any kind of kissing and or feeling up are completely out of the question...I would be so pissed if my gf did any of those with someone else.

Excellent quiestion. I think it comes down to the relationship and it's assumptions once again. Would I want my wife doing this? No. Would it have the same ramifications of other forms of cheating in my mind? Probably not. In fact, I'd most likely be more uspest about the situation she was getting herself into than the fact that she was doing the above act. It would feel like a 'gateway' act, if that makes any sense. On the other hand...I would find no problem at all with her doing this over the internet *with* and this is key, here, a reletive stranger who there is absolutely 0 emotional involvment. I don't know if it's wierd that I think that way, or if it's unfair to her, but I also don't really believe that it matters. Your partners definition of cheating is what matters, not yours, in respect to yourself, and it's no ones right to question those. The trick is to hopefully find a partner whose definition is close to matching your own.

everything after holding hands... kissing, oral, XXXcetera...

"kiss on the cheak" is forgiveable, the rest as was stated leads to bad things!

If it requires cleaning up with a Kleenex afterwards, I'm pretty sure it's cheating.........unless you were alone. Then it's just therapeutic massage.

Anything that you have to hide is cheating.

Anything that requires you to question the definition of the word "is" is cheating.

if she were still into you, she probably wouldnt be able to bring herself to do anything with this other guy. if she has, then she has proven her ability to detach herself from you...which isnt good. move on brother.

If you have to ask, then it was probably cheating.

That, or you're really paranoid.