Sex changes everything - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Harshaw · 09-06-2003, 12:27 PM

I didn't believe this was true until I finally had sex, and now I am wondering a few things. I was best friends with my girlfriend for over 2 years before we started dating, now we ahave been dating for almost a year on top of that. This whole time, I have felt closer to her than anyone else I have ever known. I didn't think I could feel any closer, then, we had sex. The way we treated each other changed, for the better. We are almost so close we act married, but it has brought up some questions.

When we have sex (during or just after) I feel like I can tell her so many more mushy lovey things. She feels the same way, so we started talking about it last night. I feel that doing something so intimate makes it easier to say things that I am always feeling. Has anyone else noticed this?
She experiences the same thing, but sometimes I think it wierds her out because she finds herself liking me more for no real reason other than I apparently know how to push her buttons.
So, I guess the question is, does something like sex, remove inhabitions for feelings that are there? Or does it amplify feelings that are only there slightly?

Any ideas? This could prove to be a weak point in the relationship and I need something to help satisfy her curiosity.

Plan9Senior · 09-06-2003, 12:33 PM

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Silvy · 09-06-2003, 12:34 PM

The way I feel it:

Sex and romance enhance the feeling of love for each other. That feeling causes us to want to confide in each other and tell each other all kinds of things which would normally not be said. But that doesn't mean they're not true, or that they're not always there.
It's like the intimacy gives oppertunity to share those thoughts and feelings, it does not create them.

If your relationship feels better since you're dating, and she feels the same, then there's no worry right? The only weak thing I can imagine about it is: the more intimate you are, the more vulnerable you are to being hurt by the other. This is perceived by some people as dangerous and they have an (un)conscious barrier for intimacy because of that.

Is this anything like you are experiencing? Or am I missing the point here?

twotimesadingo · 09-06-2003, 01:02 PM

"Intimacy" and "emotions" are all subjective, so I tend to steer clear of advice regarding those things.

THough the depth of my scientific knowledge is not great, I can say this:
sex - or, more precisely, orgasm - releases these little hormonal-type things called endorphins into the blood stream. AS soon as these endorphins reach the brain, a feeling of euphoria is generally experienced. During this euphoric period, it's much easier to say and do things that one would not normally do, because euphoria and inhibitions have, for most people, an inverse relationship.
So, scientifically, you're probably saying things you wouldn't likely say if you hadn't just orgasmed.

But, as Silvy already noted, just because you wouldn't normally have said these things doesn't mean you don't feel that way. Therefore, I'd say there's nothing bad about it, especially if you two are as close as you are.

sexymama · 09-06-2003, 04:15 PM

Sex can be very intimate, emotionally and physically -- so naturally it can lead to more intimate conversations. With the right person this is awesome. And of course it draws you closer together. I believe that is the way nature intended it.

analog · 09-07-2003, 12:12 AM

you'd have to be one extremely suave guy to be able to program her to like you if she didn't already. you're likely just causing some pent-up things to come to the surface.

Harshaw · 09-07-2003, 02:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Silvy
This is perceived by some people as dangerous and they have an (un)conscious barrier for intimacy because of that.

Is this anything like you are experiencing? Or am I missing the point here?

No, you got the point, and that is pretty much the fear. I'm afraid she might be putting up a barrier because she doesn't want to get hurt.

legolas · 09-07-2003, 12:24 PM

Sex is a loving bond between two people. It's a lot more than getting off if it means something. It's trust, pleasure, companionship, romantic and much more. I don't know how people have meaningless sex. I could never do it with someone I didn't trust and love. Sex should change the relationship for the better and if it doesn't you should think why it isn't.

Silvy · 09-07-2003, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Harshaw
No, you got the point, and that is pretty much the fear. I'm afraid she might be putting up a barrier because she doesn't want to get hurt.

In that case I cannot offer much advice other than talking to her, having a good time and keep building your relationship. Make sure her 'barrier' does not stop you from trying to expand the relationship or it will feel incomplete to you.

Important in any relationship: communication. Tell her what you feel and ask her how she feels. Don't probe to deep at first but don't let it slide either.

Good luck to you both!

never · 09-07-2003, 02:22 PM

Yes i have noticed that too. When having sex it is much easier to say things that otherwise would not be said. just be careful of how far you go because it can hurt someone pretty bad. Think with your head not with your HEAD (DICK).

wry1 · 09-11-2003, 10:15 AM

The reason you find yourselves feeling so much more "lovey" and "intimate" verbally is simply this.....hormones. Sex is an athletic activity, and the chemicals the body produces (namely hormones) have the effect of boosting the already-existing feelings the two of you have.

