"Gentle" or "Abrupt" breakups: which are easier to get over? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Amano · 09-30-2003, 06:25 PM

Here are some length "definitions." Like I said, I'm only referring to unwanted breakups, where it's the other person who initiated the breakup

1) a "gentle breakup" (eg. still making it clear that he/she still cares for you or wishes the breakup didn't have to happen, etc)

2) an "abrupt breakup" (eg. other person gets caught cheating, or says straight out "I'm seeing someone else" etc, basically something happens that tells you the other person simply doesn't care for you anymore)

Now I know there are situations where someone would say that he/she still cares for you but not really mean it, but on choice #1, I'm talking about as far as you can tell, he/she is being honest saying that. (eg. maybe something out of her control is causing the breakup, I don't know whatever it is, that he/she still really cares for you but has to break up anyway)

Personally, I've had two relationships end "gently." (2+ years, and 5 months). I took a *long* time to get over the first one (6+ months), and I got over the second one in slightly under 2 months. The second one was slightly more "gentle" than the first breakup, and I remember feeling absolutely horrible. At times, I wished that both were more "abrupt" as it would really help me see that things were over. Because if someone initiates a breakup but deep down wishes it didn't have to happen, I start to wonder, then why *did* it have to happen! And it gets really hard for me to get over something like that..

What do you all think?

PS. Any other suggestions for poll options?

MrFlux · 09-30-2003, 07:24 PM

I suggest "I haven't had any break-ups" as a poll option, because as a matter of fact, some of us (like me) HAVEN'T had any break ups, contrary to your poll title

I'm still with the first girl I've had a relationship with, so I can't really give my opinion.

Edit: voted for the third option

Amano · 09-30-2003, 07:29 PM

you're right, i should have added that option... but apparently, changing poll options are for mods only :-/

chavos · 09-30-2003, 07:37 PM

break up clearly, but with compassion.
A few of my experiences, personal and observed:

1. The missing break up. One party fails to notify the other adequately that a break up has taken place. Very cruel. Deserving of a special ring of hell.

2. The slow motion. Break up can be seen for some time, but only happens months after it should have. Just horrid to watch...

3. Declaration by Cheating. Need i say more?

4. Bouncy breakup. Break up, then get back together, or flirt with ex with regularity. Guilty parties may be sent to aformentioned circle of hell.

In each case, the pain came when the notifcation was untimely, or made cruelly. Breakups will hurt, but approach them like surgery. You have to be cruel to kind, but its no reason to just slice 'em up for the hell of it.

Rubyee · 09-30-2003, 09:00 PM

I think that gentle breakups are the worst. It makes you wonder "How much can this person really care about me to do this to me?" Or "If they care so much about me, then why?" And then you think that they will come back. Basically, in gentle breakups, there is not enough closure to get over it quickly.

Lebell · 09-30-2003, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Amano
you're right, i should have added that option... but apparently, changing poll options are for mods only :-/

You only had to ask

collide · 10-01-2003, 12:16 AM

I think either way, unless it's mutual, you'll be the one left wondering what went wrong.

Gentle break ups are probably better in reassuring that s/he cared enough to explain the circumstances that lead to the break up. It shows that s/he bothered to put enough effort in ameliorating what most certainly will become an emotional trial.

Abrupt ones might be easier if the reasons already confirm your suspicions, justifying the whole break up, and preparing you to deal with the aftermath.

I don't count distancing as part of the gentle break up tactic, because sometimes it just means that there are problems that aren't being addressed, which can often be worked out if it is resolved soon enough.

ismark · 10-01-2003, 02:25 AM

i'm for a clean and quick break... hurts like hell for a while but you have no doubts at all as to where you stand and no false hopes of a make up...

have been both a giver and receiver of both types.... none great but clean and surgical is easiest to recover from

Averett · 10-01-2003, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Amano
2) an "abrupt breakup" (eg. other person gets caught cheating, or says straight out "I'm seeing someone else" etc, basically something happens that tells you the other person simply doesn't care for you anymore)

My one and only break up was of this nature. Only a bit worse. My boyfriend came up for new years (he was still in college, i had graduated and moved back home) and we got in a car wreck the night he got in. He broke up with me the day I came home from the hospital. I find out about a month later that he was indeed cheating on me. I got over it pretty quickly. Basically one of those "Fuck him, I'm better than that anyway" type things.

brandon11983 · 10-01-2003, 06:22 AM

Gentle breakups fucking suck. I just had one about a week and a half ago. Both parties are still fully interested in one another, and we do still talk every few days. Its a very hard thing to live with knowing that the person you care very deeply about cares very deeply about you and you can't do a thing about it anymore.

I'd rather have my still beating heart ripped from my chest, and stepped on. You sulk around for a few days, then you're over it.

Fallon · 10-01-2003, 08:37 AM

I had a combo of the two, so I got the worst of both situations...

vveronica · 10-01-2003, 08:56 AM

Life is too short Abrupt!

dylanmarsh · 10-01-2003, 09:43 AM

I attribute the gentle break up to having cancer for 3 years and then finally dying. Slowly your insides are eaten away and you question why something like this could happen to you.

On the other side, the abrupt break up is like finding your '57 Chevy stolen when you go to drive it. You instantly feel angrer, vengence, etc. Eventually you get over it and are able to move on.

I think the gentle break up just holds people back from moving on. Speaking personally, I borke up with my girlfriend in March and decided to do the gentle break up thing. Six months later, I still think about her, whether I did the right thing, and a certain amount of guilt in looking at other women.

The best cure to get over someone is to feel a certain amount of anger or hatred toward that person and how they don't deserve you. When I broke up with my ex, I was still very much in love with her but couldn't justify putting up with her bullshit. I think I'm the bigger person for doing it the way I did, but I still have to deal with the effects of it everyday.

skysooner · 10-01-2003, 10:37 AM

Either is painful. With the abrupt you rarely know the circumstances that led up to it. With the gentle, you might still not know, but the relationship has obviously been going badly for awhile. I prefer a breakup where you know why you are breaking up. That somehow makes it easier when you know for sure, but of course, this rarely happens.

sigma1042 · 10-01-2003, 10:39 AM

the quick breakup is definitely easier

i've had both from the same girl in high school
didn't get over her the gentle way for months (we're better off just as friends, bs)
started dating her again when i came back on break from college(i had gone to school 4 hrs away), we had our best time then, she said she wanted to see other people cause i wasn't around enough , i, of course, figured she already was seeing other people, but i was still surprised when it happened, cut back on talking to her (benefit of being 4 hrs away) started doing my own thing, i got over her real quick after that (though didn't meet a new girl for 6 months, who would be my current gf of 4 yrs)

but became just good friends afterward, we have talked about what could've been though, if i didn't move away, etc
and i have fantasized about her cause we never did have sex, and we had talked about that since then and looking back both would've liked to had our first times together (though i'm happy with the way mine worked out anyway, then i wanted that, she would've liked me more than her guy she dated right after me)
and talked about doing it anyway just so we wouldn't wonder what each other are like
but that wouldn't actually ever happen, because of happy current relationships

Amano · 10-01-2003, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by skysooner
With the gentle, you might still not know, but the relationship has obviously been going badly for awhile.

Not necessarily. My second relationship ended quite suddenly, but also gently. Everything was going extremely well, until issues came up a week before we broke up, and even then, she she was really mad, upset and frustrated at herself (and the situation) that there was no option but to break up, because she really wanted to try to work through these issues, but found she couldn't.

Thraeryn · 10-01-2003, 11:01 AM

I have only been broken up with once, and it was a short one because she had cheated and I had cheated and it was just bound to come.

I have always left so abruptly that they usually wonder what happened. I give a little bit of explanation, but leave them still a little in the dark. If I were to do it the gentle way, I would have to sit around and explain exactly why I don't want to stay. I'd have to deal with attempts to sway me into staying a bit longer. I'd have to do a lot of things that I didn't want to do when I'm busy trying to cut things off.

The way I do it, they're generally over me in anywhere from two days to a month. My wife didn't get over it for two months, but we were married for two years.

Harshaw · 10-01-2003, 11:30 AM

Abrupt, like a bandaid

emotes · 10-02-2003, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Harshaw
Abrupt, like a bandaid

Great line.

toxic515 · 10-02-2003, 04:24 PM

make a clean immediate break, otherwise you waste time pining and whining for the other person and they for you. If it's truely over, then make it over and let it be over. The pain isn't really any less, but it dissipates much faster. It's all a function of realizing reality. When you drag it out or leave false hope, you're simply denying reality.

twotimesadingo · 10-02-2003, 04:24 PM

Honestly, I haven't read any of these posts, so this may be a blatant redundancy, but...

I think it's much easier to recover from a gentle breakup. Yeah, there may be some residual effects of the connection, but that's fine; I can deal with positive emotional stress.
I think being betrayed would really, really hurt. Yeah, it would make me angry, which would make forgetting about the person easier, but I think there would always be a scar.

WarWagon · 10-02-2003, 07:57 PM

My girlfriend and I tried an abrupt breakup before leaving for school, but we both know it wasn't right, so we got back together and stayed together. We slowly broke up once before and it was agony. I'd much rather just be set free with no worries and be allowed to get back on track with my life than wallowing in self pity for a month.

numist_net · 10-02-2003, 08:07 PM

there are different types of abrupt breakup, some work some don't. I really dont want to get into it any further.

Voted for the non abrupt variety

ismark · 10-03-2003, 03:01 PM

compare it to waxing, which is less painful, the slow pull or the fast pull.

Which do you recover from first?

esotar · 10-12-2003, 06:11 AM

Back in the beginning of this year, I had an online relationship with a womon in the UK. We got along great, had many things in common, and spent nearly every day together online (cam + mic), we considered ourselves to be in a relationship, to be dating one another. She even told me she was in love with me. Neither of us could be considered "wealthy", nevertheless, she decided she wanted to come to the states and be with me. She bought a very expensive ticket, scheduled three weeks off from work, I got all excited, I also took three weeks vacation time.

All seemed well until about two weeks before she was scheduled to arrive. She began avoiding me, not sending emails, not replying to my emails, not hanging out with me online. I figured she was getting up to stuff (cyber slutting) but I'm a kind soul, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. A week before she was scheduled to arrive, I wrote her a beautiful, long email, reassuring her that I wanted her to come stay with me as my friend, that there was no expectation on my part that we would necessarily be lovers "in the real", regardless whatever may have been going on between us online. She did not respond to that email.

I became distraut, everything was getting crazier and crazier. I took another womon into my confidence (the womon that is now my partner) to talk to, see if I was being crazy and obsessive. Both my realworld friends and my cyberfriends (I dislike having to distingush between these two sets of people........but there it is anyway) told me it sounded strange, and to keep at it until she provided answers.

Then, 4 days before she was supposed to arrive, everything reached critical mass. I got to her online, and she sent me a message obviously ment for someone else. A message in which she refered to me in a very harsh way. I was seething, but decided my best course of action was to walk away from the computer for a while. When I came back some time later, she had sent me a IM stating that she was in love with another. Everything crashed down, and two of my friends spent the better part of that evening getting drunk with me.

I was angry and hurt for quite a while. I still get suspicious with my current lover, even though the womon I am with now is 1000 times different, and our relationship is not only different from my previous one, I feel that this relationship is my first mature relationship. The relationship I had before had to end as it did, it gave me the opportunity to grow, to decide what I want out of a relationship, make the choices, or at least map what choices I want to consider.

Overall, I do think abrupt, although harsh, is the better way to go. Both parties are then free to go off, lick their wounds, re-establish their lives, and perhaps in the future find the common ground again and become friends, if possible.

Regziever · 10-12-2003, 10:22 AM

An abrupt breakup cause it is more painfull but is easier and quicker to get over.

TinniT · 10-12-2003, 10:50 AM

The slow motion bouncy breakups are terrible. GLAAAAH.

Abrupt breakups always seem easier, because they are through and there is no more communication.

The gentle ones give the illusion to one or both of the people involved that there is still love/romance in the air, and it causes way too much confusion. I hate those. I've done them twice, and they suck, and they were on kid-level relationships.

View Poll Results: We've all had breakups. Which are easier to get over? (only refers to unwanted ones)
a "gentle breakup" (see my definitions below)	17	30.91%
an "abrupt breakup"	32	58.18%
I haven't had any breakups	6	10.91%
Voters: 55. You may not vote on this poll

09-30-2003, 06:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
Amano Insane	"Gentle" or "Abrupt" breakups: which are easier to get over? Here are some length "definitions." Like I said, I'm only referring to unwanted breakups, where it's the other person who initiated the breakup 1) a "gentle breakup" (eg. still making it clear that he/she still cares for you or wishes the breakup didn't have to happen, etc) 2) an "abrupt breakup" (eg. other person gets caught cheating, or says straight out "I'm seeing someone else" etc, basically something happens that tells you the other person simply doesn't care for you anymore) Now I know there are situations where someone would say that he/she still cares for you but not really mean it, but on choice #1, I'm talking about as far as you can tell, he/she is being honest saying that. (eg. maybe something out of her control is causing the breakup, I don't know whatever it is, that he/she still really cares for you but has to break up anyway) Personally, I've had two relationships end "gently." (2+ years, and 5 months). I took a long time to get over the first one (6+ months), and I got over the second one in slightly under 2 months. The second one was slightly more "gentle" than the first breakup, and I remember feeling absolutely horrible. At times, I wished that both were more "abrupt" as it would really help me see that things were over. Because if someone initiates a breakup but deep down wishes it didn't have to happen, I start to wonder, then why did it have to happen! And it gets really hard for me to get over something like that.. What do you all think? PS. Any other suggestions for poll options? Last edited by Amano; 09-30-2003 at 07:29 PM..

09-30-2003, 07:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
MrFlux Fluxing wildly... Location: Auckland, New Zealand	I suggest "I haven't had any break-ups" as a poll option, because as a matter of fact, some of us (like me) HAVEN'T had any break ups, contrary to your poll title I'm still with the first girl I've had a relationship with, so I can't really give my opinion. Edit: voted for the third option __________________ flux (n.) Medicine. The discharge of large quantities of fluid material from the body, especially the discharge of watery feces from the intestines. Last edited by MrFlux; 10-01-2003 at 12:02 AM..

09-30-2003, 09:00 PM	#5 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	I think that gentle breakups are the worst. It makes you wonder "How much can this person really care about me to do this to me?" Or "If they care so much about me, then why?" And then you think that they will come back. Basically, in gentle breakups, there is not enough closure to get over it quickly. __________________ You don't know from fun.

10-01-2003, 12:16 AM	#7 (permalink)
collide Turn off your TV. Location: ... .- -. ..-. .-. .- -. -.-. .. ... -.-. --- --..-- -.-. .-	I think either way, unless it's mutual, you'll be the one left wondering what went wrong. Gentle break ups are probably better in reassuring that s/he cared enough to explain the circumstances that lead to the break up. It shows that s/he bothered to put enough effort in ameliorating what most certainly will become an emotional trial. Abrupt ones might be easier if the reasons already confirm your suspicions, justifying the whole break up, and preparing you to deal with the aftermath. I don't count distancing as part of the gentle break up tactic, because sometimes it just means that there are problems that aren't being addressed, which can often be worked out if it is resolved soon enough. __________________ "inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc

09-30-2003, 07:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
Amano Insane	you're right, i should have added that option... but apparently, changing poll options are for mods only :-/

09-30-2003, 07:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
chavos Banned Location: St. Paul, MN	break up clearly, but with compassion. A few of my experiences, personal and observed: 1. The missing break up. One party fails to notify the other adequately that a break up has taken place. Very cruel. Deserving of a special ring of hell. 2. The slow motion. Break up can be seen for some time, but only happens months after it should have. Just horrid to watch... 3. Declaration by Cheating. Need i say more? 4. Bouncy breakup. Break up, then get back together, or flirt with ex with regularity. Guilty parties may be sent to aformentioned circle of hell. In each case, the pain came when the notifcation was untimely, or made cruelly. Breakups will hurt, but approach them like surgery. You have to be cruel to kind, but its no reason to just slice 'em up for the hell of it.

10-01-2003, 02:25 AM	#8 (permalink)
ismark Crazy Location: Sydney	i'm for a clean and quick break... hurts like hell for a while but you have no doubts at all as to where you stand and no false hopes of a make up... have been both a giver and receiver of both types.... none great but clean and surgical is easiest to recover from __________________ The Grumpy Old Bloke

10-01-2003, 06:22 AM	#10 (permalink)
brandon11983 Stereophonic Location: Chitown!!	Gentle breakups fucking suck. I just had one about a week and a half ago. Both parties are still fully interested in one another, and we do still talk every few days. Its a very hard thing to live with knowing that the person you care very deeply about cares very deeply about you and you can't do a thing about it anymore. I'd rather have my still beating heart ripped from my chest, and stepped on. You sulk around for a few days, then you're over it. __________________ Well behaved women rarely make history.

10-01-2003, 08:37 AM	#11 (permalink)
Fallon Junkie Location: RI	I had a combo of the two, so I got the worst of both situations...

10-01-2003, 08:56 AM	#12 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	Life is too short Abrupt! __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

10-01-2003, 09:43 AM	#13 (permalink)
dylanmarsh Sleepy Head	I attribute the gentle break up to having cancer for 3 years and then finally dying. Slowly your insides are eaten away and you question why something like this could happen to you. On the other side, the abrupt break up is like finding your '57 Chevy stolen when you go to drive it. You instantly feel angrer, vengence, etc. Eventually you get over it and are able to move on. I think the gentle break up just holds people back from moving on. Speaking personally, I borke up with my girlfriend in March and decided to do the gentle break up thing. Six months later, I still think about her, whether I did the right thing, and a certain amount of guilt in looking at other women. The best cure to get over someone is to feel a certain amount of anger or hatred toward that person and how they don't deserve you. When I broke up with my ex, I was still very much in love with her but couldn't justify putting up with her bullshit. I think I'm the bigger person for doing it the way I did, but I still have to deal with the effects of it everyday.

10-01-2003, 10:37 AM	#14 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Either is painful. With the abrupt you rarely know the circumstances that led up to it. With the gentle, you might still not know, but the relationship has obviously been going badly for awhile. I prefer a breakup where you know why you are breaking up. That somehow makes it easier when you know for sure, but of course, this rarely happens.

10-01-2003, 10:39 AM	#15 (permalink)
sigma1042 Crazy	the quick breakup is definitely easier i've had both from the same girl in high school didn't get over her the gentle way for months (we're better off just as friends, bs) started dating her again when i came back on break from college(i had gone to school 4 hrs away), we had our best time then, she said she wanted to see other people cause i wasn't around enough , i, of course, figured she already was seeing other people, but i was still surprised when it happened, cut back on talking to her (benefit of being 4 hrs away) started doing my own thing, i got over her real quick after that (though didn't meet a new girl for 6 months, who would be my current gf of 4 yrs) but became just good friends afterward, we have talked about what could've been though, if i didn't move away, etc and i have fantasized about her cause we never did have sex, and we had talked about that since then and looking back both would've liked to had our first times together (though i'm happy with the way mine worked out anyway, then i wanted that, she would've liked me more than her guy she dated right after me) and talked about doing it anyway just so we wouldn't wonder what each other are like but that wouldn't actually ever happen, because of happy current relationships __________________ [Arthur] HA HA HA HA, It's a little joke![/Arthur]

10-01-2003, 11:01 AM	#17 (permalink)
Thraeryn Loser	I have only been broken up with once, and it was a short one because she had cheated and I had cheated and it was just bound to come. I have always left so abruptly that they usually wonder what happened. I give a little bit of explanation, but leave them still a little in the dark. If I were to do it the gentle way, I would have to sit around and explain exactly why I don't want to stay. I'd have to deal with attempts to sway me into staying a bit longer. I'd have to do a lot of things that I didn't want to do when I'm busy trying to cut things off. The way I do it, they're generally over me in anywhere from two days to a month. My wife didn't get over it for two months, but we were married for two years.

10-01-2003, 11:30 AM	#18 (permalink)
Harshaw Is mad at you. Location: Bored in Sacramento	Abrupt, like a bandaid __________________ This too shall pass.

