Desirability:Sex and disability - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

redravin40 · 11-20-2003, 08:00 PM

This a very interesting article about folks with disabilities who work in the sex industry.
It is often hard to see past the disability to the sexual human being.
These stories gave me some interesting insight.
Are there aspects of this that make you uncomfortable or maybe turned on?
Or does it matter at all?

Quote:

Desirability: Wounded healer

Pamela Walker

Pamela is a sex educator - sometimes paid, sometimes not. She is 53 years old, but looks much younger.
She is beautiful, sexy and vibrant.
She speaks publicly on disability and sexuality and is very pro-active within the disability rights movement.

Disabled from the age of 18 months with polio, she has used a wheelchair since she was 30 years old.
She now lives in Berkeley, California, with her partner Michael, who is twenty years younger.

"I have often engaged in sex as a healing method, having encounters with people who have a poor body image or are rebounding from a failed marriage.
I also engage sexually with people who want to try doing things that are less conventional, but don't feel comfortable with their partners.
This might include non-traditional positions, dressing up, spankings, role-playing etc.
Part of my responsibility is to help my sexual partners overcome their fears."

Pamela sees her sexuality as being a part of everything that she does - it is an integral part of her personality.
Her disability quickly made her aware of the contradictions within society's view of sexuality and disability.
She felt that she was a sexual person, yet she was treated as asexual: "I became a sex educator as a natural progression, after discovering that I could be a sexual person on my own terms."

Pamela often acts as a sexual counselor to people who are coming to terms with a recent disability.
The programmer features a session between Pamela and a thirty-year-old man who was recently paralyzed in a driving accident.

Another aspect of Pamela's role as a sex educator involves increasing the publics awareness of the issues that surround disability and sexuality.
She trains staff at Good Vibrations, a renowned local sex shop, about how best to serve disabled clients.
Her training sessions include visual demonstrations in the use of sex aids.

S&M role-play is an integral part of Pamela's sexual identity.
She acts as a dominant to men who are willing to be submissive. As part of the role-play, she might blindfold her partner and play mind games to get them off balance.
"I have learned much about the true nature of power through being both a submissive and a dominant.
When playing a dominant role,
I have a power often denied to me as a disabled woman in real life.
It has enabled me to be more powerful within my own life."

Twice a week Pamela receives a massage to help control the constant pain that she feels due to her impairment.
"My home is my sacred space, and as a result I am very careful who I allow into it.
I need a masseuse who will accept my lifestyle and not judge me if she finds scratches or bruises on my body due to my sexual practices.
Elisa is more than a masseuse - she and I are confidants."

In May 2002, Pamela danced in the annual San Francisco Carnival.
She attends the carnival every year, skimpily dressed, and dances through the streets of the city's notorious Mission district. She gets fantastic reactions from the spectators and other participants: "People get physical with you.
It's a very sensual experience."

There are three other stories to go with Pamela's.
You can find them here Link

WarWagon · 11-20-2003, 08:07 PM

Neat. Nice to see someone putting a little, ok, a lotta fun before a disability.

wilbjammin · 11-20-2003, 08:08 PM

One of the sexiest women I have ever run across was a strong-willed woman in a wheelchair. What was so surprising was how she practically seemed stronger from her chair knowing that she had more obstacles than everyone else and she was eager to face every challenge. There was a vibrancy to her life, and a beautiful defiance. I would have had no trouble persuing a relationship with her, if she was not already married when I met her.

Vyk · 11-20-2003, 09:49 PM

I dated a girl who was partially paralyzed from the hips down from a car accident. She had been thrown from the car and impacted her neck. She was an incredibly sexy person. I don't care if she had to use crutches to walk around or not. She was a very stimulating and vibrant person who was just bursting with life and energy.

The relationship with her was interesting but this is the sex board so I'll just stay on topic. Sex with her was interesting. She had no feeling in her clitoris from the accident but she could feel me inside of her. She was unable to experience orgasm but she enjoyed the feeling of intercourse immensely. There was much more emphasis on foreplay from the waist up with her than any other relationship I'd been in and it was refreshing and exciting in its 'newness'.

I think people often dismiss out of hand the sexuality of a disabled person to ultimately, their great loss.

Have an open mind, it can be worth it.

11-20-2003, 08:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	One of the sexiest women I have ever run across was a strong-willed woman in a wheelchair. What was so surprising was how she practically seemed stronger from her chair knowing that she had more obstacles than everyone else and she was eager to face every challenge. There was a vibrancy to her life, and a beautiful defiance. I would have had no trouble persuing a relationship with her, if she was not already married when I met her. __________________ Innominate.

11-20-2003, 09:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
Vyk Insane Location: Dayton, Ohio	I dated a girl who was partially paralyzed from the hips down from a car accident. She had been thrown from the car and impacted her neck. She was an incredibly sexy person. I don't care if she had to use crutches to walk around or not. She was a very stimulating and vibrant person who was just bursting with life and energy. The relationship with her was interesting but this is the sex board so I'll just stay on topic. Sex with her was interesting. She had no feeling in her clitoris from the accident but she could feel me inside of her. She was unable to experience orgasm but she enjoyed the feeling of intercourse immensely. There was much more emphasis on foreplay from the waist up with her than any other relationship I'd been in and it was refreshing and exciting in its 'newness'. I think people often dismiss out of hand the sexuality of a disabled person to ultimately, their great loss. Have an open mind, it can be worth it. __________________ "Courage of the heart is very rare"

11-20-2003, 08:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	Neat. Nice to see someone putting a little, ok, a lotta fun before a disability.