advice needed - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Klipsch · 09-07-2003, 09:09 PM

I am interested in asking this girl out for a date that I work with...and was hoping to get a little feedback and advice.

Thanks in advance...

Usually I don't have a problem asking girl out if I work with them...due to the fact that the ice is already broken from interacting with them on a daily basis.

What is different in this case is the interaction...there is barley any, because she works in a different department on the other side of the building. Just small talk when we are in the elevator, or if we pass by each other. Hi...How is your day...the general stuff.

I will eventually have to pop the question, however I would like to play my cards right.

I know from a good resource that she had just gotten out of a 4.5 year relationship, and has been single for 3 months. I could just ask her out on a date, however I'm not sure on her feelings on dating or how her emotions are at this point.

I really don't know why I'm so conservative on this one...I think due to the fact as I get older the opportunities seem arrive less, and just want to make the most out of it, and she is a great prospect. She's a really good natured...sweet...cute...just has this aura about her that intrigues me.

We are both 27yrs old and never been married...if that helps you any. I've worked for the company for about 6.5 yrs, and she has been for about 4.5 yrs. We've only worked in the same building for about 2-3 months.

My resource that I alluded to earlier was one of her teammates 2 years ago and had a cube next to her, so they talked all the time...but are not too close since she transferred to this building 2 years ago. Close enough to talk about her love life at least when she asked her the other day for me to see if she was still dating the same person (Both us transferred to the new building together at the same time and we are close...in a platonic way).

I think the interaction is good when it does happen. We are always smiling when we talk; her body language shows she is receptive to my words. She is outgoing with the people she knows, however she is shy with me a little...I'm not sure why...maybe we don't know each other well enough where she can lower her defenses.

I do want to be sensitive to her just getting out of something long term...because I know how I had felt in the past my last relationship. Hence, I do not want to let the ship pass by.

Sorry for the rambling and appreciate the feedback

. Thanks All.

Mitzkrieg · 09-07-2003, 11:12 PM

seems to me like you just need to get to the point with her. maybe if you time it right, you can ask her to lunch? if you're able to take a longer lunch from work, when one of the times you're in the elevator with her and strike up the usual conversation, say something like, "hey, i was thinking of going to lunch at (insert name of place here) you wanna join me?" maybe include a couple other people that you and her mutually know so that it's not a date, but a "getting to know her better" period. then if you get lunch with her, maybe ask her out afterwards?

i dunno, just a thought.

Johnny Rotten · 09-07-2003, 11:29 PM

I'd give another month or more before you do any popping. Generally you want to give one month of space for every year of the previous relationship, unless you want her mentioning her ex a dozen times during dinner, or drifting off thoughtfully in the midst of a clever anecdote of yours. And when you go on a date, don't take her to the usual haunts she may have gone to with the other guy. Good luck!

Evil Milkman · 09-08-2003, 11:20 AM

After a certain amount of time, find out what time she either 1) gets to work, or 2) gets off work, and ask her out.

Averett · 09-08-2003, 11:24 AM

Ask her out for lunch, like was said before. If it goes well, ask her out for dinner or a drink at a later point that same week.

Good luck!

Plan9Senior · 09-08-2003, 11:39 AM

I am going to play devil's advocate and say that I am a firm believer in not mixing work with play. I love flirting with them, but I don't date coworkers. If anybody says that they don't have time away from work to meet a significant other, then they work too much and don't have time for a relationship anyhow

Mountaineerben · 09-08-2003, 12:07 PM

i dated a coworker once and things didnt work out and after we broke up my managers made my life a livin hell ... the managers really liked her a lot and then when i broke up with her they were vindictive to me ... so becareful

Klipsch · 09-08-2003, 01:45 PM

Again thank you guys/gals for the advice. I appreciate it greatly.

Mixing work and relationships...It has blown up on me before and you all make a valid point...however looking back I think what I did share with one of my ex-girlfriends was worth it although the break up was painful. Needless to say things were "FUBAR" at work, but I am willing to risk that again to get the reward

.

I've soaked up all the valuable info you all have provided and came up with my strategy:

- Continue to probe her and get to know her better.
- Can't go to lunch together due to conflicting schedules, however a happy hour with a bunch of people from work will do the trick.
- See how she continues to vibe with me then pop question.

Sounds like a plan Stan/Stanettes

If anyone feels I am missing the point, or need to throw some stuff on the table good or bad please feel free.

Mitzkrieg · 09-08-2003, 07:12 PM

yeah, i have seen relationships between people who work together blow up. but it can work also, i'm living proof!

i met a girl in my department at work 6 years ago. we're now engaged and still working together. it's actually pretty awesome, cuz we get to see each other all day long.

good luck klipsch!

macmanmike6100 · 09-08-2003, 09:19 PM

<quote>I am interested in asking this girl out for a date that I work with</quote>

The fact that she's a co-worker immediately sets the odds very much against you, even if she chooses to go on a date with you.

I highly suggest avoiding this sort of relationship, since the failure would be akin to a nuclear explosion 10 miles from NYC. The success, while potentially great (Mitzkrieg), has very slim chances.

