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Old 07-19-2003, 09:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Location: The reddest state ever. :(
I dont know what to do.

I have a slight problem. I have never encounered anything like this before and don't know how to handle it. So I turn to everyone here for advice.

My girlfriend and I have been together for over 4 years now. Everything has been great. We get along great and have fun together. we know everything about each other. Great times. But, she reciently admitted to me she may be bi-sexual. We are told that a great many of us ( guys ) would love to be in this type of situation, but I dont know what to do or what to think. Do we stay together or work it through? maybe I'll be ok with it someday. I don't know. Maybe a good part of my problem with this comes from the fact that my mom is lesbian ( I dont go around telling many people that) and I dont want to make that "mistake." So, what do you think?
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Old 07-19-2003, 10:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Seriously... I think she's trying to make an excuse to leave. Put in this situation, I would probably go ahead and seperate. You can always find someone who isn't a lesbian/bisexual, however, you can't fix the inevitable. Thats my two cents, for whatever they're worth.

BTw- If she tells you she slept with a girl tomorrow, would you stick arround?

Last edited by *Nikki*; 07-20-2003 at 05:00 AM..
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Old 07-19-2003, 10:08 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Why did she tell you? Was it because she wanted you to know since you are very close and tell each other everything - or - was it because she wants to try it? I don't know how you can work through it other than accept it. It might be easier for you to deal with if your Mom wasn't also a lesbian. On the other hand, you might be able to see she;s still the same as before. Just an added dimension.
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Old 07-20-2003, 01:09 AM   #4 (permalink)
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It is definately possible that MrCubanMafia is right, but you never know. She could really be having a sexual dilemma, or possibly even both.
Know this though: Bringing a third person into a relationship is one of the easiest ways to end it (Also the most fun). Most couples out there cannot handle the pandora's box that is opened when a third person becomes involved.
Talk to her about this. If you are not comfortable about it, than she needs to decide what she wants. She can either respect your feelings and remain faithful to you or not. If its carpet that she wants, that relax and accept it. Hug, kiss and go your separate ways, but don't totally destroy a relationship over it.
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Old 07-20-2003, 04:44 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Nothing like having your mate leave you for another lady to boost the self esteem. Happened to an ex-friend of mine (yes, I have a lot of them), and he was really down about it. Made him feel like less of a man.
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Old 07-20-2003, 06:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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As the very happily married husband of a bisexual woman, I promise you there's nothing inherantly troublesome about her orientation. The question isn't who she's attracted to, but where your relationship is in terms of stability, fidelity, etc.

This is something to work out (drumroll please) IN COMMUNICATION.

If you layed out your concerns to her (instead of--or along with--coming here and asking what you should do), you'd actually stand a chance of growing as a person and strengthening the relationship.

You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
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Old 07-20-2003, 03:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Ask her why she is telling you?
It could be a few things. Like maybe she is just trying to figure out her own identity/sexuality, which may involve coming out of the closet. This doesn't necessarily mean she wants an open relationship. Just because someone is bi-curious doesn't mean they are just going to sleep around with whomever. If they choose to be monogamous, that's what they are.

However, an open-relationship is yet another possibility. Talk to her and find out. COMMUNICATE.

Until you find out if she is going to continue on in your relationship, learn to accept her. She probably wants support and acceptance. The way you describe her words makes it sound like she's unsure.
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Last edited by motdakasha; 07-20-2003 at 03:08 PM..
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Old 07-20-2003, 09:00 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Location: The reddest state ever. :(
Thanks for the advice everyone. We have been talking and things are going well. She says shes just curious and I'm dealing with it lots better. Thanks again.
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Old 07-20-2003, 09:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Glad to hear it. Someone being Bi should _never_ be a problem for a relationship. It just means that you get to focus your porn purchases a little tighter.

on the other hand be very careful about involving third parties. If anyone feels even a little nervous about the relationship (which you clearly do) then don't bring anyone in.
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Old 07-20-2003, 11:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
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only good advice is to sit down and TALK IT ALL OUT. other wise whatever u do will mess things up. sit down and just talk to her, make sure you find out the entire story before you make a decision
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