middle of stroking one out."

flogging your log
wanking your crank
beating your meat
spanking your monkey
pettin the lil fella
wanking
masturbating
pulling off
rubbing one out
having a bat
a larryup

What about female masturbation?? No one's gonna talk about pearl diving?

I call masturbation the 'bonus of the day.'

" And how are you today sir,?"

" Not bad thanks, think it's going to be a bonus of the day."

waxing bobo.

Rock out with the cock out.

I'm partial to "rubbing one out" or "doing the laundry"

An old roommate of mine used to refer to it as "dorking the donkey" Whatever the hell that means. :)

Thats alot of euphanisms. Personally i just prefer to "whack it" but whatever ><

Going Number 3

Plan B

that made me laugh. :)

wanking.

That's horrible!

Tom Waits once referred to it as "Making the scene with a magazine"....

"Hey, I'm not weird about it or anything... I don't tie myself up first..."

The new one I heard today is "taking myself for a walk."

He's in the other room "roughin' up the suspect!"

Having an evening in with Palmala

haha i havnt heard that one before but i like it.


"give it a tug" or "tuggin it"

For myself, I call it rubbing one out or going on a date with BOB, depending on the scenario.

When refering to males, I usually refer to it as good old-fashioned jerking off.

Going out with Mrs Palmer and her five daughters!
Knocking the top off!
Five knuckle shuffle!
Belting one off!
Poor man's porn!
Jerkin the Gerkin!

:thumbsup:

Well women masturbate too you know:

Stirring the troth
twiddling the furry grotto
polish my pearl
giving the bearded lady a poke in the nose
saving a spot in hell
Beat the beaver
Composing on the single key piano
Digging a trench
Digging for clam
Dip your digits
Engaging in a hot button issue
Fiddle with your middle
Fluff your muff
The Harmonious hand hump
Itch the ditch
Ladle out the gravy boat
Paddling the pink canoe
Play poker
Play the clitar
Play couch hockey for one
Spelunking
Split your slit
Squeeze the peach
Stirring the clam chowder



...
...
...

i feel dirty
*sulks in the shower*

I dunno about slang for masturbation but I call semen "The Swimteam".

"Taking matters into your own hands" i.e. There comes a time in every man's life where you just have to take matters into your own hands.

choking your chicken,
lonely buisness trips.

Having fun with the gun

I got a laugh out of 'pulling my pud' the first time I heard it, but my favourite is

"I'm gonna go anger some Catholic Gods..."

shooting the sheriff and waiting for the possy to arive!

And a date with Jill - if you put your right hand out with the plam away it spells out jill...

hehe

Random generator and the original 14 page list

...and a truly original one:

Building my LEGO fortress.