Thanks for including so much information though, seriously. (Have you been stalking her!? jk)

09-07-2003, 09:09 PM	#1 (permalink)
Klipsch Upright	advice needed I am interested in asking this girl out for a date that I work with...and was hoping to get a little feedback and advice. Thanks in advance... Usually I don't have a problem asking girl out if I work with them...due to the fact that the ice is already broken from interacting with them on a daily basis. What is different in this case is the interaction...there is barley any, because she works in a different department on the other side of the building. Just small talk when we are in the elevator, or if we pass by each other. Hi...How is your day...the general stuff. I will eventually have to pop the question, however I would like to play my cards right. I know from a good resource that she had just gotten out of a 4.5 year relationship, and has been single for 3 months. I could just ask her out on a date, however I'm not sure on her feelings on dating or how her emotions are at this point. I really don't know why I'm so conservative on this one...I think due to the fact as I get older the opportunities seem arrive less, and just want to make the most out of it, and she is a great prospect. She's a really good natured...sweet...cute...just has this aura about her that intrigues me. We are both 27yrs old and never been married...if that helps you any. I've worked for the company for about 6.5 yrs, and she has been for about 4.5 yrs. We've only worked in the same building for about 2-3 months. My resource that I alluded to earlier was one of her teammates 2 years ago and had a cube next to her, so they talked all the time...but are not too close since she transferred to this building 2 years ago. Close enough to talk about her love life at least when she asked her the other day for me to see if she was still dating the same person (Both us transferred to the new building together at the same time and we are close...in a platonic way). I think the interaction is good when it does happen. We are always smiling when we talk; her body language shows she is receptive to my words. She is outgoing with the people she knows, however she is shy with me a little...I'm not sure why...maybe we don't know each other well enough where she can lower her defenses. I do want to be sensitive to her just getting out of something long term...because I know how I had felt in the past my last relationship. Hence, I do not want to let the ship pass by. Sorry for the rambling and appreciate the feedback . Thanks All. Last edited by Klipsch; 09-07-2003 at 09:19 PM..

09-07-2003, 11:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
Johnny Rotten lost and found Location: Berkeley	I'd give another month or more before you do any popping. Generally you want to give one month of space for every year of the previous relationship, unless you want her mentioning her ex a dozen times during dinner, or drifting off thoughtfully in the midst of a clever anecdote of yours. And when you go on a date, don't take her to the usual haunts she may have gone to with the other guy. Good luck! __________________ "The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

09-08-2003, 11:24 AM	#5 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Ask her out for lunch, like was said before. If it goes well, ask her out for dinner or a drink at a later point that same week. Good luck! __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

09-08-2003, 01:45 PM	#8 (permalink)
Klipsch Upright	Again thank you guys/gals for the advice. I appreciate it greatly. Mixing work and relationships...It has blown up on me before and you all make a valid point...however looking back I think what I did share with one of my ex-girlfriends was worth it although the break up was painful. Needless to say things were "FUBAR" at work, but I am willing to risk that again to get the reward . I've soaked up all the valuable info you all have provided and came up with my strategy: - Continue to probe her and get to know her better. - Can't go to lunch together due to conflicting schedules, however a happy hour with a bunch of people from work will do the trick. - See how she continues to vibe with me then pop question. Sounds like a plan Stan/Stanettes If anyone feels I am missing the point, or need to throw some stuff on the table good or bad please feel free. Last edited by Klipsch; 09-08-2003 at 01:50 PM..

09-07-2003, 11:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mitzkrieg Insane	seems to me like you just need to get to the point with her. maybe if you time it right, you can ask her to lunch? if you're able to take a longer lunch from work, when one of the times you're in the elevator with her and strike up the usual conversation, say something like, "hey, i was thinking of going to lunch at (insert name of place here) you wanna join me?" maybe include a couple other people that you and her mutually know so that it's not a date, but a "getting to know her better" period. then if you get lunch with her, maybe ask her out afterwards? i dunno, just a thought.

09-08-2003, 11:20 AM	#4 (permalink)
Evil Milkman Addict Location: Illinois	After a certain amount of time, find out what time she either 1) gets to work, or 2) gets off work, and ask her out.

09-08-2003, 11:39 AM	#6 (permalink)
Plan9Senior Banned Location: Orange County, California	I am going to play devil's advocate and say that I am a firm believer in not mixing work with play. I love flirting with them, but I don't date coworkers. If anybody says that they don't have time away from work to meet a significant other, then they work too much and don't have time for a relationship anyhow

09-08-2003, 12:07 PM	#7 (permalink)
Mountaineerben Upright Location: North Carolina	i dated a coworker once and things didnt work out and after we broke up my managers made my life a livin hell ... the managers really liked her a lot and then when i broke up with her they were vindictive to me ... so becareful

09-08-2003, 07:12 PM	#9 (permalink)
Mitzkrieg Insane	yeah, i have seen relationships between people who work together blow up. but it can work also, i'm living proof! i met a girl in my department at work 6 years ago. we're now engaged and still working together. it's actually pretty awesome, cuz we get to see each other all day long. good luck klipsch!

09-08-2003, 09:19 PM	#10 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	<quote>I am interested in asking this girl out for a date that I work with</quote> The fact that she's a co-worker immediately sets the odds very much against you, even if she chooses to go on a date with you. I highly suggest avoiding this sort of relationship, since the failure would be akin to a nuclear explosion 10 miles from NYC. The success, while potentially great (Mitzkrieg), has very slim chances. Thanks for including so much information though, seriously. (Have you been stalking her!? jk)