nfa

I have a girlfriend. We've been going out for about two months now.. Things are going pretty good, well, I think..

One problem though.. We haven't had sex yet, which isn't the problem though - just background info - but every time we get together, we make out for a bit, she gives me a handjob or head, I feel her up a bit.. However, the other day, when I asked to return the favour, she pulled back and said no. I got a bit cut and kind of ignored her, and she kept trying to get my attention and cheer me up and stuff, but she wouldn't say why she wouldn't let me do anything to her.

Is this normal, or should I suspect something more? I'm new to all this so I don't really know.. Can anyone help?

Cheers for assistance
nfa

tfin

She might have been on the rag or nothave washed and did not want to turn you off on your first try. She might have also been to insecure or not ready to share that with you. I would let it go for now. Try again sometimes. But never ignore her. There is nothing worse than the scorn of a woman.

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twotimesadingo

plenty of things, bro. tfin hit two of 'em, but there are many other possible reasons...

best advice you can get, though, is to not ignore your girl or give her the cold shoulder. if she's nervous about something, ignoring her will only serve to reinforce her misgivings. if you care about her, give it a few more tries -- don't be aggressive -- and if she continues to refuse, ask her what's up.

it's hit over and over again on this forum, but the key to successful relationships is communication.

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ratbastid

I don't mean this to be rude... But it says a LOT about you that you go to "fidelity" with this one.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's ALL about communication. If you look around the forum, you'll find lots of threads like this, where somebody got their feelings hurt because of something somebody did while naked, and then they got rude and started ignoring somebody, and somebody else got their feelings hurt. THE common thread is: there's no TALKING going on, except the chatter in your head!

Come to think of it, I've even said it before that I've said it before! And I'll say it again that I'll say it again!

Donkeypuncher

SOMEbody needs more coffee this morning.

My first thought, too, was why you were jumping straight to that conclusion...

I assume you're both pretty young? Maybe she's insecure, not ready, self-conscious about something... there are all sorts of reasons. Playing passive-aggressive games is never going to make it any better. Talk to her directly about it. It may take revisiting the topic more than a couple times for her to feel like opening up about it, so don't expect a magic solution the first time you confront it. Frequently, when people have a hard time talking about something, it'll take some time to draw them out, even if they want to talk about it.

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motdakasha

Just thought I'd mention that it could be something less superficial (not cleaned, rag, whatever) and more psychological. She could have a past. Be careful and sensitive when you talk to her (because you are going to talk to her, RIGHT?).

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rodgerd

I'm guesing by something more you're worried something traumatic has happened in her past?

I can think of a bunch of possibilities, the most likely of which is she's concerned about pregnancy, or has some religious/ethical concerns about sex that mean she's comfortable with giving but not recieving, both of which are pretty common.

In those cases, she may fear that letting you go down on her will lead to penetration.

Or she may have been attacked in the the past. Or be uncomfortable with how she looks "down there" (quite a common hang-up).

There's no real way of guessing, but what you're doing in response to that is all fucked up. Distancing yourself will, at best, likely cause her to decide you're a jerk and walk, or at worst, exacerbate whatever problems/issues she's having. Don't act like a jerk about it.

What I'd recommend is you have a talk about it - and not while you're playing, but some other time when you're not both emotionally and physically jazzed up. Explain that you while you enjoy getting, you'd enjoy doing some giving, and you're confused that she doesn't seem interested. Make it easy for her to explain - it may be something as simple as having her period or just not being in the mood. Talking in a calm setting will avoid it becoming a drama.

zfleebin

Ratbastid: your dead on with communication but have you taken the time to differentiate between the people your giving advice to? Not everyone is the same and adolescent relationships are almost never based in communication so though your advice is good you might see it doesnt work for everyone.

ratbastid

This is a good point, but.... Well, two things:

1) There IS a minimum age on this board. It's not well enforced, really, but the assumption here is that we're all grown-ups.

2) I reject the notion that teens and adolescents don't have the same potential for satisfying, mature relationships that adults have. They may have more barriers in the way of honest, straight communication, but if they could communicate, their relationships would work.

I say, if you're old enough to be upset she won't let you eat her, you're old enough to talk to her about it.

Daddymem

Yay ratbastid....if you can't communicate, your relationship won't succeed...PERIOD! Trust me on this, I have been missing out on the most wonderful person in the world for several years because she wouldn't communicate with me what she was feeling. She had so many misconceptions going on in her head and because she wouldn't talk, I had misconceptions in mine as well. I almost lost the most important person in my life. We are now open, we talk about anything and everything. Look, I know being young you might not open up 100%, but if you can't talk about how you feel about things going on between you two, how can it ever get better? It always seems much worse in your head than it actually is out here in the real world.

--just my 2 cents...if ya don't like it, don't listen

ratbastid

And actually, I'd say teens and adolescents are MORE likely to be open and communicative with each other. Maybe not with adults (I mean puh-leez!) but among each other, definitely!

They don't have all the pressure to be "grown-up" and "professional" and "appropriate" that we adults have. There's a lot of need for peer approval and fitting-in, but that can come from a lot of different things. The teens and young people I've known are DEFINITELY more open with their lives than adults generally are, once you've made it clear you're going to treat them as whole people, and not a work-in-progress.

Thus endeth the sermon.