Bad idea to contact ex to see how she's doing? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Jesus Pimp · 04-25-2003, 11:55 AM

It's been 3 years since my ex broke up with me for another guy. It was a distance issue. She was my first gf. We were an odd couple. I was a young asian geek who never thought he would get laid, going out with a 21 yeard old hot blonde who fucks his brains out for a year and six months. Talk about all the luck. You know how they say you never forget your first. I think about her ever so often. I'm tempted to email her just to see how she's doing with her life. Is that a bad idea?

Lebell · 04-25-2003, 12:12 PM

Depends.

Why are you contacting her, what is her situation, and what are you hoping to accomplish?

While this can be ok, frequently it only brings up painful things.

Tread VERY carefully here. If you are just feeling nostalgic, I suggest having a beer and remembering the good times and let sleeping dogs lie.

rogue49 · 04-25-2003, 12:13 PM

I've done it, it brings back somber feelings.
Ones you've repressed for some time.

Be aware, that you might not get the reaction you are looking for.
But it also might be positive.
You never know.

But more than likely you both will now be in two different worlds.
Time has moved on.

Go for it, as long as you can handle the reaction of them and the emotions of yourself.
If might be good, it might be bad, it might be indifferent.
Who knows?

zf0enix · 04-25-2003, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Lebell
...Tread VERY carefully here. If you are just feeling nostalgic, I suggest having a beer and remembering the good times and let sleeping dogs lie.

I agree. Often, the best part of past relationships lives only in the memories. Unless you've kept close contact and the separation was amicable, things seem to get uncomfortable and pointless.

Ambition · 04-25-2003, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by zf0enix
Often, the best part of past relationships lives only in the memories.

Ain't that the truth.

fhqwhgads · 04-25-2003, 01:48 PM

I've always heard that the first sign that you're going crazy is when you start doing the same things over again and expecting different results.

For that reason, I'm always hesitant to bring up the past. Everything happens for a reason...so never look back. If she hurt you once, why reopen the scars and give her a chance to do it again?

riptide4070 · 04-25-2003, 03:30 PM

I'm still friends with my ex. I broke up with her last october. It's hard to stay friends but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

yournamehere · 04-25-2003, 11:25 PM

I had that happen to me - in reverse.

My H.S. sweetheart recently got in touch with me - I hadn't seen her for 20 years. We're friends again, and e-mail each other ffrequently. Of course, so much time had passed - it's hard to carry hard feelings for that long.

BubblegumTeflon · 04-26-2003, 12:33 AM

If you were on the receiving end on the breakup then don't approach things with any expectations. You may be surprised to find that this person has changed . . . for the worst. Not that this is a bad thing, I have a carefree attitude with it and I actually find it kind of funny. Some have even bore a weird emotional grudge or something, and once I meet them again they try to make me feel, to put it bluntly, like shit. I've learned a long time ago to disallow someone else from controlling my emotions. I feel how I want to feel, and nobody else has any say in it.

TrollInvestigtr · 04-26-2003, 02:34 AM

hmm ... unless you are really hard up for some pussy, which it sounds like you arent, why bother?

Cynthetiq · 04-26-2003, 03:19 AM

i've had the reverse happen to me too. My long distance love/live in and I didn't work out, she slept with a coworker and that lead to our eventual demise.

We'd not spoken in about 11 years and after 9/11 I got an email saying,"I know you are in NYC I hope that you are okay." I was very shaken by the email and whether or not to reply. It took me over 1 week to respond and we exchanged emails for a bit.

That was good. It accomplished 2 things, first we caught up, the dude she left me for is her husband and father of her 3 kids. She also apologized to me about how she ended our relationship. It was like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. Really it evaporated the moment I read those words,"I'm sorry I was a bitch."

TrollInvestigtr · 04-26-2003, 03:21 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cynthetiq
Really it evaporated the moment I read those words,"I'm sorry I was a bitch."

sounds like she's up for a good rogering from you soon.

Cynthetiq · 04-26-2003, 04:12 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by TrollInvestigtr
sounds like she's up for a good rogering from you soon.

Nope.... I'm not that interested... she was good not that good. My wife she keeps me

ND_Ranger · 04-26-2003, 01:24 PM

I really does depend on what your relationship was and how it ended. In all of my relationships, I've always been careful to not do anything that would prevent me from being friends with my girlfriend if we broke up.

This remains true for both of my exgirlfriends. This summer I'm the best man at one their weddings and a groomsman at the other. We still talk on a regular basis and I enjoy our relationships more now than I did when we were dating.

However, for your situation, be careful. People can change but most often you'll just find that the person has only grown older and more cynical while retaining all the same flaws and characteristics that they had when you were together. If they annoyed you then, they will annoy you now. No matter how much you'be told yourself that they were cute.

gov135 · 04-26-2003, 04:43 PM

I'm not sure about getting in touch out of the blue. If you really want to, give her some power to respond to your overture. Like send a Hallmark.

This way, she not doing laundry and getting ready for work when all the sudden the phone rings...

Give her some control. Reach out, but see if she wants to speak to you.

BTW, my girlfriend of two and a half years had an old boyfriend call her at work six months ago. She wasn't very pleased - but maybe because he didn't handle it correctly.

Jesus Pimp · 04-26-2003, 05:02 PM

I just want to say hi and see what she's up to. Nothing more.

analog · 04-26-2003, 09:13 PM

If you really, TRULY only have honest, friendly intentions, then a simple, short email might be ok, but I have to agree with some of the others- if it's merely a glimpse into the theater of your past you're looking for, don't dig up the old players, just sit back and watch reruns in your mind- while you may want to go through nostalgia, not everyone else does.

Scorpio · 04-27-2003, 01:09 AM

When you dig up the past all you get is dirty.......

crumbbum · 04-27-2003, 07:17 AM

Be cautious, don't do it just out of curiosity. you might be opening pandora's box... is it that important to you?

BigBlueWrecking · 04-27-2003, 08:34 AM

I might be wierd, but I talk to all of my ex's. My closest women friends are all ex girlfriends. It takes a while to get used to hearing about their dating (with one girl we almost never talk about it even though we broke up 3 years ago), but I figure if I like the girl enough to date her, we should be friends.

ally · 04-30-2003, 08:57 AM

My ex was my best freind while we were dating.... why shoudnt he still be one of them?
Not to mention hes a really nice guy whos on TFP so I can only say good things!!!!
I say talk to her, you never know. And it might be interesting to see her now.

Byebye723 · 04-30-2003, 01:40 PM

i think after 3 years, it should be ok. i think it also depends on if you broke up with her or if she broke up with u

clockworkgreen · 04-30-2003, 06:01 PM

Abort mission. I'd be freaked out if any of my ex's tried to get in contact with me, especially if I've moved on. I leave them in the past.

Slims · 05-01-2003, 10:40 PM

Send her a nice, PLATONIC letter. Not an e-mail if you know her address.

I still keep in touch with old girlfriends and it it nice to be able to reminisce when you get a letter from them, and I also like learning how they have grown since we were together.

If she doesn't like it, she won't write you back, and you haven't lost anything but a little self respect.

Best of luck.

tobasco · 05-02-2003, 09:01 PM

i'm kinda in the same boat--we broke up almost two years ago and hardly talk now. i'd like to keep in touch better but sometimes i think its better to move on. its been interesting to read all the replies.

JangoFett72 · 05-02-2003, 11:07 PM

Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. It does sound like enough time has passed for you to maybe send a quick message just to see how she's doing, but I wouldn't expect too much out of it.

I had an ex get in contact with me after 10 years and we still occasionally e-mail back and forth. I was a little suspicious at first, but we were really good friends before we started dating.

GoldenOuroboros · 05-04-2003, 07:22 AM

I got back in contact with my very first crush, she still makes my heart jump everynow and then.

We're best of friends now and talk often, exchange advice and what not.. all is good

Jesus Pimp · 05-04-2003, 01:59 PM

Well I contacted her and she seemed happy to hear from me. I'm not sure if it's a good idea for me to email back and forth with her though since I have a girlfriend now. What do you think?

John Henry · 05-04-2003, 03:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jesus Pimp
Well I contacted her and she seemed happy to hear from me. I'm not sure if it's a good idea for me to email back and forth with her though since I have a girlfriend now. What do you think?

See how your gf feels about it. Tread *carefully*.

Jesus Pimp · 05-04-2003, 03:21 PM

I don't want my current girlfriend to know.

John Henry · 05-04-2003, 03:39 PM

Whoah! Then either ditch her and hook up with your ex or just forget it. Otherwise you're cooking yourself up a lot of trouble.

04-25-2003, 11:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	Bad idea to contact ex to see how she's doing? It's been 3 years since my ex broke up with me for another guy. It was a distance issue. She was my first gf. We were an odd couple. I was a young asian geek who never thought he would get laid, going out with a 21 yeard old hot blonde who fucks his brains out for a year and six months. Talk about all the luck. You know how they say you never forget your first. I think about her ever so often. I'm tempted to email her just to see how she's doing with her life. Is that a bad idea? __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard. Last edited by Jesus Pimp; 04-25-2003 at 11:59 AM..

04-25-2003, 12:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	Depends. Why are you contacting her, what is her situation, and what are you hoping to accomplish? While this can be ok, frequently it only brings up painful things. Tread VERY carefully here. If you are just feeling nostalgic, I suggest having a beer and remembering the good times and let sleeping dogs lie. __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

04-25-2003, 03:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
riptide4070 Addict Location: Boone, NC	I'm still friends with my ex. I broke up with her last october. It's hard to stay friends but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. __________________ "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'

04-25-2003, 11:25 PM	#8 (permalink)
yournamehere Invisible Location: tentative, at best	I had that happen to me - in reverse. My H.S. sweetheart recently got in touch with me - I hadn't seen her for 20 years. We're friends again, and e-mail each other ffrequently. Of course, so much time had passed - it's hard to carry hard feelings for that long. __________________ If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors: "If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too." It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

04-26-2003, 03:19 AM	#11 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	i've had the reverse happen to me too. My long distance love/live in and I didn't work out, she slept with a coworker and that lead to our eventual demise. We'd not spoken in about 11 years and after 9/11 I got an email saying,"I know you are in NYC I hope that you are okay." I was very shaken by the email and whether or not to reply. It took me over 1 week to respond and we exchanged emails for a bit. That was good. It accomplished 2 things, first we caught up, the dude she left me for is her husband and father of her 3 kids. She also apologized to me about how she ended our relationship. It was like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. Really it evaporated the moment I read those words,"I'm sorry I was a bitch." __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

04-25-2003, 12:13 PM	#3 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	I've done it, it brings back somber feelings. Ones you've repressed for some time. Be aware, that you might not get the reaction you are looking for. But it also might be positive. You never know. But more than likely you both will now be in two different worlds. Time has moved on. Go for it, as long as you can handle the reaction of them and the emotions of yourself. If might be good, it might be bad, it might be indifferent. Who knows?

04-25-2003, 01:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
fhqwhgads Junkie	I've always heard that the first sign that you're going crazy is when you start doing the same things over again and expecting different results. For that reason, I'm always hesitant to bring up the past. Everything happens for a reason...so never look back. If she hurt you once, why reopen the scars and give her a chance to do it again?

04-26-2003, 12:33 AM	#9 (permalink)
BubblegumTeflon Insane	If you were on the receiving end on the breakup then don't approach things with any expectations. You may be surprised to find that this person has changed . . . for the worst. Not that this is a bad thing, I have a carefree attitude with it and I actually find it kind of funny. Some have even bore a weird emotional grudge or something, and once I meet them again they try to make me feel, to put it bluntly, like shit. I've learned a long time ago to disallow someone else from controlling my emotions. I feel how I want to feel, and nobody else has any say in it.

04-26-2003, 02:34 AM	#10 (permalink)
TrollInvestigtr Crazy	hmm ... unless you are really hard up for some pussy, which it sounds like you arent, why bother?

04-26-2003, 01:24 PM	#14 (permalink)
ND_Ranger Upright Location: Midwest	I really does depend on what your relationship was and how it ended. In all of my relationships, I've always been careful to not do anything that would prevent me from being friends with my girlfriend if we broke up. This remains true for both of my exgirlfriends. This summer I'm the best man at one their weddings and a groomsman at the other. We still talk on a regular basis and I enjoy our relationships more now than I did when we were dating. However, for your situation, be careful. People can change but most often you'll just find that the person has only grown older and more cynical while retaining all the same flaws and characteristics that they had when you were together. If they annoyed you then, they will annoy you now. No matter how much you'be told yourself that they were cute. __________________ Pick Two: [1] Fast [2] Right [3] Cheap

04-26-2003, 04:43 PM	#15 (permalink)
gov135 Junkie Location: Midwest	I'm not sure about getting in touch out of the blue. If you really want to, give her some power to respond to your overture. Like send a Hallmark. This way, she not doing laundry and getting ready for work when all the sudden the phone rings... Give her some control. Reach out, but see if she wants to speak to you. BTW, my girlfriend of two and a half years had an old boyfriend call her at work six months ago. She wasn't very pleased - but maybe because he didn't handle it correctly.

04-26-2003, 05:02 PM	#16 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	I just want to say hi and see what she's up to. Nothing more. __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

04-26-2003, 09:13 PM	#17 (permalink)
analog Banned	If you really, TRULY only have honest, friendly intentions, then a simple, short email might be ok, but I have to agree with some of the others- if it's merely a glimpse into the theater of your past you're looking for, don't dig up the old players, just sit back and watch reruns in your mind- while you may want to go through nostalgia, not everyone else does.

04-27-2003, 01:09 AM	#18 (permalink)
Scorpio Registered User Location: Earth	When you dig up the past all you get is dirty.......

04-27-2003, 07:17 AM	#19 (permalink)
crumbbum Crazy Location: CT,NYC,NJ(have been all over)	Be cautious, don't do it just out of curiosity. you might be opening pandora's box... is it that important to you? __________________ Truth is peace. We are all souls in bodies.

04-27-2003, 08:34 AM	#20 (permalink)
BigBlueWrecking Psycho	I might be wierd, but I talk to all of my ex's. My closest women friends are all ex girlfriends. It takes a while to get used to hearing about their dating (with one girl we almost never talk about it even though we broke up 3 years ago), but I figure if I like the girl enough to date her, we should be friends.

04-30-2003, 08:57 AM	#21 (permalink)
ally Insane Location: Boone,NC	My ex was my best freind while we were dating.... why shoudnt he still be one of them? Not to mention hes a really nice guy whos on TFP so I can only say good things!!!! I say talk to her, you never know. And it might be interesting to see her now.

04-30-2003, 01:40 PM	#22 (permalink)
Byebye723 Upright	i think after 3 years, it should be ok. i think it also depends on if you broke up with her or if she broke up with u

04-30-2003, 06:01 PM	#23 (permalink)
clockworkgreen Psycho Location: DC	Abort mission. I'd be freaked out if any of my ex's tried to get in contact with me, especially if I've moved on. I leave them in the past.

05-01-2003, 10:40 PM	#24 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Send her a nice, PLATONIC letter. Not an e-mail if you know her address. I still keep in touch with old girlfriends and it it nice to be able to reminisce when you get a letter from them, and I also like learning how they have grown since we were together. If she doesn't like it, she won't write you back, and you haven't lost anything but a little self respect. Best of luck. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

05-02-2003, 09:01 PM	#25 (permalink)
tobasco Crazy Location: land of poor spelling	i'm kinda in the same boat--we broke up almost two years ago and hardly talk now. i'd like to keep in touch better but sometimes i think its better to move on. its been interesting to read all the replies.

05-02-2003, 11:07 PM	#26 (permalink)
JangoFett72 Tilted	Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. It does sound like enough time has passed for you to maybe send a quick message just to see how she's doing, but I wouldn't expect too much out of it. I had an ex get in contact with me after 10 years and we still occasionally e-mail back and forth. I was a little suspicious at first, but we were really good friends before we started dating.

05-04-2003, 07:22 AM	#27 (permalink)
GoldenOuroboros The Cheshire Grin... Location: An Aussie Outback	I got back in contact with my very first crush, she still makes my heart jump everynow and then. We're best of friends now and talk often, exchange advice and what not.. all is good __________________ Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

05-04-2003, 01:59 PM	#28 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	Well I contacted her and she seemed happy to hear from me. I'm not sure if it's a good idea for me to email back and forth with her though since I have a girlfriend now. What do you think? __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

05-04-2003, 03:21 PM	#30 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	I don't want my current girlfriend to know. __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

05-04-2003, 03:39 PM	#31 (permalink)
John Henry Addict Location: Grey Britain	Whoah! Then either ditch her and hook up with your ex or just forget it. Otherwise you're cooking yourself up a lot of trouble. __________________ "No one was behaving from very Buddhist motives. Then, thought Pigsy, he was hardly a Buddha, nor was he a monkey. Presently, he was a pig spirit changed into a little girl pretending to be a little boy to be offered to a water monster. It was all very simple to a pig spirit."