gov135

Uh.. try before you buy.

There needs to be some magic, something that takes over after desire is quenched.

Besides - practice makes perfect.

snowy

I think you need to respect your girlfriend's decision if you really love her and if she's really important to you. But on the other hand, if her reply is simply "moral reasons" and she won't elaborate, you need to find out what's behind that.

I'm all about people embracing their sexuality, but you don't need to have sex to be a sexual person or in touch with your sexual side. I was one of the most sexually comfortable people in the world before having sex. I waited for a meaningful relationship to have sex for the first time, and I don't regret it in the slightest. Having intercourse merely added another dimension to my sexual self.

That said, perhaps there are other reasons behind her decision to wait. Sometimes we women are waiting for that "right" moment and that "right" person. I've had friends break their "no sex before marriage" rule because they did find that "right" person. I've had friends regret not waiting because it turned out it wasn't the "right" person/time. If you are the "right" person, there's no way to really know. She will know when the time is right, and you shouldn't push her.

Another friend of mine chooses to wait because she has a deep-seated fear of getting pregnant. She wants to establish a career before having sex.

So my advice is to back off. If it's meant to happen, it will. If you guys are meant to be together, you will. But most importantly, emphasize that you love her and respect her decisions. But definitely find out why her decision is what it is.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Ganguro

while sex may be fun, if they have areason to not have sex before marriage and are sticking to it, Good for them!
I wouldn't try to persuade anyone to change their personal sexual practices. There are other ways to get close to a person. Aa long as they don't telling you how wrong it is to touch yourself, I see no problems with that.

Tirian

Personally I respect people who wait, and people who do not.

What my $.02 is on this topic is how important it is for couples to at least communicate on this topic before hand. And serious communications.

Any couple getting married should have a good idea of each others sexual limits and interests before they hold the wedding.

This goes for couples who do not wait as well. They should be aware of each others expecatations for the marital sex life.

(forgive my reference coming up)

Thur. I was off work and caught part of Dr. Phil on TV. The topic was mismatched sexual desires in marraige. There was one couple on where the woman had done oral sex while dating, but as soon as she was married she refused to any more.

She actually said on tv that was the reason the bride was smiling, cause she had given her last blowjob. (I know it's an old joke) I thought this was just a joke however. I did not realize it might actually be true for some women.

This couple should have discussed before the wedding.

"Hey honey once we get married, no more BJ OK ?"

Each couple should be free to negotiate their own marital sex lives, but it should be a topic before the wedding.

My input FWIW.

Cynthetiq

same here... we didn't wait for marriage but I was her first...and she was quite happy to not have waited the whole time we dated until we wed.

to the posters that equate celibacy with religion, that's a generalization and not always true. I was celibate for many years because I chose to be for my own personal reasons none of which were spiritual.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Minx

I don't have anything against those who decide to wait until marriage to have sex but I personally don't think it's such a hot idea. If you are going to live with someone for the rest of your life then you had damn well better be compatible with that person. Now I realize that sex doesn't last forever but it is a very very vital & important part of any relationship. I for one sure wouldn't want to marry my love and then find out after the fact that we were not compatible at all that way.....makes for a long (miserable) life!

__________________
You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

rsl12

sexual compatibility is not THE most important thing in a relationship, but it's goddamn important! to get married to someone without knowing if you're even remotely compatible sexually is a crap shoot--you run the risk of being frustrated and looking for lovin' in all the wrong places.

__________________
oh baby oh baby, i like gravy.

Cuball

i say it's dangerous ... like TaLon, you have to test drive the car :-)

__________________
Let's GO

wg2000

Reminds me of an SNL skit with those two wannabe cheerleaders...

"Sex can wait,
Masturbate!"

Slims

hmm, my reaction would depend on how long I thought they could maintain their beliefs.

I currently wouldn't seriously date someone who believes in no sex before marriage. Simply because I disagree completely.

At one point in time, before effective birth control, an emphasis on virginity had a real purpose...it kept your daughter from getting knocked up before she was married to a husband who could support a family.
Nowadays, that is (mostly) no longer an issue, and pre-marital sex is becoming the norm.

__________________
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

neoinoakleys

Let me put it this way...

Sexual incompatibility is a major cause for unhappy marriages and infidelity.

In my opinion, there are many aspects of sex that need to be explored before commiting to anyone. Without this information you don't know if you are compatible.

Let me give it to you like this, I have a friend who one day told me that he is a virgin and wants to wait to have sex until he gets married. My initial reaction was "good for him...that is really special." Then I thought about it and put myself in his place. I thought about not having the knowledge that I have from HAVING sex. I began to ask myself, why I HAD sex before marriage, and this is what I found.

I have sex because everyone wants sex in different frequencies. I need to know that we want sex in the same increments. I need to know that she will want sex everyday, week, year...whatever, just like me. This is part of sexual compatibility. Last thing I needed is someone who wants sex once every OTHER year, and I want it every 2 days...that would just make me frustrated and might lead me to give in to temptations and maybe infidelity.

Next I need to know that she wants the same things in bed that I want. Not to be crass, but if I like blowjobs, or doggy style...I want to know that she is going to be able to provide that for me. Vice versa, I would want to know what will make her happy, and she is not some freak that wants to introduce midgets into our love making or something. This is knowledge that I need in order to be sexually compatible. Again by knowing this, I will have a much better idea of whether we will be physically happy with our relationship, and be able to be committed without wanting it from somewhere else.

Although, sex is not the only thing to consider it IS however a one of the MAJOR pieces.

Just like anything else...I like to make informed decisions. You would never buy a car without thoroughly checking it out, so then why would you make a MAJOR decision that could impact the rest of your life based on incomplete facts?

my $0.02....

__________________
It's My Duty to Please That Booty!!

Magpie0001

Im just corious & tell me to go jump if this is too personal but what reasons are there to be celibate other than spirutal or religious ones?

ninety09

Well, for my girlfriend, it's because she wants the first time to be very special. She wants us to do it for the first time on the night of our marriage, on a bed of rose petals, surrounded with candles, etc.. Just like a fairytale...

ganon

You're always better off waiting. Between what you can catch if you're not careful and making a baby and the emotional baggage that can result, you are better off waiting. It's something you don't really understand till you're on the other side of it though, and that's what makes it hard. Stay away from the physical as much as possible, and you will frustrate yourself a lot less.

__________________
"My give up, my give up." - Jar Jar Binks

Cynthetiq

During my heavy drinking days I knew that sometimes when I was out drinking that my judgement would not necessarily be the best. I decided after waking up next to someone (I didn't sleep with but would have regretted had I,) it would be better for me to decline any offers from any women.

I didn't want to be worried about HIV/AIDS, someone coming up to me saying they were carrying my child. I wanted to be as responsible as I could and the only way I could insure that was to be 100% celibate.

During the first month which was the hardest, women literally stripped and jumped out of their clothes trying to bed me. I declined some very beautiful women. In the end I still think that I made the right decision for myself.

Wow.. that's some pretty large things to live up to... I remember after my wife's first time, she was like,"That's it? That's the big deal about sex?" and I had to tell her that it gets better once you relax and enjoy yourself. Now she likes it much much better than her first time.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

TrollInvestigtr

i think a GUY that waits JUST BECAUSE THE CHICK WANTS him to wait is a pussy that should punch himself in the balls, then kill himself and fuck the body.

yangwar

snyk is right. that said, here's another point that nobody's brought up yet.

she = wait until marriage to have sex
she = too uncomfortable to tell you why she feels that way
marriage = communication, openess, loyalty, etc.
marriage <> too uncomfortable to talk about basic beliefs
you = never have happy marriage with her OR never have sex
with her

If she can't even tell you why she feels this way than what makes you think that you'll someday have an open and wonderful marriage with her? You've been together 10 months and she can't tell you why she doesn't feel comfortable having sex? wtf.

__________________
My mouth is a word factory.

Memalvada

I think it depends on your reasons of why you want to do it. If you believe in your reasons, then im ok with it.
For example, if one of the reasons is not to have sex before marriage because of society's traditions, i think that would be wrong because you are not doing it out of personal conviction.

__________________
"The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)

analog

That can't possibly be correct, especially not today. I'd like to know where those numbers are coming from.

And yeah, if you've been together 10 months AND talking marriage, you are WAY past the point of "not comfortable to talk about" ANYTHING. She thinks she wants to marry you? She better open up about her sexual reservations (sounds like something you make in Las Vegas, lol) or you should question her sincereity with regard to marriage.

yangwar already said it- Openness and communication. "What the fuck" indeed.

denim

Simple: I don't believe in that "no sex before marriage" at all. No gf of mine would either. If I found that they did, I'd just walk. Immediately. That'd be the end of the relationship. If someone around my age (38) feels that way about sex, they're more screwed up than I'm willing to work with. Period.

Already found one like that. She was 40 before she lost her virginity. As far as I'm concerned, she was insane to have held out that long.

denim

Exactly my point of view. IMHO, the "teacher" (read: "indoctrinator") had it backwards. As a virgin, you only have a seed. You grow as you gain experience.

Honestly, that "teacher" sounds like someone right out of South Park.

denim

I don't blame you.

You may be with the wrong girl. If she won't or can't explain her position, I don't see how you can respect it. But that's me. You're going to have to figure this one out on your own, guy.

denim

"We" aren't anybody. "I" am their potential mate. If the two of us can't agree on such a basic issue, we're not going anywhere at all.

denim

Total and complete agreement, here.

denim

Source required.

snowace56

I personally could care less, it happens it happens. If I wait till I'm married, so be it. But think about it this way, what is marriage? A legally binding document, which the state recognizes you and your significant other as together. I don't think that the civilizations 2,000 years ago, had legally binding documents. Let alone a court system.

Cynthetiq

I'm going to be 35.. and i have a friend who has been saving it.. she's got lots of baggage as it is.. we're talking full line with overnighter, suitors, the works.

She's not overtly religious, but holds strong to her convictions of saving herself for the right person. She's also never dated anyone.

My wife had never dated nor any sex either when we met. She when we finally had sex she was like,"That's it??? I waited all that time for that?" now she's like a crazed animal now that she knows what feels good to her.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

denim

She intends to be an old maid, given that she doesn't date.

MacGnG

well i feel that it is important but not neccessary, i doesnt really matter as long as u are happy with your decision at the time or in the future

heccubusiv

I am trying to uphold that with my fiancee i am not sure how long that will last oh

__________________
Fuck Ohio

madsenj37

I can understand the whole waiting thing, but sex is a natural part of relationships, and is an important part of a marriage. To vow your life to someone although you have not done anything sexually, seems like a big risk. How do you know your compatible? I do believe in waiting a good amount of time, but marriage without at least trying it, seems a little too far for me.

__________________
"Only two things are certain: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not certain about the universe."
-- Albert Einstein

Frowning Budah

I have to agree with Antagony. They may be valid reason to wait but the chances for problems in the realtionship are much greater. Having said that I do believe you should wait until the realtionship has reached a point where marriage is at least a possiblity.

Kllr Wolf

I have to say when ever both of the people are confortable enough to have sex that is the right time, not sooner. for some people that is on the wedding day and other is it before. The only thing that concerns me is that if my g/f cant tell the reson she wants to wait and we have made it to the serious part about marriage then I jsut dont think it would work for me

__________________
Caffeine - the molecule of life.

DelayedReaction

I'm not sure if I'm going to wait until marriage, but I intend to keep myself a virgin until I'm sure about things with the girl I'm with. All these lines about experience and being a better partner are all extremely true; you just can't compare a neophyte with someone who's had a significant amount of sexual experience.

That said, I'm currently pretty happy with my decision. I don't intend to be sexually repressed or anything (I have no problems with oral sex or mutual masturbation), I would just rather keep the risk of pregnancy to a minimum.

Guess you could say I'm doing my best to play it safe.

__________________
If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.

shadowmaster

there is nothing wrong in not having sex before marriage, some girls just want to know if you are with them for love and not sex. So if you are with a girl who said that, well, don't fuss about it. just respect her and do whatever you do

__________________
I always make sure my job is done before I go

Podmore

I was 22 when I got married the first time, and we were both virgins on our wedding night (we did have some oral sex prior). We dated for four years before getting married. It was mostly her desire to wait, for moral and religious reasons. It was fine with me for the first couple years, but more difficult as time went on.

In my opinion, it was a big mistake. Part of the reasn we got divorced was because of sexual incompatibilities (she didn't want to have much of it <i>after</i> the marriage either. I truly did not think she would be that way.

After we were separated, I found out that she had had some sexual abuse from her older brother that she covered up from everyone (including herself, I think). The damage was done for us by that time though. After four years of a near sexless marriage, I was done.

After that, I wouldn't even consider dating someone who didn't want to have sex first. It's too important of a component of marriage to ignore.

william

This is a multi-level question that isn't fair. Just who are you asking? Devout catholics are against it, as are most who follow their religion.
What about those that want to wait for the belief that "it's better", and he/she doesn't live up to it.
Then you also have to address those that say "waiting wasn't worth it", or "this is it?".
Then you also have to address those that say "I want more"(i.e. the female that wants to experience the female experience).
Are these people wrong? Of course not. They just want to know life.

308 holez

my only regret about having sex since I was 18 is that I can't go back to all my previous girlfriends and show them what I've learned by the age of 32.

how good can someone be if they won't do it until marriage? I sure don't want to end up with a woman who can't come (been there) won't let me go down, doesn't like doggy, and only wants to at night with the lights off.

It's like choosing an attorney who's never been to trial.

__________________
Fark headline: "Kobe's lawyers gain access to text messages sent by accuser soon after the alleged attack. Omg koby frkd me nda assnowi m gona b richlolol1.111.~.11"

WhoaitsZ

welp, kiddies, i have to say I am a virgin for this very reason.

though, it certainly is not for everyone. i think its kind of stupid. so, why have I chosen to? i haven't met anyone worth it.

I can get a chick here but i'm not willing to be that shallow just yet.

hm

now if i had to gorgeous twins come up to me, well, my morals will take nothing short of a plunge.

hmmmmmm.

do hjs and bjs count? (i don't wanna actual answer, sarcasm took grip)

Vaultboy

Only if its a second-hand buy.

FRankly, I don't believe in it, not for any particular reason other than I WANT TO HAVE SEX. So I do it.

I had this thing with a girl once who didnt want to do it because of religious reasons. I was down with that. It didn't (nd still doesn't) change my opinion that she's probably the greatest thing to come along in my life thusfar. If your girl doesn't feel comfortable doing it, there's realyl no point in pressuring her, cuz she's ogonna be the worse for it afterwards, when she goes through a moral dilemma for doing it.

__________________
"Failing tastes of bile and dog vomit. Pity any man that gets used to that taste."