10-12-2003, 10:22 AM	#26 (permalink)
Regziever Sexy eh? Location: Sweden	An abrupt breakup cause it is more painfull but is easier and quicker to get over. __________________ Life is shit, Death is even worse, So what's the point of killing yourself? /Ignatius Camryn Paladine

10-02-2003, 04:24 PM	#20 (permalink)
toxic515 Addict Location: Texas	make a clean immediate break, otherwise you waste time pining and whining for the other person and they for you. If it's truely over, then make it over and let it be over. The pain isn't really any less, but it dissipates much faster. It's all a function of realizing reality. When you drag it out or leave false hope, you're simply denying reality. __________________ Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

10-02-2003, 04:24 PM	#21 (permalink)
twotimesadingo Psycho Location: that place with the thing	Honestly, I haven't read any of these posts, so this may be a blatant redundancy, but... I think it's much easier to recover from a gentle breakup. Yeah, there may be some residual effects of the connection, but that's fine; I can deal with positive emotional stress. I think being betrayed would really, really hurt. Yeah, it would make me angry, which would make forgetting about the person easier, but I think there would always be a scar. __________________ I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons. I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason. I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son. They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself." - A Perfect Circle

10-02-2003, 07:57 PM	#22 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	My girlfriend and I tried an abrupt breakup before leaving for school, but we both know it wasn't right, so we got back together and stayed together. We slowly broke up once before and it was agony. I'd much rather just be set free with no worries and be allowed to get back on track with my life than wallowing in self pity for a month.

10-02-2003, 08:07 PM	#23 (permalink)
numist_net Banned Location: UCSD	there are different types of abrupt breakup, some work some don't. I really dont want to get into it any further. Voted for the non abrupt variety

10-03-2003, 03:01 PM	#24 (permalink)
ismark Crazy Location: Sydney	compare it to waxing, which is less painful, the slow pull or the fast pull. Which do you recover from first? __________________ The Grumpy Old Bloke

10-12-2003, 06:11 AM	#25 (permalink)
esotar Upright Location: triangle area, nc	Back in the beginning of this year, I had an online relationship with a womon in the UK. We got along great, had many things in common, and spent nearly every day together online (cam + mic), we considered ourselves to be in a relationship, to be dating one another. She even told me she was in love with me. Neither of us could be considered "wealthy", nevertheless, she decided she wanted to come to the states and be with me. She bought a very expensive ticket, scheduled three weeks off from work, I got all excited, I also took three weeks vacation time. All seemed well until about two weeks before she was scheduled to arrive. She began avoiding me, not sending emails, not replying to my emails, not hanging out with me online. I figured she was getting up to stuff (cyber slutting) but I'm a kind soul, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. A week before she was scheduled to arrive, I wrote her a beautiful, long email, reassuring her that I wanted her to come stay with me as my friend, that there was no expectation on my part that we would necessarily be lovers "in the real", regardless whatever may have been going on between us online. She did not respond to that email. I became distraut, everything was getting crazier and crazier. I took another womon into my confidence (the womon that is now my partner) to talk to, see if I was being crazy and obsessive. Both my realworld friends and my cyberfriends (I dislike having to distingush between these two sets of people........but there it is anyway) told me it sounded strange, and to keep at it until she provided answers. Then, 4 days before she was supposed to arrive, everything reached critical mass. I got to her online, and she sent me a message obviously ment for someone else. A message in which she refered to me in a very harsh way. I was seething, but decided my best course of action was to walk away from the computer for a while. When I came back some time later, she had sent me a IM stating that she was in love with another. Everything crashed down, and two of my friends spent the better part of that evening getting drunk with me. I was angry and hurt for quite a while. I still get suspicious with my current lover, even though the womon I am with now is 1000 times different, and our relationship is not only different from my previous one, I feel that this relationship is my first mature relationship. The relationship I had before had to end as it did, it gave me the opportunity to grow, to decide what I want out of a relationship, make the choices, or at least map what choices I want to consider. Overall, I do think abrupt, although harsh, is the better way to go. Both parties are then free to go off, lick their wounds, re-establish their lives, and perhaps in the future find the common ground again and become friends, if possible. __________________ "Without meditation, where is peace? Without peace, where is happiness?" -- the Bhagavad Gita

10-12-2003, 10:50 AM	#27 (permalink)
TinniT Crazy	The slow motion bouncy breakups are terrible. GLAAAAH. Abrupt breakups always seem easier, because they are through and there is no more communication. The gentle ones give the illusion to one or both of the people involved that there is still love/romance in the air, and it causes way too much confusion. I hate those. I've done them twice, and they suck, and they were on kid-level relationships.