No orgasm during sex
 

I'm sick of having this problem all to myself.

I'm twenty and I can not come during sex. I just can't.

It's not that I have a low libido (every now and then I do), but when I'm with someone I just can't get it up, and when I do the erection will last a minute or two and then slowly wither away. By the time the condom is out of the packet and on to my johnson, it's not even there anymore.

If it's a good day, sometimes I can bang away for 45 minutes straight, and although it feels ok, nothing ever brings me even remotely close to the edge. I've done it before... I can have insanely deep, rough, nice, slow, violent, horny, loving sex, anything really, and if it's a good day I can last for an hour of non-stop sex, and nothing comes out of it... literally nothing.

If I masturbate I can get off in a matter of seconds if I want. If I get a hand job I can usually come, but it takes a LOT of work from my girlfriend. When I'm alone I can just 'will' it up and come 5 times a day if I want, but when I'm with someone else, nothing.

My first sexual relationship lasted just under a year and we had a lot of sex. My girlfriend thought I was just as horny as she was. We would have sex until I felt I was going limp out of exhaustion (or just a low libido, or getting bored), then I would pretend I had come. I'd 'come', quickly pull out, get rid of the condom and pretend I was all spent. This went on for ten months, we practically lived together, I lied every single time we had sex. I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life, and I'm incredibly ashamed of it. I hate myself for lying to her every time we had sex.

For a while I thought it was just my partner, she was my first and all, but now that I'm with someone else it still doesn't happen. I didn't want to lie anymore, I told my current partner that it just doesn't happen for me. It's beginning to cause a rift in our relationship.

What can I do? I want sex, I love porn and I see the people in it having so much fun (despite it being fake, I know), I read here on TFP how much everybody loves sex, yet when it comes to me and a partner, bang, I'm either limp straight away, my dick gets erect for a minute and then just withers away, or I'm hard for hours and it's so insensitive that I just give up.

I really don't know what to do. I want to enjoy making love to my partner but now I just feel myself doing anything to get out of it because I know it'll end in disappointment.

I've tried just not thinking about it, and ejoying the moment, but if I do that it just goes limp. I'm not sure if this is a physical problem or a psychological one, borne out of two years of sexual activity and not one enjoyable episode of sex at all.

I had this issue in my first sexual relationship and it was all nerves and inflated expectations. I'm not saying that's your problem, but it's a possibility. Couple that with the your recurring dissatisfaction it's a recipie for disaster. All i can say is RELAX!

I would doubt it's physical since you can do it yourself. You need to find out what your mental block is. Is it fear of pregnancy? Or is it something else? Do you fear inadequacy and freeze up? Do you hate rubbers?

I try to relax, at the very best it just puts my mind in a nice, sexy state, but then the dick just doesn't do the same.

I've been giving it a lot of thought (ever since I first had sex!) and I think maybe I'm just not sensitive enough down there. It takes a lot of rough work for my girlfriend to get me off by hand, she can't believe I'm not in pain when she does it. Is it possible that my penis is just not sensitive enough, and this inadequacy has been going on for so long thay psychologically it's messed me up? Sort of like a cycle - the first experience was bad (couldn't orgasm), so I got discouraged, I wasn't as eager the second time, so I couldn't come, so I got more discouraged, etc. etc.? And it keeps happening over and over again so it's reinforcing my inadquacies and making me less confident?

Could it be something as simple as a lack of blood flow down there?

I feel bad for you :(

Have you been to a doctor to rule out anything physical? If it's not, try talking to a psychologist.

I hope you work it out.

Hrrmm... You said she has to work rough on you. Maybe thats part of the problem. You may have took some sensation out of yourself. If that makes sense. I dont think I'm explaining it very well :(


Ive heard of that before... Guys being too rough, and then thats what they are used to.

Maybe too much masturbating as an adolescent has messed me up :(

I hear all these stories about guys ashamed at only being able to last 5 minutes and then coming, and I wish I had a problem as nice as that.

that's probably it. Don't do it so rough for awhile. Be gentle ;)

Sounds like you need the blue pill :hmm:
Go to your docter and ask him, I'm sure he'll give you something to help!

Good luck!

Believe it or not, but the ever so viril Baaa has had a couple of problems in that department. I found that it was all in my head, I took some of those goofy sex pills that you can buy at GNC and I think that it had a kind of placebo effect on me, giving me confidence and taking my mind off of my performance anxiety. After awhile I started doing it w/out the pills, which didn't really do anything except help me out mentally, so that I could be the sexual superpower that I am today.

bottom line is that you probably just need to relax and not put any unneeded pressure on yourself on something that is supposed to be an enjoyable experience.

I have that problem sometimes too. It is very difficult to maintain the wood while worrying about the wood's status. I get anxious. Then i get anxious about being anxious and it all goes downhill from there. You just gotta relax.

Quit matsturbating. Don't provide an outlet for your sexual desires. Let it build up. Then it will happen. I think you've conditioned yourself to masturbation being your source of pleasure.

It sounds a whole lot like you're addicted to masturbation.

That might be the case. Because I get frustrated at not being satisfied during sex I usually just get myself off later on...

I signed up in the Wank-Free TFP the other day and so far I've been going well (despite a round of same-old sex tonight, which is what finally sparked this thread).

If it is the case that I wanked too much when I was younger (and presumably too much now!), can quitting cold-turkey make a difference at such a late stage? This problem is reversible, right?

From what I've seen and heard, you can reverse it.

Go to www.askmen.com... There are a lot of good tips on there. I think I read an article on there about this, and the Dr. or whoever suggested taking it easy for awhile.

edited

Two words, dude: *cock ring* Believe me, they work!!! Also, do you have any underlying issues with sex? Are you afraid of the pussy? Are you on an antidepressant? Are you comfy with your girlfriend's snatch? These are issues to consider. Try a cock ring, lots of foreplay, cool music, and pizza. If that doesn't work, call bob dole.

Thanks a million for everyone's advice.

I've decided to do a few things:
- Quit masturbating (and getting hand jobs) for a long time. I'm talking no more this whole year.
- I'm going to explain all this to my girlfriend.
- No more porn. I'm going to try and associate orgasm with sex, not with masturbation.

Averette - I checked out Askmen and I found his page here http://www.askmen.com/love/love_tip_60/92_love_tip.html and I'm searching for more pages like that.

I'm going to see how this goes until the end of the year, if no result then I'm going to see a doctor about it. I see Red|ine has the same problem in his thread up there. I think people here are right, I've linked pleasure with porn or masturbation, and not with real-life sex.

Thanks everyone a million times :)

Dorito2 I'm glad you found some stuff to do. I've kind of had the same problem, except mine stay's up. I just can't really get to orgasm and when I do, it takes forever! By the time I orgasm, my girl's like ready to pass out. The whole no orgasm thing kinda sucks sometimes...

That's weird that you can only go for 1 hour if there is never an orgasm. I would think you'd be able to go until you got physically tired.

A condom definetly also dulls you, maybe if your gf goes on the pill you can bang her raw, nothing like the fell of a warm and wet woman....<getting nostalgic, I need a new girlfriend>

I don't think you masturbate too much, but yet I don't understand WHY you are still masturbating.. I hold it all until my wife is ready to do something, and it's not that hard.

Good idea to slow down on the wanking, or at least, slow it down considerably, and definately don't wank it before sex, or a few hours around sex.

I second that! :cool: