Guys--how do you get over infidelity? (vent warning) - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

1337haxor · 10-10-2003, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by telekinetic

I'm still with her, and thoughts of him and her together bother me just about every day...I'll be going about my business, and BAM I'll see or hear something that will remind me of her, and somehow that snaps a shot of him and her fucking or cuddling or kissing into my head. I'll see a couple together, and suddenly I picture it being him and her...every time I think of anything sexual, it's him and her.....

I feel your pain. There is no easy way to get rid of that my friend. Just try to move on and look for someone else. Filling the hole she left maybe the only way.

Robert

telekinetic2 · 10-10-2003, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Apex Shok
No, more like early 30's, just really immature.

Hehe...sorry if i sound immature-it's because it is early 20's...very early.

bad30th · 10-10-2003, 03:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by telekinetic
coincidently enough, bad30th=aforementioned friend hehe.

aww

lol

<-----not gay

Rlyss · 10-11-2003, 08:03 AM

I've been though this type of thing before and I really, honestly can't think of much else to say that hasn't already been said. When I found out one of my ex-partners had cheated, I asked everyone's advice, and then proceeded to shoot them all down. I didn't really want advice, I wanted an opportunity to prove I was still in control, and I did that by making up excuses and saying 'But... but...'. I knew deep down that it wouldn't work. A big reason was because she hurt me, but an even bigger reason was that I had told her that if she ever cheated again then I'd be out of there. From the moment I told her that I realized that she can cheat all she wants, she just won't tell me. Imagine having your partner say that to you, that if you ever cheat again, they're leaving you for good. If you cheated again, in a moment of weakness, drunkeness, or something like that, I'm sure you'd keep it to yourself. So from then on I was paranoid that she would cheat, and that she would never tell me, because she knew what my response would be. When I told her that if it happened again I was leaving, it didn't reassure me at all, it made me more distursting and more paranoid that she would continue cheating, and wouldn't tell me. And it turned out I was 110% correct in my fears.

I know I'm rambling, so...

My advice: quit making up excuses, just leave her.

telekinetic2 · 10-11-2003, 03:32 PM

Here is a piece of her side of the story, sort of, if anybody cares...

Jealous boyfriends in the Ladies Lounge.

Her thread semi-inspired me to post this one, not for revenge, but because I hadn't considered tfp a place to get relationship advice. Aparantly she did, so I decided to take advantage of my new resource.

bermuDa · 10-11-2003, 04:00 PM

her thread obviously doesn't tell the whole story, it seems like she has a problem with being forthcoming with information. I'm not sure this is a trust issue as much as an honesty one.

Quote:

Along every stage of my slow discovery process, every time i would find something out *always from a source other than her* she would tell me I knew everything. There were about four different times where I would find out something new, and she would tell me I knew everything.

Sounds like she holds back a lot of information. This is the same as lying, because it's warping the truth she's presenting.

I think cheating is a sign of weakness, it's deplorable, but in some cases forgivable. It is possible to work through it and salvage the relationship... but NEVER forget about it.

My bet is this could happen again, and you'd be lucky if you ever found out about it (from her at least). In my response to her thread (since I can't post in the ladies lounge), YOU HAVE TO EARN TRUST IF YOU WANT TO BE TRUSTED.

alfred183 · 10-11-2003, 04:22 PM

Man, some of you guys are real assholes giving such fucked up advice without knowing the whole story.

MARTIN, in my opinion, tell the whole REAL story or handle this is private, which is what you should be doing anyway. Just posting your own view is not enough for people to give real helpful advice and you're just making her seem like a villain. Just so you know, I don't think this thread is helping you guys at all.

I won't talk to either of you again on this subject. Be grown up and take care of it on your own.

telekinetic2 · 10-11-2003, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by alfred183
Man, some of you guys are real assholes giving such fucked up advice without knowing the whole story.

MARTIN, in my opinion, tell the whole REAL story or handle this is private, which is what you should be doing anyway. Just posting your own view is not enough for people to give real helpful advice and you're just making her seem like a villain. Just so you know, I don't think this thread is helping you guys at all.

I won't talk to either of you again on this subject. Be grown up and take care of it on your own.

Opinion noted...And no offense, ALFRED, but I know what you think...you basically only know her side...if you want to enlighten us all with a few nuggets of truth that negate everything I've said here, feel free. Read my posts carefully, I didn't post 'should i break up with her' I posted to see how people dealt with similar situations. You cannot tell me that I posted anything non-factual. All that I left out is motives, which I have to take her (or your, I guess...) word for....which is hard if I don't know if I can trust her.

You really want me to post the entire story of our relationship, from its beginnings, with all of the circumstances? You really think it would get different responses?

Yeah I left some shit out, but I originally didn't think this thread would go this way. Also, I am being 'grown up' and asking for advice, from people who may have a magic bullet to deal with the situation that I haven't thought of...this whole fucked up situation and yet I'm the villian for breathing a word of it...if you've got a problem with how I'm handling this you've got my number, but don't just shit on my thread...next please...

Quote:

Originally posted by Dorito2
I've been though this type of thing before and I really, honestly can't think of much else to say that hasn't already been said. When I found out one of my ex-partners had cheated, I asked everyone's advice, and then proceeded to shoot them all down. I didn't really want advice, I wanted an opportunity to prove I was still in control, and I did that by making up excuses and saying 'But... but...'. I knew deep down that it wouldn't work. A big reason was because she hurt me, but an even bigger reason was that I had told her that if she ever cheated again then I'd be out of there. From the moment I told her that I realized that she can cheat all she wants, she just won't tell me. Imagine having your partner say that to you, that if you ever cheat again, they're leaving you for good. If you cheated again, in a moment of weakness, drunkeness, or something like that, I'm sure you'd keep it to yourself. So from then on I was paranoid that she would cheat, and that she would never tell me, because she knew what my response would be. When I told her that if it happened again I was leaving, it didn't reassure me at all, it made me more distursting and more paranoid that she would continue cheating, and wouldn't tell me. And it turned out I was 110% correct in my fears.

I know I'm rambling, so...

My advice: quit making up excuses, just leave her.

Thanks for the story...this is more what I was looking for when I posted this, or I would have gone into more nitty gritty details.

alfred183 · 10-11-2003, 05:06 PM

next please?? Alright.

You just have no idea how it makes my blood boil to hear someone say "Stick it in'er butt, blast it in'er face, and kick her to the curb. IT IS OVER..... NOW" about a good friend of mine, and the person who is supposed to care about her the most, you, not defend her. Anyway, sorry I "shat" on your thread...

telekinetic2 · 10-11-2003, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by alfred183
next please?? Alright.

You just have no idea how it makes my blood boil to hear someone say "Stick it in'er butt, blast it in'er face, and kick her to the curb. IT IS OVER..... NOW" about a good friend of mine, and the person who is supposed to care about her the most, you, not defend her. Anyway, sorry I "shat" on your thread...

Look...we both know that this is the internet, (and TFP, to boot) and people would never be this blunt in person. Noone on here would sit in front of the two of us if we were talking and tell me to broomstick her. They don't know her, they are giving me advice based on the picture of a person I formed for them.

ismark · 10-11-2003, 08:38 PM

I have quick edited out a response here mods, this appears to be a personal argument between some TFP members rather than a discussion

Meta · 10-11-2003, 11:53 PM

I'm with Forks, man. I'd tell you to give her the pole to your face, as well. Hell, I'd say it with her in the room, if your view of this is the raw deal of what went down.

When I was younger, I dated a girl who tried pulling the same shit on me. She'd go and visit this other guy, and get this - she'd TELL ME ABOUT IT - but not that they were fucking. Just that they were hanging out, of course. Except she'd blow off plans we'd have to go out there and she'd unexpectedly spend the night. And later she'd come back and tell me how great a guy he is, and how smart and strong he is, and sometimes she'd slip and say what great massages he gives, and then she'd clam up for awhile.

Finally I called her on the carpet about it because I was sick of it, and she tried to come up with another good lie, but it wasn't working so she confessed the whole thing. I dropped her on the spot because it's absolutely wrong to treat someone that way, and I certainly won't accept it for myself.

Turns out she called the other guy later and confessed to him about me - apparently she was trying to keep the exact details of her relationship with us secret from the other, even though she and I had been together longer. Anyway, he dumped her on the phone that night. She actually had the nerve to call me and cry about it right after.

So, I don't know how similar our stories are, dude. But if she's anything like MY ex, leave her for the fucking vultures, man. You don't need the garbage she heaps on you, and she's DEFINITELY not worth it if she puts your ass in THERAPY. Think about it.

Rlyss · 10-12-2003, 01:23 AM

Don't dump this girl to get revenge mate. Go over to her place, tell her thanks for the good times but it's over, wish her luck and leave. Dump this girl to make <i>you</i> happy, not to make her feel bad.

If she's done this thing in the past, and she's done it to you, chances are she'll do it again. She's the one who ends up unhappy.

But if in the future she finds someone that she feels so great with, and that she doesn't cheat on, then congratulations to her, she's found happiness.

I don't think therapy is necessay here, just some good friendly advice from people who aren't paid to give it, and whose head isn't clouded by these emotions.

alfred183 · 10-12-2003, 01:54 AM

Edited by rogue49 because I didn't know how to comment without saying names

nextlevel1 · 10-12-2003, 06:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Harshaw
[B]Damn Tele, you and I should form a "Guys who like to be doormats" club. ]

I know I would be a VIP member! Been there Before and it was with someone I dearly hated and she knew it I think. You know, she done her little crying then the "Im depressed, so dont rub it in" mood, then she acted like it was just a thing! I feel your Pain!

bananaman · 10-12-2003, 08:05 AM

Her thread is crappy.

It seems that you care about her, but I believe, like most here, that you would be better served cutting your losses. She has some growing up to do, and if she isn't ready to commit to one guy then she shouldn't have to.

Rlyss · 10-12-2003, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by alfred183
And all you other f0ckers need to know that they weren't even bf/gf when she 'cheated' on him...

Perhaps this thread is dying, I don't know. But I just wanted to say that if they were on a break from each other, if it was a short break then each of their actions still has to be taken into consideration.

If my girlfriend and I took a break from each other for a week and she had sex with someone else in that time, sure, I suppose it wouldn't technically be 'cheating', but it would give me a good indication about how dedicated she was.

mediajunkie · 10-12-2003, 01:52 PM

I "don't get over it."

I live by one rule, I don't cheat on them and I don't put up with them cheating on me. Should I ever find out about it, then it is over. No questions asked and no second chance.

Reason being is I could never trust them fully again, never. And if I cannot trust you fully then I have no need to be dating/in a realtionship with you.

RelaX · 10-12-2003, 03:52 PM

It seems to me that telekinetic is one of 'those' guys. Guys that get taken advantage of because they put girls on pedestals. Really dude, like my dad always says: "There are more girls than bell towers".

Just let her know that no matter how 'painfully' the subject is to her, it hurt you and if she REALLY wants to be with you then SHE needs to come up with ideas on how to make it work. See how much SHE cares.

Because it seems to me that she's one of those girls that love attention and drama, the 'spoiled' type. Personally I've met a couple of em (my sis is actually one) and I wouldn't touch them with a 10 foot pole. Pay attention here, girls like this WILL NOT BE THERE FOR YOU when things get bad. Maybe I'm wrong, but I fear that you just need to move on if you're really looking for something long term.

And you may need to watch alfred183, he sounds like he's ready to demonize you and pick up the pieces with the girl when you're gone.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong and alfred183 is a her brother and AngelHands is so traumatized by the events that she can not bear to think of it without significant emotional trauma and telekinetic is a jealous sob who just wants to make a poor girl feel guilty for lying.

And maybe pigs can fly, they just chose not to en mass.

analog · 10-12-2003, 08:56 PM

Dump her. Do so because along with lack of trust, you have infidelity, but even more importantly- NO REMORSE. Any girl or guy tells you it was isolated and you "should just get over it" doesn't give a SHIT about you or your feelings, and you should dump them like a hot bag of shit.

Fuck therapy. You're not even married, man!! Even if you WERE married, therapy is stupid unless you have kids, in which case you should learn to make things better for them. Otherwise, stop throwing your words at a guy on a chair with a pad and pencil and talk to your actual problem. Good luck.

