Sparhawk

A good friend of mine seperated from her husband a month ago, and myself and other friends have been supporting her through the ordeal. She's a great girl, and my guy friends have all (myself included) told the couple how lucky he is, what a great catch she is, etc.

Now I find myself with a bit of a dilemma: she's been hinting at wanting more than just a friendship with me, but I'm a little hesitant. I mean, the wedding band has come off, but she's still technically married, which would technically make me "the other guy AKA the asshole". On the other hand, she's an attractive, smart, funny, caring girl who is available...

Any ideas/What would you do?

Fallon

I would wait. How long was her previous relationship? I believe the longer the investment into a relationship the more emotions you'll have to come over and the longer it'll take to get over it. If she's been seperated for only a month, she's probably still confused about the whole ordeal. Let her file all the papers and give her some time after that.

Averett

What would I do? Nothing at all. Married/seperated anything like that, I would not touch with a 39 1/2 pole. If she is interested, she will get a divorce from her husband. Wait until the ink is dry on that little document.


My sister has been messing around with a married man. Of course he says he will leave his wife. This has not happened. I've lost all respect for her.

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Apache

Even if she no longer wants to be with her ex, she probably doesn't want to feel alone at this particular time either. I would say be there for her as a friend and just give her time to really think about what she wants. Let her know your intrested in her, but you don't want to rush anything. Give her time to really get over her past relationship.

skysooner

Doing anything at this point is a big mistake. Apache has it right. Be there for her emotionally but not physically. The chances of anything working out long-term with her on that kind of emotional rollercoaster are very small.

Thraeryn

I'd leave my own marriage and move into her place.

I mean, that's EXACTLY what I did when I found out Jin was separated and getting a divorce. I'd wanted her for six years. Now I have her, and things are wonderful.

johnnymysto

Rebound. Give her some time first.

__________________
"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." - Capt. Barbossa

yoshi

Definitely hold off. She's probably very vunerable at this point and it's possible she could go back to her husband. Just keep in mind, you're the one that could get hurt in this, not her. Good luck

Dale Kemp

I'd hold her tight, comfort her, and tell her softly that you think she's just wonderfully attractive, but you want to wait until she's single. Then take her home and drive away.

She'll remember how attracted to you she felt, and yet be really impressed that you valued her marriage vow, when she was feeling so lonely, undesirable and horny. It will restore her faith in her attractiveness, without shame. It will endear you to her greatly. And it will lay the track for her to come to you to celebrate her divorce by spending a great weekend at your place.

__________________
Trueheart

analog

she's rebounding, be veeeeeeeeeeeeeery careful

Sparhawk

This is what my gut is telling me, seems the majority of opinions here are along these lines. Thanks guys!

Thraeryn

Bah. No one listens to the voice of experience.

Of course, in the past people have routinely marveled at my dastardly acts.

I'm beginning to think I should keep my opinions to myself.

santafe5000

Stay friends and not lovers. Wait til the divorce is thru before going any further.

__________________
When all else fails, QUIT.

Robblee

Yeah, I would talk to her about it but say you wouldn't be comfortable until after they've had a divorce

Johnny Rotten

If she's taken the ring off only a month after separation and before making the divorce final, you're prime rebound material. Whatever you guys establish, it probably won't last if you get going right now. I would let her know what you think about her and that you don't want to rush into things until she's had some time to think.

__________________
"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

chavos

if she's smart enough, and i guess that she is from what you say of her, don't just realize this is probably a rebound, tell her this. work it through, and give yourself the best shot at a relationship that will work.

Prince

Well, I believe it was John Travolta's character Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction who said to himself something along the line of "you're gonna thank her for the lovely evening, say goodnight, get in your car, drive home, jerk off and go to sleep...and that's all you're gonna do."

I've found this to be a very good piece of advice.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

wry1

I'd say that the proper course lies somewhere between the majority who say "do nothing at all but be there" and Thraeryn, who says "do it! do it!"....

Personally, in such a situation - especially if you are attracted to this person - I'd go with the following:

Tell her the truth. Tell her how attracted to her you are, but that it also wouldn't be fair to her if you were to pursue her while she's in this (somewhat) vulnerable time in her life. Tell her that you'd truly enjoy spending time with her, but that for now you'd rather take things slowly and see what's there.

Take your time. If she goes back to the husband, she'll always remember - and thank you for - your honesty, consideration and integrity. If she goes through with the divorce, then you've already laid the groundwork for a possible relationship with her.

But as always, that's just my humble opinion.

tekaweni

Dale Kemp, what great advice. I second that approach, word for word.

__________________
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten