Can't bang her on my back
 

Okay this is a little weird, but what the hell? For some reason, if I'm lying down on my back and my girl wants to ride me... it just doesn't work out. I mean I'm horny, I want it, everything is there... it's just that for whatever reason I start to deflate. Any other position is fine... I'm on top, standing up, on the side, upsidedown inside a wind-tunnel with no legs... Nothing stops us! But I swear when I'm lying on my back, and even sometimes just sitting in a chair and she's on top, something goes wrong. At this point I almost wonder if its psychological because I get nervous half the time. She's thankfully understanding and we'll do it any other way, but I mean come on! Any advice?

Well, there might be a physical reason.
(But I'm no expert there). You get an erection because your body closes off return way for the blood; ensuring an increase in blood in your penis, and thus the swelling.

I guess there could be a position in which this 'closing off' is reversed making blood flow out again.

is she too rough with it? not rough enough? bad angle? hitting your balls too hard when she comes down? does she wear a cowboy hat, hold rope in one hand, and yell out "yeeeeeehhaaawww" so it distracts you or turn you off cause you dont like ropes? because damn, i would love it if my girl did that.

I'd like to know the answer to this one. I dont go limp while my girl is on top, but I'm definitely not as hard as I am while Im on bottom or from behind... A bloodflow problem makes sense because the blood would be flowing down out of the penis. Its a great position, I love the view.

Try some practice runs with you masturbating while on your back, imagining her riding you. I severely doubt it's a blood flow problem - that would be absolutely SERIOUS if you couldn't get blood to flow properly in certain positions. It's probably psychological (as most sexual problems are) ... so.. practie by yourself until you're ready for the big game.

Try a cock ring?
They work pretty well; I have one made of velcro because it's about the first time I've used one, but in the future I'll get a real ring.. You put your penis and balls through it when you're soft and get an erection, and it keeps the blood from flowing out of your penis in the veins around it (blood comes in on another vein/artery (I forget))

Try it out!

Anything that cuts off the circulation of blood will do more harm than good in the long run.. I strongly urge people not to use cock rings

when you sitting or laying on your back do you legs get numb??

one time I was sitting on a hard rock for awhile and when I got up my lower body was numb due to the ocward position when it was tingling my legs to get blood through them again my memeber rose to a stand but it could be the oposite in your situation?!?!?

two words "cock ring". I use the regular "O" rings at the hardware store. End of the plumbing isle in the little bins. Experiment with different sizes to see which is best. They are somewhat flexible so you can get them off no matter what and I've never had any damage from them. I can be drunk, tired and used up and I can get it up and keep it up indefinitely with one of these pups.

yeah psychological I reckon... do as Halx said and give yourself a few test runs.. Are you nervous? Worried about something??

And LaughinMon.. great stuff :lol: My girls a cowgirl so I might just get that one day ;) hehe

I have a difficult time maintaining when i'm on my back, unless my girlfriend is making specific movements... I usually find that average on-top-stimulation just isn't enough to keep me in the game. you just have to find what works for you!

SEE I knew there was something not right about those things... Not that its wrong for anyone to use them, but they just arent for me. :eek:

i'm with you on this.
if you get a cock ring that is not properly fitted, it can get stuck on there such that you may end up in the emergency room. if the ring is too small and you get too hard, it doesn't come off easily or nicely. (this happened to a friend of mine)
if you forget to take the cock ring off, you can seriously damage your penis. a guy called loveline with this problem. he left it on overnight by accident and the next morning it was one huge bruise.


as for the actual issue at hand, maybe it's because you don't like the change in dominance. in just about every other position, you're the one in control. to have her on top might turn you off because she has almost complete control and is in a dominant position. try experimenting with other positions where she has more control than you. do they have the same affect on you as when she's on top?

I don't think it's a dominance issue, as I'm totally into other situations where she's in complete control. I mean I really WANT her to be able to be in this powerful position... that's why I feel bad about it! :crazy:

well, the anxiety i'm sure doesn't *help* your situation any. perhaps try it with her on top and when you feel yourself going down switch to a different position again until you're at full mast again, lather rinse repeat. if you practice toward her being on top as the end result, and work your way toward it gradually trying to stay hard longer when she's on top, maybe you'll one day be able to do it in that position for a long time. (i believe that staying in one position is way too boring)

i have the same problem. for me i think it has to do with that it just isnt as good, and makes it a motherfucker for me to finish. this has a lot to do with the fact that she like to rock forward and back on me which really doesn't do much, i think she needs to move up and down, but that really isn't sustainable. it's not a problem with me being on my back, as when i'm on my back, it's cuz i'm getting head ;)

like Erik suggested, it could be the movement. if she just rocks, that may feel good to her, but it usually doesn't do anything for a guy. it might be easier for her to add some motion/friction if you helped her with your hands. place your hands on her hips or under her butt to help her with up and down movement. also, if you have her squat instead of kneel over you, that might make things easier, too.

Is she a big girl? That would cause problems for you.

Im with smithja0423 and the others, unless shes moving a certain way, its easy to lose it on your back. (It really is a great view though).

If thats the case, talk to her about it and see what you two can arrange. Changing positions during sex can make it better, make it last longer and make the end more.. satisfying, but once you figure out how to make it work, do it.

i do the same thing, and have been with all the girls i've been with.

I just use it. if i start getting too close in another position, i tell her to ride me, and I can control it easier. it doesn't go down TOO much, unless i do it too long, but i can't gain a lot of ground usually, so it's a useful tool.

I shave my stuff periodically. It usually isnt the same length for very long. My girl likes it shaved beacuse it keeps hair out of her mouth when she gives me head.

The sandpaper is horrible, so ladies if yall are gonna shave it keep it bald. Im sure the same applies to guys too.

If it doesn't feel good then try making it feel good. Try different motions maybe or guiding her to a certain rythm.

LOL No heart, just a thumpin gizzard. :D

Sorry I can't offer any advice. Girl on top is probably one of our best positions. It's all in the breasts.

Cock rings are wonderful. Adds more pleasure if you ask me. They only do harm if you are careless in using it. Refresh your blood about every 20 minutes or so.

lol every posisiton cept on yer back thats weird

Can't stay hard lying on my back
 

I have the exact same problem...can't stay hard on my back. I think it's somewhat phychological about being out of control and a performance anxiety issue but in any other position I'm very hard. As soon as I'm on my back I immediately go limp. In the past I've had high cholesterol which does inhibit blood flow to the penis but this has been a problem for me as long as I can remember. Now when my knees are underneath me I can stay hard, even if I'm sitting on my knees but otherwise, I just as soon have a rubber band between my legs. And if any of you guys know, if you are with girl that only has orgasms when she's on top....it sucks if you can perform for her. I'm seriously considering going to a urologist soon to get this solved soon.

I am not a man so I can't speak from personal experience, but I heard from a "sexpert" who gave a talk at my college that the "thrusting" motion causes blood to flow faster into the penis and accelerates orgasm. She was recommending that men who come to soon use positions that allow their hips and thighs to be relaxed - like lying on their backs - and men who have trouble coming to use positions where they can thrust. This would explain why sitting in a chair or lying down causes problems when standing up or doggystyle (when the woman can be the active role if you want) you do fine - you have to use your hips and thigh muscles to stay still and stable or you fall over.

That being said, next time, try pushing against the bed with your legs, pressing your hips against her as if you were thrusting (though you obvously can't move very much). Even if it doesn't help your hardness, it will feel good to her and make it easier for her to get the feeling she's looking for, because you will be more stable and not just sink into the bed when she tries to press or rub aginst you.

I never noticed thrusting as a factor for blood flow. I can be rock hard laying down, or standing, jerking off or not. Thrusting or not. Hell even on my head in yoga sex, I was rock hard.

The catch is whether you think about the act or not. If you focus on details, then you're going to deflate, period. It's a tactic I use when I need to last longer for her. If she's having a slow morning, I distract myself if I feel tension building up so I can keep going. Think too long and you lose the pole, don't think (or think/act on what gets you off) and you shoot too early.

In that respect, for a healthy male who has ED (especially selective ED), it's usually mental.

edit: One thing I've noticed is if you have significant pressure on your taint region, you might lose the stiffy, but not the mood. I've done this a few times and it makes me laugh when i can shoot a huge load with a completely limp dick. I suppose it's blocking the flow in but not the flow out. Talk about funny looking LOL

When you are on your back are you just lying there letting her do all the work or are you making an effort as well? If you are just lying there not doing anything it might give you more chances to over think things and deflate. Idle hands are the devil's tools...

Quite true. When she's on top I'm trying to fuck the ceiling. But that's also part of being in the moment. Just laying there is a sign of disinterest, distraction, just not being in the mood or other seemingly mental things that take away from the moment.

I'm surprised no one's mentioned this so far. The main reason for this is gravity. Blood goes down, you're pointed up. Granted, not many people experience it to quite the same extent you do, but I've read various things that recommend this position if you have problems lasting. Less blood flow=less sensation=longer lasting. It is unfortunate that it affects you that much though.

I'm actually interested to hear the reasons people have against proper use of cock rings. Now granted, I've never liked the idea of the metal kind, for fear of it getting stuck, as mentioned above. But the rubbery kind don't really have that problem. As to going to sleep with them on, the solution is, well...don't do that. I mean, I know that's a simplification, but really it's just a matter of caution. I smoke in bed all the time, I don't catch my house on fire because I'm careful to not smoke when I'm tired enough to fall asleep without warning. I also don't drive when I'm that tired. What are people's reasoning against this particular toy? I've used them on and off for a long time with no issue.

It could be all the factors so far discussed. Including age and blood pressure and gravity. A cockring will help, as noted.

For sure, if you are laying there thinking about the fact that you are deflating (or anything else non-sexual), you probably will lose your erection.

Grab her ass and grind that thing in deep and focus on the moment. She'll love you for it, too...

:thumbsup:

only grinding is a problem
 

I just discovered this same problem with a new girlfriend. It's the weirdest thing. I'm on my back and she's sitting up in cowgirl... as long as the motion is up and down along the shaft, everything is great. As soon as she grinds back and forth, I immediately deflate. No matter what muscles I relax or tense, it's like she's holding open the release valve and all of the blood drains out.

It's freaking obnoxious because she loves the grind!

In my case I discovered that I just don't like have weight on my pelvis - even my own weight. And I have developed both missionary and reverse missionary position preferences to compensate. You can easily test whether you deflate because she's putting pressure on your pelvis, or because of the lack of sensation.