Go find a good girl, you certainly deserve it. I will say i'm fairly whipped by my girl but dammit, with all respect to you, get your balls back when you dump her.

bad30th · 10-12-2003, 09:34 PM

Alfred and Telekinetic...cmon guys...ease up a little

PredeconInferno · 10-12-2003, 10:51 PM

Rodney

I think you are an absolute genius. Never have I seen anyone articulate that quite so well.... I've been watching my best friend go through this for FOUR YEARS.

Guess what... she dumped him on grounds that she can't trust him. But she still calls him every day... strange.

classique75 · 10-13-2003, 06:58 AM

From the first page alone, rodney, yournamehere, and slimshaydee had excellent advice, among others.

Trust is the foundation for a relationship. If you cannot trust her, then do not be with her.

rogue49 · 10-13-2003, 01:39 PM

OK, a warning for those posting in this thread.
Do NOT make this an argument.
A person is going through a difficult time, and has asked for legit advice.
This is NOT a place for grandstanding.
This is NOT a place for throwing around crude remarks.

Give your advice, in intelligent thought-out calm posts.
Those who continue to be obnoxious will be sought out.

rogue49 · 10-13-2003, 02:00 PM

Now...cheating happens.

However, at least in your story so far...and in her thread
she seems to be a bit self-centered about the whole situation.

The real question is do her actions match her words?
This standard will be for ALL times, not just this situation
And does she consider your feelings, as you should with her.
If you can say yes for the most part, then continue.

But don't make excuses or rationalizations for her. (and vice versa)
Face the facts...good or bad.
See the truth...good or bad.

Although you have your issues, it's obvious you care for her.
But respect has to go BOTH ways.
If someone is saying one thing, then doing another...you have to question the integrity of that person.
But if a person makes a mistake, and then after betters themself, then that is to be forgiven.

It's the pattern over time, you watch.
Not a flash in a pan.

I wish you both well....good luck.

Viking1064 · 10-13-2003, 03:32 PM

You will never get over it. You will constantly be reminded of her with someone else. The thoughts may come farther apart, but those thoughts of her with him will always be there. I agree. RUN AWAY FAST!!!!

Jedbeck · 10-13-2003, 06:15 PM

What has happened has happened, no amount of wishing or hoping is going to change anything in the past. The only thing you can do is look forward and make the best of the future. If you really love the person then try to make it work.

89transam · 10-13-2003, 08:30 PM

I had a long reply typed but thought better.

I will offer short advice.

Dont do anything harsh like some of these people are saying ..Blast her in the ass etc. Just tell her simply that you cant fully trust her anymore and that you cant be with her anymore. You think she is a great and awesome person and you think that she just made a terrible mistake. But again, you cannot be with someone that you cannot fully trust.

That way, your not BF GF anymore but your still on good terms. You could probobly still take visits with her every now and again when she needs comforting and meanwhile you can start looking for a replacement. Pretty soon youll find another girl that you like better than her amd you can cut off all contact.

Sort of like those nicotine patches, you dont just drop cigarettes in one day, you ease off them.

EleqTrizi'T · 10-13-2003, 10:00 PM

It's still bothering you because YOU know deep down you're FORCING yourself to accept it and her actions afterwards rather than trulely believe things are going to be alright.

Don't shove this shit down your own throat, move on. You never know what happiness you'll miss staying in this unhappy situation.

alfred183 · 10-14-2003, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by RelaX

And you may need to watch alfred183, he sounds like he's ready to demonize you and pick up the pieces with the girl when you're gone.

No way! Martin is one of my best friends as of lately and if you see how happy they look when they're together, it's just something that you respect and want to keep seeing... Like I said before (when I was edited), they were on a break when all this went down, and while it might still be wrong for her to not disclose it to him, you can't really call it "cheating" IMO

I think they can work it out and keep being happy together.

Btw, sorry I called names. Just know you're talking about a real person when you talk about doing messed up stuff to someone...

Anyway, I'll stop being nosey before I get in trouble with either of them

I love you guys. That's all.

telekinetic2 · 10-14-2003, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by alfred183
No way! Martin is one of my best friends as of lately

True which is why i was mad you were 'here's the real story'ing my thread...oh well, as long as I'm faster than you at autox i won't demonize you :-p

Quote:

Like I said before (when I was edited), they were on a break when all this went down, and while it might still be wrong for her to not disclose it to him, you can't really call it "cheating" IMO

Again, no offense here, but you're definitely not a neutral party...she's told you everything from square one...you knew about this whole thing, what, the day it happened? two or three weeks before I did? I even vented to you that I was suspicious about it and you didn't tell me anything. Meh! towards you for that one. And I'm sure you've been listening to her tell you how much she hates this thread and why since I started it!

And to put this 'break' thing to rest AGAIN, even if we were unclear how we stood before i went to CA, she called me the day i got there and made a boyfriend-like request of me, making me lose several nights of sleep, and tell everyone who would listen (even strangers at the truck stop i was at all night smoking) how pissed off i was that someone had messed with my girlfriend.

Therefore it was cheating in my mind...she was asking me for the kind of emotional support you get from a boyfriend (which i found out later was being supplimented, but still)...which is all that matters, because how I feel is all that matters for me to get over it.

Thanks for all the advice guys. 98transam, interesting angle, i'm interested in your long reply...feel free to pm it to me if you've still got it typed.

alfred183 · 10-14-2003, 07:51 AM

Actually, I had no idea about this 'cheating' till I heard it from you...So, I think I've heard your side of the story as much as I've heard hers.

Well, if I'm gonna give any neutral kind of advise, I would say that if you decide to end your relationship, that you at least keep her friendship and try to end in good terms. If you decide that your relationship is worth keeping, to let know what the boundaries are. I think this thread has taught her how you feel about this whole incident and I don't think she'll do anything that might betray your trust again...

A good question you might want to ask is for her to tell you honestly if she thinks if this will happen again and let her know that next time she does anything remotely close that it will be over. Anyway, there's my "neutral" advise.

Oh, and bring it, Toyota boy!! ::devil:: =P

HockeyGuy · 10-14-2003, 09:35 AM

Don't stay there fella. MAke sure you're moving on good and fast. MY last gf was a serial cheater, i tried to trust her nomatter what everyone had said. Screwed me over (well at least other people.. pardon the pun) good. Sounds as if you gotta let it go no matter how hard

skinbag · 10-23-2003, 10:35 AM

Run away if your telling the truth. I am married with a child, and she has cheated on me twice. I know that two years isn't long enough to make it go away..I seriously doubt I'll trust her or anyone else again. For the record- I cheated when we were dating, and lied for 2 years about it. I'm not righteous, just telling you it won't go away. If she's not pregnant yet, run away and start over. Better alone than fucked over. IMHO

Mango · 10-23-2003, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cynthetiq
Like a hot potatoe....

Like I would be if I did. I have decided not to.

Fire · 10-24-2003, 07:18 PM

been through similar- there are good people out there that you could be happy with- this does not look like a situation where you can regain your trust- so IMHO get out with as little damage to both as possible

crony · 10-25-2003, 06:40 PM

It's not worth it. She's proven that she can't be trusted. Why stay with her if all you feel is pain because of her indiscretions?

10-11-2003, 08:38 PM	#51 (permalink)
ismark Crazy Location: Sydney	I have quick edited out a response here mods, this appears to be a personal argument between some TFP members rather than a discussion __________________ The Grumpy Old Bloke Last edited by ismark; 10-11-2003 at 08:45 PM..

10-11-2003, 11:53 PM	#52 (permalink)
Meta Tilted	I'm with Forks, man. I'd tell you to give her the pole to your face, as well. Hell, I'd say it with her in the room, if your view of this is the raw deal of what went down. When I was younger, I dated a girl who tried pulling the same shit on me. She'd go and visit this other guy, and get this - she'd TELL ME ABOUT IT - but not that they were fucking. Just that they were hanging out, of course. Except she'd blow off plans we'd have to go out there and she'd unexpectedly spend the night. And later she'd come back and tell me how great a guy he is, and how smart and strong he is, and sometimes she'd slip and say what great massages he gives, and then she'd clam up for awhile. Finally I called her on the carpet about it because I was sick of it, and she tried to come up with another good lie, but it wasn't working so she confessed the whole thing. I dropped her on the spot because it's absolutely wrong to treat someone that way, and I certainly won't accept it for myself. Turns out she called the other guy later and confessed to him about me - apparently she was trying to keep the exact details of her relationship with us secret from the other, even though she and I had been together longer. Anyway, he dumped her on the phone that night. She actually had the nerve to call me and cry about it right after. So, I don't know how similar our stories are, dude. But if she's anything like MY ex, leave her for the fucking vultures, man. You don't need the garbage she heaps on you, and she's DEFINITELY not worth it if she puts your ass in THERAPY. Think about it. __________________ There's room for all God's creatures. Right next to the mashed potatoes.

10-12-2003, 01:54 AM	#54 (permalink)
alfred183 Upright	Edited by rogue49 because I didn't know how to comment without saying names Last edited by rogue49; 10-13-2003 at 01:44 PM..

10-12-2003, 03:52 PM	#59 (permalink)
RelaX Follower of Ner'Zhul Location: Netherlands	It seems to me that telekinetic is one of 'those' guys. Guys that get taken advantage of because they put girls on pedestals. Really dude, like my dad always says: "There are more girls than bell towers". Just let her know that no matter how 'painfully' the subject is to her, it hurt you and if she REALLY wants to be with you then SHE needs to come up with ideas on how to make it work. See how much SHE cares. Because it seems to me that she's one of those girls that love attention and drama, the 'spoiled' type. Personally I've met a couple of em (my sis is actually one) and I wouldn't touch them with a 10 foot pole. Pay attention here, girls like this WILL NOT BE THERE FOR YOU when things get bad. Maybe I'm wrong, but I fear that you just need to move on if you're really looking for something long term. And you may need to watch alfred183, he sounds like he's ready to demonize you and pick up the pieces with the girl when you're gone. Then again, maybe I'm wrong and alfred183 is a her brother and AngelHands is so traumatized by the events that she can not bear to think of it without significant emotional trauma and telekinetic is a jealous sob who just wants to make a poor girl feel guilty for lying. And maybe pigs can fly, they just chose not to en mass. __________________ The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. - Nathaniel Borenstein Last edited by RelaX; 10-12-2003 at 03:57 PM..

10-12-2003, 09:34 PM	#61 (permalink)
bad30th Insane Location: [insert witty play on location field here]	Hey whats goin on? Alfred and Telekinetic...cmon guys...ease up a little Last edited by bad30th; 10-12-2003 at 10:09 PM..

10-11-2003, 08:03 AM	#44 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	I've been though this type of thing before and I really, honestly can't think of much else to say that hasn't already been said. When I found out one of my ex-partners had cheated, I asked everyone's advice, and then proceeded to shoot them all down. I didn't really want advice, I wanted an opportunity to prove I was still in control, and I did that by making up excuses and saying 'But... but...'. I knew deep down that it wouldn't work. A big reason was because she hurt me, but an even bigger reason was that I had told her that if she ever cheated again then I'd be out of there. From the moment I told her that I realized that she can cheat all she wants, she just won't tell me. Imagine having your partner say that to you, that if you ever cheat again, they're leaving you for good. If you cheated again, in a moment of weakness, drunkeness, or something like that, I'm sure you'd keep it to yourself. So from then on I was paranoid that she would cheat, and that she would never tell me, because she knew what my response would be. When I told her that if it happened again I was leaving, it didn't reassure me at all, it made me more distursting and more paranoid that she would continue cheating, and wouldn't tell me. And it turned out I was 110% correct in my fears. I know I'm rambling, so... My advice: quit making up excuses, just leave her.

10-11-2003, 03:32 PM	#45 (permalink)
telekinetic2 Loser	Here is a piece of her side of the story, sort of, if anybody cares... Jealous boyfriends in the Ladies Lounge. Her thread semi-inspired me to post this one, not for revenge, but because I hadn't considered tfp a place to get relationship advice. Aparantly she did, so I decided to take advantage of my new resource.

10-11-2003, 04:22 PM	#47 (permalink)
alfred183 Upright	Man, some of you guys are real assholes giving such fucked up advice without knowing the whole story. MARTIN, in my opinion, tell the whole REAL story or handle this is private, which is what you should be doing anyway. Just posting your own view is not enough for people to give real helpful advice and you're just making her seem like a villain. Just so you know, I don't think this thread is helping you guys at all. I won't talk to either of you again on this subject. Be grown up and take care of it on your own.

10-11-2003, 05:06 PM	#49 (permalink)
alfred183 Upright	next please?? Alright. You just have no idea how it makes my blood boil to hear someone say "Stick it in'er butt, blast it in'er face, and kick her to the curb. IT IS OVER..... NOW" about a good friend of mine, and the person who is supposed to care about her the most, you, not defend her. Anyway, sorry I "shat" on your thread...

10-12-2003, 01:23 AM	#53 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	Don't dump this girl to get revenge mate. Go over to her place, tell her thanks for the good times but it's over, wish her luck and leave. Dump this girl to make <i>you</i> happy, not to make her feel bad. If she's done this thing in the past, and she's done it to you, chances are she'll do it again. She's the one who ends up unhappy. But if in the future she finds someone that she feels so great with, and that she doesn't cheat on, then congratulations to her, she's found happiness. I don't think therapy is necessay here, just some good friendly advice from people who aren't paid to give it, and whose head isn't clouded by these emotions.

10-12-2003, 08:05 AM	#56 (permalink)
bananaman Upright	Her thread is crappy. It seems that you care about her, but I believe, like most here, that you would be better served cutting your losses. She has some growing up to do, and if she isn't ready to commit to one guy then she shouldn't have to.

10-12-2003, 01:52 PM	#58 (permalink)
mediajunkie Upright	I "don't get over it." I live by one rule, I don't cheat on them and I don't put up with them cheating on me. Should I ever find out about it, then it is over. No questions asked and no second chance. Reason being is I could never trust them fully again, never. And if I cannot trust you fully then I have no need to be dating/in a realtionship with you.

10-12-2003, 08:56 PM	#60 (permalink)
analog Banned	Dump her. Do so because along with lack of trust, you have infidelity, but even more importantly- NO REMORSE. Any girl or guy tells you it was isolated and you "should just get over it" doesn't give a SHIT about you or your feelings, and you should dump them like a hot bag of shit. Fuck therapy. You're not even married, man!! Even if you WERE married, therapy is stupid unless you have kids, in which case you should learn to make things better for them. Otherwise, stop throwing your words at a guy on a chair with a pad and pencil and talk to your actual problem. Good luck. Go find a good girl, you certainly deserve it. I will say i'm fairly whipped by my girl but dammit, with all respect to you, get your balls back when you dump her.

10-12-2003, 10:51 PM	#62 (permalink)
PredeconInferno Reclusiarch Location: Unfortunately Houston, TX	Rodney I think you are an absolute genius. Never have I seen anyone articulate that quite so well.... I've been watching my best friend go through this for FOUR YEARS. Guess what... she dumped him on grounds that she can't trust him. But she still calls him every day... strange. __________________ Samurai in Training Knowledge is power. Guard it well.

10-13-2003, 06:58 AM	#63 (permalink)
classique75 Psycho	From the first page alone, rodney, yournamehere, and slimshaydee had excellent advice, among others. Trust is the foundation for a relationship. If you cannot trust her, then do not be with her.

10-13-2003, 01:39 PM	#64 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	OK, a warning for those posting in this thread. Do NOT make this an argument. A person is going through a difficult time, and has asked for legit advice. This is NOT a place for grandstanding. This is NOT a place for throwing around crude remarks. Give your advice, in intelligent thought-out calm posts. Those who continue to be obnoxious will be sought out.

10-13-2003, 02:00 PM	#65 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	Now...cheating happens. However, at least in your story so far...and in her thread she seems to be a bit self-centered about the whole situation. The real question is do her actions match her words? This standard will be for ALL times, not just this situation And does she consider your feelings, as you should with her. If you can say yes for the most part, then continue. But don't make excuses or rationalizations for her. (and vice versa) Face the facts...good or bad. See the truth...good or bad. Although you have your issues, it's obvious you care for her. But respect has to go BOTH ways. If someone is saying one thing, then doing another...you have to question the integrity of that person. But if a person makes a mistake, and then after betters themself, then that is to be forgiven. It's the pattern over time, you watch. Not a flash in a pan. I wish you both well....good luck.

10-13-2003, 03:32 PM	#66 (permalink)
Viking1064 Insane Location: New Jersey	You will never get over it. You will constantly be reminded of her with someone else. The thoughts may come farther apart, but those thoughts of her with him will always be there. I agree. RUN AWAY FAST!!!!

10-13-2003, 06:15 PM	#67 (permalink)
Jedbeck Crazy Location: Ohio, USA	What has happened has happened, no amount of wishing or hoping is going to change anything in the past. The only thing you can do is look forward and make the best of the future. If you really love the person then try to make it work.

10-13-2003, 08:30 PM	#68 (permalink)
89transam Psycho Location: Central California	I had a long reply typed but thought better. I will offer short advice. Dont do anything harsh like some of these people are saying ..Blast her in the ass etc. Just tell her simply that you cant fully trust her anymore and that you cant be with her anymore. You think she is a great and awesome person and you think that she just made a terrible mistake. But again, you cannot be with someone that you cannot fully trust. That way, your not BF GF anymore but your still on good terms. You could probobly still take visits with her every now and again when she needs comforting and meanwhile you can start looking for a replacement. Pretty soon youll find another girl that you like better than her amd you can cut off all contact. Sort of like those nicotine patches, you dont just drop cigarettes in one day, you ease off them.

10-13-2003, 10:00 PM	#69 (permalink)
EleqTrizi'T Insane	It's still bothering you because YOU know deep down you're FORCING yourself to accept it and her actions afterwards rather than trulely believe things are going to be alright. Don't shove this shit down your own throat, move on. You never know what happiness you'll miss staying in this unhappy situation.

10-14-2003, 07:51 AM	#72 (permalink)
alfred183 Upright	Actually, I had no idea about this 'cheating' till I heard it from you...So, I think I've heard your side of the story as much as I've heard hers. Well, if I'm gonna give any neutral kind of advise, I would say that if you decide to end your relationship, that you at least keep her friendship and try to end in good terms. If you decide that your relationship is worth keeping, to let know what the boundaries are. I think this thread has taught her how you feel about this whole incident and I don't think she'll do anything that might betray your trust again... A good question you might want to ask is for her to tell you honestly if she thinks if this will happen again and let her know that next time she does anything remotely close that it will be over. Anyway, there's my "neutral" advise. Oh, and bring it, Toyota boy!! ::devil:: =P

10-14-2003, 09:35 AM	#73 (permalink)
HockeyGuy Psycho Location: London, England	Don't stay there fella. MAke sure you're moving on good and fast. MY last gf was a serial cheater, i tried to trust her nomatter what everyone had said. Screwed me over (well at least other people.. pardon the pun) good. Sounds as if you gotta let it go no matter how hard

10-23-2003, 10:35 AM	#74 (permalink)
skinbag Registered User Location: Madison WI	Run away if your telling the truth. I am married with a child, and she has cheated on me twice. I know that two years isn't long enough to make it go away..I seriously doubt I'll trust her or anyone else again. For the record- I cheated when we were dating, and lied for 2 years about it. I'm not righteous, just telling you it won't go away. If she's not pregnant yet, run away and start over. Better alone than fucked over. IMHO

10-24-2003, 07:18 PM	#76 (permalink)
Fire Warrior Smith Location: missouri	been through similar- there are good people out there that you could be happy with- this does not look like a situation where you can regain your trust- so IMHO get out with as little damage to both as possible __________________ Thought the harder, Heart the bolder, Mood the more as our might lessens

10-25-2003, 06:40 PM	#77 (permalink)
crony Crazy Location: Clifton Park, NY	It's not worth it. She's proven that she can't be trusted. Why stay with her if all you feel is pain because of her indiscretions?