thalakos315

i haven't been reading these boards for to long.. but i feel confident in saying that the advice and opinions given by many of the members are well thought out and well founded.. which is uncommon on almost any other board
so that being said maybe you can provide some insight into an issue thats been bothering me for quite some time.
after a bad breakup in a serious relationship.. whats natural and whats just.. wierd
i mean what makes that previously wonderful bf/gf turn into the psychotic stalker who calls you in the middle of the night and sends flowers to your workplace on a daily basis?
whats natural for a mentally stable individual to feel after a bad breakup? and how long should those feelings last?
is that guy sitting alone in the corner booth of the restraunt crazy for pining over a former lover years after the breakup?
under what circumstances is it ok for a person to feel lost some time after the end of a serious relationship?

Harshaw

I still see my first girlfriend from time to time (I don't talk to her) and kind of miss it, even though I like the person I am with now a good 10 or 20 times more. Its part of dating, missing the piece that people take away when they leave you.
Don't worry about what is natural, or right, whatever feels right is right for you. People are built totally different emotion wise.

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This too shall pass.

skysooner

A breakup with a long-term girlfriend/boyfriend can take years to get over. Even now I still think about the girlfriends I had early in college (roughly 19 years ago now), but I don't have nostalgic feelings. I mainly use them for mental masturbation material at times. However I would say that the most intense relationship I had lasted around 9 months (living together, sex 10 to 15 times a week) took me about the same length of time to get over to the point where I could effectively date someone else. Divorce is even worse. It can totally destroy you emotionally for a few years. It is rarely permanent, but it just takes time to get over. If you try to circumvent the time aspect in some way, it will come back to bite you in other ways (possible lack of emotional readiness for a new relationship).

Cynthetiq

I still wonder about old girlfriends... from over a decade or so ago.... it's natural... i'm happily married now... but still wonder about the old g/fs

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anti fishstick

hmmm well i'm currently dealing with a break-up and the feelings that come with it. i didn't realize how much of your life changes once a certain person is gone from your life and it's just a little..earth shaking. :P even so, i'll still carry a piece of this person with me in my heart for all the times we've shared.. there's nothing wrong with that, or staying friends after you get past the bullshit. what would be unhealthy is prolonging things.. a touch.. an embrace.. friends with benefits? or dwelling on the past.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin