How to keep long distance relationships going? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jesus Pimp · 10-01-2003, 07:40 PM

Me and my gf have been going for 2.5 years now. We met in college and have been dating ever since. Currently we live an hour and a half from each other. We both have 40 hour week jobs. We usually see each other every weekend. Any advice on maintaining this relationship?

analog · 10-01-2003, 08:12 PM

I had a 3-year-long long-distance relationship from 1200 miles away. We visited about twice a year for a week or two. If it's meant to be, it'll last. Just keep up with it. Oh, and try occasional phone sex.

juanvaldes · 10-01-2003, 08:15 PM

free nights and weekends, and IM.

arch13 · 10-01-2003, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by juanvaldes
free nights and weekends, and IM.

Amen. I've logged over 3 hours a day for five years (~7000 min)with my fiance while finishing my degree. and now when i get it in Dec, she's already jumping for joy about waking up next me instead of a phone. to say i agree with her is the understatment of the year.

Jesus Pimp, a good relationship requires communication and hard work. That means forcing yourself to call, even when there's work to do, never letting your conversations sink into routine, and LISTENING to your special someone with a razor ear since that's all you have to know their emotions and feelings with. Also, experiance has tought me that you should tell her about your day for more than just 30 seconds. by giving her the "goods" on what''s going on with you/ around you, you make her feel as if she has a greater stake in what's going on and make her feel included.

Best of luck.

Hite Reporter · 10-02-2003, 02:54 AM

My then fiance, now wife and I lived 1,500 miles apart for a year and a half. We made the best of frequent flyer miles and talked on the phone every day. (Even if it was only to say good night.)

It is hard, but doable if you are both willing to invest in the relationship.

Eventualy, we had to make some hard choices and now we are living together (and married.)

I think part of wht you need to decide is, what is the future of your relationship? If you think she is the one - then perhaps you should jointly look at getting rid of the long distance issue?

If you are not sure if she is the one - perhaps you need to look at why you want to stick with somehting so hard....

John

bermuDa · 10-02-2003, 06:29 PM

I always thought a long distance relationship would be easier to maintain if you became involved before you lived close together (not really as much committment), but I don't know shit. Exclusive long distance relationships are a real bitch, cause temptation is always there and monogamy is only as strong as the weakest member of the relationship. Just keep the communication lines open and see each other as often as possible, you'll do fine

WarWagon · 10-02-2003, 07:44 PM

My girlfriend of 2 years goes to UConn, I go to Ohio State. Its definitely tough, as I have no desire to have a relationship with another woman, but I also have a penis so....

Talking is definitely one way, but the way I see it is that if you were both meant for each other, you always look forward to waking up and seeing her beside you in the morning when the time comes, and she does the same.

Also, be open and honest with her. If you cannot be monogomous, she will value your honesty regardless of what happens. Lying only makes things worse.

jvwgtr · 10-03-2003, 06:27 AM

The biggest caveat of this type of a relationship, in my opinion, is idealizing your partner. When the relationship exists more or less in your minds/fantasies and is less grounded in day-to-day mundane interaction, it's easy to build unrealistic expectations.
It's a little different if you've been together a while before your separation, but I think the biggest danger isn't temptation to stray, but building someone up in your mind...falling in love with that flawless partner who never leaves the cap off the toothpaste...
It's easy for these relationships to drag on and on...because there's no conflict (other than being apart)...and sometimes you're better off alone.

JStrider · 10-03-2003, 06:58 AM

yah... the distance sucks... arie and i have been doin the distance thing since the beginining of the summer... i really hate it... makes it hard to feel like your in a relationship... but were keeping it going pretty well so far...

Cynthetiq · 10-03-2003, 07:41 AM

been there done that... had the Pacific Ocean separating us for a year... then just the Rockie Mountains...

as people have said... IM, free nights and weekends...i didn't have that.. airmail and long distance phone calls... all my $$$ went to telephone bills.

We didn't last once we got together in the same city and lived together for about 6 months.

Good luck!

loxor · 10-03-2003, 09:09 PM

I tried doing it for about a year and it jsut became to stressfull... i kept worrying if she was going to cheat on me... and then i would get the earge to cheat on her once in a wile so it just dident work out... but who knows... it may work out with the right perosn :-) GL

sigma1042 · 10-06-2003, 08:47 AM

me and my gf of 4 yrs have lived 4.5 hrs away from each other for the past 2.5 yrs
we talk on the phone ~2 times a day and see each other about every other weekend or so , we'll pretty much be done with it when she gets her masters in may and finds a job someplace, then i'll try to relocate unless she finds something near me (she'll be the one making the real money)
its a pretty easy thing to do, if the couple has the right personalities to deal with it, i had a distance relationship not work out before (opposite places from my current relationship) so i know it wasn't my fault haha

Lasereth · 10-06-2003, 11:38 AM

AIM, AIM, and more AIM. That's the only way me and my girlfriend have survived our long-distance relationship. It sucks bad when you're constantly reminded that other couples are so close, but if you love her, it's worth it.

-Lasereth

Scorpion23 · 10-06-2003, 04:33 PM

My gf of 4.5yrs have been at diff. colleges for the last 3 years, now we're 6 hours apart. Multiple phone calls/day with plenty of IM is the way to go. And don't forget the fun you can have with webcams :-D

ironchef82 · 10-06-2003, 05:33 PM

gf and I have been together for 3.5 years, most of it long distance (we started dating in high school the semester before i graduated)... we now go to colleges about 6.5 hours apart by car. It's pretty tough, we miss each other a lot, but yeah, AIM, cell phones, etc all are essential. You gotta keep the lines of communication open. At the same time, you have to stay calm when things get stressful and there's not as much time to talk, etc.

If it's with the right girl, putting up with the distance is worth it. That being said, i can't wait for the long-distance phase of our relationship to end.

10-01-2003, 07:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	How to keep long distance relationships going? Me and my gf have been going for 2.5 years now. We met in college and have been dating ever since. Currently we live an hour and a half from each other. We both have 40 hour week jobs. We usually see each other every weekend. Any advice on maintaining this relationship? __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

10-02-2003, 06:29 PM	#6 (permalink)
bermuDa don't ignore this--> Location: CA	I always thought a long distance relationship would be easier to maintain if you became involved before you lived close together (not really as much committment), but I don't know shit. Exclusive long distance relationships are a real bitch, cause temptation is always there and monogamy is only as strong as the weakest member of the relationship. Just keep the communication lines open and see each other as often as possible, you'll do fine __________________ I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

10-03-2003, 06:58 AM	#9 (permalink)
JStrider Poo-tee-weet? Location: The Woodlands, TX	yah... the distance sucks... arie and i have been doin the distance thing since the beginining of the summer... i really hate it... makes it hard to feel like your in a relationship... but were keeping it going pretty well so far... __________________ -=JStrider=- ~Clatto Verata Nicto

10-03-2003, 07:41 AM	#10 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	been there done that... had the Pacific Ocean separating us for a year... then just the Rockie Mountains... as people have said... IM, free nights and weekends...i didn't have that.. airmail and long distance phone calls... all my $$$ went to telephone bills. We didn't last once we got together in the same city and lived together for about 6 months. Good luck! __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

10-06-2003, 08:47 AM	#12 (permalink)
sigma1042 Crazy	me and my gf of 4 yrs have lived 4.5 hrs away from each other for the past 2.5 yrs we talk on the phone ~2 times a day and see each other about every other weekend or so , we'll pretty much be done with it when she gets her masters in may and finds a job someplace, then i'll try to relocate unless she finds something near me (she'll be the one making the real money) its a pretty easy thing to do, if the couple has the right personalities to deal with it, i had a distance relationship not work out before (opposite places from my current relationship) so i know it wasn't my fault haha __________________ [Arthur] HA HA HA HA, It's a little joke![/Arthur]

10-01-2003, 08:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
analog Banned	I had a 3-year-long long-distance relationship from 1200 miles away. We visited about twice a year for a week or two. If it's meant to be, it'll last. Just keep up with it. Oh, and try occasional phone sex.

10-01-2003, 08:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
juanvaldes Banned Location: shittown, CA	free nights and weekends, and IM.

10-02-2003, 02:54 AM	#5 (permalink)
Hite Reporter Upright	My then fiance, now wife and I lived 1,500 miles apart for a year and a half. We made the best of frequent flyer miles and talked on the phone every day. (Even if it was only to say good night.) It is hard, but doable if you are both willing to invest in the relationship. Eventualy, we had to make some hard choices and now we are living together (and married.) I think part of wht you need to decide is, what is the future of your relationship? If you think she is the one - then perhaps you should jointly look at getting rid of the long distance issue? If you are not sure if she is the one - perhaps you need to look at why you want to stick with somehting so hard.... John

10-02-2003, 07:44 PM	#7 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	My girlfriend of 2 years goes to UConn, I go to Ohio State. Its definitely tough, as I have no desire to have a relationship with another woman, but I also have a penis so.... Talking is definitely one way, but the way I see it is that if you were both meant for each other, you always look forward to waking up and seeing her beside you in the morning when the time comes, and she does the same. Also, be open and honest with her. If you cannot be monogomous, she will value your honesty regardless of what happens. Lying only makes things worse.

10-03-2003, 06:27 AM	#8 (permalink)
jvwgtr Completely bananas Location: Florida	The biggest caveat of this type of a relationship, in my opinion, is idealizing your partner. When the relationship exists more or less in your minds/fantasies and is less grounded in day-to-day mundane interaction, it's easy to build unrealistic expectations. It's a little different if you've been together a while before your separation, but I think the biggest danger isn't temptation to stray, but building someone up in your mind...falling in love with that flawless partner who never leaves the cap off the toothpaste... It's easy for these relationships to drag on and on...because there's no conflict (other than being apart)...and sometimes you're better off alone.

10-03-2003, 09:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
loxor Upright Location: Kalamazoo . Mi	I tried doing it for about a year and it jsut became to stressfull... i kept worrying if she was going to cheat on me... and then i would get the earge to cheat on her once in a wile so it just dident work out... but who knows... it may work out with the right perosn :-) GL

10-06-2003, 11:38 AM	#13 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	AIM, AIM, and more AIM. That's the only way me and my girlfriend have survived our long-distance relationship. It sucks bad when you're constantly reminded that other couples are so close, but if you love her, it's worth it. -Lasereth __________________ "A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

10-06-2003, 04:33 PM	#14 (permalink)
Scorpion23 Psycho	My gf of 4.5yrs have been at diff. colleges for the last 3 years, now we're 6 hours apart. Multiple phone calls/day with plenty of IM is the way to go. And don't forget the fun you can have with webcams :-D __________________ "Empirically observed covariation is a necessary but not sufficient condition for causality" - Edward Tufte

10-06-2003, 05:33 PM	#15 (permalink)
ironchef82 Banned Location: Tucson	gf and I have been together for 3.5 years, most of it long distance (we started dating in high school the semester before i graduated)... we now go to colleges about 6.5 hours apart by car. It's pretty tough, we miss each other a lot, but yeah, AIM, cell phones, etc all are essential. You gotta keep the lines of communication open. At the same time, you have to stay calm when things get stressful and there's not as much time to talk, etc. If it's with the right girl, putting up with the distance is worth it. That being said, i can't wait for the long-distance phase of our relationship to end.