Don't knock it, and by all means keep telling her just how much she means to you whenever you get the opportunity - not just after sex.

09-06-2003, 12:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
Harshaw Is mad at you. Location: Bored in Sacramento	Sex changes everything I didn't believe this was true until I finally had sex, and now I am wondering a few things. I was best friends with my girlfriend for over 2 years before we started dating, now we ahave been dating for almost a year on top of that. This whole time, I have felt closer to her than anyone else I have ever known. I didn't think I could feel any closer, then, we had sex. The way we treated each other changed, for the better. We are almost so close we act married, but it has brought up some questions. When we have sex (during or just after) I feel like I can tell her so many more mushy lovey things. She feels the same way, so we started talking about it last night. I feel that doing something so intimate makes it easier to say things that I am always feeling. Has anyone else noticed this? She experiences the same thing, but sometimes I think it wierds her out because she finds herself liking me more for no real reason other than I apparently know how to push her buttons. So, I guess the question is, does something like sex, remove inhabitions for feelings that are there? Or does it amplify feelings that are only there slightly? Any ideas? This could prove to be a weak point in the relationship and I need something to help satisfy her curiosity.

09-06-2003, 12:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
Silvy paranoid Location: The Netherlands	The way I feel it: Sex and romance enhance the feeling of love for each other. That feeling causes us to want to confide in each other and tell each other all kinds of things which would normally not be said. But that doesn't mean they're not true, or that they're not always there. It's like the intimacy gives oppertunity to share those thoughts and feelings, it does not create them. If your relationship feels better since you're dating, and she feels the same, then there's no worry right? The only weak thing I can imagine about it is: the more intimate you are, the more vulnerable you are to being hurt by the other. This is perceived by some people as dangerous and they have an (un)conscious barrier for intimacy because of that. Is this anything like you are experiencing? Or am I missing the point here? __________________ "Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace. " - Murphy MacManus (Boondock Saints)

09-06-2003, 01:02 PM	#4 (permalink)
twotimesadingo Psycho Location: that place with the thing	"Intimacy" and "emotions" are all subjective, so I tend to steer clear of advice regarding those things. THough the depth of my scientific knowledge is not great, I can say this: sex - or, more precisely, orgasm - releases these little hormonal-type things called endorphins into the blood stream. AS soon as these endorphins reach the brain, a feeling of euphoria is generally experienced. During this euphoric period, it's much easier to say and do things that one would not normally do, because euphoria and inhibitions have, for most people, an inverse relationship. So, scientifically, you're probably saying things you wouldn't likely say if you hadn't just orgasmed. But, as Silvy already noted, just because you wouldn't normally have said these things doesn't mean you don't feel that way. Therefore, I'd say there's nothing bad about it, especially if you two are as close as you are. __________________ I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons. I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason. I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son. They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself." - A Perfect Circle

09-06-2003, 04:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Sex can be very intimate, emotionally and physically -- so naturally it can lead to more intimate conversations. With the right person this is awesome. And of course it draws you closer together. I believe that is the way nature intended it. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

09-07-2003, 12:24 PM	#8 (permalink)
legolas shit faced cockmaster Location: CT	Sex is a loving bond between two people. It's a lot more than getting off if it means something. It's trust, pleasure, companionship, romantic and much more. I don't know how people have meaningless sex. I could never do it with someone I didn't trust and love. Sex should change the relationship for the better and if it doesn't you should think why it isn't. __________________ "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

09-06-2003, 12:33 PM	#2 (permalink)
Plan9Senior Banned Location: Orange County, California	How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

09-07-2003, 12:12 AM	#6 (permalink)
analog Banned	you'd have to be one extremely suave guy to be able to program her to like you if she didn't already. you're likely just causing some pent-up things to come to the surface.

09-07-2003, 02:22 PM	#10 (permalink)
never Tilted	Yes i have noticed that too. When having sex it is much easier to say things that otherwise would not be said. just be careful of how far you go because it can hurt someone pretty bad. Think with your head not with your HEAD (DICK).

09-11-2003, 10:15 AM	#11 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	The reason you find yourselves feeling so much more "lovey" and "intimate" verbally is simply this.....hormones. Sex is an athletic activity, and the chemicals the body produces (namely hormones) have the effect of boosting the already-existing feelings the two of you have. Don't knock it, and by all means keep telling her just how much she means to you whenever you get the opportunity - not just after sex.