masturbation mishaps - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

09-30-2003, 02:45 PM

ok,weve all had em!
either been cought,or just plain got carried away and did something stupid!
i'll give you an example!

NEVER MASTURBATE WITH ICYHOT!!!!

i was about 13 and didnt know any better! i was at that phase of trying it with anything i could get my hands on!
vasaline,baby oil,soap in the shower,anything that was slipery basically!

i found a jar and away i went,by the time i realized what i had done it was to late cause the stuff was allready "rubbed" in!

NatureBoy · 09-30-2003, 04:07 PM

For some reason, when I started masturbating, I thought gum would feel good on my dick.

It didn't. It was sticky and it took a few days for all the residue to wash off.

But, c'mon! It's pink and slightly tounge-like in texture!

Amano · 09-30-2003, 05:57 PM

toothpaste, i guess a similar but less powerful effect as icyhot

mattevil · 09-30-2003, 06:26 PM

used "udderly smooth"(creme used as chapstick and also for sore nether regions on castrated bulls) anyways got my dick so slippery i couldn't jerk off and had to take a shower to get the shit off. I'm just waiting on the inevitable prepration h story in this thread

micah67 · 09-30-2003, 07:55 PM

Gotta hate soap in the urethra... You think you've got it all out but then you go to take a piss and it's like liquid fire.

Lucky the police didn't come in response to THAT scream.

Beltruckus · 09-30-2003, 09:18 PM

hahaha micah67 I know exactly what you are talking about, I never wank it with soap anymore because of that specific reason.

Pellaz · 10-01-2003, 09:06 AM

I once forgot to wash my hands after using Tiger Balm earlier...thought I was going to die.

dylanmarsh · 10-01-2003, 09:48 AM

I actually started off masterbating with various soft materials and not any kind of lube. I remember I had this one pair of polar fleece socks and, for whatever reason, decided to put one on Mr. Happy and start rubbin'. I did the polar fleece thing from about 13 to 17 when I discovered Aveeno hand lotion. There should really be a how to website for kids just starting out. I did damage anything but looking back, polar fleece was a bit stupid.

10-01-2003, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by dylanmarsh
I actually started off masterbating with various soft materials and not any kind of lube. I remember I had this one pair of polar fleece socks and, for whatever reason, decided to put one on Mr. Happy and start rubbin'. I did the polar fleece thing from about 13 to 17 when I discovered Aveeno hand lotion. There should really be a how to website for kids just starting out. I did damage anything but looking back, polar fleece was a bit stupid.

ya,a heres how book would have been great as a kid!

chapter #1
section #1
paragraph #1

DO NOT USE ICYHOT!LOL

Lunchbox7 · 10-01-2003, 10:46 AM

I was beating off in the shower one time. I dont know why but when ever there is water around it takes me forever to cum. Anyway I was going hard for about 45 minutes. When I eveentually came the orgasm was so powerfull that I slipped over and hit my head. Obviously I didnt learn from the experience because I still do it all the time.

10-01-2003, 11:09 AM

ive fallen in the shower a time or two myself!lol
i have found thats its best to just sit down in the shower if i feel like shaking one off in there!

Thraeryn · 10-01-2003, 11:15 AM

When I was first discovering the joy of masturbation, I did it so much that I'd rub the spot just before my head raw. I was really broken up about it, too, so I tried to find some way around it, something I could use to cover up the raw spot. I ended up using Scotch tape, and while it did work for a little while, it was a BITCH to take off afterwards.

I've never put Scotch tape on Mr. Majesty since.

10-01-2003, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Thraeryn
When I was first discovering the joy of masturbation, I did it so much that I'd rub the spot just before my head raw. I was really broken up about it, too, so I tried to find some way around it, something I could use to cover up the raw spot. I ended up using Scotch tape, and while it did work for a little while, it was a BITCH to take off afterwards. I've never put Scotch tape on Mr. Majesty since.

hell i still do that every now and then!
i prefer no lube at all! sometimes i can carried away and next thing i know i got a raw spot!
it hurts way bad!
i used to just wrap it in toilet paper and let it stick to the raw spot so it couldnt rub against anything!

erion · 10-01-2003, 11:32 AM

Two Words.

Flexall 454.

It was freaking awesome.

GSRIDER · 10-01-2003, 11:36 AM

Oh fuck. Don't ask me how or why, but I used an eraser once (twice maybe a dozen)... chalk board not pencil. Oh so softly under ye ol head.... crazy wicked feeling doing it that way. All was fine and dandy until one day I couldn't bust. So fast and fast I erased until.... OWWWWWWWWWWWW holy shit I rubbed a whole in it.

Rubbed my self raw, literally, bled, sore ouch.

cuervo · 10-01-2003, 02:58 PM

Quote:

There should really be a how to website for kids just starting out

Gotta love the internet:
http://www.jackinworld.com/

prince_albert · 10-01-2003, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cuervo
Gotta love the internet:
http://www.jackinworld.com/

Class!

I have never used a lubricant...although once I used my saliva

anleja · 10-01-2003, 04:36 PM

This is a mishap of somebody else, and it is mainly a mishap because EVERYONE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT. Anyway, these 2 dorky girls in 7th grade were passing notes in class, and some kid intercepted one. It said something about how cool it is to get a condom and fill it up with chewed bubble gum. Talk about being embarrased!

As for myself, I learned early on to not use soap, for the aforementioned pee burn. That is how they should get murder suspects in custody to talk; threaten them with a squirt of Liquid Dial up the urethra.

darkallaround · 10-01-2003, 08:57 PM

once i was faceup on my bead and goin at it nice and lubed.
i had a really violent orgasm and sent cum raining down on myself...and got it in my eye.

and i said to myself "i guess thats how SHE feels..." as i wiped it away

WarWagon · 10-03-2003, 12:35 PM

Pellaz: I feel your hurt. Tiger Balm is LETHAL, used to use it when I boxed, and its real popular amont kickboxers, too.

dragonhawk · 10-03-2003, 12:52 PM

Never go from cooking with Jalapenos to masturbation.

It Burns, It Burns!!!

majik_6 · 10-03-2003, 08:34 PM

Not exactly a masturbatory mistake, but I inadvertantly got a good sized dollop of shampoo on the boys, and didn't realize it for several minutes (got some in my ear, too). OUCH. For three or four days after, I had a terrible burning itch, and all the skin dried up, cracked and peeled off. THAT sucked.

Oh yeah, and one time my girl decided to use some lotion...no big deal, right? Well, yeah, actually it WAS a big deal...it was Bath and Bodyworks Cucumber Melon. The orgasm, GREAT, the uncomfortable burning all the way home up until the first bathroom break afterwards, NOT so great.

darkallaround · 10-03-2003, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by majik_6
Not exactly a masturbatory mistake, but I inadvertantly got a good sized dollop of shampoo on the boys, and didn't realize it for several minutes (got some in my ear, too). OUCH. For three or four days after, I had a terrible burning itch, and all the skin dried up, cracked and peeled off. THAT sucked.

Oh yeah, and one time my girl decided to use some lotion...no big deal, right? Well, yeah, actually it WAS a big deal...it was Bath and Bodyworks Cucumber Melon. The orgasm, GREAT, the uncomfortable burning all the way home up until the first bathroom break afterwards, NOT so great.

geez. what kind of shampoo is that???

sounds like it could take the paint off of a chevy!

arcane · 10-04-2003, 12:34 AM

yeah....liquid soap is teh sux
i had a mishap with that once and i never did that again heh

motdakasha · 10-04-2003, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lunchbox7
I dont know why but when ever there is water around it takes me forever to cum.

Strange. It's easier for me in the shower when I do! (Still wank-free, btw)

siryn · 10-04-2003, 02:21 PM

I normally don't enjoy masturbating with lubricants, but if I have a hankering for them, then I desperately search for anything satisfactory.

One night, I wandered into my bathroom and the only thing I could find was some Head and Shoulders. I did my business and fell asleep, thinking no harm would be done. The next morning, my entire unit was scaling. For a week, it the skin (particularly the scrotum) was the offspring you'd imagine crumpled wax paper and sunburnt skin would yield.

And I never spoke of it again.

Uiberto · 10-04-2003, 02:24 PM

Oops. siryn was using my computer. Last post was supposed to be mine.

Robblee · 10-04-2003, 07:18 PM

don't use razorblades, that was a lesson and a half, ohh god that hurt to joke about...

but for me nothings really happend i've been lucky so far!

wario · 10-05-2003, 01:20 AM

Stories like these make me so glad I'm uncircumcized. No need to use any lubricant (or any other random substance) when the foreskin provides all the glide you need.

skippy · 10-05-2003, 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Robblee
don't use razorblades, that was a lesson and a half, ohh god that hurt to joke about...

but for me nothings really happend i've been lucky so far!

I'm Sorry but ... It took me 15 minutes to stop "feeling the pain" of your joke. That would be like using steel wool, or one of those bumpy but sharp fishing gloves.... OUCH!

10-05-2003, 04:14 AM

My friend beat off, slipped, and broke his hand on the sink. You think stuff like that only happens in the movies, but nope, it does to some real people too.

SkanK0r · 10-05-2003, 07:44 AM

My first time, I actually had sex with a mitten. I didn't KNOW I was masturbating - I was about 11 and I just started noticing how good it felt to tub stuff down there. So I got a mitten with a soft inside and suddenly realized how awesome it was. I orgasmed and was like "WHAT THE HELL WAS -THAT-!?!?!"

Needless to say, I didn't know I "shot" anything. So a couple of days later I went back to try out my mitten, and --CRUNCH--. MY semen had hardened and I was masturbating with a crunchy, hard, pokey surface - no long soft and warm.

That's my terribly embarassing masturbation story. And it was my FIRST one!

fuhrerhat · 10-05-2003, 08:44 AM

The worst I've done is accidentally shoot myself in the face....

...several times....

10-05-2003, 08:46 AM

i shot it in my mouth once,that was no fun at all!

fuhrerhat · 10-05-2003, 08:55 AM

You're not sure if you should clean up or enjoy the moment.

wry1 · 10-05-2003, 10:04 AM

I was in the hospital, confined to a bed (I was in traction, so I had no choice in the matter) and as a healthy 15 year-old, I needed to get a little "release", so I popped in a video some friends of my parents provided me (it had a few movies copied onto it, and evidently there had been a porno on it earlier that hadn't been completely erased) and started going to town.

Of course, once I got truly into it things got embarrassing....the "hot" nurse on the floor comes into my room, sees what I'm doing, and bolts out.

.....Great regret? That she didn't stick around long enough for me to ask her for some help....

Munku · 10-06-2003, 12:28 PM

I masturbated with one of those doctors gloves and some spit.. That tore my penis up real bad.. It caused bleeding. Uck.

tritium · 10-07-2003, 08:17 PM

Soap is evil. The burning afterwards is the devil --- for some reason, I always have to go after blowing it. Dries the skin out something fierce too.

tritium · 10-07-2003, 08:22 PM

Read about women using the faucet in the shower to go to town so I tried it too -- very nice. Couldn't get everything in the stream like a woman but what I did manage was incredible. Not really a mishap until I tried to "scooch" back to stand up and found that I couldn't. Had to use soap to lube the tub so I could move back and stand up.

YKK · 10-07-2003, 09:18 PM

is it just me or does semen change it's texture when exposed to hot water?

i like masturbating in the shower.. on my knees so i don't fall down (SLIMM).. but after i come i find these.. balls of semen holding on to the hairs on my knees.. semen shouldn't ball.. ?

maybe i just take my showers way too hot.. (hot enough to curdle cum!)

^^

09-30-2003, 02:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
SLIMM Guest	masturbation mishaps ok,weve all had em! either been cought,or just plain got carried away and did something stupid! i'll give you an example! NEVER MASTURBATE WITH ICYHOT!!!! i was about 13 and didnt know any better! i was at that phase of trying it with anything i could get my hands on! vasaline,baby oil,soap in the shower,anything that was slipery basically! i found a jar and away i went,by the time i realized what i had done it was to late cause the stuff was allready "rubbed" in!

09-30-2003, 07:55 PM	#5 (permalink)
micah67 Thor Location: 33:08:12N 117:10:23W	Gotta hate soap in the urethra... You think you've got it all out but then you go to take a piss and it's like liquid fire. Lucky the police didn't come in response to THAT scream. __________________ ~micah

09-30-2003, 09:18 PM	#6 (permalink)
Beltruckus Psycho Location: Salt Lake City	hahaha micah67 I know exactly what you are talking about, I never wank it with soap anymore because of that specific reason. __________________ The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings. Words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out. -Stephen King

10-01-2003, 09:06 AM	#7 (permalink)
Pellaz Addict Location: Texas	I once forgot to wash my hands after using Tiger Balm earlier...thought I was going to die. __________________ " ' Big Mouth. Remember it took three of you to kill me. A god, a boy, and, last and least, a hero.' "

10-01-2003, 11:36 AM	#15 (permalink)
GSRIDER spurt king Location: Out of my mind	Oh fuck. Don't ask me how or why, but I used an eraser once (twice maybe a dozen)... chalk board not pencil. Oh so softly under ye ol head.... crazy wicked feeling doing it that way. All was fine and dandy until one day I couldn't bust. So fast and fast I erased until.... OWWWWWWWWWWWW holy shit I rubbed a whole in it. Rubbed my self raw, literally, bled, sore ouch. __________________ No signature at this time.

09-30-2003, 04:07 PM	#2 (permalink)
NatureBoy Crazy	For some reason, when I started masturbating, I thought gum would feel good on my dick. It didn't. It was sticky and it took a few days for all the residue to wash off. But, c'mon! It's pink and slightly tounge-like in texture!

09-30-2003, 05:57 PM	#3 (permalink)
Amano Insane	toothpaste, i guess a similar but less powerful effect as icyhot

09-30-2003, 06:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
mattevil Addict Location: Virginia	used "udderly smooth"(creme used as chapstick and also for sore nether regions on castrated bulls) anyways got my dick so slippery i couldn't jerk off and had to take a shower to get the shit off. I'm just waiting on the inevitable prepration h story in this thread

10-01-2003, 09:48 AM	#8 (permalink)
dylanmarsh Sleepy Head	I actually started off masterbating with various soft materials and not any kind of lube. I remember I had this one pair of polar fleece socks and, for whatever reason, decided to put one on Mr. Happy and start rubbin'. I did the polar fleece thing from about 13 to 17 when I discovered Aveeno hand lotion. There should really be a how to website for kids just starting out. I did damage anything but looking back, polar fleece was a bit stupid.

10-01-2003, 10:46 AM	#10 (permalink)
Lunchbox7 Addict	I was beating off in the shower one time. I dont know why but when ever there is water around it takes me forever to cum. Anyway I was going hard for about 45 minutes. When I eveentually came the orgasm was so powerfull that I slipped over and hit my head. Obviously I didnt learn from the experience because I still do it all the time.

10-01-2003, 11:09 AM	#11 (permalink)
SLIMM Guest	ive fallen in the shower a time or two myself!lol i have found thats its best to just sit down in the shower if i feel like shaking one off in there!

10-01-2003, 11:15 AM	#12 (permalink)
Thraeryn Loser	When I was first discovering the joy of masturbation, I did it so much that I'd rub the spot just before my head raw. I was really broken up about it, too, so I tried to find some way around it, something I could use to cover up the raw spot. I ended up using Scotch tape, and while it did work for a little while, it was a BITCH to take off afterwards. I've never put Scotch tape on Mr. Majesty since.

10-01-2003, 11:32 AM	#14 (permalink)
erion Psycho	Two Words. Flexall 454. It was freaking awesome.

10-01-2003, 04:36 PM	#18 (permalink)
anleja disconnected Location: ignoreland	This is a mishap of somebody else, and it is mainly a mishap because EVERYONE FOUND OUT ABOUT IT. Anyway, these 2 dorky girls in 7th grade were passing notes in class, and some kid intercepted one. It said something about how cool it is to get a condom and fill it up with chewed bubble gum. Talk about being embarrased! As for myself, I learned early on to not use soap, for the aforementioned pee burn. That is how they should get murder suspects in custody to talk; threaten them with a squirt of Liquid Dial up the urethra.

10-01-2003, 08:57 PM	#19 (permalink)
darkallaround Tilted	once i was faceup on my bead and goin at it nice and lubed. i had a really violent orgasm and sent cum raining down on myself...and got it in my eye. and i said to myself "i guess thats how SHE feels..." as i wiped it away __________________ the darkness it surrounds me, consumes my very soul. within this worthless existence i shall never be made whole.

10-03-2003, 12:52 PM	#21 (permalink)
dragonhawk Psycho Location: In Games.	Never go from cooking with Jalapenos to masturbation. It Burns, It Burns!!! __________________ ---------------------------------------------- "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

10-03-2003, 12:35 PM	#20 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	Pellaz: I feel your hurt. Tiger Balm is LETHAL, used to use it when I boxed, and its real popular amont kickboxers, too.

10-03-2003, 08:34 PM	#22 (permalink)
majik_6 narcissist Location: looking in a mirror	Not exactly a masturbatory mistake, but I inadvertantly got a good sized dollop of shampoo on the boys, and didn't realize it for several minutes (got some in my ear, too). OUCH. For three or four days after, I had a terrible burning itch, and all the skin dried up, cracked and peeled off. THAT sucked. Oh yeah, and one time my girl decided to use some lotion...no big deal, right? Well, yeah, actually it WAS a big deal...it was Bath and Bodyworks Cucumber Melon. The orgasm, GREAT, the uncomfortable burning all the way home up until the first bathroom break afterwards, NOT so great. __________________ it's all about self-indulgence

10-04-2003, 12:34 AM	#24 (permalink)
arcane Insane Location: SLC, UT	yeah....liquid soap is teh sux i had a mishap with that once and i never did that again heh __________________ <Arcane> so if you banged 2000 chicks then at least one had a pen0r?

10-04-2003, 02:21 PM	#26 (permalink)
siryn Tilted Location: Long Beach CA	I normally don't enjoy masturbating with lubricants, but if I have a hankering for them, then I desperately search for anything satisfactory. One night, I wandered into my bathroom and the only thing I could find was some Head and Shoulders. I did my business and fell asleep, thinking no harm would be done. The next morning, my entire unit was scaling. For a week, it the skin (particularly the scrotum) was the offspring you'd imagine crumpled wax paper and sunburnt skin would yield. And I never spoke of it again.

10-04-2003, 02:24 PM	#27 (permalink)
Uiberto Upright	Oops. siryn was using my computer. Last post was supposed to be mine.

10-04-2003, 07:18 PM	#28 (permalink)
Robblee Tilted Location: Nova Scotia	don't use razorblades, that was a lesson and a half, ohh god that hurt to joke about... but for me nothings really happend i've been lucky so far!

10-05-2003, 01:20 AM	#29 (permalink)
wario Insane	Stories like these make me so glad I'm uncircumcized. No need to use any lubricant (or any other random substance) when the foreskin provides all the glide you need.

10-05-2003, 04:14 AM	#31 (permalink)
2thumbsup Guest	My friend beat off, slipped, and broke his hand on the sink. You think stuff like that only happens in the movies, but nope, it does to some real people too.

10-05-2003, 07:44 AM	#32 (permalink)
SkanK0r Crazy	My first time, I actually had sex with a mitten. I didn't KNOW I was masturbating - I was about 11 and I just started noticing how good it felt to tub stuff down there. So I got a mitten with a soft inside and suddenly realized how awesome it was. I orgasmed and was like "WHAT THE HELL WAS -THAT-!?!?!" Needless to say, I didn't know I "shot" anything. So a couple of days later I went back to try out my mitten, and --CRUNCH--. MY semen had hardened and I was masturbating with a crunchy, hard, pokey surface - no long soft and warm. That's my terribly embarassing masturbation story. And it was my FIRST one!

10-05-2003, 08:44 AM	#33 (permalink)
fuhrerhat Tilted	The worst I've done is accidentally shoot myself in the face.... ...several times.... __________________ Shazbot

10-05-2003, 08:46 AM	#34 (permalink)
SLIMM Guest	i shot it in my mouth once,that was no fun at all!

10-05-2003, 08:55 AM	#35 (permalink)
fuhrerhat Tilted	You're not sure if you should clean up or enjoy the moment. __________________ Shazbot

10-05-2003, 10:04 AM	#36 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	I was in the hospital, confined to a bed (I was in traction, so I had no choice in the matter) and as a healthy 15 year-old, I needed to get a little "release", so I popped in a video some friends of my parents provided me (it had a few movies copied onto it, and evidently there had been a porno on it earlier that hadn't been completely erased) and started going to town. Of course, once I got truly into it things got embarrassing....the "hot" nurse on the floor comes into my room, sees what I'm doing, and bolts out. .....Great regret? That she didn't stick around long enough for me to ask her for some help....

10-06-2003, 12:28 PM	#37 (permalink)
Munku Lost Location: Florida	I masturbated with one of those doctors gloves and some spit.. That tore my penis up real bad.. It caused bleeding. Uck.

10-07-2003, 08:17 PM	#38 (permalink)
tritium Professor of Drinkology	Soap is evil. The burning afterwards is the devil --- for some reason, I always have to go after blowing it. Dries the skin out something fierce too. __________________ Blah.

10-07-2003, 08:22 PM	#39 (permalink)
tritium Professor of Drinkology	Read about women using the faucet in the shower to go to town so I tried it too -- very nice. Couldn't get everything in the stream like a woman but what I did manage was incredible. Not really a mishap until I tried to "scooch" back to stand up and found that I couldn't. Had to use soap to lube the tub so I could move back and stand up. __________________ Blah.

10-07-2003, 09:18 PM	#40 (permalink)
YKK Crazy Location: Toronto, ONT	is it just me or does semen change it's texture when exposed to hot water? i like masturbating in the shower.. on my knees so i don't fall down (SLIMM).. but after i come i find these.. balls of semen holding on to the hairs on my knees.. semen shouldn't ball.. ? maybe i just take my showers way too hot.. (hot enough to curdle cum!) ^^ __________________ We're all black sheep and we know it.. So don't fsck it up for the rest. -- Sick of It All; Yours Truly