adultery - pondering?
 

Okay, this is more for you married TFPers... Have you ever considered going outside the bounds of matrimony? Did you follow through? If so, what happened and how did it affect your marriage?

I'm married and am constantly desiring to fool around, but know that if I did, it would totally betray my wife and family. On the other hand, I'm constantly imagining scenarios in which I hook up with other ladies. Am I crazy or what?:crazy:

Stick to imagining it. Fantasies are great. If you want the fantasy to come true see if your wife will roleplay. You could create her character and she could create yours.

I'm married and could never even think of cheating on my wife. Sure I fantasize about others but would never act on it. The only way I could see myself having sex with anyone other than her would be with her total approval and hopefully involvement.

Don't do it, nuff said.

And this is from someone who did. What looks tempting now is the same thing you have at home. Imagine having having a relationship outside the marriage. The same shit happens there as does in the marriage as far as emotions, attachment, etc.

And if you do don't ever believe them if they tell you they are still on the pill. Trust me on that one. Let me paint a little mental picture for you. Imagine your wife opening the front door to be confronted by the woman you hooked up with a couple times with a child in her arms that she claims is yours. Nasty bad karma my friend, and it never really goes away

The problem is that men are hardwired to 'spread the seed of their loins'. I say don't do it. Ask your wife to roleplay. Be honest with her. I would like to think that if you were honest about your desires, she would love you enough to help you fulfil those desires.

I can identify with your internal conflict. I've toyed with the idea, but when I honestly think about how much it would hurt my wife and how awful a divorce (now with a young son) could be if it came to that... Definitely a no-go unless you get VERY clear permission IMO.

Thanks. You all make some excellent points. I know that it would hurt my wife and kids, but the fantasies are always there. And the potential that they could happen in reality is what gives them such an attractive kick.

I don't see my wife doing the role-playing thing, though, but maybe I should give it a try. I would love to do lots of stuff with her, but she is pretty much resistent to bringing in toys or porn.

Maybe I just need to just learn to appreciate beautiful women without objectifying them for my sexual fantasies. Of course, that's a whole lot easier said than done...

Absolutely nothing wrong with fantasy. Sounds like you're a normal human being to me.

Thankfully, it also sounds like you know better than to act on them.

I respect my wife too much to ever consider it.

<i>Fantasizing it</i>, though - that doesn't hurt anyone.
Like the saying goes, "I'm married; not dead."

Are you happy in your marriage? If not I would suggest a marriage councillor. Thinking about sex with others is normal but if it consumes you it could derail your marriage without you screwing around.

Talk to your wife about it.Maybe she feels the same as you do.

I respect women in general to ever cheat, on both sides, if you think about it; you are cheating on both parties.

on the flip side, you must really look at your self, are you happy with your wife? And if not why, is it you, is it her? if this is the case you should see a mirage councilor, even if in the end you (i hope it is not so) get a divorce, they can make it much easier, I don’t really see you getting a divorce, but from personal experience, my parents are divorced and because of the councilor it was an easy divorce, not a messy one, we are all still friends and we can be in the same room with out discomfort.

Of course you have those fantasies. I think most married guys do. I flirt with members of the opposite sex and then channel that sexual energy into my marriage. I have never given any woman any suggestion that I would be open to such a thing, however there is absolutely nothing wrong with harmless flirting. I think it would be the rare woman that would even try to separate you from a marriage that you are perfectly happy in as long as you make that clear. It is when you get ambiguous about your marriage and your happiness that different thoughts can creep in on both sides.

yup, we are hardwired... we always think with our dicks, its what makes life fun... looking but not touching is my motto...

was unfaithful once, it broke the marriage....would never do it again.

In my experience however that logic goes right out the window when I crack a fat....

Trust me, don't do it. I was in her home, with her literally ahold of my dick pulling me upstairs.

I didn't do it, she hates me to this day. I told my wife, and since then have never thought about it again. I still feel horrible today. But my marrige is better then ever.

Don't do it.

I always take a look at other women and imagine them, it's just how we are. Only once did I seriously wonder what to do about a girl who I just really clicked with. It drove me crazy, cried myself to sleep a few nights. No way was I breaking up my marriage but the guilt for feeling that my heart was straying was overwhelming.

I still think about that girl sometimes but I'll save her for another life. My wife & marriage are just too important to me.

Thanks, everyone. I'm amazed at your outpouring of good advice. You are right in that I should not do it.

I guess sometimes I have those days where I really want to but it's not always like that. It helps to hear your strong encouragement to stay true. That's what I needed to hear.

Having extramarital sex ruins lives, having masturbatory fantasies ruins sheets. ;)

Well said analog. I concur.

I once heard a humorus ancedote that goes a little someting like this:

Look at everything you have. Now divide that in half. Now ask yourself if you are willing to give up that half of stuff for a 10 second muscle spasm.

:) good luck